A/N – I have always felt that OUAT left too many loose threads between Snow and Regina. Not enough of their relationship when Snow was a child was highlighted or even worked through to the depth that it deserved when Snow was an adult, in my opinion. This is my take on their story. It will loosely follow major canon plot points up until mid season two right at the death of Cora. A/U and not all is as it seems. I put a very medieval spin on flashbacks to the Enchanted Forest on societal views of women and children. Fitting those times there is mild spanking done to a minor in this story.
For the sake of this story the following is true – Regina met Snow when Snow was five instead of ten and was forced to marry Leopold after saving the child's life. Cora lived with them at the castle.
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Dedication:
For anyone who has ever wondered if you are enough…
Beautiful soul; yes, you are enough.
"A Mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path." –Agatha Christie
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Chapter Title:
Choices
Chapter Summary:
"Sometimes the smallest of choices can change a life forever."
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The Dark One's dagger slipped from a gloved hand and dropped to the rug of Gold's Pawn Shop with a deafening thud. Cora hissed. Her back arching like a snake that was stepped on as she registered a foreign heat in her chest. Rumple's eyes blown wide in shock on her. And from them she staggered back away, rage pushing to spill at the interruption to her moment of absolute power. She froze.
It began beating.
Gasping, Cora clutched her chest fixing eyes on Regina as ache clouded her vision. Then her heart burst sending wave after wave of pure addictive emotion through her veins. She was high on feeling. The taste of it; devotion and affection, of sacrifice and betrayal. The full spectrum of love so long repressed for the first time in decades drenched her senses and soaked her soul. Cora was floating, then drowning, drowning in it. 'Regina.' Then there she was at arm's length. Her little girl.
Cora smiled blind to the rest of the room.
In turn Regina gave one right back. Hopeful and in need. "Mother?"
The Queen of Hearts took a step forward, arms outstretched. Desire to hold her child, her Regina overwhelming. Visions of her daughter as a baby, fresh and new to a world washed a soothing balm over her insides used to nothing but power and hate. Mixed emotions scratched against the others for dominance, clawing to get to the new heat pumping in her chest. Memories flashed of presenting her child for the masses to adore. Hope for her daughter to have everything she never had, to command power and respect as a right; to one day rule as Queen.
But her child, now a Queen looking back at her had wanted none of that. She never understood the why behind Regina's adamant rebellion against the glory of power or their society's customs. Still Cora had meddled, twisted, and baited until the broken woman looking back at her was what her spite had created. One thing Regina had only ever wanted since an infant in arms had simply been her. Power focused and not the way of the law of the land, Cora had never understood her daughter's need there. Women were granted few rights in the Enchanted Forest and she had earned every hard fought step on the tier for dominance in the man's world they were born into. Her little girl gone—now a woman blurring in front of her.
Now, was their second chance. Maybe things could be different between them. Cora wanted them to be oh so different. Her mind spun with these thoughts as the fullness of feeling took over. Then her heart began beating slower in her chest and with it blood began to seep through the dark lapel of her jacket. Stumbling Cora looked down, lifting the flap. Scarlet tears dripped down, down, down soaking the fabric as her hands tried to stop it. Life drained from a wound she didn't know she had.
Sharp cut and all of these awakened feelings were flowing out fast. Too fast and losing. Cora was losing her newfound self. She took a step forward and her foot missed the ground. The ground came for her as the hungry darkness of death chewed at the corners of her eyes. Lungs beginning to collapse as she did right into her child's arms.
"Mother?" Regina went with Cora to the floor as it slammed into her knees. Frantic eyes searched her mother over for hurt. "Mother! What's wrong?" Cradling the woman in her arm, tears pushed behind her lids.
Limp and head rolling, Cora forced her eyes to focus on her daughter's. "This…" Searching sweet feeling amber pools she had long missed the depths of. "Would have been enough…" No, not clear yet as Regina's face dimmed before her. Cold, so cold she felt, but her words were not. Warm and open she tried one last time. "You…"
Cora tried to reach a hand up that refused to move on its own to a cheek in need of a caress, a simple act of kindness she had never been able to give. Stolen love from her child in this life, she decided then and there she would not be a thief when she went to the next. Last regrets consuming Cora did not want Regina to continue to suffer for her need of hate and power; for love or a chance of what might be left of it to be scattered to the winds. Choice, she had to give her daughter.
