How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse
Chapter One- Run
A/N – This is my first time writing something about real people in this way, so I'm kinda nervous! I'll just say, I've used their real first names, except in the case of Evanz because as far as I know his first name is William and that would get confusing. This is sort of set in Leeds but as I don't know much about Leeds I've made up the area.
The man on the ground was dark-skinned, and handsome, and dead. Josh thought he was sleeping, since he looked fairly peaceful. Besides, his slightly intoxicated brain hadn't immediately jumped to the conclusion that the stranger was dead. That would be weird. He, Aaron, Will, and Evanz had decided to go out to the pub for the evening. Fish Spider Industries was already up and he'd felt they deserved the night off. The others had been more than happy to agree, so off the four went to the local boozer. Aaron was pretty much sober, as was Evanz, but Josh and Will were a little more on the drunken side. The inebriated YouTuber stumbled over the stranger's leg.
"Sorry, mate," he said, waving an apologetic hand at the corpse. The corpse made no move, since it was, of course, dead. Aaron bent down next to the figure.
"Hey, man, are you alright?" He gingerly shook his shoulder.
And that was when the corpse sat up and groaned. Evanz pulled Aaron back.
"Leave it, he's probably just drunk. Don't worry. We need to get these guys home." He gestured over his shoulder to the others. "They're a danger to themselves in this state." Will wobbled up behind him.
"Look, Evanz, man, don't worry! We're fine!" Will slurred, resting a heavy hand on his shoulder. Evanz rolled his eyes. Aaron turned back briefly to look at the figure on the floor. At least, it had been on the floor. Now it was standing up and reaching its arms out. Aaron took a step back, certain now that Evanz had been right. The stranger was just a drunk.
The next thing Aaron registered was that he was flat on the ground with the stranger on his back. Josh and Will grabbed at the figure and tried to pull him away. It groaned and growled and tried to bite at Aaron's neck.
"Shit!" Evanz's panicked shout was joined by a chorus of screams and cursing from the general public as they ran down the street. Children were picked up and carried by terrified parents, couples grabbed at each other's hands, and the four friends pulled away from their attacker and joined the mob sprinting down the street. Aaron looked over his shoulder at his friends.
"My house, quick! We'll hide there and figure out what to do!" He called, and got fearful nods in return. Josh, suddenly much more sober, chanced a look over his shoulder. What he saw scared him. A horde of shambling, decaying figures advancing on the mass of fresh meat. We must look like meals on fucking wheels, he thought. Aaron veered off down a dark alleyway, leading the three men hot on his heels back to his apartment. He and Will bashed the door of the building off its hinges and they ran up the stairs. Evanz took his chance to look around outside before dashing off after them. By the time he reached the door, the others were already inside. "Evanz, quick!" Aaron shouted. No need to ask twice.
The door slammed behind them and the four stood in the hallway, breathing hard from the exertion. "I fucking knew it! I said, when the human race ends, it'll be a fucking zombie apocalypse!" Josh panted, clutching his knees. Will shot him a glare.
"Now's not the time to be smug, dickhead. We need to get out alive first." He said, straightening up. He turned to Aaron. "Do you have anything here we could use? Armour, weapons, provisions, shit like that."
"I have a lot of food. I only went shopping yesterday. As for weapons, the most deadly thing I have is a fucking frying pan." Aaron said, locking the door for his apartment. Evanz was already ahead of him, locking the windows and drawing the curtains. The four of them looked at each other, and Josh burst into hysterical laughter.
"Sorry," he said, noticing the confused looks from his friends, "but it's funny! We spend our entire lives playing video games and now it's like we're in one!"
Evanz shook his head with a slight smile. "Hopefully we've learnt something from them."
Aaron shrugged. "Well, you assholes, you did force me to play War Z. Oh wait, I meant Infestation Survivor Stories."
Will folded his arms. "Then you should be able to get us through this." Then he smiled and walked into the small kitchen. Aaron and Josh went into Aaron's bedroom to try and find something to carry food in and things they could use as weapons against hordes of the undead. Evanz went after Will and started going through the cupboards on the other side of the room.
"You know we're fucked, right?" Evanz said, grabbing some cans of soup and beans and placing them on the sideboard. Will made a movement that was halfway between a shrug and a shiver.
