Hey there peeps! This is an odd little parody of sad or fluffy fics about the relationship between the yami and hikari. So yes, these are all based on stories I read, and no, I can't remember the name of them, and who they're by. So, if you find these stories related to yours at all, remember there's 5/30000 chance of the story being based on yours. If you strongly believe the story is yours, please do not be offended. It's just a joke, and all in good fun. So have fun!

---

YAMI, YOU HURT ME SO

Part 1: Yuugi to Yami

An old lady sat in her rocking chair in front of a cackling fire with children surrounding her while she knit while a small tabby kitten played with the ball of yarn. Ah yes, it was one of those generic moments. How heartwarming and utterly disgusting those could be. Then, all of the sudden, a baseball flew out of nowhere, hitting the old lady square in the face!

"Now who 'da fuck did 'dat?!" The old lady screamed.

That… wasn't generic.

"Hey, old fart bag! We requested a story, and all you do is sit here knitting saying: 'Hmm… yes…' C'mon, we wanna hear a good one this time, make it good and se-"

"Shut up while I'm talking to you!" The old lady bellowed at the boy, whose name was Fritz.

"But old lady, you weren't talking to him-"

"Shut up and go stuff your head in the privy, Samuel!" Said boy sniffled and got up, and ran off, probably to accomplish said instructions.

"Now will you tell us a story, old cow?" A young girl asked, whose name was, in fact, Heidi.

"Okay, okay! Jesus, you children need to learn to respect your elders…" She cleared her throat. "So it all began like this…"

---

Yuugi sighed. How would he tell his yami? How would he break the news, and have them both come out happy. How could… Yuugi let his yami know they were out of celery! Again!

But that's beside the point. Yuugi had noticed his yami had become more withdrawn lately. They used to watch the stars, or the clouds, or the sun… together at least. Yuugi eventually lost 50 of his vision watching the sun, and couldn't stand bright light anymore. So much for being a hikari… Ehrm. Yuugi loves his memories, and would like to share some very beautiful, touching, and ingenious moments:

-flashback-

"Woah. Take a look at that big ass star!"

"That's the moon, Yami."

"Oh."

-end flashbackNyyaaar! Vroom! Zoom zoom! Whoosh! -(it would be better if you did NOT ask)

Well, anyway, Yuugi realized that after looking back on all of his precious memories, he loved his yami dearly. Narcissism! Woah. So, Yuugi mustered up what little courage he had and went to confess his feelings to his yami.

"Y-yami!" Yuugi screamed! "I! Have! To! Tell! You! Something!"

"Yes, what is it aibou?" Yami questioned, staring out at the sky. The clouds were so pretty today… oh look, a giraffe! And an airplane! And, what's this? Tokyo Tower!? Not again… that's the third time this week!

"I like you."

"…"

"…"

"I hate you," Yami said after a while.

"H-hate me?"

"I dunno."

"Then... why did you say it?"

"Spur of the moment thing. You know, sorta like PMS," Yami shrugged.

"I… see? Well, anyways I don't like you, I… I love you!"

"That's like totally kewl, yo." Yami cleared his throat. "However, I cannot return the feelings… My heart belongs to someone else!" He puffed up his chest.

"Oh… well who is it?" Yuugi asked, fidgeting.

"SETO KAIBA!" Yami half screamed. This must be totally importante! Like, muy bien! Oh no… Spanish! Evil language from hell… must die…! RAMEN! What!? Ah, insanity…

"Woah. I mean, WHY?! WHY YAMI WHY!?" Yuugi wailed, dropping to the floor, pounding the ground with his fists.

"Urk, I mean… its JOUNOUICHI!"

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!" Yuugi cried, his sobs increasing by the minute. Everything was going as planned! Kidding!

