ZACK WONDERS...

"So we break into the Liquid Lounge, and our y'know, fearless leader goes for the register, but I went to the filled out job applications at the hostess's counter. All those Socials, they're worth some bucks, man." Eel O'Neil grinned his two-tooth smile at Zack DeStefano, Guard to the Loons.

"Social Security numbers? Better than cash, because you're a computer dude."

"Oh yeah. You got shitty credit, you can rent an apartment with someone's SSI...and creating Visa Black cards? Big money there, I tellya."

"Eel, I'll never understand with your wit how you're stuck as a thief, and in Arkham, of all places. Sitting here really close to me in the TV Room, watching "The Price Is Right" 'cause Mr. Szazs gave you a funny look."

Eel stopped smiling. "Yeah. I thought it was cute, getting out of a nickel-dime at Blackgate on a nut charge. but I forgot about Arkham. I'd rather be on death row, Mistah DeStef."

Zack smiled ruefully. He knew Eel was so right. And then his mind wandered. How was Leeni doing? He couldn't believe, with his two years of college and crap job here, that he'd bedded such a premier blonde, and a psych doctor as well. But they'd had a lot of fun, Dr.Q and Zak...after sex she liked playing Mad Libs.

Suddenly-speak (or think) of the devil, Leeni sashayed into the TV Room.

"Heya Zachary... an' you too, Eel. What you guys watchin?"

"We was on 'One Life to Live.' ...why don't Mavis break up with that guy?"

"Well, she don't know that he's actually his own twin brother, an' evil."

It was amazing. Leeni had been raised in Canarsie, in the big Apple...and she could switch from the 9th grade dropout accent to complete sophistication...the doctor whose thesis had wowed the old heads at the Hartford Institute of Living.

"How you doin, stud muffin?" Leeni sat down on the couch and squeezed Zack's muscle.

"I'm good. Didja have to mess with the Evil One today? I can't believe you didn't try to get out of it."

"Zack, I have been really excited about interviewing the Joker. He's much more complex I think than people realize." Leeni's adorable pug nose wrinkled.

"Oh Jesus."

"No, really. The director agrees with me."

Eel picked his nose while staring intently at a commercial for removing female body hair.

But Zack was emphatic.

"Sure, Jeremiah will agree with you, but that's because the last psychiatrist to interview that evil clown fuck-"

"Language, DeStefano." Eel was very prim about staff following the rules imposed on the patients.

"Yes, thanks, O'Neill. The guy's evil. and the last shrink that interviewed him went home and cut his throat but not before turning the knife on his wife and kids."

"Hey, but that created y'know, employment for Dr.Q." Eel volunteered helpfully.

Oh Jesus.