A choice.
Cora summoned all of her magical strength from her core to the surface, a great bubble of power about to be lost to the void of nothing she suspected awaiting her. It pillowed gently waiting to burst just beneath her tongue, one gift, her only gift to her daughter, popped with her last breath. "You would have been enough." Magic released her eyes rolled back.
Shaking. Regina was shaking. "Mother? Mother…" Hearing shuffling behind her, fallen Queen turned sharply, then pleading up to the Dark One. "What's going on?" His stare, almost kind gave a final answer that broke her heart. Whipping back and stroking a chilly cheek she began crying. Begging as she had done as a child. "Mother, nooo… Don't leave me please." Ripping, she was breaking at the seams. Pulling the woman who gave her life close to her chest as she had always longed to do she rocked in mourning. Whispering. "What am I going to do?" The truth would die with Cora and any chance she had of getting Henry back would be lost. Of Snow believing—
"Your mother did you no favors." Cruel as they sounded Rumple hadn't meant them to be. Regina's outrage tore through him and he almost felt something stir. A twinge, guilt maybe on a good day and right now, alive in Cora's place, it was a good day.
"Shut up!" Screamed up from the base of his feet, a man's feet, where she said she would never be again. Regina recoiled in disgust as she took in the Imp that had twisted her Mother into something unnatural, something inhumane. Angry. "You stole her life!" Then breaking again. "You cast some spell." Sure of the fact as she was that she was breathing and her Mother was not.
"I did nothing." Razor thin cuts and too many, his truth caused.
And it salted at the hole gaping in Regina. 'If not him, then who…'
"REGINA! Stop!" Bounding in and sliding to a complete halt with Charming right on her heels Snow White yelled and floundered at the scene before her. Too late too late too late—No! Heart beat madly in her chest and something deep, dark within it grew teeth. Those jagged fangs tore a piece of red beating flesh out to consume when Regina's cold pain looked up and through her.
Regina lost herself. "You did this?!" Shock and certainty; a double edged sword of pain.
Gaping in horror Snow burned under the ice filled gaze. "I…"
Black sparks snapped up around them popping against the floor as the lights flashed wickedly. Ground rumbled its displeasure sending everyone standing to their knees as thick ropes of black smoky magic spiraled in from the corners of the room, wrapping around each of them; tight and tighter suffocating. Regina clung to her Mother's body as someone's hand found her ankle. Shadows stole consciousness as her Mother's last words echoed in mind, a rolling thunder taking them all to task under the mask of darkness.
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Crushing.
Someone was crushing her heart.
Regina's eyes popped open, body slamming upright gasping for air. Fingers clawed her throat as she struggled to breathe. Realizing she could aching eyes took in the room.
Her room.
At home in the mansion.
Quiet she listened. Sounds of the house, of the heat kicking on, and faintly of cars passing outside. Something creaked across the room and her head snapped right thinking she saw shadow passing. Then left as the curtains fluttered from the open window. Shivering, she was suddenly freezing.
'I was dreaming.' Wilting in thought Regina rubbed her face. Hard. Willing her body to register reality. 'Just a dream.' Though her eyes hurt and her chest. Massaging both she yawned and took in the time. 'What day is it?' Feeling off in more than one way as her feet found the soft cream carpet. Going right to the window she shut it wondering when in the night she had opened it. Almost dizzy she went into the bathroom just off of her closet. Light on, she searched for anything as different as she suddenly felt.
Nothing out of the ordinary. Same fixtures, makeup in drawer and her tasteful yet sparse decorations adorned the counter and walls. She took a few minutes to splash cold water on her face and run a brush through her hair. Taking her time to brush her teeth and put on her favorite apple scented hand cream, Regina fluffed her hair once and killed the light.
'What a horrible dream.'
Today she had to put a stop to Mother's game. Played along as best she could the last few weeks with Cora's return to Storybrooke with that pirate in order to keep that dark woman away from Henry. Regina braced herself in the doorway thinking of him and the way he used to look at her with such adoration.
