Disclaimer: I don't own Scarecrow and Mrs. King or any of its characters (Much as it pains me to admit it), but it's fun to play with them sometimes. Nobody pays me for this, but it doesn't stop me. ;)
Explanation: I've been following Iwsod's blog, Just Walk With Me, and some of us were talking about extra scenes that we'd like to see in the episode Over the Limit. Among the things that we'd have liked to see in that episode were more of a wrap-up with Leslie and more of Lee and Amanda, leading up to his dinner invitation. So, I decided to provide these scenes myself. (For others following this blog: See guys, I even included an explanation for the baked potato!)
I was also inspired by something that Dotty said in Playing Possum: "I know when you're troubled, Amanda. You don't eat, you don't sleep, and you bite your nails."
No Shop Talk
By Jestress
The debriefing was taking entirely too long, Lee thought as he drummed his fingers and stared across the conference room table at Amanda. She didn't look at him. First, she had sat across the table from him instead of sitting next to him like she usually did, and now she wasn't even looking at him.
Amanda just looked at Billy as she explained how she had gotten to the cannery ahead of Lee and Francine, how she had hit Towne with a board and knocked him out, and above all, how she had shot the pulley that brought down the net on O'Keefe.
"Excellent!" Billy said, beaming. "Those shooting lessons are really starting to pay off. Keep up the good work!"
"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir," Amanda said.
Billy looked pleased, but Lee could detect less enthusiasm in Amanda's voice than normal. Praise of any kind usually caused Amanda to perk up, but not today.
"That really was great!" Francine said. "O'Keefe never even saw it coming."
"Thank you, Francine," Amanda said.
Even Francine's compliments, which were rare and only given when truly earned, failed to make Amanda do more than give her a brief smile. Amanda gave Lee the tiniest of glances and then looked away.
Lee knew that she probably hadn't liked what she'd seen in his face, but he couldn't help it. She hadn't listened to him, hadn't done what he'd told her, had taken an enormous risk all by herself, and was now sitting where he couldn't reach her, not even looking at him. Probably because she knew that if he could reach her, he'd want to shake some sense into her.
"And, from what I hear, the Sullivans are extremely grateful to you," Billy said. "Excellent work, Amanda!"
"Thank you, sir!"
The mention of the Sullivans did cause Amanda to perk up. She'd been right all along about Elizabeth, and she was proud that she was able to prove that Elizabeth had nothing to do with the bombing. Lee had to admit that Amanda had a right to be proud of that. But, there was still something that was bothering him.
Finally, the debriefing was breaking up. Billy and Francine got up from their seats, but Amanda stayed where she was. Lee had the feeling that she was waiting for him to leave before getting up. Things were still awkward between the two of them, and perhaps it would be better for them both to have some time to think before talking to each other.
As Francine left the room, Lee wanted to get up and follow her, but Billy gave Lee a hard look that kept him in his seat. Billy jerked his head toward where Amanda was sitting, still not looking at him.
The unspoken words in Billy's gaze said, "Talk to her!" They said it in the same stern tone that Billy had used earlier when he told Lee to take care of Amanda during Spring Cleaning. Lee didn't want to think how badly he'd botched that.
Billy left the conference room, shutting the door on Lee and Amanda, leaving them to talk things over. But, Lee didn't see the point. Billy was satisfied with Amanda's actions. Even Francine approved. Amanda was the hero of the hour, and there was nothing Lee wanted to say right now that anyone wanted to hear.
Lee suddenly became aware that a silent Amanda was getting up to leave the room. Silence was never a good sign in Amanda. Lee knew that from long experience. Things were going to be even more awkward between them than they already were if he didn't do something to break that silence now.
"Amanda?"
Amanda stopped and looked at him, but she still didn't say anything.
"Thanks," Lee said. It sounded lame, but that was the best thing he could think of to say.
Amanda nodded to him but didn't say anything else. She started walking again.
"Amanda?" Lee was irritated. Couldn't she see that he was making an effort here? "Are you okay?"
"Fine," Amanda said. Her voice was subdued. She looked away from him, toward the door.
"You don't sound okay," Lee said impatiently. What was she trying to do, goad him into saying something that he didn't really want to say and that she wouldn't want to hear anyway?
