Title: Autumn's Monologue

Author: Silver Miko

Rating: T

Note: Set around Vol. 1 and 2.

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"Oh why cant I be what you need

a new improved version of me..." Autumn's Monologue- From Autumn to Ashes

Usagi tossed and turned, but sleep would not come to her. Her mind was so terribly preoccupied with the tall, handsome man that was deemed her most important assignment-Hatori Hanzo. All her life she strove to be a ninja, but truthfully did lack the motivation at times...and this was what her great-grandfather decided her use was to be, marry Hanzo and bear his child.

She was a little startled by the assignment, but upon hearing Hanzo was handsome and then meeting him on the way to his place (despite him lying and saying he was not Hanzo), she was going to take her assignment very serious. At first she could have said she was dazzled by the tall ninja, his looks and demeanor.

But over the past few days it was becoming something more.

He was just so..perfect. In everything he did, and his cool, deep voice sent shivers down Usagi's spine. He was everything she wasn't really, and kind in his own manner.

But she...she was not what he wanted nor needed as it seemed. She would work hard to be qualified as a ninja, but would that really be of any service to her?

She would give anything to have him here right now and just hold her in his warm arms...

She wanted to turn her mind off, and stop thinking about him and how her heart felt like it was breaking in two over him. She did not expect that at all on her way to her assignment...the strange, crushing feeling of Hanzo's rejection of her. He saw her, but he didn't see her the way she wished he would.

And then that girl showed up- lovely, skilled Yuri. The other fiancee. She was so much better than Usagi at so many things, prettier, more feminine...but it seemed after all Yuri wasn't competition. No, it was much worse.

Usagi couldn't compete with a beautiful ninja who happened to be a princess.

The worst was, she could find no fault in Sara, she even liked Sara, but it didn't stop the pain of seeing Hanzo so gentle and attentive to her. In a way he was not to Usagi, despite all she did for Hanzo. The training, tight rope walking, making medicine...

She had hoped Sara and Hanzou would reunite, but Hanzou had yet to make a move towards making amends with her and his whereabouts were unknown. She wondered if he would ever come for Sara. She did really wish them well, but the selfish part of her wanted it so Sara wouldn't be a rival.

Because Usagi could never compare to such a beauty, because maybe if Sara wasn't there Hanzo would look at her with such gentle regard, maybe then he would love her.

And she would no longer break in two over him, and he would see her and need her.

He would love her in return.

She could feel tears welling in her eyes, but refused to cry. Yuri would hear her and that was the last thing she wanted.

'Someday please...let me be what he needs.' her thoughts wished, and with a sigh she closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

Xle finX