"Yeah. I know. But we might as well try, man."
Josh looked around Aaron's room, scanning for large or heavy objects. The biggest thing in the plain white room was the computer, resting on the desk pushed against the wall. He watched his friend rummaging through the wardrobe in search of a weapon.
"Found anything yet?" He asked, trying to look like he was at least attempting to find something. Aaron didn't reply. Josh sighed and walked over to the window, peering out into the darkness. He stumbled back with a cry.
"Shit! Shit, shit, shit!" He yelled. Aaron whirled around, and Evanz and Will crashed into the room, staring at Josh in confusion and anger.
"What the fuck, dude?" Will cried. "You'll attract the zombies to us!"
"Too late." Aaron pointed to the source of Josh's distress. A large mass of the undead were shuffling down towards the door of his apartment block. Evanz turned to the door of Aaron's room.
"We have probably fifteen minutes before they're at this door. We need to get as much as we can. Aaron, how can we get out?" He asked, trying hard to keep the panic out of his voice. "The door is a no-go."
Will ran into the kitchen and grabbed all the food he and Evanz had found, spotted a medium-sized rucksack leaning near Aaron's door, and commenced stuffing all the cans and packets into the backpack. Josh had come to his senses again and rushed into the living room, looking for a weapon. There was a bent plastic sword lying next to the bookcase. He gave Aaron a sceptical look as the brunette walked into the living room, immediately moving over to the window whilst Evanz dragged the sofa over to block the door. Aaron shrugged at Josh.
"A fan gave it to me. It isn't going to do much damage to a zombie."
"We should take it anyway." Will interjected, clattering around in the drawers of Aaron's kitchen, searching for the frying pan he'd heard about earlier. Evanz used the small peep hole on the front door to see if the hordes of the decaying undead were on their doorstep. Thankfully, the corridor was clear. Aaron called them over and motioned to the window.
"There's another apartment building right there. We can jump down on to the roof, and climb down somewhere else." He unlocked the window and pushed it open. Josh stared at him, incredulous.
"You want us to jump down there? We can't parkour in fucking Minecraft, we won't be able to do it in real life!"
Aaron shrugged. "Would you rather get mauled by zombies? A little perspective."
Will handed the backpack to Evanz. "Chuck it down after me, I'll catch it." He went up to the window and climbed out onto the window ledge. It was just about wide enough for him to stand. To any onlooker, Will would have seemed completely calm and brave. Inside though, he was scared. Scratch that, he was fucking terrified. It was easy being a badman in Dungeons and Dragons, or Chivalry, but in real life? This was different. He really could die. Taking a deep breath, the blonde launched himself off the ledge and into darkness. He hit the roof on the other side easily, rolled to soften the impact, and stood.
"It's ok dudes! Just jump, you'll be fine. Ish." He doubled over, coughing. The impact had knocked the wind out of him, and he'd probably have a massive bruise on his hip tomorrow, but it'd be alright. He hoped.
Aaron was next to jump, crashing into Will and knocking both of them to the ground. "Fuck!" He groaned, clutching his stomach.
"What was that?" The pair heard Evanz's voice in the darkness.
"Nothing. Will punched me in the stomach."
"You jumped onto me!"
"Good point."
Evanz turned back to Josh. "Well? You going next or am I?"
Josh looked out the window, then back at his friend. "You go. If you survive, I'll jump."
"Sounds like a fair compromise." Evanz gave him a small smile, then climbed out the window onto the ledge. He paused briefly to catch his breath before leaping into the blackness, colliding with the rooftop with a noise of pain, rolled, and stood, rubbing his shoulder where he had connected with the unforgiving roof.
"It's like landing on a mattress." He called up to Josh, and got only a curse in reply.
Josh wasn't a coward, not really, he just didn't want to throw himself into the unknown. He was afraid of that, at least. And zombies. Oh, and horror games. Not that much at all really. He was a little afraid of creepers, too. They may have been virtual monsters, but the ones from DasLisL's texture pack were absolutely terrifying.
"Josh! Chuck down the bag first!" Evanz called, interrupting his revere. Josh leant back inside the room and grabbed the bag, plastic sword, and frying pan, and threw them to his friends. There was a satisfying clang, accompanied by a "fuck" as the frying pan collided with someone.
