Earplugs

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Humor. Blame SeraphChronoMage for inspiring the plot bunny.

In a rather dark and musty place in the Underworld a large amount of crashing sounds were echoing. The entire Underworld had been leveled about ten minutes earlier and far more thoroughly though so the surrounding ghouls merely blinked.

Perhaps there was a club or something.

The figure doing the smashing wasn't usually that violent. In fact had the wanton destruction been perpetrated by another she would have delivered a stern lecture of several minutes in length. Even though she was doing it herself quite effectively.

"Tifa would you please watch where you're throwing that? This stuff is fragile and expensive!"

The girl in pink had almost gotten beaned by a section of…something….and was squawking indignantly, gesticulating wildly with the gigantic bag she had drapped over herself. But she did not attempt to dodge. Perhaps her depth perception was off.

The other girl blinked. And blinked again.

"But…but…they…he…" she broke off sobbing dramatically, the sound very loud and thoroughly unattractive, unfeminine sniffles rather than the delicacy of wet lashes which were a woman's emergency weapon. The beast of burden would have none of it.

"Who did what where and why." The demand was sharp, not even a question.

"Cloud and…and him!! They were…doing things…" More wailing. A nearby banshee shuddered and pulled out orange foam earplugs.

"Things? Where?Can you describe the things?" Aeris was bright eyed and flushed, those two doing things….!!

Tifa sobbed more, throwing herself on the ground and grabbing a handful of Aeris' skirt to blow her nose. Loudly.

Two more banshees produced green and yellow foam earplugs.

"They were…their hands were…oh it's so terrible! I can't believe it!"

Preoccupied by the conversation, the flower girl had yet to notice the skirt wadded against Tifa's nose.

"Yes, its overwhelming I know…where were their hands now?"

"I can't say! Cloud is mine! He can't just take him from me!"

"There, there, Tifa dear. Lots of good fish in the sea…where are they now…?"

"He was MINE!! How can he be doing unspeakable things in Hades thrown room with that man!!"

"Hades thrown room you say? Oh good I am so glad it wasn't just a rumor…I wish I had been at that coffee shop…"

A pause. More wailing. Pink, blue, and white foam earplugs appeared.

"Tifa."

"WHAT?"

"May I please have my skirt? I'm flashing the Underworld wraiths and the fat one over there is drooling."

"Oh."

"Yes dear. Thank you. At least it was the sparkly thong…Well I'm off to the thrown room…would you like a copy of the tape dear?"

"He was mine! Mine! Mine!"

"I'll make you one. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. Bye dear."

A purple foam earplug appeared. Aeris waddled off in the direction of where Hades' thrown room had once been, pulling a tripod out of her bag.

Tifa continued to sit and wail.

The banshees made an emergency trip to Walmart to buy more earplugs.

The End