A story written out of impulse. This is certainly a rare thing for me but I needed to get the ideas out of my mind.
Time
Summary: Time does not stop. It does not waver. It does not wait. How do you spend the time given to you?
Disclaimer: I do not own K-On! or any of its characters.
You first met her when she was merely a child, crowned by the rays of the rising sun.
You were on your way to forage for some berries from the forest when you saw her sitting quietly on top of a small hill, braiding flowers with her small but already nimble fingers. You found it odd for such a young girl to be alone at this hour. It was still fairly dark outside and it was still quite cold for a person of such a small stature. That little girl might get sick.
Looking around, you wondered if the girl's parents were anywhere nearby. This was farmer country after all; maybe her family was out tending to their crops, leaving the girl with long midnight black hair to her own devices.
You're hungry. Go get food. She'll be fine.
Although, it did not surprise you at all that you ended up going to that little girl anyway despite your inner mantra.
You marched up to the hill, inwardly berating yourself that you should leave her well enough alone. You have always given your stomach first priority in the past and you were sure that no sane parent would leave such an innocent little girl alone to be taken by hawks or eaten by wolves.
Not that hawks, eagles, or any bird of prey for that matter, would be strong enough to fly off with a child.
But that was not the point.
You spoke when you were still quite a ways away from her. "Hey, you shouldn't be alone out here."
To your horror, the black-haired girl dropped the ring-like flower garland she had been holding and backed away with each step you took.
"Uh, don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you. Where are your parents? Are they around here somewhere?" You inquired while holding your arms up, attempting to calm her down. Sadly, she was still fearful of you and looked at you as if you had her on your breakfast menu.
Even though she was still sitting on the grass you knew that if you took the wrong step she will run away. Scaring her was the last thing you wanted. You were only trying to help.
Damn my curiosity.
Carefully, you continued your approach, cooing at her and picking the garland up from the ground, where she had dropped it. You crouched and held out your hand, holding the said item. "It's pretty, you made this?" You said with the softest voice your brusque vocal cords could muster.
Still frightened, the little girl backed away some more but nodded timidly in response.
You grinned, trying to look friendly when you knew well why she might be scared of you. You were a stranger who just appeared out of nowhere after all and you were intruding in her space. Even children knew when the situation was dangerous or not. Your grin softened, losing its brilliance. You realized that it might not help the circumstances, that it might make things worse.
Then you saw tears beading on the corners of her eyes…
"Ah! Uh… don't cry, please. Here…" You offered her flowers back to her. "I was just wondering why you're out here alone. Bandits might come take you away or the wolves might eat you and—"
The little girl screamed, holding her head with her tiny hands.
"Ack! Shh… I'm sorry!" Good job, Ritsu. Well done.
Tentatively, you kneeled in front of the girl, giving her some time to realize that you were not going to harm her. You waited, almost too patiently, until her sobs quieted down a little.
You really must have startled the poor thing. She was making herself look as small as possible, as if hoping for the scary person, you, to go away.
A soft smile found itself etched on your face as you reached out and laid your hand on the girl's head. She flinched at the contact at first, as if waiting for pain or anything scary to register. But when it didn't come, she opened her moist eyes.
"There, see? You're okay." You gently rubbed her head.
The girl sniffled but didn't back away from your touch. On the contrary, she looked up at you with mute questions in her eyes. She must be wondering who you were.
"I didn't mean to scare you." You said as you took your hand away from her head and replacing it with the garland she wove. The ring was strewn with precision that you didn't expect such a young girl to have. It was made predominantly of white dandelions with sparse pieces of yellow flowers you didn't recognize. Gently, you urged the ring of flowers down the girl's head to serve its purpose of being a necklace. It seemed big enough for that purpose. Or so you thought.
It was when it got stuck on the girl's head that you realized that the ring of flowers served better as a flower crown rather than a necklace.
You didn't want to force it down because it might tear and, after what you'd experienced with children so early in the morning today, you didn't want to risk it. She might bawl if you destroy her little masterpiece and you didn't want that. You never really liked the sight of crying children.
"I think it's a tad bit too small, eh?" You chuckled and gave her dark haired head a small pat. "What's your name?"
She stared at you with wide grey eyes, as if to tell you that she was not allowed to speak to strangers even if she didn't voice it.
"Right. You're a good girl, aren't you?" You grinned again, feeling rather dumb because you were mostly talking to yourself. "My name is Ritsu. There, I'm not a stranger anymore. So, what's your name?"
The girl blinked. You entertained the thought that she might be thinking about the logic behind your illogical means of introduction and chuckled. Kids these days were so smart.
Wiping her residual tears away, the grey-eyed girl opened her mouth to say something, something that you hoped to be her name. It would be a lot easier to converse with her if you had a name to label her face.
