Author's Note: Here are some Darcy-centric AU's because I can't, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, stay focused on any story ideas of mine. At least with these I can do quick little ONE-SHOTS and I'm done with it.
As the summary states, all of these are neighbor AU's. Each chapter is a different scenario/it's own mini-story. Some will have Darcy living in a nice little suburb and others will have her living in an apartment building or whatever. In some chapters, Darcy will know some of the Marvel characters/will already be friends with them, and in other chapters she will have no idea who any of them are. Sound good? Good.
Prompt: I just found out that you're the asshole who has been stealing my coupons from the Sunday newspaper every week and I am going to make. you. PAY! AU
Characters: Pre-Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanova, Jane Foster, Maria Hill
Tags: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Human, Friendship, Humor, Pranking
Darcy's trudging up the stairs of her building to the eighth floor, shoes in hand and wearing borrowed pajamas from Natasha's on-again/off-again boyfriend Clint. Ladies night had been one for the books and instead of drunkenly heading back home to her place at four in the morning, she had crashed with the other drunk ladies at Natasha's house.
Thankfully the rather intimidating redhead made her, Jane and Maria chug water before they had passed out, so the worst of their hangovers didn't make an appearance. However, trudging up the stairs because the elevator was down for maintenance, even with a non-sickening hangover, was still pretty killer.
The dark metal door with a white painted eight on it has never looked so heavenly and Darcy pushes through it with a content sigh. She passes a couple of doors before taking a right at the end of the hall and after passing yet another couple of doors, she stumbles to a halt. Brow furrowing, Darcy watches a figure crouched right next to her door.
"Hey!" She only has a moment of satisfaction as the creep jerks and bangs his elbow on the wall, her smug grin falling the second she lays on his face. He's actually kind of cute, even in sweaty workout clothes and dark hair pulled back into a knot at the back of his head, but the now crumpled papers in his hands remind her not to go all.. gooey at the sight of a pretty smile. Blue eyes stare up at her as she steps forward with determination in each step and the scruff covering his very chiseled jaw is quite distracting, but still.. "So you're the asshole who has been stealing my coupons from the Sunday newspaper every week."
He blinks once.. and then twice, and his smile turns rather rakish. "Now, sweetheart, this is not what it looks like," he says.
She gulps and strengthens her resolve. Do not fall for a pretty face. Do not fall for a pretty face! "Yeah, well, try saying that again when said coupons are not clenched tight in hand." Both of them do a double take to said hand and Darcy mentally scolds herself for not noticing something pretty significant about the hand holding her coupons. "A pretty sweet, metal hand, but still your hand nonetheless!" She babbles. He immediately drops the paper with a sheepish grin and tries to hide his arm behind him, and Darcy immediately feels bad for pointing out the prosthetic. But then she remembers about her coupons and closes the rest of the distance between them, she then fishing out a small key from her pocket to jab it in it's keyhole. "I don't know who you are, but I will find you," she says and he snorts after the words register with him, "and I will make. you. pay!"
Darcy enters her apartment with a flourish, slamming the door behind her without a second thought and drops her heels by the door. Not allowing herself to feel bad for the coupon thief outside, Darcy heads for the kitchen and worries about pulling together a meal that will satisfy her stomach.
It only takes a day to figure out that the coupon thief is one James Barnes and is apparently the roommate to her neighbor Steve Rogers (aka the man who's too sweet and good looking for his own good, and the same man who Darcy might have had a thing for ever since she moved in months ago). And while James, call me Bucky, had such flirtatious remarks every time he bumped into her in the hall, the flirting was only ever in good humor.
Still, as the weeks slowly pass, Darcy is sure to let him and Steve know that the thieving of her coupons was not appreciated. Aghast, Steve had taken Darcy's side and was sure to make his best friend feel bad, but Darcy would merely smirk and tell him not to worry because Bucky had his coming. So that's how, three weeks later as the boys are helping Darcy haul up her groceries, Darcy hears about Bucky moaning about his ritualistic bath and how he can't wait to soak and nap when they get back to their apartment.
Yeah. She knows what she's going to do to him now.
.xXx.
She's awake way earlier than she normally wakes, waiting for Steve to walk through the hall so she could stop him. Both he and Bucky both left at the same time for their early morning workouts, but Steve usually returned first to shower and then Bucky would show up a good hour later to a free bathroom and food waiting on the table.
She only has to wait for a few minutes before she sees Steve's unusually sweaty form pass by, she then hurriedly yanking her door open and calling out. "Rogers! Come here a sec, will 'ya?"
