AN- I feel like I should give a sort of disclaimer for this story. It is M for a reason. With themes of angst, sex, suicide, and other very mature aspects. With that, thanks for picking this story! I appreciate it!

Disclaimer: I own nothing in the world of Harry Potter. I wish I did...I just do not.

Chapter 1: Falling.

The toe of a leather black boot kicked out with a little jerk, sending a rain of chipped brick off the Astronomy Tower. They made no sound as they bounced off the roof spires, disappearing into the darkness surrounding the castle of Hogwarts.

For the past hour, she had stood on the ledge of the tower, staring down at the rooftops wondering how it would feel if-when-she finally stepped off.

From the wooden beams high above her, an owl hooted and fluffed his wings, annoyed at her presence in his home. She glanced back at him and sighed, wishing they could trade lives. It would be a blessing to have your biggest annoyance to be if someone was standing too close.

She would give everything to have those problems.

Gripping the stone beside her, she inched forward until the tips of her boots were hanging over the edge. It would be only one more step and it would be over. Over forever.

Her heart wrenched suddenly, making her stumble back and take a deep gasping breath. She had never been that close before. It scared her, sending her emotions into a flurry inside her head. Taking a deep, shaking breath, she pressed her back against the cool of the stone and rubbed her hands over her face.

She knew it was too late now. She had, once again, been too scared. But tomorrow night. With a sigh, she glanced back at the dark sky stretching out beyond the window. Tomorrow night, she would finally fall.


"C'mon Sirius!" James yelled, holding the portrait open as his best mate stumbled across the common room. Sirius yawned as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, his uniform thrown on haphazardly. His shirt was mis-buttoned and hanging over his wrinkled pants.

"Bloody hell, it's early."

"Actually, we're late. Or we will be if you don't get your arse moving!" James kicked his mate in the bum as he passed, gaining a yelp out of Sirius as he grabbed his wounded backside. On the way to Advanced Runes, Sirius polished his just out of bed look and ran a hand through his tousled hair.

By the time they sat in their desks, he was still looking rather shabby, but now it wouldn't gain any attention from the professors. "So, Remus goes all Moony this weekend and I was thinking since we'll be out of the castle anyway…"He trailed off, but Sirius knew exactly where James' mind was going.

With a roll of his eyes, Sirius cracked open his notebook and sighed. "You leave me with Mr. Wolfbane and Wormtail, while you spend the weekend snogging Lily in the room of requirement?"

James looked offended, but replaced his hurt with a devilish grin almost immediately. "What can I say, Padfoot. That bird's got it bad for me."

"Right. Which is why she was practically cursing you into oblivion not even three months ago." James scoffed and waved the boy off as Professor Babbling strolled into the room and flipped the massive chalkboard down, revealing rune after rune to copy. He groaned and dipped his quill in the ink just as the rest of the class followed suit.

All was quiet except for the scratching of quill on parchment until Sirius sighed and turned to James. "Fine. But, you owe me one big time. You know Wormtail's no good when Remus starts moonstrating." James grimaced at his choice of words, always plugging his ears when any subject of a girl's monthly visit was brought up. And the referencing to Remus' change as Moonstrating always sent a tug to James' gag reflex.

"Merlin, Sirius. Do you have to call it that?"

"To see your face like this? Yes!"

"Boys…" Professor Babbling tapped her pointer against the blackboard, stirring up a bit of dust as she narrowed her eyes on the two. Sirius cleared his throat and scribbled messily for a moment more before a tiny sneeze caught his attention.

He looked over his shoulder to the last desk of the row. Sitting alone was a girl he had never noticed before. Her vest held the Ravenclaw emblem, just below the thick mass of hair that splayed across her chest. She sneezed once more as he stared, barely making a squeak.

As she sniffed and looked up to the board to copy the next set of runes, her eyes flickered to Sirius. She looked genuinely shocked to catch him staring. With a rapid set of blinks, she cast her gaze back down and didn't look up for a long moment.

Baffled, Sirius turned back around and shook his head in slight confusion. It wasn't as if didn't know girls were shy, especially around him. But she acted like he had seen her naked. With a shrug, Sirius kept copying runes until Professor Babbling launched into the lecture for the day and his eyelids grew heavy.

With a nudge from James, he managed to keep his eyes open, but his attention was long gone. Which, was not at all shocking behavior from Sirius Black.

As soon as the bell rang, however, he was one of the first out of his seat and heading for the door. "Hey." He nudged James in the ribs, nodding toward the door. "Who is that?" He pointed to the girl who had sneezed and watched her dodge students as she hurried from the door. People walked past her, not even noticing her at all.