"You don't sound like you're happy with me," Amanda said softly.
Lee didn't like that tone of voice. It was the tone that made him feel like he'd kicked a small puppy. He hadn't heard her use it in a long time. It was the same tone she'd used when he'd chewed her out for making him go to Germany to bail her out of jail when she'd been accused of passing counterfeit money. It was the same tone she'd used when she'd almost quit the Agency after an argument with him.
Well, he'd learned. He wasn't going to argue with her.
"I'm fine," he said shortly. "I really appreciate the help you gave me and Francine."
Oh, that sounded great, he thought. The look on Amanda's face told him that he'd botched things. Again.
"I don't see why you're angry about this," Amanda said.
"I'm not angry," Lee snapped. He was going to have to say it. "It's just that I told you to go home, where you'd be safe!"
There, he'd said it. She always hated hearing that, and even after she saved him and Francine, he couldn't help but say it.
Amanda finally looked at him. Looked him right in the eye and said firmly, "Look, I know that you didn't want me along because I'm kind of, well, unorthodox. I mean, I know I don't always do things the way that you think I should, and I can see that you would be worried that I'd miss my shot because I'm new at this, but Lee, I've been practicing, and even though I don't like the idea of shooting someone, I'd never let O'Keefe shoot you—"
"You don't get it, do you? If you'd missed, he wouldn't have shot me, he'd have shot you!"
He'd raised his voice. He hadn't meant to raise his voice.
Had anyone outside the conference room heard it? A quick glance assured him that if anyone had, they were ignoring it. No one was looking at them. Amanda was still staring at him, though. A silent stare with those large, brown puppy dog eyes . . .
She was alright, Lee reassured himself, taking a deep breath. She hadn't gotten shot. She'd gotten them both through the experience. Now, he just needed to say something to help smooth things over.
"But, thanks for being there for me," Lee said. He was sincere, and he hoped that she could hear the sincerity in his voice.
"I wish you could have been there with me," Amanda said softly.
"Huh?" Lee was mystified. What was she talking about? He'd been right there the entire time. He'd seen the whole thing.
"Nothing," Amanda said. The soft tone was gone. Her gaze was direct, and her tone was business-like. "I just did what I had to do. I hope you have a nice time with Leslie."
Amanda left the room, and Lee didn't try to stop her. He wanted to. He wanted to sit her down and make her tell him what she meant by that. He wanted to tell her how reckless she'd been and how she'd scared the living daylights out of him. But, he couldn't.
It felt like there was an invisible wall between the two of them, not just the glass wall of the conference room. Something that was harder to reach across than the conference room table and was more solid than the chain-link fence that had separated them at the cannery.
He watched Amanda leave the bullpen and walk to the elevator. About halfway there, she lifted her hand to her mouth and started to nibble the end of one of her fingernails.
That was a really bad sign.
SMKSMKSMKSMKSMKSMKSMKSMKSMKSMK
Dinner with Leslie that night was awkward. Being on 24-hour call as part of her job, she was understanding enough when he had to duck out on her the other night. Lee had wanted to make his sudden departure the other night up to her. However, he was really too preoccupied to give Leslie his full attention.
"Are you alright, Lee?" Leslie asked. "Don't you like it?"
"Oh, no! Sorry, I mean, the dinner is wonderful. I'm just not very hungry tonight."
The problem was that Lee knew that while he sat there with Leslie's chicken parmesan in front of him, Amanda probably wasn't having any dinner at all. She had been biting her nails, and he knew what that meant. Amanda only did that when she was troubled about something. Nail biting was usually followed by a loss of appetite, and she'd start skipping meals or merely picking at her food. Worse still, Lee knew that Amanda was alone tonight.
Lee didn't worry as much about Amanda when she went home to her family. Even when troubling things were happening at work and Amanda couldn't tell her family about it, he knew that her mother would notice her mood and say something reassuring or the boys would distract her with their activities, and she'd soon be feeling better. But, tonight, Amanda had gone home to an empty house in a troubled mood that even he didn't fully understand.
"Are you feeling alright, Lee?" Leslie asked.
"Hmm? Oh, I'm fine, I just . . . I had a hard day at work, that's all."
"Oh, I know how that can be. But, the best thing to do is to leave work at work. You know, try to get it out of your mind when you're at home."
