"I've k-killed you twenty-seven times! I-I can't do it again!" King choked on his words, barely able to spit them out as he hovered over his best friend who lay bleeding in his arms. The eyes of the green-haired boy seemed to be missing any light at all, and King could barely recognize them as they were. His own brown eyes were quivering, and tears flooded down his face. The salty taste hit his mouth, but the majority of them rained down on his friend's face. "Helbram..."
King had killed him over and over again, but it didn't make this any easier. He'd become much colder, but murdering the one he cared about most only seemed to get harder. Each and every time, the hint of goodness left in Helbram would break through, pleading with King to just end him. This time, he did not plead. He said nothing. He just laid there, still breathing, life seemingly sucked from his eyes. Was this their destiny? To kill and be killed in an endless, eternal loop?
"Helbram..." King's entire body was trembling, causing the other fairy to shake in his arms along with him. Pieces, no, entire chunks of his heart were falling off, sinking to the bottom of his stomach. His throat was beginning to feel dry. He swallowed hard, but it felt like knifes were cutting up the inside of his throat.
A small, shaking hand came up and cupped Helbram's cheek. "Y-you have to-" His words were cut off as he began to cough, choking on his tears, becoming suffocated by them along with his emotions. It took him a long moment to regain himself while staring at his friend's eyes. Eyes that wouldn't meet his own eyes anymore. Every time Helbram failed to truly die, he slipped further to insanity. Each time another piece of him seemed to be missing. This time, Helbram appeared to be missing completely. There wasn't even a shred of him left, but King was holding on. He couldn't just let go so easily.
The fairy king cleared his throat once more, this time determination showing through his tear-filled eyes. "You have to tell me to kill you! You need too!" His thumb slid up and down against his cheek. It was a motion that was supposed to be comforting to the receiver. Nevertheless, the only one it seemed to calm even slightly was King himself. "Please, Helbram..." His voice became softer, almost a whisper. "You need to tell me... or... or I can't do it..." A huge wave of tears poured out of his eyes as King felt himself losing control once more. "I just can't! You're my best friend!"
Static. That was the only thing that could describe the blank expression on Helbram's face. King's face fell into Helbram's chest as he sobbed in the middle of the grass field that they had only moments ago been fighting in. He held him there closely, not daring to let go as he tried to gain the courage to end him without being told to.
Time passed. King's tears turned to ones silent enough to match the injured fairy's own silence. The blood from the wounds inflicted on Helbram had soaked through his own clothes and onto King's. If he'd been a human, he probably would have died from blood loss by now. An hour went by. To King it felt like minutes. Another hour passed and King seemed to be drained of all his tears, but he was still unwilling to move.
"Twenty-seven... times..." His voice was so quiet, it was practically inaudible. Even though the two hours of not moving had restored some physical stamina, he was lacking in the mental kind. Just as King was getting ready to deal with the possibility of staying still, face buried in Helbram's chest for the rest of eternity, something he'd lost hope in finally happened.
He felt something moving against his hair. Helbram's hand. It was a weak touch, one that stroked it for only a moment before collapsing down. King's eyes widened and his own hand moved to place behind his head, on top of Helbram's. He intertwined his fingers with the other fairy, gently leading his hand down so his could lift his face up to look at the other. Time felt as though it had been going in slow motion in anticipation for what he was going to find.
King's heart took a jump start in his chest when Helbram's features were finally in view again. His green eyes were different now, and yet completely right. Light seemed to have found its way back in as he stared at the fairy king. A weak smile tugged at the end of Helbram's quivering lips. "H-Helbram..." King whispered.
"Hey... Harlequin..." The moment his true name left Helbram's lips, , King found himself not to be as dried out as he'd previously assumed, because the tears began once again.
As much as King wanted to savor the moment, he knew he wouldn't have long. It was only a matter of time before Helbram lost it again, slipping back into the dark place. King had almost given up on the possibility of him finding his way out for even a moment this time. What would happen if he came back yet again? What would happen if none of him showed through? He wouldn't be able to tell King what he needed to do. He wouldn't be able to do it. He needed to believe this was the last.
"Before we run out of time, Helbram... You have to tell me... That it's what you want..." King spoke quietly, having trouble handling his own emotions as he did. It was taking all the effort he had just to keep his composure as he sat in a small puddle of Helbram's blood. He smiled weakly at him. King supposed that was improvement. He wanted to comfort Helbram, but he'd never been strong enough to smile before. Even if this was harder than the previous twenty-seven times for him, he wanted it to be easier for the other fairy.
"I will... but..." Helbram took a deep breath, finding himself quickly running short. "I need to tell you something else this time first."