Her lips quivered as they started to open to answer your question. However, a distant call interrupted her.
"Mio-chan! It's time to go back!"
Mio, the little girl with grey eyes and long black hair, immediately hopped to her feet and turned to run towards the direction of the voice that called her name. You let her do so. The call sounded to be from an adult, perhaps her father. You had fulfilled your self-given obligation to look after a young child.
As if on cue, your stomach growled, redirecting your attention to your original mission out here in the small town's perimeters.
Ah, finally, time for food.
You pushed yourself up and stood from where you knelt. You were about to turn towards the direction you were trekking when you saw Mio's small form from the corner of your eyes. She was standing at the base of the hill, between you and her father who was steadily walking towards her. After a brief glance towards the man, as if to show him that she had heard his calls, she turned her eyes back at you. Cool grey contrasted the warm yellows of the rising sun, much like how curiosity now contrasted with the fear that was once housed in those eyes merely moments ago.
You gave her a wide smile, urging her to go to her father, and waved your hand in a silent goodbye.
She slightly tilted her head to the side and hesitantly returned a small smile of her own before turning her back towards you and running to her father.
You watched her greet the man who came to pick her up. She was safe now. Everything suddenly felt right in the world again, you thought to yourself humorously. You watched her being carried away until she and her father disappeared behind another small hill. Suddenly realizing that you were being sentimental about a child who probably thought you were a monster, you shook your head vigorously. It wasn't as if you'll see her again even if you wanted to do something to make up for scaring her so early in the morning.
Idly, and for no reason at all, you wondered if you looked scary.
Must be the eyes again…
You stood on top of that hill, lost in ancient thoughts. It was only when your hunger made itself known once again that you returned reality.
Alright, alright. I'm going to feed you.
Stupid stomach.
You then turned back to where you came from, with images of dew covered wild berries floating in your mind.
It was some odd number of decades later that you found yourself in that small town again.
You weren't one to remember places you have been to because sceneries change so quickly. You have yet to find a populated area that remained unchanged long enough to allow you to recognize what was once there when you first came by. You travel a lot, after all, and you've probably traveled around the whole country numerous times, wandering without any direction. You've stayed in a few places now and then for a couple of years but you never settled down.
You couldn't stay in one place for too long.
Blurred memories passed by as you walked the very same dirt road where you saw the little girl on top of the hill. You vaguely recognized the rotting wooden fencing and the road's slight curve to the left that once led to a forest that used to be there. As if the wind whispered into your ear, you turned your gaze to where the small hill should. It was still there but it was not covered by soft grass anymore. In its place was an old but sturdy looking hut.
Images of a small grey-eyed, black-haired girl weaving flowers danced in front of your eyes while a small twinge in your chest lamented her absence. You knew it was silly of course. That was such a long time ago, that little girl must be an old woman now, perhaps surrounded by grandchildren. She probably didn't even remember that you had scared her back then.
She wasn't like you after all. She wasn't a prisoner like you.
I might as well move on.
But you really wanted to make that girl smile again. You still felt bad about what had happened back then, no matter how unreasonable it seemed.
You wallowed in thoughts consisting of insulting words aimed at yourself about how incredibly sappy you were being. You've lived on your own for such a long time and, in that long time, you never cared about dogs being kicked, men being murdered, and provinces being erased from both maps and people's minds alike as a result of border conflicts.
Logically, you shouldn't care about a little girl named Mio who you only met once. It was but a brief moment compared to your life's extent but the likeness of dark hair reflecting yellow rays of sunlight stubbornly remained etched somewhere in your mind.
"Is someone out there?"
The first thing you thought of when you heard the woman's voice was silk, smooth, delicate and utterly beautiful. Regal yet soft.
Recognizing that the voice came from the very hut you were glaring holes in just moments ago, you lifted your eyes from a cluster of white dandelions growing at the base of a rotting fence post to see who had spoken.
You saw long black hair and deep charcoal eyes.
"I was just… passing by, yeah, that's right." Your voice sounded a bit too high for your taste. While you were essentially speaking the truth, seeing her again snuffed out whatever capabilities your mind had to think.
It didn't help that she took way too much interest in you, studying you inquisitively.
Out of habit, and perhaps nervousness as well, you scratched the back of your head.
"You're not from around here, are you?" She asked but passed no hasty judgments, unlike other people from the town proper who could became hostile quickly if they had the slightest bit of suspicion that you were a dangerous person.
"I'm from, uh," You faltered. Seriously, you should have perfected answering questions about your origin into an art a long time ago. "A couple of towns over. I'm sorry to bother you." You bowed respectfully, wincing at the movement because you were not very used to it.
She doesn't believe me.
The slight tilt of the woman's head was enough proof that she knew you were lying.
"It's going to get dark soon." She said, "Why don't you stay here for the night?"
