Max's POV
I had just finished telling Gazzy that ammonium and bleach plus matches is in fact not a smart combination, when Fang came up to me. Being his usual quiet self, he sat right next to me on the log near the fire we had just built to cook dinner on. After staring into the flames for a while, he looked over at me, and I met his startling chocolate brown eyes, before quickly looking away. I didn't exactally want to turn all red when he was looking at me. "Max, we need to talk, alone." He said evenly, no trace of emotion in his voice. I pulled my eyes away from the roaring fire, and back to him again. Fang, always a man of few words had become, if possible, even quieter these last few weeks after we came back from Germany. Maybe something really was up. I nodded, and looked back at the flames, warming my hands near it as best as I could.
As soon as the kids were asleep, Fang got up, tapped Iggy's hand twice to let him know that he was in charge, and then lead me into the forest. By the pool of light the dieing fire, now several hundred yards away, I could see his face clearly enough to know that he was upset about something. He seemed unsure, and hesitated for a minute before saying, "Max- I need to tell you something. It's really important. Don't hate me, I-" I looked blankly at him. "Ok, I'd better show you." He began to roll the arm on his sleeve up. "Fang, what-" I began to ask him before I saw them. Along his forearm, half dozen, maybe more, even scars marred what had once been smooth skin. One of them was still bleeding.
"Max, I- It's not what it looks like-" he began before I cut him off (no pun intended) "Well then what the hell is it Fang? You've been cutting yourself. Is my leadership that bad? Is it really so bad that you want to kill yourself?" "Look Max, it has nothing to do with you, really. And I don't want to kill myself." He said "Well why, then why the hell are you doing this to yourself?" "I don't know. It's just- it's just everything. I mean I can't stand it. I hate running for my life every day, I hate Itex, and the Whitecoats, And I just hate my life. I mean I don't want to be a mutant runaway hybrid with an attitude problem, I just am. I didn't choose this for myself. I never feel like I have a purpose or a reason to keep living besides the flock. I don't owe it to myself to live, I'd probably just be better off dead. But that's the thing. I want to live. I don't know why, but I do. I could never kill myself. There isn't a reason to live, but there's none to die, and frankly max, I'm scarred. And I need help."
I looked up at him and stayed silent. He admitted needing help. That's like the number one Fang rule, along with never admitting pain, or discomfort. "Crap." I said. He nodded. "That's why I'm leaving. I need to. I can't let Angel find out about it. The same for Nudge and Gazzy. Iggy doesn't know either, but I'll bet he suspects it. He's been avoiding me lately. And I need help to stop. That's why I'm leaving. There's this place in Boston, for people- like me. They can help me get better." He s turned and was about to leave me standing there, before stopping and walking to me again. "And I want to get better because I- well, I love you Max. And I want to go so I can come back. I won't be gone forever." He leaned down and brushed my lips with his own before turning and running into the woods.
I probably should have gone after him, but instead, I just stood there, like the fool I am, tears streaking my face, my fingers coming to brush my lips in wonder that he had just kissed me. "I love you too fang." I whispered on the off chance that he could hear me.
