Author's Note:
This is a special Graylu story for my Secret Graylu Sib, Clerfait, on tumblr.
I apologize for the delay-and the fact that this story is going to require two chapters because I'm terrible at writing one-shots.
I hope that you enjoy this!
To all my readers: thank you so much for being here. If you have a moment, please post a few words when you're done to let me know what you think!
~Impracticaldemon
\(^u^)/
New Year's Resolution
Once upon a time, there had been four of them—Natsu, Erza, Gray and Lucy. And Natsu's Exceed, Happy, who got annoyed at being overlooked. They had all been young, and rather prone to mistakes of different kinds. Even Erza, who always seemed mature, focused and practical, was only a year older than Natsu and Gray, and Lucy now knew that the warrior could be as prone to emotional upheaval as anyone, under the right circumstances.
They had all become close friends, with bonds that went beyond what mere words could express. Amazingly, even though Natsu and Gray had sort of grown up together, and Erza had joined the two of them when she was still a child, all three of them had treated Lucy as special. Lucy had been very happy at Fairy Tail, until last Christmas.
Chapter 1 - A Kiss Goodbye
Christmas had been a disaster. Well, not a disaster, but not good either. Okay, not exactly bad just… disappointing. Except that for some reason, the disappointment had been crushing.
Last year at around Christmas, Juvia had shocked everyone by getting engaged to Lyon Vastia of Lamia Scale. Lucy had been just as surprised as everyone else. More importantly, she had seen Gray's face when Juvia had made her announcement—he'd looked stunned, as if he'd suddenly realized something very important and it had knocked all the wind out of him. She'd been sitting beside Erza at the time, across from the guys, and her eyes had gone immediately to her dark-haired team-mate. Natsu had summed things up well with his usual combination of genuine kindness tempered by genuine insensitivity:
"That kinda sucks for you, Ice Princess—we all thought that Juvia wanted to marry you! You okay? … Still, I guess she got tired of waiting, huh?"
"Shut up, Natsu. You are the last person in the world to comment about keeping a girl waiting."
Ignoring the stares of his three friends, and the covert and not-so-covert interest of half the guild, Gray had gotten up and walked out. The funny thing was that he hadn't looked angry, or jealous, or even upset, precisely. Lucy remembered thinking that he looked almost frightened, as if he had suddenly become aware of some terrible danger.
After the doors had closed behind Gray, Natsu had turned to Lucy and Erza.
"I guess he really is upset, huh?"
Erza had nodded slowly. Then she had smiled at Lucy:
"We should go congratulate Juvia; she needs to know that we're her friends no matter what, right?"
"Right!" Lucy had dragged her eyes off the door and hopped up, trying to seem more like herself.
"Right!" Natsu had given both women his brilliant, unmatchable grin. "She's been an important member of our team and Fairy Tail, so yeah—of course!"
The three of them had clustered around Juvia, who had brightened up at their approach. Mirajane had been admiring the glittering, new bracelet on Juvia's left wrist, trying to make up for the way that everyone else had been staring, but obviously the water elementalist was most worried about those who were closest to her—and closest to Gray. Fortunately, Natsu could always be counted on for enthusiasm, Erza was far kinder-hearted than she appeared, and Lucy… Lucy had been genuinely happy. For some reason, she had felt as though a shadow had lifted from her own heart. It had been troubling.
Of course there had been an impromptu party, and of course Natsu had complained about Gray not being there to brawl with (not that he had put it that way), and of course Erza had dragged Natsu off by the ear to "remind" him that it wasn't very nice to mention the man who had been Juvia's violent crush for the past two years. Lucy had found herself drifting from person to person, drinking some kind of blue-coloured drink and smiling.
After an hour—because she had made herself wait that long—she had told Erza that she was going to check on Gray. Erza had given her a very level look and insisted on walking her to the door.
"You just want to make sure he's okay?"
"Well… yeah, of course." It had been a lie. She just hadn't quite realized it.
"Give him my regards," Erza had said, watching Lucy shrug into her jacket and pull on bright blue gloves.
"Um, sure."
"Be patient."
Erza's eyes had seemed to be searching hers, and Lucy had made a show of adjusting her scarf in order to look away.
"… Patient?"
"Good night, Lucy. See you tomorrow."
For some reason, Erza had given Lucy a quick hug goodnight before turning in a swirl of bright red hair and going back inside. Puzzled, Lucy had blinked at the door for a moment, before shaking her head and walking off. In retrospect, Erza had understood things better than she had.
