Marco: So Koolkid and I decided to do a fanfic together. This is basically a parody, although there's a plot to it. We've been looking at scores on Next-Gen and seeing how they are so low, then looked back and noticed that those are pretty low too… except for Heroes. So the first chapter will be about the critics.
KoolKid: Warning: Characters may be OOC, but will be funny. Were trying to take petty things fans do, and make them funny for all. Please do not Flame if you do not like it, instead, give us things to work with. Enjoy.
Chapter 1: How Can They Rate My Life!?
Sonic and Shadow raced in an open filed. "Shadow, do you really think you could win?!" Sonic yelled to him. Shadow smirked, and moved his legs faster.
"Don't flatter yourself to much faker," he said to him. Away from the two, the rest of the group watched.
"Those two act like little kids sometimes," Amy laughed. The air blew through her hair as she watched her two friends.
"Rouge! Leave my emerald alone!" Knuckles yelled in fury.
"And what if I don't?" She asked, as she blew a raspberry at him. "Are you going to take it back?"
Amy just sighed. "Sonic and Shadow are not the only ones who are childish." She was about to brake up the fight when all of a sudden, Shadow yelled...
"This is it Sonic, your finished. Chaos Control!" Shadow was lifted into the air, he looked around and saw that everyone else was raising off the ground too. "What the..." There was a bright flash, and everyone was gone.
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"What the...Where am I?" Sonic opened his eyes, and saw that he was on a sidewalk of a city. He stood up, wearily, and looked around. It looked just like Station Square. "What the hell happened? Where is everyone?!"
"Sonic, calm down, I'm right here," Sonic turned around to see Shadow standing there. "Something must have happened when I preformed Chaos Control. We were sent here. The other must have gotten separated from us." Shadow was going to continue talking, but was cut off by a person walking by.
"Oh my God! Your Sonic the Hedgehog!" The boy shouted.
"Why yes, yes I am." He answered cockily. "I'm guessing you must know me from the time I saved Station Square from Chaos, correct?"
"I remember that! Dude, your games are my favorite games ever!" The boy told him.
"Games?" Shadow asked curiously. "What's your name kid?"
"My name is Chris! I'm your biggest fan!"
"Fan...?" Sonic raised an eyebrow.
"I'm the ultimate fan! My favorite character is Chris! I was so glad we have the same name!"
"Listen...Chris, we are in a jam, would you mind leaving us alone please?" Shadow asked coldly. Chris's excitement dropped, along with his face.
"Oh...okay. It's just, you guys are so cool, I am didn't know if you needed a place to stay..." Sonic's eyes opened wide. It had not occurred to him until now they would need to stay somewhere.
"Chris, What shadow meant was that, we would be happy to stay at your house!" Sonic yelled. The boy's face lifted again.
"Really?! Yes! This is going to be so much fun, we could watch all the Sonic X episodes, and-" He was cut off by Sonic, who was not listening to a word he was saying.
"Yeah sure, sounds great. But we will only stay under a few conditions..."
"Conditions?"
"Yes. Basically, you need to do what I say, when I say it. Or we will leave forever," Sonic told him.
"Sounds fair. I can't believe this! Here is my address, just meet me there when you guys are ready!" And with that, the boy ran off down the street.
"Sonic...Why did you tell that idiot that we would be staying at his house? I'd rather shoot myself!" Shadow yelled with anger. Sonic just looked at him with blank expression.
"Did it ever occur to you that we will need a place to stay while were here? Besides, we have our own servant too," Sonic reminded him.
"I guess your right, anyways, lets see what it is like here," Shadow chuckled. The two continued their way down the road, and looked into the various stores. They came across one that caught Sonic's eye.
"What is this?" He asked, looking at a poster. "Speed is not enough this time. Enter the Sonic Age? Sonic the Hedgehog, available for Xbox 360 and Playstation 3?" WHAT?!"
"Could this mean that..." Shadow started. The two ran into the store, and saw a magazine with Sonic's face on it. He grabbed it and flipped through the pages.