Now she was lucky to get a glare her way in passing. But Henry was tucked safely away with Miss Swan and the Charmings, just as she had planned. Still it was too familiar. Little eyes glaring in misunderstanding and hate. Hated her he did for something he didn't fully understand. She didn't blame him or even the Charming brood. As fault often did, it lay with her Mother and in her own inability to stop that dark force of nature from consuming those she loved.
Regardless Regina would work to contain the terror that was her Mother like she always had, but as it was now the stakes were too high—she needed help. Trying. She had been trying so hard to show them, all of them, she was not what they thought she was. What that damn book called her. Then Mother came to town and she had been framed for Archie's murder. And they turned on her. Every single one of them.
Again.
Regina's shoulder hit hard against the door frame.
Her plan had been to keep Mother occupied, play into the need of a Mother's love Cora was using as bait to manipulate her. Regina would never be used again. Had learned and sacrificed too much to be a pawn in another game for the Queen of Hearts. And that red Queen was the epitome of twisted without being the Dark One. Cora's goal had been made clear to her when she and Mother were standing the abandoned library with the pirate unconscious in the corner. Standing face to face and playing along as she had been was working to get at the rotten core where her Mother's heart should be. Her words and Cora's blurred across her mind.
"Is this what this whole thing has been about?" She asked. "Getting Rumple's dagger so you could obtain his dark powers?"
Cora gave a tolerant smile and had spoken simply as if she were a child hard of understanding. "If we possess the dagger we control the Dark One. And we can command him to make everyone understand the truth. Isn't that what you want? For them all to look at you and see you for who you really are Regina?"
A gloved hand reached to fix her dark hair and for just a moment Regina had thought it would be a long awaited caress.
Cora continued. "You will be blameless and in the eyes of the only one who matters now."
It was there her Mother was wrong. Henry wasn't the only one who mattered, but nod in acquisition Regina had and went along with the role of dutiful daughter. Cora's smile black and straight had glittered wickedly in want. Becoming the Dark One as she suspected her Mother was plotting to do would destroy the realms and any hope she had of getting her son back and maybe even of healing some of the past with another.
Regina shook her head. That healing would never happen. Too much pain poisoned the water under the white bridge. Water still flowing made it uncross-able. No. Mother must not get the dagger today, but she couldn't stop her Mother on her own.
She looked at the clock blaring red across the bedroom. Supposed to meet Mother at her vault in a few hours to go over the plan, Regina sighed. Between now and then maybe, just maybe she could get the Charmings to listen. To give the truth of her side and lay all the missing cards on the table. Rumple was no better than her Mother. They both needed to be contained. Banished far apart from one another.
Instead of helping the Imp Regina had to get the Charmings to see how much the two were the same and together with them, she thought they just might be able to be rid of both evils today. Miss Swan might be the key to that. No Emma. Emma had been the first to give her a chance. She softened thinking of that moment outside of the diner of Granny's where Emma had invited her to the potluck celebration. And when she had been ignored longer than she could stand she had tried to leave. Emma had come after her. In her hurt over missing Henry and those all too familiar feelings she'd snapped and apologized. Emma had said okay. That one word had moved one mountain between them. Maybe it would again today.
But coffee first before any more soul airing to the Savior.
Downstairs Regina went quickly and began her morning routine without much thought to what she was doing. Finger mechanically pressed brew on the coffee pot as she went to fetch the paper. Opening the front door she stepped out in the crisp morning air. Slippers traveled the walkway and Regina bent to pluck the rolled paper from the sidewalk. Movement in her peripheral vision made her take back a step in caution.
Since the curse broke she had been on high alert for anyone wanting to hurt her, though none seemed to dare since she'd regained her powers. Shoulders dropping, Regina remembered she was the one in control. She straightened up and lifted her chin at the Cricket walking by with Pongo. Regina flinched as he stared.
Then he waved.
She blinked. 'Did he just…?'
"Good morning Madam Mayor!" Archie's merry voice floated by like an echo from a time long ago.
"Good morning." Answering back as she had done for many years, Regina replied and wondered over his greeting.