"Oh, that's… no, I'll be fine, ojou-san."
"I'm not going to let a girl walk at night with only those clothes on. You'll get sick before you get home."
You noticed that beneath her kind tone, there was a quiver of fear. Good gods, did you scare her again? When you saw her trembling hand holding a sizeable wooden pole, you knew your hunch was correct. Irrational guilt waved through you once again. Why do you feel so horrible whenever you frighten her?
Curiosity aside, you knew that you had nothing to combat her rationale without belying information you'd rather keep to yourself. The only easy option was to agree to stay and then leave first thing tomorrow morning. She was being kind after all, a quality you rarely see directed to yourself. Sadly, your voice failed you once again, refusing to function when all you needed to say was okay. You felt weird around this woman, this Mio. Instincts told you to quickly leave and forget whatever memory you had about the dark haired woman and yet something inside you, something much more inexplicable than instinct, drew you to her.
You could have just nodded but you didn't. She waited though, demonstrating the maturity of her advanced age. You kept hesitating, unsure of what to do.
Nod, fool, just nod!
But you didn't and your answer remained unvoiced.
Until your stomach did it for you…
You felt your ears burn at the loud rumble. If you didn't know any better, you thought that she might have heard it too.
"I've some stew cooking inside…" She offered, no longer afraid but amused.
"I, uh…" You hesitated. Surely your face was red; you could feel blood climbing up your neck due to embarrassment. Although at that point, you didn't know if you were embarrassed because your stomach roared without your permission or because you were blushing. You were too old to blush.
You looked anywhere but the kind woman in front of you, looking for an escape. While it was your wish to meet her again, it didn't mean that you wanted to actually see her.
"What's your name?"
"Ritsu."
You almost wanted to slap your hand over your mouth for blurting your name out so quickly.
"No last name?"
"…"
"An orphan?"
For a moment, you wondered why she made that conclusion. You tend to forget how young you looked and this was no exception. With all the conflicts going on around the provinces, a lot of children lost their parents. She assumed that you were one of them, an orphan, lost and without a home. You smiled hollowly at the thought that the description was quite close to what you truly were.
You felt a hand on your shoulder.
"Let us go inside, okay?"
There was sadness and pity in the look that she gave you. You wanted to refuse it because you didn't want sadness or pity, certainly not from her. While the look of cold melancholy fitted her outward image, you decided that sadness did not.
Unable to answer her question and unable to refuse her offer, you nodded and accepted her hospitality.
"My name is Terada Mio."
You ended up staying far longer than you had anticipated.
After a simple supper that consisted of stewed vegetables and some rice, Mio had somehow convinced you to stay with her. She reasoned that she lived alone and if you were willing to be a companion, even for just idle conversation, she would be most grateful. Not having the heart to leave her alone after learning that, you agreed to stay. It wasn't as if you had anywhere else to be.
"Don't you have any children?" You managed to ask one day while you two dug for sweet potatoes in her garden.
The serene woman only gave you a sad smile as she extracted a red tuber from the ground. "I wasn't able to bear a child."
"Oh." You responded dumbly. What could you possible say to that? Uncomfortable with the sudden silence, you jabbed your stick into the soft soil and continued digging.
"I'm sorry I asked."
"It's alright, Ritsu-san. It's all in the past. I don't think about it much anymore." She placed a potato in her basket. "I'm just surprised you asked."
"Well, I just thought that if you had any, they should be here with you." You grumbled while you pulled on a root. The obstinate object refused to budge. Growling, you shifted your weight back and pulled as hard as you could.
"Be careful!" Mio shouted but her warning came a bit too late.
"Ow…" You found yourself on your rear with a lapful of connected tubers.
"Are you alright?" Mio asked, making her way towards you as fast as she could.
"I'm fine…" You said while rubbing your buttocks. You then held up the small bushel of sweet potatoes you extracted from the ground, "Think this is enough? I don't think I want to risk my butt again, Terada-san."
You saw concern gradually drain away from her face and she nodded, "Yes, that is… more than enough actually."
She smiled.
And you couldn't help but grin in return.
Terada Mio soon died at sunset one cold winter day.
Her decline was swift, aided by the harsh chill of winter. In your eyes, she went from a little girl to a graceful woman to a weak dying soul. You never realized how sick she was until she just couldn't stand one day. You never noticed how thin her hands were or how pale she was until she held your hand feebly to reassure you that everything will be alright.
You never thought that the bearer of such resolute grey eyes like hers could become so weak so quickly.
In your despair, you cleared her vegetable garden of any residual plants to dig her grave. With each jab of the wooden pole you once used to dig out potatoes and with each handful of soil you moved, you felt a void in your heart expand. You thought you finally found a home here with Mio. It was here that you felt your soul at peace. It was here that you lost that urge to wander blindly because you finally had a reason to stay.