"It's MAI! No wait… ANZU!" A very LOUD wail. "Ugh… MOKUBA!? HONDA?! RYOU?!…"

And thus, the noise increased, waking up neighbors for five miles around. I mean, everybody in that radius woke up! Anyone who claims otherwise is lying, and deserves a bite in the crotch. Well, for those truthful and yet disturbed people, they didn't realize it was random and meaningless declaration of love for random people. They of course, thought it was young Yuugi recording his infrequent orgasms, and overlapping them to create one big orgasm. The neighbors, however, did not know how many times Yuugi had had an orgasm, and were too frightened to stay for the finished product, shall we say? Thus, the people within that five-mile radius fled, beginning the two-day period of the Dark Ages for that radius. Those were troubled times indeed…

Well, as you can see, the neighbors play a… more intricate role in this tale than our two tri-colored haired heroes. So let's just leave it at that? No maybe not. That was too boring. Well, the hikari kept wailing, and the yami kept on naming names, and that went on until their sound boxes exploded, causing their lungs to fill with blood, eventually killing them. Oh and, how Yami knew so many names will forever be a mystery!

---

There was an odd silence.

"That story sucked nuts!" Heidi yelled.

"Shut up, bitch!" The old lady bellowed. "Don't make me sell you to the whore house! Remember what happened to Maria!?"

"C'mon old hag, spill us a good one!" Cried Fritz.

"Okay, okay! One more… I've gotta get back to sewing a noose…"

---

"Cookies!" Yelled Yuugi. He ran full throttle into the kitchen, but only to run straight into Yami, who was mysteriously carrying all of the cookies. The collision knocked both of them to the ground, causing the cookies to fly up and rain down on them! Oh, what a splendid sight!

"Hah!" Yami laughed. "That was hilarious!" Thus, Yuugi's paranoiac yami burst out into laughter, going through many, many stages. Firstly, there was the maniacal laughter. You gotta have the maniacal laughter! Then there was the silent cackling, followed by the fangirl laughter, followed by the manly hearty laughter, and followed by chipper giggling. And that was it.

"That wasn't funny, Yami!"

"Yes it was, aibou! Stop being so depressing!"

"I can't help it! The bouncy one always is targeted for the incredible depression!"

"Well, Jesus! Lighten up then! If you know you're going to die in two freakin' days, live them to the fullest!"

"Okay, Yami!" Said Yuugi, backed with enough sweet power to even make the biggest fluff supporters barf all over their keyboard! Well, after that, they just kept on laughing and laughing! They eventually died from lack of oxygen. The end.

---

"What kind of dumb ass story was that?" asked Fritz.

"Yea, and why do they always die in the end?" asked Heidi.

"Shut up, youngins!" The old lady screeched, rivaling the utmost screeching powers of a yaoi driven fangirl. "I'm just mocking sappy and depressing romance fics! That one was a parody on the ones that start out all happy, and end in tragedy! What, are you kids daft?! What the fuck do they teach you in school?"

"I'm baaaack!" Said the sing-songy voice of Samuel. "Did I miss anything?"

"No, just a load of shit! Right granny?" said Fritz.

"Oh fine, I'll make up for it! As long as you let me finish my god damn noose!"

---

Weeks had gone by since Yuugi discovered his hidden feelings for his own, special special special yami. I mean, this kid was 100 percent in love with him. It was totally ridiculous, yo! I mean, this kid would do anything for him! Anything! ANYTHING! Do you understand, ANYTHING!

Well, anyways, Yuugi had yet to tell Yami. Yuugi decided to muster up his courage and tell him tonight, after he was done his homework. Why after he was done his homework, because the little hikari was prepared, dammit!

So let's skip a few boring hours and fast-forward to when our little hikari was almost done his homework. The only thing he had to do was… pre-calculus! Oh man, that's pain! Pain in the glain!

"Yuugi, are you almost done your homework?" Yami asked, standing next to Yuugi.

"Yes, Yami. I just don't get my homework!"