Last time she checked she was still on his shit list and many like lists around town since the curse broke, never mind the sham of Archie's murder many thought she had concocted as a ploy of some kind yet to be discovered fully. Sighing. She was always blamed for everything. Brow furrowed as it always did with that thought. Regina went back into the house, smell of her favorite mocha coffee a small comfort in the growing angst in her stomach. Ignoring it she went into the kitchen, tossing paper on the counter. Regina searched for her favorite red mug Henry had made her in second grade.
She missed him terribly and the much simpler time when he just hated her for not telling him about being adopted. Cora had interfered yet again and her sweet little prince believed, just like they all did, that she was what that story book said she was. Frowning in present and her fingers brushed a bare spot on the shelf where she always kept it. Mug not there made her stomach roll.
Still searching and deeper her frown grew, Regina near tore through each cabinet. Then the pantry and every single drawer though logic told her she would never keep it there. Dishwasher was checked next and nothing sighed, wondering if he had taken it when he packed a bag for Snow's loft two months ago. No, she had it well before then. Yesterday in fact.
Pausing sharply as she thought. 'But what day was that?'
Worry increasing Regina took any mug from the shelf full of them her hand found next. Pouring the bitter brew, she dressed it with cream. Eyes watched as the white mixed with the black of coffee, billowing into a perfect mushroom cloud under her hand. Regina's heart felt like that. Ache with each puff that floated and crashed against the other, filled with toxic smoke and fumes from a cosmic explosion she couldn't name the source of. She lifted it to her lips to take a sip.
Something beeping brought attention back to the present. Cell phone alarm went off by the stove and automatically Regina went to reach for it and froze. I-phone no more a flip phone she recognized from ages ago hit her stomach like a solid right hook. And did again as she picked it up wincing and flipped it open. The date blared angry from the screen under her usual morning alarm as dread made her fingers numb.
'No. It's not possible.' The mug slipped from her hand and shattered on tile. Hot liquid splashed her legs through the silk of her pajamas, but she didn't feel it. Only the panic rising in her throat.
Regina tossed the phone away on the counter and snatched up the paper. Ripping the rubber band off and she slammed the first page flat on the counter. Eyes skimmed and widened. Backing away, The Daily Mirror's date further mocked her confusion and she ran out of the room. Grabbing the remote of the TV in the living room she pressed the power button. The news blared. Same date-year-flashed in the bottom corner of the screen.
2000
The remote slipped to the floor and her feet flew from the room. Went to pound the stairs as she went upward, robe flying out behind her tumbling about at her legs like a lost cloth bag in a wind storm.
"Henry? Henry!" Calling in fear for her son.
Right outside his bedroom door Regina stopped, or what used to be his room. Her hand shook over the gold knob as the other sought the door jamb for support of any kind. Her mind said he wasn't there and still she did not expect him to be physically with the curse breaking, but his things should be. Ready for when he was, she hoped, to come home one day. Biting her lip Regina braved a turn of the knob, slow, so slowly as she cracked the door.
Pink was blinding.
Not the blue striped wallpaper she had put up herself met her gaze, now hazy as Regina's jaw dropped. Lace and blinding white it was over the windows where classic navy curtains used to be. She had made those too, spent hours searching for just the right shade of blue for her baby boy. Walls filled with butterflies and pictures of birds where Marvel Comic Heroes used to be.
Used to be.
White painted bookcases now replaced the oak ones she had put together when Henry began to learn to read, but like those, these were filled with books and knickknacks. More white on a bedspread filled with embroidered flowers Regina recognized as her own design and handiwork under the sheer canopy of a four poster bed fit for a princess. And there a Princess lay, slumbering peacefully as if the world had not just been turned inside out.
Regina shivered violently. The black smoke, the spell or curse consuming her in the pawn shop flashed in the forefront of her mind. The dream was real.
This. Was real.
Rage knocked against the grinning fangs of fear digging deep in her neck. Regina tried to loosen their grip, but they sank in staking a claim on her heart. Her heart. 'So easy Regina and right there for the taking. Do it.' Mother's words from long ago twisted her gut for control.