It was here that you felt true happiness for the first time.
You buried her at dawn. You thought it was fitting since you met her under the rays of the rising sun. It was just right to say goodbye the same way. Tearlessly, you laid her down to her final resting place. So this is how it felt like to lose someone, you thought morosely. Your eyes felt so dry even though all you wanted to do was cry.
"I'm glad I saw you again." Those were the last words she told you before she closed her eyes for the last time.
Covering her with moist dirt and then erecting rocks to mark her grave made your stomach churn.
The finality of it all gnawed at you.
But you must say goodbye.
You burned her hut because you didn't want anyone else living there. You've deemed the hill upon it stood sacred ground and prayed that one day it will be covered in soft grass once again. You looked down to the garlands you made out of white dandelions. Even as an adult, Mio liked them and would idly pick these white flowers when she could so you gathered as many as you could find and put your hands to work to recreate the flower necklaces she used to make.
You tossed the armful of flowers into the fire.
It was your final eulogy.
Watching the fire reach up towards the morning sky, you thanked something you once cursed. You thanked Time. However brief your fateful friendship was, time still allowed for its existence and for that, you were thankful.
"I'm glad I found you again."
"Ne, Ritsu, you still awake?"
"Huh? Yeah, I am."
"Have you ever wondered what we were in our past life?"
"…"
"I mean, if the human soul does exist then we must go somewhere after we're done with this life."
"Oi…"
"What? Have you never thought about it?"
"No, not really."
"I find that hard to believe. Here I thought you were the one with the wild imagination."
"I do have imagination, Mio, but I think you spend way too much time with your fairytales."
"They're called novels, Ritsu. The existence of human souls is a very common theme in manga too, isn't it? And you read those every day. I don't understand why you seem to think it strange."
"I don't know."
"Pardon?"
"I've never thought about it. My past life… if I had one."
"Oh…"
" Now, let me nap. Your stomach is very comfy."
"Are you saying I'm fat?"
"No, I've told you hundreds of times before that you're not fat. It's them hips—ow!"
You were sipping tea and eating sweet rice cakes on a bench when you heard a commotion from down the street.
"Hey, oyaji, what do you think is going on?" You asked the sweets vendor.
"Hmm?" The man with a thick beard sniffed before answering, "Oh, I heard some nobles are passing by today but even I don't see what warrants such liveliness."
You ran your hand through your fringe before consuming the last piece of sweet. "I think I'm going to check it out. Thanks for the treat, oyaji." You grinned at the vendor and paid for your tab before standing up and stretching.
"Certainly, boy."
You waved your farewell and started to walk towards the gathering crowds. As expected, horses and carriages paraded down the streets with the crowds cheering. From what you could see—I really wish I was taller – it wouldn't surprise you if it was a member of the imperial family who rode in that carriage.
You continued to watch the parade with mild interest. Things have come a long way since you last came to this part of the country. The towns were larger and there were more people walking its streets. Buildings all looked new to you and, in certain parts of the city, massive villas with grandiose bamboo and cherry gardens stood. This place looked nothing like it did back then.
You realized that you have been standing still for a very long time in the whole scheme of things.
A flicker of silver snapped out of your daze.
From the corner of your eye, you saw a group of armed men cautiously maneuvering through the crowds and then shooting off into the main street, running after the carriage, their swords drawn.
"Assassins!" You found yourself shouting yet the people who stood next to you only fled, afraid of getting involved. You cursed their cowardice but even you didn't do anything but watch as the carriage's guards battled against the rogues. You were unarmed after all and your alarm must have been enough help for them.
Unfortunately, it seemed that the surprise attack was still too much for the guards to handle. They were cut down one by one. The captain managed to get rid of the majority of rogues but even he suffered injuries that rendered him useless in the fight.
You cursed under your breath but willed yourself not to intervene.
"Bring the princess out here so I can see her pretty face." One of the rogues snickered while the few who were still fit enough to stand pointed sharp swords at the bystanders.
Princess…?
Your blood ran cold when one of the rogues dragged a gagged young woman with long black hair out of the carriage.
"Heh, I really feel bad killing you, Ojou-sama, but I must keep my oath."
Before you realized it, you had jumped into the fray. Rage boiled inside and rationality was thrown away. All you saw was the princess with long black hair.
You made a step inside their protective circle, seeing red.
"Oi, step back or I'll kill you." A rogue with a bloody cut on his temple warned, pointing his katana right at your face.
A growl escaped your throat, "Go to hell."
"Why you little…" The man raised his weapon with the full intent of landing it on you.
You cared little about fighting. After the long years spent wandering in this world, you've learned long ago that violence was merely a waste of energy. However, you did not survive this long through pacifism and today, with that black haired woman crying just beyond this stupid man blocking your path, you weren't in the mood to stand idle and watch.