"Who?" James asked, fumbling with his wand. He was used to Sirius inquiring about pretty girls. He knew he'd find out sooner or later who the broad was. Sirius sighed and pointed through the crowd, grabbing his mate by the shoulder. "Her!"

"There's nearly fifty people in this hallway, mate. I gotta get to Potions. Save me a seat at lunch, will ya?" He called to Sirius over the heads of a group of giggling third years. They looked at the messy haired boy as he strolled passed, smirking their way only to send them into more hushed and nervous giggles.

"Yeah, yeah." Sirius waved and headed toward his next class, trying to get the girl out of his mind. He couldn't help thinking about the way no one had even noticed her. Hell, he had never noticed her before today but, her wide eyes staring at him in his mind were all he could focus on during the next few classes.

During lunch, the clouds that loomed over the castle finally opened up and rain pounded the rooftop, making the dreary Monday seem to drag by even slower. Sirius yawned and slumped against Remus, slapping the book he had his nose stuck into away.

With a sigh, Remus slipped his bookmark into the page he had been at and turned to Sirius. "You could have just asked me to stop reading."

"Yeah, this was more fun." Sirius glanced over to Peter who had been stuffing his mouth with buttery croissants the entire time. "Easy, Wormy. That stuff goes straight to your hips, you know." Peter giggled behind a mouthful of bread and switched his attention to the pudding.

More students filed into the Great Hall behind them, and Sirius couldn't help sneaking a glance to the Ravenclaw table. No one immediately caught his attention and he shrugged, figuring he would probably never find out about the girl and was determined to forget all about her.

Before he could kick himself for thinking about not thinking about the girl, James plopped down beside him and grinned. Lipstick marks decorated James' blushing face and his three mates stared at him with blank stares. "What?" He asked, flattening down his hair.

"You wearin' make up again, Prongs?"

James glared and wiped his lips before digging into the chicken and potatoes that materialized before him. "Where's my Potions book?" Sirius asked him, looking around his friend. The space was bare and Sirius could feel anger boiling inside. "James!"

"I forgot it…I'm sorry. Lily and I were in the Astronomy Tower, and started snogging a bit..I must've left it up there."

Sirius groaned and smacked his friend on the arm. "Go get it!"

"No way, I'm starving. Besides, it's your book."

"That you forced me to let you borrow!" Growling, Sirius realized James' arse was not leaving the bench, only further proven a fact by him shoving mouthfuls of food into his face. With a muffled curse, Sirius stomped off to the Astronomy Tower to retrieve his bloody text book. It figured James would pull something like this.

His mind was entirely wrapped around Lily Evans. Lily this, Lily that. If they didn't get married, Sirius was going to be incredibly pissed. Especially if he had to put up with a love sick James, only to have his heart broken. Love sick James he could handle…Heart broken James was a scary thought.

Sirius stopped suddenly in his trek up the stairs and watched his mystery girl hurry out of the library. Her head was bowed as she stomped up the stairs.

'Wonder where she's heading…' Sirius thought, following her steps as quietly as he could.

After a moment of stalking, he realized that she was heading in the same direction he had been going. No one had Astronomy until dusk, so what could she possibly be doing? Perhaps she was going to snog her boyfriend in the darkness.

In a blink, she had disappeared up the spiral stair case, taking the steps two at a time. Sirius hurried and raced up the stairs, catching the sight of her boots and skirt as she rounded the corner and stepped into the classroom.

He slowed and watched from the doorway as she stopped behind the telescopes lining the enormous windows. With a flick of her wand, one of the telescopes scraped across the floor and left the window empty and completely open.

Frowning, Sirius stepped into the room and opened his mouth to speak. He clamped his lips shut as the girl put a folded piece of paper on the telescope and took a step toward the window, her arms out stretched.

The rain was soaking her boots as she walked up to the ledge and took a deep breath. "Bloody hell!" Sirius muttered before racing to the window. The scene played out in his terrified mind in slow motion. He could see her lift herself onto her toes and lean forward, a look of pure sadness striking her face. Sirius ran as fast as he could and reached out, grabbing the fabric of her shirt flapping against the girl's ribs.

The sudden jerk caused her to turn and scream as she fell out the window, her hands desperately grabbing for the ledge. Sirius held on as tightly as he could as she dangled by her shirt in his hand, his arm wrapped around the iron sconce hanging between the windows.

"What the fuck are you doing?"


An- Please, please review!