"I'll do it for you!" Yami declared, pushing his aibou aside. Yuugi waited patiently as he watched his Yami scribble all over his homework. Yuugi didn't have a clear view, but he hoped it had something to do with his schoolwork. "Finished!" Yami cried, after a few minutes. He straightened up and beamed down at the paper, like it was his own child. Yuugi peeked at it, and was instantly horrified.

What was his neat homework looked like the aftermath of Woodstock! The first few problems were done okay… and were probably near correct. Then, he noticed the numbers started to go off into strange symbols, probably the number system of ancient Egypt. Well, those continued on for a bit, and near the last problem, the lines went totally off, forming a picture of the Dark Magician impaling a Blue Eyes, Change of Heart, and the Egyptian Gods with his staff! It was a rare sight indeed. At the bottom of the page were two figures that resembled Yuugi, holding hands. Then, next to it was some scribbled hiragana reading: I love you, aibou!

Yuugi felt tears sting at his eyes. It was so beautiful! "I love you too, Yami!" Yuugi cried, glomping his unsuspecting yami. Well, as you can imagine, things went… hot from there. Ya know, lip on lip, tongue on skin, body on body action! But we won't get into detail, there could be young children reading this!

It had been two weeks since Yuugi had his first orgasm, but not long since he had his forty-second.

"What are we going to do today, Yami?" Yuugi asked enthusiastically.

"Let's go fishing, koi!"

"Okay!" Yuugi bounced out the door of his yami's room to get changed. He was going to go fishing with his Yami! Why fishing?! You'll find out! But I'll tell you now, I don't even know! Anyway, Yami grinned at his cheerful koi as he left the room. Eventually, that grin turned to a malicious smirk, and some say they could hear a maniacal voice saying: "You're next, bait! Bwahahaha!"

---

A very long silence followed this tale.

"It actually had a point…" Heidi started.

"Up until the end." Samuel finished for her.

"Well, at least they didn't die in the end!" The old lady said. It was true, they didn't die!

"Well, if you read between the lines, Yuugi did!" Said Fritz.

"Shut up boy, before I get out the whip!" The old lady said, probably not meaning it, but it was effective.

Heidi yawned. "You owe us three more good stories tomorrow night granny!" she said, and stomped off to bed.

"Yeah, I'll see you in the morning," Samuel said, standing up, following Heidi.

"Remember granny," Fritz said. "Three more! And they better be good!" And off he went.

The old lady sighed. "Kids these days… ah, well, I'm almost finished my noose!"

---

And that's it! Well, just for those two. Next episode will be: Ryou to Bakura, so yay! But now, time for an inside look on each story, incase you didn't get it…

STORY 1: I read this really great fic once, and it was just like that, only Yami was just in love with Seto, and Yuugi commit suicide in the end. I decided to be fair and have them both die. Most of you are probably familiar with sad fics like that, where Yuugi isn't loved back by his yami… how sad! And because of that sadness, it was completely appropriate to do a parody on it!

STORY 2: Yeah, the generic lets make food scenario. The generic food gets ruined but we still have each other scenario. That was just about it for the beginning. Since I'm only doing three stories per pair, I molded two types of fics into this one. The ending was more incorporated with the fics that look happy and whee-ish, but instead, everybody dies in the end. What fun!

STORY 3: Oh, the homework, sex after homework, relationship after sex scenario is great. There are lots of homework trouble that leads to romance fics out there, so I decided to do one of those. The unsure hikari, the seductive yami, it's all good! Oh and the ending was taken from a video on Teehee1 I'm so bad.

THE OCS: The people made up in this chapter came out of nowhere, a spur of the moment thing. Sure, I could've thrown in a few Japanese names, but I wanted it to be Euro-generic instead. So that's what it is. And yes, the old lady doesn't have a name. And please don't be offended by the way she acts, it's just a spoof on how kind the grandmothers are in those generic Euro-movies.

Well, hoped y'all liked it, and please please please review! I need them to fuel my fires, so I can move onto the next chapter! Luv ya!