Gray wasn't at home and he wasn't out drinking at any of the nearby bars. Despite growing anxiety, Lucy had reluctantly given up and walked home, shivering with cold and unsettled about her strange reaction to Juvia's announcement. After an hour walking around in the cold and dark, she had finally identified her main feelings as relief and happiness. The problem was that it hadn't been happiness for Juvia and Lyon. It had just been… happiness. That had made no sense, at the time. Although she'd never been sure exactly how Gray felt about Juvia, he had finally seemed to be returning the water mage's very persistent, but genuine interest. Moreover, he had always looked out for Juvia in his own way, maybe because he had been the reason that she'd overcome enough of her unhappy past to be able to make the decision to join Fairy Tail. Juvia truly loved having friends.
"Mind if I come in?"
Gray had stepped out of the shadows as she had reached her own doorstep, and she had been so immersed in thought that she had gasped and jumped at the polite question. Embarrassed, she had snapped out the first thing that had come to mind:
"Where the heck were you anyway? Everyone was worried about you!"
"I was waiting for you. I figured you'd be a while so I a walked around a bit first. Then I came here."
His voice had been strangely disinterested, as if he were just going through the motions by answering her question. That oddness had made Lucy quickly turn the key so that they could both go in. Once in her apartment, she'd pointed him at a place to sit at the table and made hot cocoa. She remembered having wondered whether Gray even drank the stuff, but it had seemed like the right thing to do. He'd said nothing at all until she'd put a mug in front of him and sat down with her own.
"So, um, are you doing okay? I mean, not that you have to talk about it or anything… but if you need a friend to talk to then I'm here."
Lucy had tried to sound casual, even though her mouth had been dry and her fingers had been a little unsteady as she'd sipped at her cocoa. Even then, she hadn't quite figured out what was going on.
"Yeah, thanks," Gray had answered, in the same slightly mechanical tones. "Good cocoa—I haven't had any in ages." He'd given her a rather awful smile.
"Oh, good… I mean that it's good—the cocoa, I mean…"
Lucy remembered that part perfectly; she'd babbled like an idiot. She'd caught herself staring at the Fairy Tail mark on Gray's upper right chest, and she was pretty sure that she had blushed like an idiot, too. He had been wearing a slightly dressy, navy blue collared shirt, but it had been hanging open over his favourite dark jeans so that most of his lean, muscled torso and well-defined abdomen had been on display. Nothing new, right? Nothing different to account for the weird tightness in Lucy's chest.
"Anyway, I wanted you to know: I'm going away for a while. I figured you could tell the others."
"Oh sure," Lucy had murmured automatically in response, before his words had impinged.
She didn't think she'd imagined the dark shadow that had seemed to cross his face at her casual answer, but whatever he'd said next had been lost as she'd all but dropped her mug onto the table as his words had sunk in:
"Wait—what?!" She'd reached out halfway across the table to him with one hand, while waving the other one in a rather wild gesture of denial. "You can't go! I mean… why would you go? Juvia probably won't even be around much, and we can, you know, go out on missions, right? I mean, with Natsu and Erza, of course."
Gray had sat perfectly still, his thin, dark brows drawn down into a slight vee, as though there was something he didn't quite understand or didn't know how to explain. Heedless, Lucy had rushed on:
"Or, if you feel like you need to get out of town for a bit, that's fine too, but you don't need to say it like it's going to be months and months or something, you know?"
"I think Juvia needs a chance to be happy. And… even Lyon I guess, though he acts like he's got an icicle stuck up his butt most of the time. Plus…" Gray had paused and swallowed before going on. "Plus, the pink-haired dork'll look after you, right?"
"Right, sure, no problem," Lucy had said quickly, trying to deal with the prickling cold that seemed to be closing around her heart. "So, I'll tell the others. When will you be back? Because, um, they'll want to know."
She'd tried to look perky, and not as though the answer to that question had suddenly meant far too much to her. She'd found out later that her acting job had been too successful. Gray had eyed her for a long, thoughtful moment, and then he'd set down his mug. He'd finished all the cocoa—funny the details she remembered. Or maybe not. She could picture pretty much everything about that night.
"Oh, I'm really not sure when I'll be back," Gray had told her, rising to his feet. "Could be a few months, maybe longer, hard to say. Besides, you get along great with Juvia, right? I'm sure she can, you know, persuade Lyon to join you on missions from time to time—he'll make sure that Flame Head's ego doesn't get too big for his puny mind to handle. "
It was as if all sensation had left her. Detached, moving numbly, she'd walked him to the apartment door, which was weird in itself when she'd considered it later—after all, the guys always behaved like her place was their own, so she'd given up treating them like guests ages before. She'd smiled and nodded and… sparkled… covering shock with forced cheerfulness.