Was that what Amanda was doing? The boys weren't there to distract her and cheer her up, and her mother wasn't there to reassure her and make sure that she ate a proper meal. Amanda was usually the one who told everyone to take care of themselves, but sometimes, someone needed to remind Amanda to take care of herself.
Lee couldn't remember exactly where Amanda had said that her mother and the boys were going to be. The other day, she'd said something about her mother going to some kind of meeting or something. Was it the card club she'd joined? No, they usually met at Amanda's house. It must have been something else. The boys were at Johnny Thompson's house for his birthday party. Or was it Tommy Johnson's house for a sleepover? Lee couldn't remember now exactly what Amanda had said. Usually, Lee didn't have this much trouble keeping track of Amanda and her family's activities.
"Are you sure you're alright, Lee?" Leslie asked again. "If it's bothering you this much, perhaps you'd like to talk about it."
Talking about it was the last thing Lee wanted to do. He hadn't told Leslie yet what he did for a living, although she had the background to understand his work. Her occupation would make her an excellent match for a government agent. But, experience had taught him to be extremely careful about who to confide in. He had once thought that Eva was trustworthy and in love with him, and that had turned out to be dead wrong.
Of course, Leslie was different. She already had security clearance and an excellent professional reputation. She was also kind and understanding. At least, she seemed that way. One really had to be in diplomatic circles, or at least good at smoothing over ruffled feelings. Perhaps talking to her wouldn't be such a bad idea, after all.
"It's just that, well, I said some things to someone at work that I probably shouldn't have, and now things are kind of tense and awkward."
That was pretty vague, but Leslie nodded thoughtfully.
"And now you're trying to decide how to make things better?" Leslie asked.
"That's right," Lee said, grateful that Leslie understood.
"Who was it you offended?"
Suddenly, talking didn't seem like such a great idea. Amanda's surprise meeting with Leslie had also been awkward, and Lee wasn't sure that he should bring her up again to Leslie. Yet, they had started this conversation, and Lee knew that he had no choice but to proceed.
"Um, it was Amanda."
Leslie showed little reaction. "Did the two of you disagree on something work-related?"
"Yeah," Lee said. "We sort of disagreed about how she handled something."
"What was it?" Leslie asked.
Now, they were definitely entering dangerous territory.
"It was . . . something that I really wanted to handle myself, but at the time, I just couldn't so Amanda had to do it."
Lee thought that summed it up pretty well. He had wanted to deal with O'Keefe himself, but he had been disarmed, so Amanda had to step in to save his life and Francine's. Lee was grateful, but he was still upset that it had happened.
"Well, I'm sure that she did the best she could under the circumstances," Leslie pointed out gently. "No doubt she could have done better if you'd been there to help her, but sometimes, these things can't be helped."
"I guess you're right," Lee said.
He didn't want to say that he'd been there but he hadn't been able to help her. He wasn't even able to help himself at the time. It was kind of a blow to his pride, but that wasn't what was really bothering him.
"Amanda seems very dedicated and responsible," Leslie commented.
"Yes, she is," Lee agreed.
He had helped train Amanda. He took pleasure in watching her develop her skills and hone her instincts. More and more, she was becoming a source of pride to him.
"So, what was it that you think she did wrong?"
Back to dangerous territory.
"It wasn't so much what she did as what could have happened because of what she did," Lee said carefully.
"Did anything bad happen?"
"No, actually things turned out fine," Lee admitted.
But, they could have easily turned out horrible. That was the part that Lee couldn't forget. He rubbed his forehead to get the awful images out of his mind.
"Then, try not to worry about it," Leslie advised. "There are all sorts of 'maybes' and 'what-ifs' in life, but there's no sense in worrying about them."
"True," Lee said.
It had always been his philosophy, but lately, he'd had more trouble keeping that mindset where Amanda was concerned.
"Whatever you said to her, she probably understands that you were under stress at the time," Leslie continued. "If you say something tomorrow to let her know that you appreciate her hard work, she'll forget about whatever you said before."
"You think so?"
"I'm positive," Leslie said. "Now, stop worrying. No more shop talk. Let's just enjoy dinner."
Lee made more of an effort to enjoy Leslie's chicken parmesan, but his thoughts kept turning back to Amanda.