You weren't sure if it was courage or foolhardiness that pushed you as you stepped inside the man's range and swung your arm against his, redirecting his slash to the cobblestone street. With your opponent momentarily off-balanced, you shifted and smashed your wooden sandals into his chest.
A muffled whimper reached your ears.
"What the hell are you doing, stop him!" The man holding the princess roared.
Diving towards a dead guard, you reached for a sword just in time to block two blades descending upon you.
"You're dead, kid."
Your katana quivered as you held it with one hand while you used the other to cop for anything you could use to get your enemies off you. Their blades were inches away from your neck when your hand found what it was looking for. Satisfied, you smirked at your enemies and said, "I'm not so sure about that." Without warning, you threw a handful of dust to their faces. They instinctively backed off, allowing you to stand and get a chance to fight properly.
The weight of the sword you held felt so foreign to you. You had not held a sword for decades now ever since carrying one became more of a hassle than an advantage. However, your arm still knew what that weight meant and was steadily relearning the weapon in your hand.
These half-dead fools needed to learn to respect their elders.
Your swings were reckless but they were certainly powerful. However, they were clearly better trained at it than you were.
But that didn't matter as much as the woman you wanted to save. The woman, who you knew was Mio.
You managed to hold your own quite well against two assassins but you knew that your efforts would be in vain if you didn't reach the princess.
I don't want to kill you…
You shook your head. It was pointless to think of your reservations. You must think of the now. Even after you managed to unarm one of the two men you were fighting, he didn't back away. His body language even hinted that he would reach for another weapon if given the chance.
Run away, damn it all!
The other man, still armed, swung low and you had to twist your arm to the side to parry his attack. From the corner of your eye, you saw the unarmed brute reach for a dead comrade's sword. Anger pulsed in your veins. You didn't want to hurt them yet they keep fighting.
"You! Drop your sword or I swear I'll behead the princess right here." The rogue's leader held his katana's edge towards the princess' throat.
"Don't you dare…" You growled, voice threatening and filled with the promise of pain.
"I'm your opponent, you brat!" The man you squared off with barked at you and slashed his blade down.
It merely took you a simple swing to part his forearm from his elbow.
A frightened cry.
You snapped your eyes back to the princess. Her captor was picking her up to carry her under his arm.
The moment you saw tears spilling out of her grey eyes, your arm moved on its own accord and threw the sword you held like a javelin, spearing the man who held her captive.
He fell with a dull thud and the gurgling of blood on the ground.
The other rogues left standing stopped in their tracks.
Quickly, you made your way towards the gagged princess and removed her binds.
"Are you hurt—"
"You'll pay for that—"
You gritted your teeth. You stood and pulled off the sword impaling the rogue leader in one swift motion and held the sword up towards the foolish soul who dared to approach you.
The man skidded into a stop, dropped his sword and then trembled.
"G-golden eyes… Y-you're a-a demon!"
You felt your grip slacken at the accusation.
The thundering of hooves overpowered the hushed murmurs amongst the cowards who did nothing but watch in the sidelines during the fight.
You dropped the sword when the rogues fled.
You wondered whether they fled because of the incoming reinforcements or because of your eyes.
"Ojou-sama!" A man on horseback immediately dismounted to aid his liege's daughter.
You turned around and looked at the princess you just saved. She, too, was staring at you with fear in her eyes.
You winced. You made her fear you again.
It's really you, isn't it?
You came back.
But please don't look at me like that…
You felt a heavy hand on your shoulder, jolting you away from your thoughts.
"You're coming with us. You have a lot of explaining to do."
You tore yourself away from the man's grip. The look in her eyes was a far more painful verdict than whatever the emperor could decree on you. She was here. She was alive. You found her again. But she feared you and she didn't remember.
You just wanted to run away.
"Wait!" She called out to you after you took two steps in order flee the scene, to flee that inexplicable pain.
And like the idiot you were, you stopped and returned your eyes on hers. A flicker of hope lit itself inside you without your permission.
She took a moment to wipe the tears away from her eyes with a grace that only a princess could ever have and stood up with the help of one of her guards.
"You saved my life. Please, allow me to thank you properly."
Unwilling to expose that tiny flame of hope to the cruel wind of reality, you shifted your gaze to a white bunch of petals behind the princess' kimono.
"What is your name, my Savior?"
So she doesn't remember me…
Of course not.
Almost bitterly, you answered. She was still the princess after all.
"Ritsu."
You looked up when you heard a startled gasp.
"Ojou-sama?" A baffled guard voiced.
"It's you, isn't it?"
"You know me?" You asked the princess after a small feast that honored your bravery. This was the first time you were able to speak to her without the frequent calls of her servants and guards.
