Nya! short fic, Just a few thoughts I wanted to scribble down, I might do one from Sam POV also.

Why hadn't I let him just go? He'd been side by side with death and he had 'wanted' to go with him,to end it all, but I just couldn't allow it, I could never allow him to leave me! I knew it was wrong, what was wrong with me? was I really that selfish and co dependant that I couldn't allow him to go, even when that was his own wish?

The truth is I knew the answer, with Sam there it gave me a reason to continue, a task always at hand, a point to living this shit painful existence that we had always lived, with him gone there was nothing, I could never have a family, not really, not properly I would always be waiting for the day they wound up dead, pretty much like everyone else.

Sam could surive without me, he'd proved it while I was in purgotory he didn't need me the way I needed him, His exisitence was not for the soul purpose of me, it was never his task to look after me it was always mine to look after him.

It was simple, without Sam there was just another lonely bitter hunter waiting for the day his number came up, I wasn't saving Sam, not really, I was saving myself and I wasn't sure I would ever be able to stop.

Please R/R