When she bit her fingernails, it was a sure sign that she'd skip dinner entirely if there wasn't someone there to coax her into eating something. He knew that look of hers as well as he knew the look that had told him that Amanda wasn't going to leave Elizabeth Sullivan's case alone, no matter what anyone said. He even knew it as well as he knew the look that Amanda had given him when she had left his apartment after meeting Leslie, the look that should have told him that home was the last place she was going to go, no matter what he said. That was what troubled him the most. How could he have missed that look?
Of course, he knew the answer. He'd been distracted. He'd been distracted by his insomnia and preoccupied with Leslie. And it had nearly cost Amanda her life. Twice.
"I picked up a cake for dessert from this darling little pastry shop near my hotel," Leslie said, heading to kitchen to get it.
Stop thinking about it, Lee told himself firmly. Amanda is fine. She's safe at home tonight.
Lee followed Leslie into the kitchen so that he could pour a cup of coffee for each of them. Leslie suggested that they take their dessert to the couch.
The cake was beautifully decorated with chocolate swirls and cherries in whipped cream. It tasted alright, but a little rich for Lee's taste. He couldn't help but think about the cakes Amanda made. They always had just the right amount of sweetness, moist but not too heavy. Before he'd met Amanda, he hadn't realized that there could be such a difference between store-bought and homemade.
When he'd seen Amanda leave the Agency, biting her fingernails, he considered heading over to her house that evening to see her. He'd thought that maybe, with her family gone, they could talk. Maybe he'd bring her some dinner or convince her to go somewhere with him to get something to eat. She always ate whenever he put food in front of her. A good meal and a chance to talk might fix things between them, but how could he with Leslie in the picture?
Leslie had asked some uncomfortable questions about the phone call he'd gotten from O'Keefe. Even though she hadn't pressed him too hard about it, she had subtly tried to pry some of the details of this work-related call out of him and had given him strange looks when he hadn't been forthcoming with the details. Then, there had been those comments she had made, hinting at the disappointment of not getting to surprise him with the wonderful dinner she'd made. He'd promised to make it up to her later. With a promise like that hanging, how could he slip away from her a second time to go to Amanda's?
Finishing with her dessert, Leslie put down her coffee cup and snuggled up against Lee. Lee put down his own coffee cup and put his arm around Leslie, feeling a little guilty. For the second time, Leslie had gone to great lengths to make this a pleasant evening, and he couldn't keep his mind on it . . . or her.
He hadn't been seeing Leslie very long, only a couple of weeks. It had seemed like a very long couple of weeks. They'd had fun together. At least, it seemed like they had. But, he was tired, and trying to fit dates into Leslie's hectic schedule was wearing him out. Quite often, the only time she was available was rather late. He hadn't been lying when he'd told Billy that he'd had trouble sleeping. Being overtired often made it hard for Lee to sleep.
Not eating well when she was troubled was what led to Amanda's insomnia. Most likely, she would have trouble sleeping tonight. How many times had he told her that she should eat some carbohydrates before bed to relax her and satisfy her hunger so that she could sleep? At least as many as she'd told him that he really should eat a proper breakfast, Lee thought with a wry smile.
Seeing Lee's smile, Leslie said, "I'm glad you're feeling better. I knew you would when you got your mind off work."
"Right," Lee said with another surge of guilt.
Leslie leaned forward for a kiss, and Lee obliged, trying to put Amanda out of his mind.
"I'm so looking forward to the party tomorrow night," Leslie murmured in his ear. "That dress you bought for me is so beautiful."
"I'm looking forward to seeing you in it," Lee said with a smile.
"Well, technically, you've already seen me in it," Leslie said teasingly.
"Yeah," Lee admitted.
To be honest, he didn't really know why he'd bought the dress for her, only that he couldn't shake the image of her in a black dress, like the one Amanda had worn . . .
Lee shrugged it off.
Leslie kissed him again, and he kissed her back, but his heart wasn't in it. Before, he had been too preoccupied with Leslie to think about the things he should have been thinking of. Now, all of his thoughts were on Amanda. What was she doing now?
"I don't have to get up early tomorrow," Leslie purred softly. "What would you like to do this evening?"