Sonic put a pretty surprised look on his face, "My whole life is a damn video game?!" He continued reading, not really liking it one bit, "My newest game got a 4.4?! I can't believe this! First, I get sent to this stupid world, next, I find out my life is a video game, and then, this magazine rated my life a damn 4.4!"
Sonic kept reading along, seeing that the magazine has commented on some camera making him fall to his death millions of times. Again, the blue hedgehog's eyes widened, "What?! I have never fallen to my death! I'm still here, right?" Sonic checks himself, confirming. "Damn, these people got it all wrong!"
A worker walked up to Sonic, with a pleading look on his face, "Sir, if your going to keep yelling, you need to leave."
But Sonic wasn't going to have it. He began to believe that his life could be controlled by some guy at a screen at this very moment… nah, "You, tell me. Is it true? Do my games really suck as bad as people say they do?!"
Suddenly, a critic walks into the game store and points his finger at Sonic, "Your game sucks so much ass! Halo and Call of Duty is 100 times better than your blue ass!"
Sonic looks at the critic with a weird look. Just where did he come from? "What?! Are you saying my life is lower than average?! And I spend all my time trying to keep the world safe!"
The critic keeps his finger pointed at Sonic, attempting to do a nice pose, but it ends up making him look like he was on something. "That time spent is wasted on you always falling to your doom because of bad controls and a crap camera!" The critic then points at Shadow, who was looking at the back of a game about James Bond, "And you, Mr. Emo the Hedgehog..."
Shadow looks up, obviously irritated due to the remarks about him being emotional, which pisses him off all the time. "Didn't we go through this a million times? I left my past behind me already!"
The critic looked at Shadow as if something just smacked him upside the head, "Nonesence, we want to ask you to star in a new game." He put his hand in the air and waved it slowly, as if he was trying to picture words on a billboard, "Shadow the Hedgehog: Revenge!" He then looked at Shadow, who was less than happy about the whole thing, "We need to give the fans what they want, and Shadow is the newest thing!"
Sonic, however, was beyond less than happy. In fact, he was stomping his foot on the ground, "WHAT?! But, it's my game!!!"
Shadow looked at the critic, and then noticed something. He raises a brow, "Umm... I have fans?" And he wasn't talking about those rabid fan girls that rush after him because he saved the world from Black Doom either. He was actually talking about real live fans.
The Critic nodded, grinning "Of course you do! Ever since you had your crappy vehicles and guns, people adore you, and your game has been rated higher than Sonic's on our magazine!"
Shadow put a shocked look on his face, "Game? Rated higher? Whoa." The pure fact that he had beaten Sonic in one way just made him silently put himself in a jump for joy. Although, he wouldn't be the person to show it.
Sonic on the other hand… "Guns?! Vehicles?! Shadow, you swore you would never use those! You said they were for weaklings!"
Shadow put his fist in front of him and shakes it, as if he's holding his fist back. "I have never once use guns!!" Sounding like he's been insulted and is trying to defend himself, but then he looks at the ground, "Vehicles though..."
The critic then plays the Shadow the Hedgehog game on the Playstation 2, that was there for demos in the store. It goes through one of the stages. All of a sudden Shadow says, "Where's that DAMN fourth Chaos Emerald!?"
Shadow blinked once, "I never said that!"
The Critic grinned towards Shadow, "So what! It's Mature!"
Shadow felt his blood boil. The very thought of him being shown to the public for their delight was sickening to him, "I don't need to be going along, cursing my heart out, and certainly not hold a gun since I can just use Chaos Spears!"
Sonic waved his hands in the air frantically, trying to get some attention, "Hello! I'm still here! I thought the series was called SONIC the Hedgehog!?"
The Critic looked at Sonic with a 'critical' look, and he accidentally made Shadow fall off a cliff in the game, "You have a crappy camera, crappy controls. I know so because I played the game for 30 minutes. Silver's game play was okay. Shadow's was crap though."
Shadow looked at the critic with a curious look, "You just said you liked my game..."
The Critic shook his head towards Shadow, "Yeah, but it's called SONIC the Hedgehog, thus making your part of the game play crappy as hell."
Shadow walks over to Sonic and stands by him. It's apparent that he got the idea that this critic was retarded… beyond retarded, "I say we leave now and never return to this video game store..."