The princess, clearly thankful that she was able to shed some of her more formal clothes, rested her hands on her lap and nodded. "Only in my dreams."
"Dreams…?"
"Yes," She started but she seemed reluctant to continue. No one truly believed that the golden-eyed girl in her dreams could be real. It was just not possible. "Even when I was a little girl, I dreamed of golden eyes. Some of the priestesses told me that maybe a spirit watches over me, they didn't think that you were real."
Unimaginable happiness washed over you like a tide.
"But since you're sitting here with me now, I suppose that you are real." She chuckled softly, "I never doubted your existence though."
"A spirit, huh?" You repeated her words with humor in your voice.
"Yes, a playful spirit who likes white flowers."
You laughed heartily, happy beyond belief and amused at the irony that her dreams weren't as accurate as you thought they were.
Startled by your random bout of laughter, she blinked and tilted her head curiously, "Did I say something funny?"
"No, no." You waved your hand to dismiss your own mirth, "You were the one who liked the dandelions, Mio, not me."
You slapped your hand over your mouth when you saw the look of utter astonishment on her face. "I mean, Ojou-sama. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be disrespectful!"
Idiot! That's not her—
"…my name. How did you know?" She was certain that she never told this young man her name before and everyone who was there referred to her formally as a princess.
…anymore.
You stared at her for a long while, disbelief written on your face, before you averted your eyes towards the extravagant garden of the villa. "I can't… explain something like that, Ojou-sama. Forgive me."
"Mio."
"Huh?"
"You have no last name to speak of so I cannot address you properly aside from calling you by your name. And since you already know mine…"
"I can't possibly—"
"I insist."
"H-hai…"
She placed her grey gaze on the garden's pond in the distance. "Perhaps we were reborn at the same time…"
"…you think so?"
No, I lost you.
I remained.
"Yes, I do think so because…" She hesitated, "…you were a girl in my dreams."
For the second time that night, you smacked your hand on your face, not to keep yourself from spitting something inappropriate out but to keep yourself from laughing. Unfortunately, that didn't stop your shoulders from quaking because of the glee you were hiding.
The princess gave you a look of exasperation. She wondered how eccentric you were. You were the first person to laugh at her for no apparently reason.
After pushing your laughter down, you managed to say between amused giggles, "I am a girl."
The expression on her face was priceless.
You stayed with her from then on. You simply refused to leave her side and, fortunately, she wasn't too keen on leaving yours as well. Yours was a friendship that defied time after all and no snobby noble would be able to break that. She managed to convince her father that you were a valuable friend and asked for permission so that you could stay by your side. Her father, a big and serious man, approved of it after his daughter asked multiple times. He was reluctant to let some stray near his beloved daughter but agreed nonetheless because of your heroic act. Intelligent as he was, he deduced that the best personal guard his daughter could have would be another girl.
And so, you soon found yourself as Mio's bodyguard.
The time spent with her was golden. You would bring items from the local market for her perusal because she wasn't allowed outside without an entourage while she taught (forced) you how to read and write. You two would amuse yourselves by dropping pebbles in the koi pond when she wasn't busy with her courtly duties. And you would talk about inane things over tea.
You wished that time would stand still.
Who am I kidding…?
It was only still for you.
The time came when, like any princess, she was sent to meet her future husband. You weren't allowed to go despite all your protests. Her father shared your sentiments, he had never seen his daughter so happy until you appeared in her life, but even he must respect his future in-law's wishes. And being a girl who had nothing but a name, you couldn't do anything about it.
All you could do was hope that you wouldn't be completely separated from her.
However, fate was cruel.
You could still remember your blood turning frigid when you saw one of her guards stumble into the courtyard, bleeding. Bandits, he said, masterless swordsmen who still lived in an age past rebelled their loss of prestige and attacked the princess' convoy.
The guard wept as he retold his tale of defilement, murder and butchery while you stood numb to the world around you as you listened.
It took four men to calm you down enough to listen to her father's raging bellows of anguish.
But you heard nothing. Only fury had a voice in your mind and it was roaring like the flame that consumed her wooden hut so long ago.
The next few days flew by in search for those damnable folk who slaughtered your beloved friend. Vengeance ran thick in your blood, screaming at you to spill theirs into the ground.
You found them during a moonless night in a small camp near a town not too far away from where Mio had lost her life.
You drew your blade as you walked into their camp, your face unreadable.
"What are you doing here, girl?" A man looked at you with wicked amusement in his eyes.
It was the last sentence he ever uttered.
Long forgotten knowledge came back to you as you swung your sword. Previously discarded skills made your sword thrum in power. Wrath fed its thirst and cold grief sharpened its blade. Your sword tore through their clothes and through their flesh. It sang your pain and sorrow. Its song made you feel invincible. It made you feel immortal. It made you feel like a God.
