I loved him, as a friend maybe, but it was hard not to. Those ice blue eyes that always held a tinge of humour, the perfect face with the scar to make him human.
He was always up for a good laugh, advice or just a helping hand. Comfort. That's what he was. A comfortable presence in everyone's lives. So when he took me aside one night and asked me to 'help the camp in the long run', I had to say yes. Especially when his eyes were passionate, he was done but I was an optimist. When he told me I'd be spying I was shocked. I recoiled in disgust when he told me I'd be spying for the Titans but I didn't back out like I should have because as much as I hated to admit it, he was right.
We were pawns made of flesh and blood. We have families, friends, lives and yet we still kill and die for those fucking immortal beings! They're immortal, they can fight their own battles! I didn't back down then because of the loyalty I felt to a friend who didn't feel the same. A few months later and I've fallen in love. With Charlie, with a real man who yes, needed to learn when to relax, but who I wouldn't trade for the world.
A year later, the golden fleece revives Thalia and I know that I have technically failed but I help clean her up and go to the council meeting. I was fifteen at the time and I knew that this was obvious proof that the pact had been broken twice was bad news for camp. The choice that I had made came back sooner than I was hoping for but the decision was made and now I had to live with it.
The year after that, I found the tunnel and I had to tell Luke or he made it perfectly clear that he had no problems with killing me. I asked to leave once, after Thalia had been found. He told me that he could let me go but also that he would tell everyone what I had done. I couldn't stand the thought of that being my legacy, and besides that I knew what they did to any traitor that was sane enough to defend themselves. I wanted to live.
So I stayed right up until Kronos invaded Luke's body, because by then it wasn't Luke, the man I used to be friends with, it was Kronos, the ruthless Titan that devours infants. When Kronos invaded Luke's body, I knew I had to find a way out.
That night, I waited for everyone to fall asleep before I quietly got out of bed, taking my dagger with me. People thought I couldn't fight, just because I didn't want to do it in front of other people didn't mean I couldn't. When it one on one cabin sessions, I would give it my all, because family was the one exception. The fields were dark, but the woods, when I got there, were darker. I found the meeting place pretty easily. It was always at Zeus's fist, ironically.
The dagger was hidden in between my orange shirt and my bra. As far as he knew, I was unarmed.
"Silena." He said, a barely human smile on his face. His voice was cold.
"My lord." I said, voice restrained. I wasn't going to show him any weakness.
"Do you have any information for me? The monsters are getting wreckless and I need something to anchor them."
My stomach turned. "No my lord. However, I would like to leave."
His eyes flashed gold. "I have told you that if you even think about leaving, I would have no qualms about killing you."
"I'll take my chances." I snarled.
He lunged but in his haste he forgot about to use his time powers and couldn't anticipate me taking out my dagger and stabbing him in the knee. He let out a guttural roar and fell to the ground. It was one of his servants that found me there, bloody dagger in hand, dripping with golden ichor.
The boy stared at me, then ran for backup, but I wasn't giving up that easily. The boy was around my age, seventeen or eighteen, I had seen him around the ship a few times but never paid much attention. I regretted it in that moment. As I was going after the boy, I had regretted to look behind me as someone else held a sword to my neck, he had disarmed me.
"Now. Can you explain to me why someone who was supposedly on our side figured out the Achilles heel of our leader and took advantage of it?"
I was shaking. I was silent.
"Okay. Well you'll make a nice prisoner at least."
I stepped on his toes, hard. But he didn't even flinch.
"Nice try, Silena. But I'm used to things like this. Sneakers don't hurt."
"How did you know my name?"
"Oh please, Kronos' spy? Everyone knows you, everyone admired you, until we found out you were weak. If they find out you're the spy, they will kill you."
"Yeah well, being able to fight would give me a slight advantage, and even if I did die, at least it would be near people I love, even if they don't love me back anymore."
"You've killed people as a direct result of your spying, how do you know they wouldn't just kill you right then and there, without the gladiator part?"
I was silent. If they found out, would they give me a chance to explain myself? Would I be able to?
He started to drag me back to the ship at swordpoint, but Kronos called him back.
"Leave her, there will be suspicion if she's found missing but give her to me first."
The boy took me to him, and I didn't resist because of the blade at my throat.
Kronos took my arm none too gently and just like that, I knew I was well and truly trapped.
"We know what you see and hear now. I don't know why I didn't do this earlier but it's done now. We only need to keep you alive for long enough to help us win. Then you die."