The blonde man stops and turns, his eyebrows raised in surprised. "Lewis? What are you doing awake at this hour?"
"Waiting for you, obviously." Darcy rolls her eyes, but grins at him nonetheless. "Now come here. Hurry." She retreats into her apartment and Steve follows seconds later. After the door's shut behind him, Steve steps further into her familiar domain and finds her rummaging through a small wicker basket. "So you know how Bucky likes to take relaxing baths after his run? Well I need you to drop this in his bath when he's all sleepy and compliant in that warm bath water of his."
As she turns to face him with her hand outstretched, Steve glances down to see a silver, shimmery star in the palm of her hand. "Um. What's that?"
"Bath bomb," she shrugs. "After the thieving of my coupons and weeks of living on a tight budget, I think your bestie deserves to look.. fabulous. Don't you think?"
Steve takes the star and chuckles. "You've never actually forgiven him, have you?"
"A budget, Steve. A budget! I had to live without my Ho-Ho's for weeks!"
"Mhm." Steve closes his fingers around the star and glances up at her. "And if I do this, what do I get in return?" He's the picture of innocence as he asks, but Darcy knows better. He's as much of a little shit as his friend. "I can't betray my best friend for nothing, doll."
Darcy crosses her arms over her chest and purses her lips in contemplation. Her hip juts out to one side and she sighs in resignation. "I'll make those raspberry thumbprint cookies you're so fond of."
"Deal!"
Beaming victoriously, Darcy reaches forward and squeezes Steve rather impressive bicep with a little shake. "You're the best, Rogers. Now get out of my apartment. You're sweaty and gross, and I need a few more hours of sleep before I start baking."
Taking her hand back, Darcy wipes her palm against her pajama clad leg and Steve laughs as he makes his retreat.
.xXx.
Though Darcy tried her best to fall back asleep, her plans were dashed when the girls started blowing up her phone. They had apparently planned to have breakfast together, but not breakfast that they could eat at a diner or anything. No. They wanted to make breakfast and Darcy's apartment had been made the destination. So after crawling back out of bed and into the shower, Darcy's just made herself presentable when Natasha, Jane and Maria are helping themselves through the front door without so much as a knock to announce their presence.
"Hey, Darce, Steve's friend is single, right?" Jane asks as she sets bags of groceries on the table. "He and Natasha kept giving each other the side-eye on the way up here."
"Barnes is back?" Darcy perks up, grinning. "Excellent."
Jane, Natasha and Maria pause in unloading their breakfast ingredients, Natasha's own gaze narrowing just the slightest. "What did you do? You're way too chipper about your supposed archenemy."
Darcy's lips twitch. "You'll just have to wait and see. And yes, Janie, robo-cop is single. Natasha is free to climb him like a tree, but only if Clint is truly out of the picture. I like Barton and I, maybe, like Barnes. I don't want to see either guy hurt."
Maria snorts. "Nat and Clint haven't been a thing for a while, Lewis. Clint's shacked up with a nice girl now."
"What? But he-"
"He's my best friend," Natasha grins. "We have history, both good and bad, and he's welcome in my life whenever," she shrugs. "Laura understands our closeness and has even started to spend some time with me. I've introduced her to Maria and was working my way up to you and Jane."
Jane brightens. "Does that mean we'll have a fifth for Ladies Night?"
"Yes. Clint's kind of bummed, though. He knows how legendary our nights tend to get and is quite jealous he won't be part of them."
As Jane and Maria fall into their own conversation about Laura and introductions, Natasha sidles up to Darcy with a small smile. "You really didn't know Clint and I were done?"
She shakes her head. "No. He's always around, so I just figured you guys were on a good streak."
"We work better as friends. We finally admitted it to ourselves and during that last break of ours, Clint met Laura. She's really sweet. You'll like her."
Darcy rolls her eyes and nudges Natasha with her elbow. "Of course I will. Clint has excellent taste in women."
Conversation picks back up between the four of them as they start prepping ingredients for breakfast, and Darcy's pulled from the prep when her phone's text message alert goes off. No one utters a word as Darcy gets sidetracked, she picking up her phone and swiping through the alert. The message there brings a smile to her face.
From Steve: To Darcy.
The bath bomb has been dropped. I repeat, the bath bomb has been dropped.
To Steve: From Darcy.
How did you manage it? Didn't he question the bubbling?
From Steve: To Darcy.
He did. Told him it was some new muscle relaxing compound.
He sunk deep enough to submerge his hair after that.