You stared coldly at the man cowering before you. He was the last one alive.
He was the one unfortunate enough to see your eyes glow gold amidst the flickering light of the campfire.
"D-demon!" He stuttered, grasping the bark of the tree that cornered him.
You growled, "You're the demon. Not me."
You snuffed his pitiful life out like one would blow a candle.
You dropped your sword right then and there, its weight suddenly too heavy to bear. You had your revenge but it cannot bring her back. You only did this to feed your selfishness.
You didn't regret it but that didn't mean you truly liked what you did.
You made your way to the place where Mio's carriage was attacked. Her body wasn't there anymore, of course, her father gave her and her guards a proper burial, but there was still a mild stench of blood in the air and signs of struggle were still evident on the vegetation.
A racking sob shook your body, lessening you into the lost soul you had always been. For the second time, you lost your reason to live, your best friend, the soul who gave your life meaning.
You cursed your inability to die.
You cried yourself to sleep against a tree trunk, cold and alone.
I'll wait for you just, please, come back to me.
A drop of dew fell from a white dandelion's petal beside you.
"What are you doing?"
"Whatever happened to saying hello when you call someone, Baka?"
"Eh… you already know it's me."
"That's not the point."
"So, what are you doing?"
"I'm reading. Yes, I already finished our homework and, no, you're not going to copy it."
"Geez… I haven't even asked yet."
"But I know you will."
"Well, I wasn't going to! It was pretty easy this time so I managed to finish it myself, so there. I just wanted to know what you're doing."
"Clingy, much?"
"But I'm bored!"
"Boredom makes you clingy?"
"No, but barnacles do."
"S-shut up! I'm hanging up!"
"N-No! Don't hang up. I just wanted to chat."
"Baka."
"So, what are you reading?"
"The same book."
"The one about human souls?"
"Yeah, it's really interesting."
"I thought you hated ghost stories."
"It's not a ghost story! I told you that already. Don't ruin it for me."
"Souls, ghost, dead people, same thing."
"There's no reasoning with you, is there?"
"What?"
"Just so that you'll have something to ponder about, here's a question for you. Do you believe in soulmates?"
"You mean the person you're supposed to be destined with?"
"Not necessarily, that's just what most people think it means. Your soulmate doesn't have to be the person prophesized to be your romantic partner. Your soulmate is basically your soul's other half. The book even said that your soulmate can reside in an animal or plant."
"Oh, great, what if your soulmate is a barnacle, Mio?"
"Gah! Shut up! I pray to all the gods in the world that my soulmate is not a barnacle! I swear I'll have your head if you magically jinxed me, Ritsu!"
"Hahaha!"
"Stop laughing! I'm serious! Mou…"
"Alright, alright, I'm sorry."
"Take me seriously once in a while, you Baka."
"I do believe in soulmates."
"You do?"
"Yeah, I like the thought of somebody out there being my other half."
"Wow, I didn't expect that."
"Look at who's not taking who seriously now."
"I am taking you seriously; I'm just surprised is all."
"…and I think I've found my soulmate."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. It's Yui. Hahaha!"
"Yui?"
"Why, are you jealous, Mio-chuan?"
"I'm not! But why Yui of all people—well, I suppose that actually makes sense."
"She's awesome! She gets my jokes unlike you."
"Yeah… you two are pretty similar."
"…I don't like that tone in your voice. Hey! Don't you giggle on me!"
"I'm not giggling! Hahaha! It makes sense now!"
"Don't laugh!"
"Hahaha!"
"Mio~!"
After Mio left you for the second time, you continued you live your life aimlessly wandering from town to town. The years dragged on but you valiantly bore the centuries upon your shoulders. You've lived forever after all and you still had forever to go. You might as well get used to existing like this. However, with industrialization came new laws. You suddenly found yourself unable to live on your own without papers, documents, and legal materials.
You couldn't exist as a phantom in this society.
You could just stay away from civilization but you knew that you will have to face society sooner or later. Sooner was better, of course, and you tried fitting in to no avail. It was difficult, very difficult, so you ended up staying away from large cities and towns, spending your days in some of the more remote regions of Japan.
Society didn't bother you there. You were self-sufficient anyway.
But you might not meet her if you kept hiding.
Fate finally gave you some sort of salvation in the form of Tainaka Natsumi. The elderly lady found you fishing in a river one day and dragged you into her home despite your complaints.
"You have no parents?"
"Err… no, ma'am."
"Family?"
You shook your head and slightly fidgeted at her prodding gaze.
"You're hungry?"
"A… bit."
"Then leave that pole, girl, and come with me."
"You don't need to do—"
"Now!"
You tossed the said pole to the side.
Tainaka Natsumi grinned.
She was headstrong, truly the matriarch of her large family of farmers, cheerful, and wouldn't take no for an answer. She quickly integrated you into her family, who were more than happy to welcome you since they all shared their matriarch's personality.