They'd stood awkwardly for a few minutes—it was the one part of the whole episode that Lucy couldn't clearly recall—and then Gray had suddenly caught her face in his cool, slightly rough hands and bent down, whispering so softly that she'd barely made out what he'd said:
"I'm sorry, Luce, I'm so sorry… I tried…"
She'd felt warm breath on her cheek the moment before he'd kissed her, hard, on the lips, one hand sliding behind her head to tangle briefly in her hair. Caught wholly off guard, she'd frozen as though he'd summoned ice magic. Before her brain had sorted out her reaction and told her that she really, really didn't mind and why hadn't she realized sooner, Gray had released her face, closed his dark eyes for a just a second, and then run off down the stairs. The outside door had banged open, there had been a gust of cold air, and… then he'd been gone.
Lucy had gone through the first two months of Gray's absence with a strange kind of half-alive feeling. It hadn't made any sense. They'd been good friends, good partners, but that was all. She'd relied on him, felt safe with him, had known that he'd always do whatever he could for her. Just like with Natsu and Erza—and those two had been far more demonstrative than Gray.
Despite his constant fights with Natsu, Gray had always been the more serious of the two. He'd accepted Lucy from the start, but without Natsu's unabashed enthusiasm or Erza's vibrant warmth. Rather, it had been a steady kind of acceptance, the kind that never made Lucy feel like an idiot, even when her magical skills had proven to be far below those of her companions.
When the guild had fought Phantom Lord, and Gray had battled and—in some way—saved Juvia, Lucy had been as taken aback as anyone when the beautiful and powerful blue-haired woman had fallen head over heels in love with the ice mage. Not that Gray didn't attract women—he did—but with his friends and partners he wasn't romantic in any way, so Lucy had never seen Gray in the same way as those other women, or Juvia. Juvia herself was tremendously romantic, of course. Once they'd become friends, Lucy had heard of her tragic childhood and the unhappy path she had followed until meeting Fairy Tail—meaning Gray—in battle.
Despite their friendship, the water elementalist had always maintained that Lucy was a "love rival" for Gray's affections. Lucy had always scoffed at this, but it had never made a difference to Juvia. As February's dreary skies lightened into March's promise of spring, Juvia had taken the unusual step of coming to Lucy's apartment one afternoon to ask after Gray. She had been as perfectly turned out as always, but it was such an everyday thing with Juvia that Lucy had stopped feeling self-conscious around her a long time ago. Mostly.
"Have you heard from Gray-sama, Lucy-san?"
Lucy had shaken her head, and then asked the obvious question:
"And you, Juvia—do you have any news?"
"Juvia does not have any news. But Gray-sama did write to Juvia after he lieft, to congratulate Juvia because he had not done so at Christmas. That was all."
"Oh."
"You will have to be patient, Lucy-san." The blue-haired woman had stared at her quite intently. "To be honest… Juvia came here to ask how Lucy-san was doing. Because Lucy-san is Juvia's friend and she is sad."
"Oh, I'm fine," Lucy had said. The words had sounded unconvincing, even to her. "I mean, sure, I'm sorry that Gray took off like that, but Natsu and Erza and I can take jobs and pay the bills—well, not that they aren't awfully destructive though…"
Juvia had waved an elegant, perfectly tapered hand dismissively.
"No. You are not fine."
Both women had looked at each other for a moment, caught by surprise by Juvia's use of a pronoun, rather than a proper name. Juvia had blushed. Lucy, in an effort to change the subject, had asked about wedding plans. She was going to be a bridesmaid, and was already in love with her dress, even though it wasn't actually finished yet.
Juvia had answered Lucy's questions on the wedding, but had returned to her original point before leaving, much to Lucy's discomfort.
"Lucy-san, are you sad because Gray-sama isn't here?"
"Yes." Lucy had blurted out the answer, and it had hung there in the air between them.
"Then will you let Juvia tell you about Gray-sama, just a little? Because, Lucy-san is Juvia's friend?"
"Okay."
Lucy had felt her chest and stomach tighten, wondering what Gray's most ardent-previously most ardent—fan had to say about him.
"Gray-sama loves his friends. That is the most important thing in Fairy Tail, is that not true? To love one's friends? To be like a family?"
Juvia's tone had almost been pleading. Hesitantly, Lucy had nodded. It had been a fair description of the foundation on which Fairy Tail's true strength had been built.
"Then, you see, Lucy-san, that Gray does not want to hurt his friends. He does not want to hurt Natsu-san, who is his best friend. But Natsu-san brought Lucy-san to the guild and Gray-sama sees that the two of them are very close. Also, Lucy-san seems to like Natsu-san a lot, and she keeps insisting that Juvia is not a love rival."
