I booted up the 32-bit gem with a mix of nostalgia and sexual arousal. I couldn't remember the last time I wrapped my chubby fingers around that Sega Genesis controller, let alone play my favourite game of all time on it. But there he was: Sonic The Hedgehog! The title screen pumped out the sweet chiptune theme song for Green Hill Zone, and in the centre of the screen was the main man himself. Sonic wagged his gloved finger at me, and almost hypnotically I did the same back to him. Wag, wag, wag, wag -

"Do you like this finger, Daniel?" he said.

I screamed. He was speaking to me! How was this possible?

"Do you like this finger, Daniel?" the blue blur repeated.

How was he doing this?!

"Do you like this finger, Daniel?"

And something in me snapped. My fear slowly melted into love, as I answered the question.

"W-well...yes. I love your finger so much, Sonic."

"Would you like to feel it?" he asked.

"Ummm..." I looked at him. This was my childhood Sonic - no matter how often I got bullied, he would always kept me warm. He always held me tight - so why should I turn down the opportunity for him to do it literally?

"Yes!" I sung in reply.

My Sega Genesis turned itself off. "Sonic?" I cried. "Where are you?!"

The door behind me flung open. I turned around.

"Here I am," he boomed. He started to walk towards me, and before I could respond, he grabbed hold of me with one hand. I was scared, but also happy. Happy for Sonic, my master.

He thrusted the soft index finger down my throat. It tickled. His arm was in my windpipe, and the famous pointer everyone knew and loved was swimming around my intestines.

"DoEsN't It FeEl GoOd?!" he cried orgasmically.

"Yes!" I screamed, muffled by the prickly hedgehog arm in my throat. "Yes it does!"

He grabbed hold my rectum and squeezed it like a tomato. I squealed with delight. Sonic stared into my eyes, and I stared into his. I love him.