Preface

It is said that first love hurts most of all. You get an open wound, somewhere inside of your heart, and it's very hard to heal it. Memories stay with you, returning old pain.

Fortunately, this pain dies away with the lapse of time. The wound skins over, leaving an ugly coarse seam. It is said that love leaves scars. I cannot but agree with that.

My name is Bella Swan. I'm turning 25 very soon. I still live in Forks, a little town hidden in clouds.

My first love changed me too, but I'm too tired to feel sorry for that. Sooner or later there comes a time when you need to grown up.

One day you should stop waiting for the one who had poisoned your life.


Chapter 1. An ordinary life

I was lost in my thought and woke up only when someone called to me again.

'I'm sorry… Could you repeat your question?' I forced myself to speak.

Actually, I have stopped being so distracted, but I shrink into my shell from time to time. Everyone got used for that. I got that habit a long time ago. It became a part of my nature.

'Can you show me that knapsack?' asked a thin man with a mop of grey hair, pointing at the mazarine blue bag on the top shelf. His glasses shifted and stopped on the edge of his nose.

I nodded.

'Sure. It's a very good model.'

Standing on tiptoes, I picked up the rucksack and offered it to the client. He started to twist it, holding the bag awkwardly in his hands. I looked closely at the client. Man's coat was too thin for this weather; his shoes didn't fit for sport. I could bet the man just has been driving nearby, but after noticing the forest from the filling station he made up his mind to a little adventure. I couldn't blame him for that. Such clients were the only reason why the Newtons still had this store.

The client hasn't sorted out how the locks worked, but I kept silent. If he wanted to pretend a professional, it's his choice. The man continued to examine the bag, primed, knitted his brow, but didn't want to ask questions.

Actually, I could really help him. I have worked in this store since my school days. That's weird. It seems to happen so recently. But it was like… seven years ago?

I haven't noticed when I started to bit my lip. I felt familiar taste of salt and metal. Damn. I need to be careful. I shouldn't…

do anything reckless or stupid. That phrase still haunted me. Of course, I should stop dreaming and move on. By the way, I made progress, you know. Many events happened in these seven years. My class finished school. I have been distracted since I turned 18, so it influenced on my school leaving certificate. My parents tried to cheer me up. They kept saying I would succeed next year. I needed some time, that's all. Damn time. I would go up to university next time.

Next time didn't happen. I still work at Newton's, spending day after day. Each of them looks exactly like previous one, and sometimes it's hard for me to notice how time's getting along.

'Hardly sorted out how these locks work', finally said the client with a light smile. He seemed to give up pretending that he didn't know anything about sport goods.

I forced a smile. Somebody should admit I have always been a bad shop assistant. I'm silent, unsociable and have no idea how to sell the good to a client. But there is no other job here. Forks is too little town. Moreover, Mr. Newton lost Mike's help years ago. My former classmate went to college and barely visited Forks now. Jessica moved away too. After taking a bachelor's degree somewhere in California, she stayed there and was preparing to marry. I got an invitation too. Of course, I won't go anywhere, but to get the letter was nice, although very strange.

I communicate only with Angela Weber. She is a perfect friend, because she never has time for me. Angela preferred to stay in Forks after leaving school. She wanted to take care about her family members. Now, seven years later, the girl got a husband and kids. Her son, Henry, was three years old; the second child was on his way. Angela was afraid to be bewitched but I thought it must be the girl this time. Full house.

'The locks look too complicated, but they're very reliable. All our clients praise them.'

'Really?'

'Yeah. Especially, if you're a rock climber… or a fan of long walks. It's a very good choice.'

'Hmmm…'

The man twisted it again. My voice sounded strong this time. He must trust me.

'You seem to have some experience in this field', he said.

'I have worked here for the last seven years', I answered honestly.

'Have you?' his surprise sounded real. 'You look much younger. I thought you must be study at school.'

'I'm well preserved'.

Now I can joke about it without starting thinking about the Cullens. Well, almost… I try not to think about them, but Edward is my first infatuation. I don't want to call it love. I always thought that love meant something good.

After a short reflection the client gave up and left the store with the rucksack wrapped in a pocket with Newton's shop logo. I looked at my watch. I had a half an hour till the end of the working day. I tidied the store up and went to the storeroom to change my closes. Found keys, closed the store and turned the alarm system on. Time to go home.

There is nothing special about my life. It always occurs with people who stuck in little towns. It seems like you have the whole life ahead, but in real you have to rot here, with people who know everything about you. That's even worse. You have nowhere to go and nowhere to hide. Every your step and every mistake will be remembered.

Like my unsuccessful marriage, for example… I'm trying not to think about it too. I still live with my dad, Charlie, a Police Chief. No, wait, I had some changes too. I got a new car. My Chevy died five years ago, just around my 20th birthday. Renee and Charlie gave me some money, so I brought a new truck. It's very similar with an old one, but has a better motor.

After returning home I cooked the dinner. Charlie promised to come back earlier today.

'I'm home!' he cried from the threshold. Dad hoped the note would hasten the process of cooking.

I could notice the smell of fresh forest heard from the corridor. I got used to that and, despite of little anxiety, rising from memory, managed to love that.

'Hi, dad! Take off your coat. The dinner is ready!'

I needed to hurry Charlie; otherwise he would get stuck in front of the TV set, watching a new game. I had no desire to have a cold meal on the coach.

'What's for dinner?'

The dinner ran its course, repeating the other evening events.

Sometimes, lying in a bed with no sleep, I start to think when everything has turned upside down in my life. Of course, I always find the answer.

The Cullens. I haven't heard anything about them for almost seven years. God knows I have tried to find them. I really did, but couldn't find anything. That task appeared to be too difficult for such an ordinary human like me.

Leaving me, Edward wanted to protect me, but everything got worse. My dreams didn't come true. Sometimes, looking at the sky through the yellowed curtains, I imagine what life I could have if everything had happened in a different way. Sometimes I want to change the past, but no one can set it right.

Edward and his family disappeared from my life just like they have never existed.