Location: Who cares?
Time: WAY too early to care.
Axel groaned annoyed as one of his phones buzzed on the nightstand next to his bed. If he was anyone else, he'd throw it against a wall and go back to sleep, but if this phone was buzzing, that meant he had a job. He pushed his hair out from his face and looked at the screen, which read 'UNKNOWN NUMBER'. Sighing, he answered the call.
"Yeah?" He asked, trying to sound awake.
"Hey, any chance you can give us a lift?" Came a deep, gruff voice on the other side of the line.
"Depends, where are you?" Axle groaned, rubbing his face. One the one hand, he wanted to hang up and go back to sleep, but on the other hand, money.
"We're at the bottom of the hill near the old Church off of fifty-sixth and Mignola lane." The voice replied. "Used to be called 'Eternal Night' or something like that."
"We?" Axel asked, suddenly realizing there was more than one on the line.
"Yeah, there's three of us." The voice said, as if that was obvious. "That an issue?"
"Naw, man. Does it matter if the car is nice or do you just wanna get somewhere?"
"We just need to get across town, nothing to fancy." The voice answered. "Don't really care how we get there, but we'd prefer to keep it on the down low."
"Alright, I'll be there in like… fifteen minutes, twenty tops. Look for a dark blue van, I'll flash the lights twice. That's me."
"Alright." Was all the voice said before hanging up.
Axle sighed, knowing he had to get up and get to work. As he pulled some shorts on he thought about his 'job'. It was a simple and completely legal one. He was an Uber driver, the job was supposed to be easy, get a call, pick them up, drop them off, get paid. That's what the ad had said when he signed up, but he was wrong. Sort of. The company was legitimate, nothing shady or underhanded, honestly. But Axel had decided to take the 'Special Divisions' contract, and this often meant waking up late at night or at rather… unsavoury times to fulfil his contracts. One thing Axel had grown accustomed to was the idea of keeping his mouth shut. Sure, he'd talk as they drove to their location, but he had made it sort of a personal choice not to talk about who he drove or what they were doing. He figured everyone would be happier that way, and to be honest, they were. He had little to no complaints, and was paid nearly triple what he'd normally make; not to mention that sometimes-certain groups added a contribution for his services and that was on top of the money he had from his family. Guzzling down a mug of black coffee, Axel grabbed a specific set of keys and got into his van, looking at the small cage on the dashboard, and small furry face looked back with wide eyes before squeaking curiously.
"Hey Ragnarök." He smirked. "We're off to work."
Turning the keys in the ignition, Axle pulled out of his garage and left as quietly as possible from his home, heading down the road leading to the highway. He clicked on his radio and hit the CD option, and a familiar guitar riff began playing. Axle nodded along as Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here softly played in the car interior, cutting through the silence aside from the sound of his car and Ragnarök rustling about in his cage. He looked over out the window at the darkened countryside. Only now did he realize he was wearing the shirt he slept in. That was another thing he liked about this job, he could show up in a onesie and there wouldn't be any questions, probably. He hoped. Axle cracked his jaw to one side as he peered out a window, then turning onto an old dirt road. The tires on his car suddenly seeming to grumble against the dirt. After another few minutes of silence and driving, Axle saw the church illuminated by the moon up on a hill. He gradually slowed down and looked around for his contact. Then raised a brow when he saw a huge red figure wearing an overcoat smoking a cigar. He had a giant stone-like right hand, and a tail coming out from behind him. Next to him was a creature that looked eerily similar to the creature from the black lagoon wearing thick glasses and what looked like a toilet seat around his neck, then there was the third person. She looked totally normal. Like, nothing off about her. Axle paused for a moment then shrugged, deciding it was all part of the job, and flashed the lights. The three figures noticed and walked over to the van, Axle rolled down the window and leaned out.
"Yo. You guys call for a ride?"
"Damn right." The giant red man nodded. "We all gonna fit?"
"Only one way to find out." Axle shrugged nonchalantly.