The mental picture of Steve standing over the tub while Bucky was submerged beneath the water brought a pretty blush to her cheeks, but she quickly chastised herself and mentally scrubbed the picture from her mind. The two of them were the best of friends, friends since they were in diapers apparently, and they were quite comfortable around one another. There was totally nothing dirty about it.
From Steve: To Darcy.
You gonna protect me when he tries to murder me, sweetheart?
After all, I am doing your bidding.
To Steve: From Darcy.
In exchange for cookies, Steven!
From Steve: To Darcy.
Hmm. I don't know. I think the price needs to be higher.
To Steve: From Darcy.
The deed's been done. You should have negotiated before you betrayed your bestie.
Her phone is silent for a few minutes, just long enough to think that Steve got sidetracked, but before she can start helping with breakfast again, her phone pings in hand.
From Steve: To Darcy.
Have coffee with me. A date.
Or not a date. Just.. coffee with a friend..?
Darcy's eyes widen as she reads the message over and over. She's had a ridiculous crush on Steve ever since she moved in and he offered to help bring up her furniture, but she never had the nerve to make the first move. Steve, too, sometimes seemed like he was into her, but he never made a move and the two had been dancing around each other for quite some time now.
"Why are you all flustered?" Jane suddenly asks. "And staring at your phone as if you've just seen a ghost."
"I- I think-" She stammers and garners the other two women's attention as well. "I think Steve just asked me out on a date."
"Finally," Natasha huffs. "We were this close," she says, indicating just how close with her thumb and forefinger less than an inch apart, "to locking the two of you in a closet somewhere."
Darcy's squawks. "What?!"
Jane nods. "You two are the most oblivious idiots. You should just skip the date and bone already. The ust is real with you two."
Darcy opens her mouth to respond, but her phone pinging again draws her attention.
From Steve: To Darcy.
I just made it weird, didn't I?
You know what, just forget I asked.
To Steve: From Darcy.
No! Sorry, I just-
I was shocked. I didn't think you'd want to go on a date with me, but yes.
I'll go on a date with you.
From Steve: To Darcy.
Great! I'll text you later when and where.
Feeling content and a little over excited now, Darcy doesn't bother to reply. Instead, she looks up and is met with three different smug smiles. "Shutup and get to cooking. I'm starving!"
.xXx.
Darcy and the girls are cleaning up the kitchen after the mess they made when the apartment door can be heard being opened, all four women freezing and determining whether or not there is any danger when a towel clad Bucky- still dripping water from his hair and every rippling muscle- stomps into the kitchen, and a silently laughing Steve trailing after him. The dark haired, towel clad body has a moment of shock at four gazes staring at him instead of one- he not knowing the women from earlier were friends of Darcy- but at the sight of Darcy, his anger seeps back in.
"Lewis! What. The. Hell?!" Darcy snorts, eyes twinkling with laughter as her friends finally relax. "There's glitter.. everywhere!"
"That's the point, Buck-o. Glitter bath bomb. You're welcome." His eyes widen and his body tenses- his flesh hand gripping the ends of the towel together at his hip- when he notices a leering gazes sweeping up and down his body. "How'd you find out it was me?" She then asks.
Bucky gulps and manages to divert his gaze from the redhead. "Stevie's a shit liar. Didn't take me long to figure it out." Darcy finally laughs, she clapping a hand over her mouth. "How'd 'ya do it? How'd 'ya get the jerk to betray me like that?"
"Cookies, Barnes. Raspberry thumbprint cookies and don't even pretend you don't like the sparkles. You look fabulous." His muscles twitch and flex at her words, and she rolls her eyes at the movement. "Go get dressed, you goober. You're testing Nat's will to not take advantage of a scantily clad man. A scantily clad man, who I might add, has caught her interest. Now go!"
Darcy points back towards her door, her lips twitching as Bucky eyes Nat one last time before beating a hasty retreat. Steve takes his time, however, and smiles beautifully at her. "How about we change that coffee date to a dinner date? Say seven tonight?"
"Seven's fine, Steve. Now go keep an eye on Barnes, please. You gotta keep me in the loop so I'll know if there's any retaliation in my near future."
The beautiful smiles melts into a teasing smirk. "Oh, doll. You have no idea what you just started, do you? Buck's a pranking fiend. It's best to sleep with one eye open from now on."
Darcy's head falls back with a groan. "Fudge.. my life."
I guess it's safe to say that Laura started joining in on Ladies Night, Nat and Bucky became a thing after Steve and Darcy made it official, and Darcy and Bucky entered the Prank War of 2017 that they're sure everyone's future grandbabies will be talking about.