Snow White's heart lay hiding under a blanket covered in flowers. That chest rose and fell, mocking her twitching fingers and it belonged to the woman that had tricked her and killed her Mother. Regina saw red and drowning in it as if under her Mother's control again she took a step forward, hand outstretched. The floor creaked and a fair nose scrunched, like a nervous bunny.
Time flashed backwards and forwards, spinning and Regina stilled. Finally she saw; really saw who was in front of her. Taking in that face, the curve of cheek, dimples and parted pink lips. Who it belonged to then and who it belonged to right now, had her double over in genuine pain. Stepping back Regina pressed a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. Teeth biting the inside of her fingers. Snow White was in her son's room. And not just Snow, but little Snow.
As a child.
The child she remembered saving from a runaway horse decades ago. Child that had taken her hand in the garden for walks. One she had tucked in at night and held when tears flowed down those white cheeks. Child that had spilled a secret and with it broke the last hold keeping Regina from becoming lost to the darkness her Mother so carefully crafted to contain her. Here they were again.
And again Regina would not do it, could not snuff out the life of Snow White no matter Mother's pulling words of power. Paid she had dearly to protect that innocent heart beating. She was beyond triggered and falling, flailing down into the taunting of Mother's cackle echoing in her mind. And again fate joined in the mocking when her chance at healing with Mother and maybe even with her son and another had been ripped by a hand most cruelly. With the promise of sweet words said Regina had hope for a moment for truth to indeed set them free. Hope her heart had desperately clung to her whole life. Just like a little white hand that used to curl around her finger had done so in hope.
Regina fled down the hall from the past and back into her bedroom. Waving her wrist in an old habit for the door to lock behind her. Nothing. No puff or sparkle of purple magic she had come to count on since getting it back a few months ago. She tried again and again as panic took over. Powerless and sinking.
Feeling sick Regina backed away into the bathroom, physically closing the door. Trapped. Again. Back and back until her legs hit the claw foot tub. Stepping over and in, she sank down into the cool arms of tile and porcelain. Trapped back in time to before Henry was born, Regina was.
With her.
She couldn't do this dance again. Lose everything that meant anything again. Hugging her knees as the worst curse imaginable ripped her senses apart. Regina dropped her head and cried.
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Something tickled Snow's nose. Rubbing the annoyance away she snuggled down into the softest of sheets. Nestled her cheek into the feather down of a pillow. Deep breath and then she smelled it. Faint but there. Apples. She hated apples. And she thought she heard footsteps. A door closing in the distance. Green eyes fluttered open.
White filled her vision surrounded by a pink haze. Brows pinched. Gone the shabby chic of the loft and wide open space. Snapping upright Snow clutched the white blanket to her chest. Eyes darting, darting and fingers curled tight around the cover shielding her from reality. Fingertips just edging the embroidery there. Touch of long ago too much for her senses. Sweat prickled her hairline as she took in where she was.
A child's room. In her favorite colors. Eyes wide dropped to her hands. Wiggling fingers Snow counted them to be sure they were all there. Throwing off the covers she did the same to her toes. She was wearing a long ruffled night gown with the wrist cuffs and collar decorated in delicate eyelet lace. This was hers, an old favorite from the Enchanted Forest. Fingering the pink ribbon at the neck Snow loosened the bow at base of her throat. Past thoughts from a time long ago suddenly didn't feel so far away.
Little thoughts pushed forward in her adult mind. 'Too tight.' The ribbon was too tight. 'She never used to tie it this way.' Not at first, but after... Snow shook her head to clear it. Feet bare she curled her toes in wonder of her new body. No not new. Snow saw the truth in the mirror over the dresser as her image came into view. She rushed at it. Pinching her cheeks full of baby fat as long dark thick curls tumbled about her shoulders. Reality hit.
She was a child again.
Total knock out the mirror hit her with spun her senses and unbalanced in shock, Snow grabbed for the dresser. Turning side to side she licked her dry lips. A heat wave washed her skin from head to toe. Seven years old, she was, at most. Snow began to shake as tears filled her eyes. 'Where is Charming and Emma? Henry?' Her newly reunited family missing in the room. Missing again and she wanted out of it to go find them. She went to the open door and the large window overlooking a grand wrapping staircase registered.