The woman walked around and got in shotgun, leaving the other two to figure out who was sitting where. Eventually, the fish dude sat behind Axle and the red dude managed to fit into the back as well. It was a bit cramped, but he didn't seem to mind. If he had horns, they'd probably be stuck in the roof now.
"You mind if I smoke?" He asked.
"Knock yourself out." Axle shrugged, knowing better than to argue with the devil-dude. "Th'name's Axle by the way."
"Liz." The woman coolly replied.
"You can call me Abe." The fish man (now named Abe) stated, and Axle looked to the last, uh… man. Well, calling him a man would be a very large understatement, considering the fact that he was not only red skinned, had a tail, was crunched into the back of the car, but also had a giant stone fist for a right hand.
"What's your name?" Axle asked offhandedly, turning the key over and backing the vehicle up.
"Anung Un-Rama." The man commented, and Axle cast a glance into the mirror with a raised brow. "Hey, you asked pal."
"We call him Red. Or Hellboy." Liz, the woman smirked. "Who's the little guy?"
"Him? That's Ragnarök, the World Eater." Axle commented, casting a glance to the hamster who was running in his wheel, which was squeaking somewhat. However, the small, furry rodent stopped and seemed to look at Liz, as if he understood they were talking about him. "Should he ever escape his cage, the world would be destroyed."
"I know the feeling." Hellboy drawled in agreement. "Seems like everyone these days has some sort of world-destroying prophecy attached to them…"
"You alright back there?" Axle asked, unsure of what else to say, or if he should remain silent.
"Yeah, everything's just peachy." Hellboy said with a roll of his eyes, clearly cramped in the back of the vehicle.
"He always like this?" Axle asked with a tired smirk.
"No. This is one of his good days." Liz replied with a shake of her head.
"Well, I would go so far as to venture that it's better you don't currently have your horns." Abe commented, Hellboy just grumbled in response.
"Yeah, yeah." He said dismissively. "Never did like those damn things anyways, real itchy someday."
"And on the other days, you got stuck in the doorways." Liz smiled.
"Really?" Axle asked amused.
"Yeah, several times we had to get a crowbar or butter. Sometimes both." Liz chuckled at the memories.
"Hey kid, how much for you to punch her?" Hellboy suddenly asked.
"You want me to punch a woman? How low do you think I'm willing to go for money?" Axle replied, a slight mocking tone in his voice, but still somewhat monotone.
"I got fifty on me." Hellboy simply said.
"…well…"
"Unless you want to experience your face being violently burned, I would highly suggest not agreeing to this proposition." Abe said, leaning over slightly.
"Wait, what?" Axle said, genuinely surprised.
"I can make fire kid." Liz said. "Wanna see?" After that, she created a small flame on the tips of her fingers and waved them mysteriously.
"No, not here." Axle shook his head. "I don't want the car damaged and I don't think Ragnarök would enjoy the heat either. That's awesome though."
The sound of metal clattering was heard as Ragnarök was currently chewing on one of the bars on his cage before suddenly running off to a small plastic house.
The car went silent for a bit as they continued on their way, occasionally, Abe's… thing would bubble a little, (Axle was assuming this was so he could breathe) but other than that it was quiet.
"So, uh… What's with the…" Axle began awkwardly.
"If you're asking about the toilet seat is, it's so he can breathe." Hellboy smirked, noticing Axel casting a glance into the mirror. Axel laughed slightly, Hellboy gave a deep laugh, even Liz stifled one.
"It's not a toilet seat! It's a breathing apparatus!" Abe exclaimed, somewhat offended. Axel now was doing his best not to laugh, not wanting to get a bad rating… Wait a second, why would he care? He didn't work like those other drivers! But still, it probably was best not to piss of a guy who was friends with a big stone-fisted dude and a woman who could shoot fire out of her hands.
"Actually, I was asking about the Lego hand…" Axle muttered, awkwardly. "I get it, in my contract I ain't really supposed to question who I'm drivin' but I'm genuinely curious man. What IS that thing?"
"Well, it's called the Right Hand of Doom." Hellboy said with a cramped shrug.
"That name is awesome." Axle stated, and Hellboy chuckled.