Sonic looked at Shadow, "Wait one minute!" He then looks at the critic and put a bold look on his face, "People must like my games for some reasons! The story? Speed? Additude?"
The Critic put his critic glasses on and pulls out a list, "Your story sucks. You're with a damn princess. We don't want to see you two getting it on at some hotel. Your game is too fast, we keep falling off the edge because we always push forward on the control stick and never move anywhere else."
Sonic was still confused. Him with a princess… he doesn't remember that, although the thought of him getting it on with her made him giddy in delight, but he pulled that thought out of his mind,"But, I'm all about Speed. It says right here in the magazine that fans used to love that about me! What happened?!"
The Critic looked at the blue one with an angry look, throwing off his glasses and throwing his list in the air "CAMERA!!! CAMERA!!!!" The critic runs around frantically and starts rolling around on the floor and starts cursing stuff about the camera. It came to the point where it looks like he's having a seizure and his words no longer come in sentences.
Sonic looked at the critic. He felt pretty hurt. Poor guy, being a hero at heart, he would try to calm him down, but since his game has been rated lower than Shadow's, he wasn't going to. "Okay Shadow, I think we should go now." Shadow agreed and they both slowly walked out, "Damn, this world is filled with some crazy people. "
Shadow nodded, "I know, they think I say damn all the damn time...Damn it!" It was apparent that he was looking at his game a bit too long.
Sonic then got an idea, which made him snap his fingers, making a sound, "Come on, I want to go get all of these games and play them. Lets see how bad this camera really is!"
Shadow nods, and both he and Sonic runs off. They go to a new video game store and buy Sonic Adventure 1, Sonic Adventure 2, Sonic Heroes, Shadow the Hedgehog, and Sonic Next-Gen. They then go to Chris's house and try to play it, but then Sonic forgets to buy a Gamecube and Xbox360. Thankfully he has his little stalker named Chris to just buy it for him off the spot.
Sonic looked at Chris, who was trying to pet his head from behind, "Bitch, go buy us a Xbox360, and a Gamecube."
Chris looked at Sonic in distress, "But Sonic, I don't have any money, and-"
Sonic stood up and looked at Chris straight in the eyes, looking at him angrily, "Listen slave, if you want to live to see tomorrow, you'll go buy us our damn systems, now move!!" It was pretty insured now that Chris ran away, getting the message.
Shadow on the other hand was pretty oblivious to the whole thing. He was on the computer, looking on websites, "Damn, I still can't believe this. These damn humans make such a damn big deal about me saying damn in my game. just look as these damn reviews on this website."Shadow then looks around and smacks his face, "Damn, I'm doing it again aren't I?"
Chris got the Gamecube and Xbox360,laid it there, then ran away when Sonic gave him 'the look'. Sonic just shrugged, he was just going to say thanks.Nevertheless… "'Bout time, alright Shadow, lets see whats so bad about these games."
In about five minutes of gameplay…
Shadow rolls around on the floor, "CAMERA!! CAMERA!!!!" he begins foaming at the mouth. It made Sonic look sickened, because he just played a stage with himself and he beat it with a B rank.
Shadow stands back up, and wipes off his mouth, "I was kidding, but I did die a few times on Sonic Adventure..." Poor guy. It looks like being in that stasis cell can do things to a person. It's quite odd. He's the master of Chaos Control, can drive any vehicle, and can save the world, but he has never once played a game.
Sonic puts a hand on his chin, getting into a thinking position, "Well, they seem to have the storylines right, but, why did they say that they were not interesting? Go look on the internet and see what people say."
Shadow nodded, and went back to the computer. He surfed around for five minutes, until he litterally pushes away from the comptuer, almost running into Sonic. The blue one looked up at Shadow skeptically, and Shadow just looks at his rival, "Fans think that the story should be Eggman, or "Robotnik" capturing animals... what the hell did you do back in the day?"
Sonic grins, chuckling a bit, "Those were the days...anyways, we have to do something about this! People all over the world are going to hate me!!"