Josh climbed back onto the windowsill and resumed his crisis.
"For god's sake man, just jump. It's not that far!" Will shouted, much to Josh's annoyance. Taking a deep breath, the man leapt off the windowsill and into the night. Will had been right, it wasn't that far to fall at all. He landed gracelessly on his side and sat up, groaning.
"That wasn't too bad, was it?" Aaron said, only a hint of mocking in his voice.
"Fuck all of you." Josh replied petulantly, before pushing himself into a standing position. The four of them looked around the rooftop. There didn't seem to be any way to get to another roof, and no way down made itself apparent. Evanz hurried over to the opposite side from where the group stood.
"Where should we go?" He asked, scanning the side for a way down. To his relief, a rusting, rickety metal ladder was attached to the wall with firm clasps. "Guys, over here! There's a ladder."
The others hurried over to join him, spotting the ladder and letting out a collective sigh of relief. "Well, what did they do in 'The Walking Dead'? They camped on the outskirts of town." Josh said, the rucksack flung over his shoulder. "We should do that."
"Yeah, because that worked out so well for them in the comic, didn't it?" Aaron noted sarcastically. "Maybe we should hide out somewhere. There's bound to be a place nearby where we can hide. What about the pub?"
"Dude, I watched Shaun of the Dead. That is not a good idea." Will pointed out, twirling the frying pan in his hand absentmindedly.
"The first thing we should do is get down off this fucking roof. We're not safe up here." Evanz said. He looked at the others. "Wait, am I the only one without anything? How am I supposed to defend myself?"
"Slice them up with your razor wit." Aaron told him, walking over to the ladder, the plastic sword held tightly in his hand. He moved over to the ladder and began to climb down. The others followed, clambering down until they were in a narrow alley that disappeared into blackness on both ends. Josh rubbed the back of his neck.
"We need to find somewhere quickly. It's getting cold, and we can barely see." He was met with a chorus of agreement, and the four survivors walked swiftly into the darkness, staying close together at all times. Despite their previous thoughts, the alley was not long at all, and soon opened out into the main street. They stopped in the shadows, just out of sight, and considered their next move.
"There's a house that's for sale just across the park. It's empty, I'm sure, since I've not seen anyone go in for a tour. Hopefully we'll be able to hide in there." Aaron whispered as he pointed to a small house on the corner of the street.
"We'll have to try and sneak up there, there's no fucking way we're going to defeat a horde of zombies with a plastic sword and a frying pan." Will said, gripping the aforementioned frying pan tightly in his dominant hand. He almost felt ridiculous, but it was better than nothing.
The four young men crept into the main street, keeping close to the wall, ducking into alcoves and anywhere that afforded some darkness. The zombies seemed to be classic film zombies: slow, shuffling, stupid. Once or twice they thought that one had spotted them, but they managed to reach the house without incident. Evanz and Will helped Aaron and Josh over the back fence, into the tangled wilderness that passed for a garden. The pair outside then climbed the fence themselves, the others pulling them into the overgrowth. The windows on both sides were boarded shut, but the back door seemed to only be secured by a simple rusted lock.
"Will? You know what to do." Josh gave him a look, and Will lifted the pan over his shoulder and swung it hard at the padlock. It sprang open, and Evanz looked back over the fence, making sure nothing had been attracted by the sound. Thankfully, none were close enough to have heard the racket.
The door opened easily, and they snuck inside. Aaron and Will pulled an empty, broken bookcase over to block the back door whilst Josh and Evanz attended to the front door. Josh dumped the rucksack in the centre of the room and, once the back door was barricaded, the plastic sword and frying pan joined it on the floor.
"Well, what the hell are we supposed to do now?" Josh said, having checked the lock and dragged a worn leather sofa in front of the main entrance.
"I guess we just wait it out until the army comes to help us." Evanz said.
"Has that helped any character in a film, book, or video game ever? The army isn't going to come any time soon. We need to find a way out of the country." Aaron pointed out. "We could try and contact Gubiak, or maybe Chris. There must be an evacuation plan somewhere!"
"Let's try and connect to the radio on my phone. They might have something." Will pulled his phone out of his pocket, miraculously still in one piece. The four were so focussed on trying to operate the connection on the phone, not one of them noticed the figure standing in the doorway, slowly shuffling towards them.