A couple of years ago, Lee reflected, he would have had several interesting suggestions. Even a couple of days ago, he would have been tempted to spend all night with her. But now, he just couldn't.
"I'm tired tonight, and I have things to do tomorrow," Lee said. "I think I'd like to turn in early."
"Are you sure?" Leslie asked, caressing the side of his face.
"I'm sure," Lee said firmly, easing Leslie gently away from his chest.
"Something is wrong, isn't it?" Leslie asked, studying Lee's face.
"No, I'm just tired," Lee insisted.
Leslie nodded thoughtfully. "Are you still coming to the embassy party with me tomorrow?"
"Of course," Lee said quickly. Maybe too quickly.
"There are a lot people I'd like you to meet," Leslie said. "I'll have to introduce you to my associate Sam Davis, Barbara Gregson from the State Department, and Andre Filipov . . ."
Lee felt tired just thinking about it. He'd been to embassy parties before. Endless introductions to people whose names and faces blurred together. And they went on for hours.
He'd almost forgotten that this would be a working date for Leslie. With all of her diplomatic duties and social obligations, they probably wouldn't have a chance to share a dance. It was a pity. That dress had looked so beautiful on the dance floor. No, wait, that had been Amanda's dress.
Lee rubbed his eyes tiredly.
"You're not really with me, are you?" Leslie asked softly.
"I'm sorry," Lee said. "I'm so tired, I'm zoning out."
Leslie looked at him seriously. "You're having second thoughts, aren't you?"
"About what?" Lee asked, completely at sea.
"About the embassy party. Maybe about me."
"No!"
"Lee," Leslie said gently, "your mind is somewhere else and on something else that has nothing to do with me."
"That doesn't mean that I'm having second thoughts."
It was too early in their relationship to be doing that, Lee thought. He hadn't even fully decided what his first thoughts were yet.
He'd met Leslie by accident while working on a fairly minor assignment that Amanda hadn't been part of. Lee had been surprised that he and Leslie had hit it off so well on first acquaintance. Leslie had a kind of familiarity that made him feel comfortable with her right away. Yet, there was still something about her that made him wonder if they were really right for each other.
"I suspect that your mind may be on someone else, too," Leslie said.
"Why do you say that?" Lee asked warily.
"I saw the way you and Amanda were acting around each other the other day," Leslie said, "and she seemed to be very much on your mind earlier this evening. Maybe she still is."
Lee opened his mouth to deny it, but decided that the truth was better.
"I've been concerned about her lately," he said carefully, "but she and I aren't dating. We only work together."
Leslie gave another thoughtful nod. "Maybe you're right. Maybe we should call it a night. We could both use some sleep."
"I'll walk you out," Lee said.
Suddenly, he was eager for this evening to be over.
As he walked Leslie to her car, she said, "Lee, I'd like you to think about what I said. And if you decide not to go to the embassy party, I'll understand."
"Leslie—" Lee started to say, but she hushed him.
"Just think about it. I'd like you to be there, but only if you're going to be there mentally as well as physically."
Lee watched Leslie drive away before heading back inside. Her words had echoed Amanda's, and he had to admit that both of them had a point. He hadn't been completely there for either of them lately.
SMKSMKSMKSMKSMKSMKSMKSMKSMKSMK
Lee returned to his apartment and cleaned up the remaining dishes. Leslie had left the remainder of the cake for him to finish, but he didn't really want it. It was just too sweet and too rich. He put it away just in case he changed his mind later.
It was just a little after nine o'clock, but it felt much later. Lee was exhausted, but he doubted that he would be able to sleep. Amanda was still very much on his mind. Things were all wrong, and he didn't know what to do about it.
An image of Billy flashed into his mind. "Talk to her!"
Lee grimaced. That hadn't turned out so well earlier.
He'd had to say it. He'd had to tell her the truth. Why couldn't she see that if O'Keefe had had the chance, he would have shot her before shooting him? He'd already been disarmed. She was the one still holding a weapon. If she hadn't made that lucky shot, O'Keefe would have killed her as fast as he could to prevent her from shooting again. And there would have been nothing Lee could have done to save her.
She was a good 50 feet away from him behind a chain-link fence. Too far for Lee to reach, behind a barrier that would let a bullet through but that he would have to struggle to get over. If she'd been wounded, would he have been able to reach her in time to save her life? Or would she have died because he hadn't been with her, protecting her?