Shadow looks at the back of the packages of the games they just currently bought, and he did nothing more than put a raised brow, "Okay... SEGA? What the hell is SEGA? Um... Sonic Team... you have a company?"
Sonic shrugged, "I guess so." Sonic then looks at Shadow boldy, "We have to travel to this SEGA, look them straight in the eye and say..."
Shadow puts his fist in the air, making a triumphant sound, "Fix that DAMN camera!!" Shadow then looked at Sonic, who was giving him the look that completely said, 'what have you been smoking?' "Well that's what everyone is griping about, right?"
Sonic put his thinking cap back on, "Check and see what else people hate, just so we don't have to make two trips..."
Shadow nods, "Okay... let's do the newest game..." he goes back to the computer with the chair and starts typing, "Okay. This one site hates the game because of my pure existence."
Sonic puts a surprised look, "Lemme see!" he literally pushes Shadow out of the way and sits on the chair. The pure fact that someone could possibly hate Shadow just made him grin. But, he didn't get what he wanted, "SEGA attempts to bring Sonic back to his roots, but fails in his newest game. The camera is still horrible, and the filler characters need to end..."
Shadow stands up and dusts himself off. He planned to hurt Sonic for pushing him off, but other things came first, and he walked back to the screen, "And this site said, 'Hopefully Silver and Shadow elope to a state where gay hedgehog marriage is legal and we never see them again.'... Baksheesh, what did I do to them?"
Sonic put a curious look, "Who the hell is Silver?"
Shadow looks at Sonic with the same look, "I don't know, it sounds familiar…"
Sonic and Shadow both think for a moment, trying to think of who he is, but Shadow then states "Ah, who cares?" and continues to read other reviews, "Apparently it's all about camera and controls."
Sonic shrugged, "I thought the controls were fine."
Sonic and Shadow then heard a person break down the door, and it happened to be the same critic from the store. "CONTROLS!!! CAMERA!!!" The critic then jumped out of the window, screaming. Sonic and Shadow looked at each other and just shrugged.
Shadow thought for a moment, "Hmm... let me play Sonic Adventure again." He grabbed the controller and began playing again. He played it for a good hour, give or take. Sonic, in the mean time, decided to surf the net, and stumble upon adult fan fictions, the highest category being himself. He read one story, then he looked at Shadow, and just cringed. He exited the site immediately after that.
Shadow put the controller down, and crossed his arms, "I beat your story mode... camera just takes getting used to."
Sonic almost jumped out of his seat, "See!? I knew that people over reacted. What do the fans say about me in general? You know, my character?"
Shadow thought back for a moment, "Hmm... they said that you and Elise should get together."
Sonic raised a brow, intruged, "Who the hell is Elise?"
Shadow goes back to the computer and surfs around a bit, "Dunno, but that's what they- oh, here's a picture."
Sonic looked at the picture closely. He stared… inspected… turned, and stared some more… "SEGA should listen to its fans!" It was then and there that Shadow looks at Sonic weirdly, and just shakes his head slowly. Sonic looked at Shadow, "Look, apperently I'm not the only one who thinks so. Due to recent poll, 98 of Sonic fans think SEGA should listen to fans."
Shadow shook his head again"But apparently it also says that fans want me to hold a gun."
Sonic nodded, "Well, let play Shadow one more time, and see how well you went..." He played for two minutes, going through the first level. He then poped open the gamecube case, pulled out the disk, and then threw it at the street where it constantly got ran over by traffic, "SEGA fans know nothing!"
Shadow sighed a bit. He couldn't help but to feel hurt from the game. "Okay, so... what are we going to do?"
Sonic looked at Shadow as if he was crazy, "We're going to tell SEGA how to fix our games!" He then dashes out of the door. Shadow just sighed quitely and follows.
Author's Notes
Marco: So yeah. That's our first chapter. Sonic and Shadow now got the knowledge that their life is a video game, but now they want to make it an impressive video game. …But don't think it's gonna be done so easily.
KoolKid: Other characters will appear, so do not worry, and we have some very, very funny ideas for it. We hope you enjoyed reading the first chapter as much as we had working on it. Please review, and give us things to work with.