Her eldest son, quite taken by your carefree nature, volunteered to give you his family's name with a bit of persuasion from his pregnant wife.
The process of adoption took a while but soon you found yourself being called Tainaka Ritsu.
You couldn't help but cry in sheer joy when your adoptive father showed the entire clan the paper that proved that you were now his daughter.
"But… you just found me." You sobbed, holding a forearm up to hide your puffy eyes.
"And I'm glad I did. You're a wonderful person, Ricchan. Tainaka Natsumi smiled, almost grinned, at you. "Now, stop crying and let's eat. I'm sure everyone's hungry."
"I-I'm sorry! I… j-just… I never had a f-family before… never belonged in one."
"Hush, girl."
"Ricchan," Your adoptive mother stroked your back and chuckled, "I think your father's getting hungry."
"F-father?" Both you and Tainaka Kaze spoke at the same exact time.
You looked at each other and reduced yourselves into a pair of laughing idiots.
They didn't even ask about my past…
You stood from your place on the table and bowed. "Thank you…" You swallowed the sob that was threatening to smother your coherency.
You waited for 150 years, a month and give or take a few days.
And she had yet to appear.
Although the last decade spent with the Tainakas was one of the happiest ones you have ever experienced, there was still emptiness in your soul that refused to be filled. Even letting your adoptive grandmother and parents know about your immortality – they began to wonder why you didn't age during the first five years of being with them and you certainly didn't want to leave anymore now that you finally had a family—didn't give you that liberating feeling you hoped.
No, you only felt truly alive when that girl with black hair and grey eyes was with you.
I'm still waiting…
You were walking on the paved sidewalk on your way to your first day in high school. You and your family had recently moved in this town because your father managed to land a decent job in a local office and thought it wise to move. He and his wife wanted to give you and Satoshi the best education they could afford anyway, so reasons to not move dwindled quickly.
School…
You managed to get away from going to school before but apparently, according to your parents, you must go if you were to live with them in the city.
Okay, this shouldn't be too bad.
But didn't he say that classes start at 8?
You huffed and glared at your phone's clock.
It displayed 6:30 AM.
Sighing, you replaced your phone in your jacket's pocket. It wasn't because you lamented any loss of sleep. No, the Tainakas woke up early and you picked up their habit. What you inwardly complained about was the fact your father convinced you to leave so early because you might have to be present on campus earlier than normal since it was the first day.
The sun is barely up… ugh.
You entertained yourself by exhaling deeply and watching a cloud of fog rise towards the sky as you walked. You chuckled to yourself when you realized that, for an ancient immortal, you were indeed quite childish.
The sound of soft humming made you turn your gaze into a playground.
There, sitting on a bench with a school bag on her lap, was a black-haired, grey-eyed girl absently braiding white dandelions together while humming a simple tune.
Steadily but surely, your feet moved, taking you to where she was.
Ancient memories flashed in front of your eyes, remembering that small girl, that old woman, and that princess from your past.
Carefully, slowly, after over a century of waiting, you approached the person you've been waiting for.
"Hey…"
She jumped slightly, startled, but looked up to you with inquisitive eyes.
Curiosity was then replaced by vague familiarity.
You smiled, "…you shouldn't be alone out here. It's still quite dark."
"Y-you…"
"My name is Tainaka Ritsu."
Her eyes widened.
"R-Ritsu…"
"Yeah."
"I'm Akiyama Mio."
"You finally finished that book, Mio?"
"Just last night, yes."
"That one took you a while."
"Well, it was pretty long."
"And, what did you think about it?"
"You should read it, Ritsu, it was really good."
"You know I don't like to read books. If it was manga then that might be a different story."
"…say, Ritsu, have you ever wondered what it feels like to be immortal?"
"…"
"It sounds wonderful but at the same time… it's quite sad, isn't it?"
"…"
"Ritsu, are you even listening?"
"Don't you think being immortal is boring?"
"How so…?"
"With all that time in the world, you're bound to run out of things to do."
"I think you're missing the point…"
"No, I'm not."
"Ritsu…"
"There is a difference between living and actually feeling alive."
Time does not wait.
Time does not stop.
It keeps going on and on and on.
So do not just live.
Be alive.
And cherish the time allotted to you.
Fin.
AN: For those who are wondering what Ritsu really is... I'm afraid I can't give you a definite answer. She is immortal but she does not have any superpowers whatsoever. Her strength is from centuries worth of experiences. I loosely based her off some Japanese mythological creatures who take the form of a girl. However, as you can see, she does not transform or cast spells.
This story is a New Year's gift to friends I made in this fandom. You two, and you know who you are, are awesome.
Also, thank you to Athyra for Beta-ing this oneshot!