"But I wasn't in love with anyone!" Lucy had protested, hands clenched tightly on top of her legs to prevent her from jumping up and pacing, or maybe kicking something. "Everthing was fine the way it was!"
Juvia smiled a little sadly at Lucy. "But it was not fine for everyone, Juvia thinks. So Gray-sama tries to be kind to Juvia, and he tries to be just friends with Lucy-san, because he doesn't want Natsu-san or Lucy-san to be upset. Juvia has spent a long time watching Gray-sama. Juvia thinks that Juvia was not wrong: Gray –sama was in love with Lucy-san."
As Lucy buried her face behind her teacup, Juvia fell silent. Neither of the women had said much during the rest of Juvia's short visit. Lucy had wanted to deny Juvia's words, but how could she? Eventually, Lucy had found herself escorting another friend to the door. At the last minute, she had detained Juvia with a touch.
"Why didn't he tell me before he left?" Lucy hated to be so vulnerable, but she didn't understand what had happened and it seemed like Juvia did. "I mean, I would have understood if he'd been disappointed about you and Lyon…"
Once again, Juvia had looked sad, and then she had touched her bracelet from Lyon and smiled gently.
"Juvia thinks that Gray-sama had finally decided to love Juvia, because Lucy-san was not for him and everyone wanted him to love Juvia." The gentle smile had brightened into something charming and a little wicked. Having somebody to love her back had given Juvia a little more self-confidence lately, which was a good thing. "And then, just as Gray decided that he would make Juvia happy, Juvia says that she will marry Lyon-sama, and Gray-sama knows that he should be sad and angry, but he isn't. He realizes that he is still in love with Lucy-san, and she still has no idea, and Gray-sama is not as brave as Juvia."
"Not as… brave?"
Juvia had shaken her head briskly.
"No. Because if Gray-sama had not been too afraid of losing his friendships and being a fool—and he hates to be a fool—then Gray-sama would have told Lucy-san the truth a long time ago." Juvia had paused, and then added smugly: "I did not mind being a fool, and even though Lucy-san's friendship means a lot to me, and the friendships of everyone at Fairy Tail, of course, I would always be honest with the person I love."
"And are you sure you love Lyon?" Lucy had asked, feeling unaccountably defensive.
"Yes! Juvia does love Lyon-sama." Juvia had given Lucy a roguish look, although it had been shy at the same time. "Lyon-sama has a lot in common with Juvia. Juvia enjoys looking nice for Lyon-sama. Lyon-sama makes Juvia feel loved. He even kissed Juvia!"
Lucy saw her friend's blush and laughed. "I hope he has if he's going to marry you! You deserve to be happy, Juvia."
"Thank you," replied Juvia, with a dainty curtsy. "I hope you get a chance to be kissed soon too, Lucy-san."
In April there had been cherry blossoms on the trees, and the magical rainbow tree had looked particularly beautiful. Lucy had gone with Natsu to the town festival, remembering when Natsu had brought the rainbow tree to her because she'd been too sick to go to the tree. She truly loved her excitable, impetuous partner—and she thought that he loved her—but she wasn't in love with him, and he didn't seem to demand that sort of affection. Not that she had been very perceptive about such things with Gray or anyone else, apparently.
She had watched the sparkling, brilliantly-coloured tree with Natsu and Erza, but when she'd looked at her friends it had occurred to her that of the four of them, only Natsu's happiness seemed entirely clear and untainted. Gray was gone—supposedly due to blighted love, but love of who?—and Erza had been very quiet. Lucy had thought she was missing Jellal, the strange, blue-haired man who had done terrible things, but couldn't remember most of them.
Lucy herself had been remembering a short, passionate, unhappy kiss. Looking around at the lovers in the crowd—and there had been a few from the guild, such as hulking Gajeel and petite Levy, fingers laced tightly together—Lucy had finally, fully admitted that she wanted to be kissed again. When would Gray come back? What would she do when he did?
On the way home, with Erza striding ahead and Happy flitting high above, Natsu had surprised her by giving her a quick one-armed hug around the shoulders. His pink hair had looked like cotton candy in the gentle spring moonlight.
"Aw, I miss Gray too, Lucy. Try not to worry: he'll be back. He's probably just practicing 'cause he doesn't want to get pounded the next time he takes me on. You know he won't be able to stay away from Fairy Tail forever."
Lucy had hugged him back, a little cheered, as well as reminded that Natsu noticed quite a lot when he wasn't caught up in fighting somebody or something. He was a good man.
That night she had dreamed of snow and hot chocolate and sadness. When she had finally gotten up and made herself tea, in defiance of the dream, she had thought of Erza's counsel, echoed by Juvia: be patient.
END
A/Note: See you next Chapter! Thank you for reading. :)
