Disclaimer: I do not own it.

Loved Once More

As I sit here in the Department of Mysteries, only word one comes to mind-Loss. This war has cost me so much, more than I can handle. For me courage has always been impulsive. Fear has always brought out my bravery...but I never thought it was fair for me to have my life thrown away, for me to become the Chosen One. I never had any say in the matter. I never wanted my name to be put in history books or for people to die for me.

Mum, I miss you and only once I wish I could know what your hugs felt like. Dad, I've heard so much about you…Do you think I could have beaten you at a game of Quidditch?

Sirius…you were like my dad, you know? I never thought of you as anything less. I never felt like I had to hide anything from you. When I was scared, you showed me the bright side to everything. When you were sad, I couldn't help but feel your pain. Your enemies were mine-but then…mine became yours and I hated myself for causing your death. I wish I could have learned to keep my mind shut…but I didn't and I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

Remus…Professor Lupin-you were my guiding light after they all left. I felt safe around you, trusted you, but…I'm sorry I said all those things that night. I didn't want Teddy to grow up without a father. I was scared for him. I knew what is was like growing up without parents-I didn't want to put you in danger. I never wanted anyone to get hurt but then you died last night. Died fighting my battle. I saw your body lying next to Tonks in the Great Hall…and the world seemed to melt away around me. You two were perfect together and I managed to ruin it.

My nightmare came true. And…I can't help but cry and let my tears cover the pages in which I write this because the guilt is slowly tearing me apart. Do you know I can never look at George again without letting the tears fall? If that's how I feel-what about the Weasleys? Their son, their brother-gone. Dobby took the blade that should have met my skin. Hermione was tortured because she was my friend…Moody-Mad Eye Moody the invincible was killed for my safety. Dumbledore died trying to help me understand the purpose of my life. MY LIFE! Do you notice how each death is directly related to me. Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived but wishes he wasn't so he could be the boy with a mother. A father. Friends. Family. A boy that is loved once more.

I write this down as pity towards myself and I'm not afraid to admit it. I want you all to know that I'm sorry. That I didn't mean any of it. That I gave it my all to show that you all did not die in vain.

I'm going to throw this through the veil and hope it reaches you because the truth is...

I can't keep on living with this guilt.

A/N: This is actually two of my older stories put together. One was written before Deathly Hallows and one after, so I decided to put them together. Hope you like it! Please review!