"Something... else?" King questioned, confused by such a thing. Every time was the same. What could he possibly have to add in this time?
"I've never bothered telling you this before... I was never planning on doing it. But I'm getting so exhausted... so tired of holding it back. Is it alright... if I just be weak a moment longer... just to tell you this one thing... Harlequin?" The smile he'd been tugging at finally came through. It was easier to summon the expression when he was trying to mirror King.
"Tell me anything you want..." King was clueless as to what he had to ask, but he was desperate to hear it. Anything to change up the horrible cycle that kept happening the same way again and again.
"Okay." Helbram took a deep breath, looking to be struggling as he did. "Come here..." He spoke quietly, hoping King would get the hint that he needed him to get closer. Knowing it must have been hard for Helbram to speak all that loudly with the state of his injuries and constant struggle to stay in control, King did as he was told. He lowered his face, hovering it just over Helbram's. His tears continued to fall onto the other, but Helbram didn't even flinch at them.
Slowly, his hand raised up again. This time it found it's place on King's cheek, holding his face as though it was made to fit over that spot. Slowly he pulled him closer, never letting his previously vacant eyes drift from King's brown ones. He led him closer and closer until he could feel the other's soft lips brushing against his own. Smiling became even easier.
King's eyes widened and continued to quiver, unsure of exactly what was going on here. Helbram's lips were brushing against his own, feeling just as King had always imagined they would. He waited to act, knowing exactly what he wanted to do, but waiting to make sure it was the signal he was getting from the other.
Helbram's eyes slowly closed, feeling incredibly heavy as they did. The action was almost a relief. Then he pushed his lips against King's with a little more force, this time moving them against the others. King's eyes widened further, his heart freezing for a moment before seeming to jump into overdrive. He took the queue to close his own eyes, kissing him back.
Was this really happening? He'd always wanted to kiss Helbram. Always. But in the past he'd refrained from doing so, never wanting to screw up their friendship. He'd spent so much time pushing his emotions into other places, trying incredibly hard to feel the same way for another as he felt for Helbram. He'd thought that if he'd believed hard enough, it would have happened. But it didn't. Not really. He only felt the feeling continue to get more intense the more time passed.
He might have told him when he'd found him again the first time... had he not needed to kill him. With Helbram's insanity rising, King knew he had enough to deal with. He'd never wanted to burden him with having to reject his best friend. On top of that, he was afraid that Helbram might have ended up hating him just as much as he hated the humans. Sometimes it felt like that even without the other emotions involved.
But here they were. Kissing intensifying with each passing moment, built up emotions flooding in from both sides. This might have been romantic if it wasn't so tragic. And despite the fact that everything inside of King was breaking, he felt happy. As heavy as his emotions were, a bit of him felt enlightened as he was comforted by the unfamiliar motion of Helbram's lips against his own. His small hand grabbed from the fabric of his green shirt and tightened on it.
The two stayed there kissing for a long moment before King could feel Helbram struggling to breath underneath him. He pulled away, Helbram desperately still trying to go in for more of the fairy king's lips while gasping for air. Knowing what was more important at that moment, King did his best to fight the urge to indulge him further. Instead he stared at him. Both of their chests were rising simultaneously. King was almost in disbelief as to what just happened.
Helbram smiled once more, an eye twitching as struggling for control appeared to get harder. He must have been holding on with everything he had, and King was amazed that he was managing so well considering how gone he'd been a short time ago.
"I love you, Harlequin." The words that had been held back for so long finally flowed out of Helbram's lips. King's eyes widened yet again, mouth falling slightly agape. His heart began slamming into his ribcage, threatening to break out at any moment. If there was anything he'd wanted to hear in his entire life, anything he'd wanted more than to kiss his best friend, it was that. His love was his. Not just in his head this time, but for real. All that time spent holding it back was for nothing. If he'd only told him from the beginning then maybe things could have somehow been different all of this time. Maybe none of this would have happened. Of course, that was just wishful thinking.
Tears falling, mouth quivering, a smile devoured King's face. "I love you too, Helbram!" The words were practically blurted from his lips. Helbram smiled at him, only, he didn't look quite like King wanted him to look upon hearing those words from his mouth. He looked so sad. So much sadder than he'd ever seen him before. Then, the one thing King had forgotten for the brief moment he'd spit out his own declaration of love dawned on him.
King's facial expression changed to one that was absolutely horrified, but Helbram continued to smile. The fairy brought a hand up to King's cheek, embracing it as one mutual thought lingered in the air between them.
They could never be together.
They would never be together.
Because now... It was happening again.
"Kill me."
