Just got the series three finale here in the UK, and though I thought it was pretty good, I would have appreciated some more Huddy-loving. I mean, it is bordering on inevitable, is it not?
Anyways, I have reworked the scene with House and Marina's husband to reflect the way I would have liked to see the episode end…
House is looking at Marina's sleeping form, a cigar in his hand, and a self-satisfied smirk on his face. Cuddy enters the doorway, but House does not see her at first.
Cuddy: Cigars? In a patient's room? (House turns and sees her) Do I have to tell you just why that's a bad idea, or shall we both pretend I already have, and you didn't listen to me?
House: You'd have a job convincing anybody that the conversation went any other way.
(Cuddy doesn't bother to reply to that one, and instead settles herself into the vacant chair beside House.)
Cuddy: (Noting the extra cigar and glass) Where's the husband?
House: You just sat on him.
(Cuddy raises an eyebrow.)
House: He's using the phone. Had plenty of people to inform about the new deity in town. (Stretches out happily in chair, and puts cigar in mouth.)
Cuddy: (Coughing at smoke) You're not God, House, because, thankfully, we don't live in a world where size of ego is directly proportional to extent of power.
House: You're right – I'm not God – I'm just better than him.
(Once again, Cuddy recognises that she is being goaded. After a pause, she decides to change the subject.)
Cuddy: Well, you've managed to surpass yourself today.
House: I was just thinking the same thing. Even I couldn't have predicted a third ostium.
Cuddy: Actually, I was talking about your staff situation. I mean, legal battles, pissed-off cops – nothing is beyond you, but losing an entire department? That must have taken some skill.
House: Not really; just a little persistence and an extreme Vicodin addiction.
Cuddy: Why'd you do it, House?
House: (Mock defensive) Hey! I only fired one of them!
Cuddy: Okay, so maybe Foreman wasn't entirely your fault, but you must have known that even Cameron wouldn't take Chase's dismissal lying down.
House: I could make some crude joke there, but I think it'd be a waste of time, considering my new found God-powers.
(For a moment, Cuddy looks as though she is going to shout, but instead, she visibly calms herself.)
Cuddy: Even God needs his angels, House.
House: (Mock hurt) Ouch. First I lose my entire team, and then you take the role of Metaphor Man. I feel somewhat redundant. And Chase in a silky white toga? (Shudders.)
Cuddy: (Still remarkably calm) Chase said you told him it was "time for a change".
House: So, with that established, why are you asking me why I did it?
Cuddy: (Incredulous) Right, so I'll go replace your carpet now, shall I?
House: (Starting to become annoyed.) Why do you care? We both know that no one stays in that kind of job for more than a few years anyway. There are plenty of eager young doctors out there to replace them!
Cuddy: House, it's not that that I care about. All three of them were good doctors, but you're right, we can replace them pretty easily. What I'm trying to figure out is why you got rid of them. You – the man who's more scared of change, than a congealing reminder of being shot!
House: (Sarcastic) Right, can't you see me quaking with fear?
Cuddy: It's okay to be scared.
House: (Swallowing temper.) It's a job. It's not too terrifying. (Calmly replaces cigar in mouth.)
Cuddy: (Quietly) And your contract states that you have to spend the night at work, desperately searching for the answer to a case everyone else has given up on? This is more than a job to you.
(House does not reply. His face remains blank. It is clear that the conversation is over. Cuddy walks to the door, but pauses on her way out.)
Cuddy: You know, when Foreman told me why he was quitting, I told him that there were worse things to turn into than you. When I think of you, I don't think of you being an evil, uncaring monster. I think of you as a lifesaver. And a damn good one, at that. (Pauses.) As long as you're doing what you do best, I reckon you'll be just fine.
(She leaves. House looks a little warmer. After a few seconds, Cuddy reappears in the doorway.)
Cuddy: (Incredulous) That's it? No cutting insult? No making fun of the fact that I admitted to thinking about you?
House: I thought I'd let you have the last word.
Cuddy: (Smiles) Well, that does make a change. (Leaves again.)
(House smiles at the now empty doorway, and we cut to the new guitar thang.)
Please review. I would be so grateful. This was a real labour of love.
