I own nothing.
******
Poland sighed to himself as he walked down the path that wound its way through the Warsaw Zoo; children were screaming and pushing their way between adults, those same adults being loud and vulgar. It made him cringe, to see these people ogling at animals, especially the primates, who were no so different than them.
He stopped suddenly, causing a tourist to bump into him and swear loudly in some foreign tongue. "Humans and apes aren't that different!" Feliks gasped, turning to the surprised tourist. "Don't you agree, sir?"
The man slowly backed away, obviously not understanding Polish. Feliks didn't really care at this point; he was too busy staring excitedly at the empty cage, envisioning just what he would put behind those bars.
It was time to call in a few friends.
******
He was still sitting on the bench across from the empty cages some hours later, people still giving him odd glances. Feliks flipped his cell phone around by its pink wrist strap, watching the bedazzled surface reflect the light. Waiting for someone to call.
It took a moment, but Lithuania was the first the call him back.
"Hello, Feliks." The other country sighed. "What did you call me for?"
"Oh my god, like, hi, Toris." He giggled in excitement. "Okay, so, like, I'm a genius."
"Mmmhmm…"
"And I, um, need your help. Oh, and Ravis's help too! This is gonna be, like, totally awesome! Best idea ever!"
"Well, what is it?" Toris asked carefully. He wasn't too sure about Poland's 'genius' idea. Usually Feliks's ideas were total busts.
"Like, you need the background info first!" People were still staring at the excited country. "So, like, evolution and stuff. Humans and monkeys are, like, the same thing, so I, like, need a people exhibit in the zoo!"
Silence. Then some shuffling and muffled talking.
"Dude, Toris. You, like, still there?"
"Yes."
"Say 'hi' to America for me."
"Okay." He could vaguely hear a 'Feliks says 'hi'' before Toris addressed him again. "Um…you want people…in a cage…"
"You and Ravis in a cage."
"Um, right." Toris winced at the enthusiasm on the other line.
"So, you, like, in?"
"Sure. But why Raivis?"
Poland sighed dramatically. "He's, like, going to be the girl caveman!"
"…Caveman?"
"Yup!"
More silence. This time, Feliks allowed it, waiting for a reply.
"Okay, he's in."
"Totally awesome. Meet me tomorrow, six in the A.M., 'kay?" He didn't even wait for a response. "Like, bye!"
This was going to be, like, the best zoo exhibit ever!
******
People weren't even in the zoo yet and Toris felt ridiculous. And Raivis looked ridiculous. He had on a blonde wig, as Poland deemed his hair too short and he was dressed in fake fur, pale face and limbs smeared with dirt. Which was pretty much what Toris looked like, too.
"So, like, all you have to do is sit there, roasting your fish so you can, like, eat it. Oh, and you can stare at people, but you can't talk. You can only grunt, and, like, you know, be cavemen!" Feliks smiled triumphantly, hoping that his two cave people would be equally enthused.
"Um, how long do we have to do this?" Raivis asked quietly and Feliks ushered the brothers into a cage.
"A week." He was greeted with shocked looks from both of the Baltics. "Dude, like, totally relax. You don't have to, like, live in there."
And with that, he waved goodbye to the brothers, leaving them to portray cavemen.
"I am, like, so smart!"
*****
Authors Note: Seriously. I read the paper, saw this article, and had to write about it. Google 'Warsaw Zoo human exhibit'. Anyway, it's late and my brain thought up this. Like, whatever.