She knew that window. Or the other side of it from the street. A street she had walked one too many times in a fog with memories not her own. This room was in... Nausea clawed damp and sick at her tummy up to her temples as she took a step back from the door. And then Snow remembered. Everything.
Every. Single. Thing.
How her syrupy words twisted kindness into a trick and Regina had believed her words. The crying, the blood, and the rage hurt in amber eyes this version of her once knew as only kind and familial. Yet those eyes had wanted to kill—shocked those eyes on her were, in that moment when Cora was dead in arms, of that she believed. A weapon, she needed a weapon.
Hands tore through the room searching. A snow globe rested on the dresser and her small hands grabbed for it. Heavy metal base and thick glass would do. She studied the fine tooled silver work. Of the little flowers and birds etched there. Inside the serene water swirling white flakes around a memory flashed. Of a Yuletide morning and a gift given upon her waking. Her joy and the joy in the amber eyes sharing that moment with her. One so fresh and cutting behind her eyes for what it was Snow took a step back, globe outstretched in her hands. It followed her with another step back and back until her butt found the bed. Snow sank on it as her chest rose and fell quickly, like a little bird would from falling from a nest into a cold pond.
Regina's house and she was here. A child defenseless and her family nowhere in the immediate vicinity. In and out she breathed.
Sitting Snow simply tried to think, but couldn't in her scrambled mind. Torn in half she felt. Herself, but not. Memories flooded in of a past life at Castle White, of horseback rides and walks in the palace gardens. And dinners together and long talks while her hair was fussed over by hands she used to trust. Hands she used to love and call Mother until... Snow's fingers trembled against a glass globe as she breathed.
In with the past and out with the present.
A flash of something dark moving rimmed the corner of her vision. Instinctively her fingers gripped the glass tighter and she turned slowly to see. A pink robe hanging on the back of the cracked closet door swayed as if someone had brushed it in passing. Then a brief wave of cold made the air on the back of her neck stand to attention. Snow shivered, making the flakes in the glass storm violently against the base. The closet door slammed shut and her eyes popped. Dropping the globe on the bed, she scrambled back over the edge to the safety of the other side.
Snow crouched still and heart a jackhammer in chest listening. Child mind pushed against the rationale of the adult one rambling on that it was just the wind or something. A shifting of the house that made that door shut of its own accord. Still the child shuddered. After a minute of silence Snow braved eyes up and up over the edge of the bed. Looking over the rim of a blanket and all around there was nothing there to fear. Spine straightening she went to stand. Then she heard it.
Keys. Metal on metal so faint, of keys jingling. Old heavy punishing keys that locked doors. Another memory flashed forward.
Her arm pinched under Cora's grip. Marched down the corridor much quicker than her slippered feet could possibly keep up. Pleading. "I won't go down there again." They only moved faster. "I'll stay out of the kitchens."Caught in one of her favorite places she had been at the wrong time. Told to stay away she had been many times.
Keys jingled around a woven silk belt at a waist. "Yes you will and you stay put until I come for you."
"Don't. Please don't leave me here!" Clawing the black skirts of the one pushing her away. Locking her away. Alone and away where she hated to be on her own. "I want my Mother." Regina would understand her need, always did. And she wanted those arms around her now. "Just let me speak with her!" Pushed back to the floor Snow stumbled and the door to her chamber closed. A sick click brought tears and her fists on the door pounding. "Grandmother please!"
Scared of what her little mind knew that sound to be, Snow grabbed the glass globe, tucking it under her arm as she ran out of the room. Down the hall and parked her feet in front of a white door closed. Faintly she heard crying inside or so she thought. Regina was in there. Behind this door.
One of two ways to go Snow had to make a choice.
A look over her shoulder down a long bare hallway from whence she'd come. Dim again the jingle came hauntingly from there. Snow closed her eyes as her palm turned the gold knob and she stepped into the room.
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A/N – Want to join me in this adventure? I'd love to hear your thoughts so far. I post regularly on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
Next time - Snow and Regina come face to face...
Thanks in advance!
