Author's Note: I've been low-key digging this pairing recently, but this fic only came to me after another bad bout of depression hit me hard. I wanted to use regular text to designate when Asuka and Shinsuke are speaking Japanese because to emphasize that it is more natural to them. By comparison, when Asuka, Shinsuke, and other Japanese characters, speak English it will be in italicized quotes to show the difference. I tried to look as much as I could into Japanese culture in the little time I took to write this, so if there are any horrible inconstancies, I apologize greatly in advance. Lastly just wanted to say that this was a bit of therapy for me (though my situation is much different than Asuka's) and I hope anyone who reads this can enjoy it.
Generally, even when she wasn't feeling her best, Asuka tried her hardest to be a ray of sunshine in the locker room. To smile when her first instinct was to frown. To join in with the other ladies, and sometimes the men, and laugh when she'd rather sit in a corner and brood by herself.
She felt that if she behaved as her true unhappy self, it would suck the happiness from everyone else. That was the last thing she wanted in a country that was still so unknown to her and where friends and allies could be few and far between.
And usually her jovial façade, much like her signature noh-inspired mask, disguised her inner turmoil perfectly (just as long as she didn't "tilt her head down too far" for her noh-smile to shift into a frown). Nobody questioned her about her real feelings and treated her as they normally did. This eventually led to her overcoming whatever had been bothering her in the first place.
Today was a completely different animal.
From the moment she awakened to her alarm in her crisp hotel bed, Asuka felt completely and inexplicably off kilter. Ignoring the insistence of her phone, she continued to lie in bed staring up at the non-descript ceiling in an attempt to grasp the unpleasant emotion welling up inside her.
She knew she should get up and around, but the oppressive feeling weighed her down to the sheets below.
Finally, the loud blaring of the alarm grew too irritating to bear so she slowly rolled onto her side to turn the offending chiming off.
She tried to complete her morning ritual of getting ready for yet another day at the grind, but the odd feeling followed her around like a rain cloud.
A quick breakfast didn't help dispel the nagging cloud.
Neither did the grueling work out at the local gym. In fact, it only served to frustrate her further.
She met up with Becky, Charlotte, and the Aussie duo of Peyton and Billie, and tried socializing – her noh mask firmly in place – while the five of them had a much-needed lunch.
Her attempt at mingling felt like it resulted in disaster.
She kept faltering on her English, taking too long to think of the correct word to use. It made her feel incredibly insecure (even if the other ladies were patient and courteous listeners) and only served to compound her already problematic mood. So she decided to retreat into herself and be the silent listener. The others accepted her withdrawal, but every now and then their eyes would shoot her concerned looks or they would pause for her to start up another conversation if she so chose.
It was during this time that she pinned down what the troublesome emotion was. She felt incredibly sad, she knew that much now. But that didn't end her problems as she could not fathom why she would feel so dismayed. Yesterday she felt had been productive and smooth. So why would she wake up today feeling upset?
It was Charlotte that hung back with her as they left their table to ask if everything was okay.
Asuka felt her head "tilting downward" unconsciously, her noh-smile slipping the slightest bit.
Did Charlotte notice?
She "adjusted the tilt of her head", a small smile returning.
"I think I am too tired." She was not at all tired.
Charlotte smiled and nodded knowingly though she didn't really know, but not for lack of trying. All Asuka cared about was that her answer satisfied her co-worker.
"I know this business is all about having to push yourself," said the blonde, "but just be careful about it."
Asuka nodded, her smile growing to further appease her friend. "Don't worry."
Charlotte's smile brightened then she turned so they could leave with the others. When the other woman moved, Asuka got a clear view of the booth opposite to theirs as well as its occupants. The booth was packed with some of her male SmackDown Live co-workers, but it was Shinsuke Nakamura, who caught her eye first.
He wasn't an active listener to Sin Cara's animated conversation as the others were. Instead he was looking directly at her with a deep, soul-studying gaze. It appeared that he had been watching her for some time.
For a fraction of a second her noh-smile slipped completely, but that was all it took for Shinsuke's face to take on an expression of true understanding.
Face flushed and heart thumping like a nervous bird within the cage of her ribs, Asuka all but ran from the eating establishment to escape the x-ray vision that pierced into the very marrow of her essence.
For the rest of the day she turned on her autopilot.
Asuka drove to the arena for SmackDown Live that night. Shoved her things into a cubby in the women's locker room. Said pleasantries and other necessary things to her bosses, staff, and co-workers. Skipped catering, she didn't feel like she could stomach food at the moment. Showered. Changed into her ring gear. Warmed up. Semi-watched some matches before hers on the monitor. Went over her lines repeatedly for her sparse promo on Carmella. Donned her robe and mask and walked to Gorilla. Awaited her music to hit.
Her physical noh mask reinforced her mental one as she went through the curtain, conducting a one-woman parade down to the ring for her match. She meshed with the flow of her music, flashes of tumbling fabric and colors flowing with her every move. The dark rain cloud over her head could not touch her once she became Asuka the Empress of the squared circle.
She controlled the match and her opponent just how she and Peyton had talked it through earlier, but with added flamboyance and some improvisations. The crowd was eating from their palms and the fans' reactions in turn energized her to give the performance everything she had.
However, when the match came to an end, the high of competing had worn off and the rain cloud made its presence known, thundering more ominously than ever.
Carmella walked out onto the stage, beginning their short promo segment.
Asuka thought she'd be ready for the trash talking to come, but her tumultuous mood before the match made the words cut deeper. When she responded she heard her already thick accent become thicker. Insecurity began to lick at her nerves and she resorted to slinging insults in her native tongue.
She felt wrong. Out of place. She wished the ground would swallow her up that instant.
If the concept of how Noh masks work, I greatly suggest you you look it up. Very fascinating!
