RvB Season 1 Ep 2- I Hope You Enjoy!

The reds- Next to their base

Sarge: Hurry up ladies. This ain't no Ice Cream Social.

Simmons: Ice Cream Social?

Sarge: Stop the pillow talk you two. Anyone, Want to guess, Why I gathered you here, Today?

Grif: Uh, Is it because the war's over, and you're sending us home?

Sarge: That's exactly it Private. War's over. We won, Turns out you're the big hero. We're gonna hold a parade in you're honor. I get to drive the float, And Simmons here is in charge, OF THE CONFETTI.

Grif: I'm no stranger to sarcasm sir.

Sarge: God, Dammit Private! Shut your mouth or I'll have Simmons here slit your throat.

Simmons: I I'd do it too Sir.

Sarge: I know you would, Good man. Couple of things today, Ladies, Command has seemed to increase our Ranks in Blood Gulch Outpost #1.

Grif: Oh Crap, We're getting a rookie.

Sarge: That's right, Dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week, But today, We received the first part of our shipment from Command.

-Simmons and Grif look at each other-

Sarge: Lopez! Bring up the vehicle.

-A brownish color armored Spartan parks the new delivery next to them-

Simmons: Shotgun!

Grif: Shotgun!, Fuck.

Sarge: May I introduce, our new, Light reconnaissance vehicle. It has 4 inch armour plating, Mag Buffer suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, And! Total seating for three. Gentleman! This is the M12LRV!.. I like to call it the warthog.

Simmons: Why Warthog sir?

Sarge: Because M12LRV is too hard to say in conversation, Son.

Grif: No but, Why Warthog? I mean, It doesn't really look like a pig..

Sarge: Say that again?

Grif: I think it looks more like a Puma.

Sarge: What in sam hills is a Puma?

Simmons: Uhh, You mean like the shoe company?

Grif: No, Like like a Puma. Like a cat. Like a Lion.

...

Sarge: You're making that up.

Grif: I'm telling you! It's a real animal!

Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.

Simmons: Yes sir!

-Sarge walks up to the hooks-

Sarge: Look, See these two toe hooks? These look like tusks. And what king of animal, Has tusks?

Grif: A walrus.

Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?

-Over to the Blues that are still stalking them-

Tucker: What is that thing?

-Tucker looks at the Warthog-

Church: I don't know. It looks like they got some kind of car down there. We better get back to base and report it.

Tucker: A car? How come they get a car.

Church: What are you complaining about man? We're about to get a Tank in the very next drop

Tucker: You can't pick up chicks in a tank.

Church: oh you know what, You could bitch about anything, Couldn't you? We're about to get a tank, And you're worried about chicks. What Chicks, Are we gonna pick up, Man? And secondly, How are we gonna pick up chicks, In a car that looks like that?

Tucker: Well what kind oh car is it?

Church: I don't know, I have never seen a car like that ever. It looks like an uhh Like a big cat of some kind.

...

Tucker: What, Like a Puma?

Church: yeah man, There you go.

-Back at the reds-

Sarge: So unless anyone has any more midschool creatures as a name for the new vehicle, We're gonna stick with, The warthog. How about it Grif?

Grif: No sir. No more suggestions.

Sarge: Are you sure? How about Bigfoot?

Grif: It's okay.

Sarge: Unicorn?

Grif: Not really. I'm cool.

Sarge: Santa Claus?

Simmons: Leprechaun?

Grif: Hey, He doesn't need any help, Man.

Sarge: Fenix?

Grif: -Sighs- Oh Christ.

Sarge: Hey Simmons! How about that Mexican Lizard?, Eats all the goats?

Simmons: Uhh, That would be the Chupacabra.

Sarge: Hey Grif! Chupa-thingy! How about that? I like it! Got a ring to it!

-The End-

Okay, I hope you enjoyed this Episode, The next one will be out tomorrow.