"Yeah, well, it was designed to open a portal that would bring about the end of the world. Y'know, fire, brimstone, a giant demonic dragon, all that good stuff." Hellboy commented in a dry but amused tone.
"Huh. I thought it was for the world's greatest high-five." Axel simply replied, not looking back.
Surprisingly (to Abe and Liz at least), Hellboy gave a genuine laugh at that before sighing.
"Well, it you like being high-fived by the force of a thousand sledgehammers, then this is your lucky day kid. But something tells me Rasputin didn't plan to use it for that. "
"I'll take your word for it chief." He smirked before stepping on the brakes at an intersection, suddenly realizing what Hellboy had said. Rasputin? Like, the dude in that obnoxiously catchy song? He wanted to ask them about that, but he had a feeling in his gut this wasn't something to ask about. The silence returned and Axle turned the radio back on and began flipping through a few channels. He wasn't a fan of modern rap, or rap in general. Sure, there was some good stuff, but nowadays, it didn't have the same story, the same impact and meaning it used to. After three or four stations, he stopped when he heard a familiar song, and the other two guys in the car seemed to recognize it as well.
"Ain't heard this song in a while…" Hellboy mused with a smirk. "My dad loved this song…"
"Ironic, my dad introduced me to this song when I was a kid." Axle smiled, thinking back to when he was a kid. After the introduction of the song, the three boys began to sing along.
"You know I can't smile without you…" Axel, Hellboy and Abe all began quietly singing, Liz looked to them, a brow raised in disbelief.
"You boys amaze me…" She muttered, before looking to the cage. "Do you always have to put up with this?" She asked the hamster. Ragnarök stopped eating a sunflower seed and looked at her before he ran over to his water bottle.
"I can't smile without you… I can't laugh and I can't smile…" They continued with their song.
"It's sing! Not smile!" Hellboy chided Axle when he messed up the lyrics.
"What? It's sing? I thought it was smile…" Axle muttered.
The song and karaoke continued, and it was both surprisingly on-key and yet horrifically off-key at the same time. While it started out quietly, by the end, all three were belting the song at full volume.
"I'm finding it hard to do anything! You see I feel glad when you're glad! I feel sad when you're sad…"
All the while, Liz seemed to have a look that said I will never let any of you live this down. But since she didn't have a phone, there wasn't much she could do. But it was clear she wished she could. So, she was just laughing to herself and listening to the mixture of a fish man, a teenager and a half-demon all singing Barry Manilow. As the song came to a close, they all held the last note before laughing.
"You three should start a bad." Liz commented.
"That would be interesting, but I don't believe society would be too accepting of us…" Abe nodded thoughtfully.
"Well, if they can accept Team 10, 6ix9ine, a guy who calls himself The Living Tombstone and Bob Dylan…"
"Bob Dylan's a great musician, watch what you say." Hellboy warned.
"So is TLT, I'm just saying, maybe it's not the most far-fetched idea." Axle reasoned. "We could start as a cover band, not show our faces."
"Maybe we could get helmets like those Daft Punk fellas." Hellboy mused.
"And what would you call yourselves?" Liz asked, amused. The three thought it over until Abe spoke up.
"Abe-Un Axelama?"
There was some laughter from the car and Axle shook his head.
"Maybe we should leave the singing to the musicians." He commented.
"Oh, hang on." Liz suddenly said, noticing a street sign. "Up here, third house on the left."
Axle nodded and pulled into the driveway. There was a small house with a single light on upstairs, Axle turned back to the others.
"This it?" He asked.
"Yup." Hellboy nodded. "Thanks for the lift kid."
"No problem." Axle said with a wave. "Good luck with… whatever you guys are doing."
"See ya kid." Liz smiled as she got out of the car. When Hellboy exited, the car seemed to bounce, Abe slipped out and waved to Axle as the trio walked towards the house. Axle looked at his phone, seeing a notification that funds had been transferred to one of his accounts. He smiled and put the car into reverse, getting ready to go home and go back to bed. This job may be annoying at times, but people like this made it all worth it.