That was what she'd meant when she left the Agency, wasn't it? He was there, but not really with her, just like he hadn't been with her mentally during this week when he'd been seeing Leslie. Just like he hadn't been with her during the bombing.
Lee rubbed his eyes, but the vision of the wreckage that was left after the bomb went off at the Save the Bay rally stayed with him. Even worse, the visions of what could have happened to Amanda continued to haunt him. If she had died . . .
Lee shook his head. He didn't want to think about it, but how could he not think of it? First, he had let her try to finish Spring Cleaning on her own, and she could have been killed by a bomber. Then he'd missed that look of hers, and she had charged to his rescue, almost charging into a bullet to do it.
"Stop it!" Lee told himself. "Amanda is alive. She's alive and okay. Just hungry and probably sleepless tonight."
That part wasn't okay. And there was no way he could get any sleep tonight until he did something about it.
Lee had picked up the phone without really thinking about it and dialed Amanda's number from memory. As the phone rang, he tried to think of what to say to Amanda. What had Leslie suggested? Something to show that he appreciated her work?
"Hello?" Amanda's voice said.
"Hi," Lee said. It was all he could think of at the moment.
"Oh, hi," Amanda said. "Is something happening?" She didn't sound angry, just puzzled.
"Uh, no," Lee said, thinking quickly. "I was just calling to, um, ask what your plans were for tomorrow."
"I don't really have any," Amanda said.
"Oh, well, I was wondering if you'd like to come with me to talk to the Sullivans," Lee said.
"Talk to the Sullivans?" Amanda asked. "I thought that Elizabeth was in the clear—"
"She is!" Lee said quickly. "Everything is fine. I just thought that you might like to visit her. What you did for her was really great. She'd probably like to thank you in person."
Amanda, sounding more relaxed, said, "Yes, I would like the chance to see her again and see how she's doing."
"I'm sure that she's doing much better now, thanks to you," Lee said.
"Thanks to us," Amanda corrected him.
"But especially thanks to you."
"Thanks, Lee," Amanda said in her shy, accepting-a-compliment voice. That tone was one that Lee liked.
"How are you doing this evening?" he asked.
"I'm alright. You?"
"Fine. I'm going to turn in soon. I should let you go so that you can be rested for tomorrow."
"Yes, I should go to bed soon."
"Are you feeling okay?" Lee asked. He wasn't sure if he should ask whether she'd eaten or not.
"I'm fine," Amanda said.
She sounded a little puzzled again. Maybe he had overreacted about her nail-biting. Or maybe she just didn't want to talk about it.
"Sleep well, Amanda." It was the only thing he could think of to say.
"You, too," Amanda said. "Goodnight, Lee." Her soft, gentle tone was back. The sound of it made Lee feel better.
"Goodnight," Lee said. "Pleasant dreams."
Lee relaxed after he hung up. Hopefully, their brief conversation had helped Amanda to feel better, too. Also hopefully, Amanda would take his advice and make sure that she got a good night's sleep. The prospect of visiting Elizabeth Sullivan would help.
As he got ready for bed, he wished that he'd reminded Amanda to eat something. Although, after the way he'd spoken to her earlier, she might not have liked being lectured about her eating habits.
"What about dinner tomorrow night?" Lee thought. If Amanda was free, he could invite her over, give her a good meal, and make sure that she wasn't still feeing bad about what he'd said before.
Of course, tomorrow was the night of the embassy party.
The more Lee thought about it, the more he realized that he didn't want to go. It would be more work than pleasure for Leslie, and therefore a strain for him. Besides, he knew that his mind was still going to be on Amanda, and Leslie wouldn't want him there if his attention wasn't totally on her. If his mind was going to be with Amanda, the rest of him might as well be there, too.
He got into bed, still thinking of asking Amanda to dinner. Steak sounded nice. With a potato, for the carbs. No Leslie. And no shop talk. Amanda needed to get her mind off of work. He'd enjoy just talking with her about ordinary things, too. They'd catch up on Amanda's activities during the past week when he'd been distracted. Just him and Amanda and a nice, juicy steak. With a baked potato on the side. They would both probably sleep better afterward.
