A/N: Thank you so much to bailey1ak for all your help and encouragement.
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or it's wonderful characters.
Spoilers: Reunion season 4
I appreciate your reviews. Any type of criticism is helpful. Enjoy!
Chapter 1
Jennifer had the room all to herself this morning; enjoying the solitude, she rolled over snuggling deeper into Ronon's pillow inhaling the remnants of his familiar scent. How'd she get so lucky? She loved living in Atlantis, even considered it home. Here she was 27 years old and the CMO of an elite expedition in another galaxy, but the best part of her life was the amazing man who loved her unconditionally.
Jennifer lingered just a while longer in bed thinking about Ronon and the wonderful life they were building together. This man could make her blush at just the thought of his touch … time to get out of bed and start the day, she thought shaking her head.
Ronon left early this morning with Teyla to follow up on a lead he'd received about some fellow Satedans on M3R-427. He wasn't expected back until late in the evening. Jennifer always felt a slight emptiness when Ronon was off world, like part of her was missing.
Jen knew Ronon still wrestled with guilt over the events leading up to the destruction of Sateda. He was a Specialist in the military and responsible for the safety and well being of all the men under his command yet was unable to save them. The only reason he survived was the Wraith made him a runner.
Specialist Ronon Dex spent seven years running for his life from the brutal chase of the Wraith warriors. Had Sheppard and Teyla not found him while looking for Lt. Ford, he'd probably already be dead. Dr. Beckett removed the tracking device from his back, giving him back his freedom. With no home to return to, Ronon accepted the invitation to live in Atlantis and help the expedition continue to fight the Wraith with Colonel Sheppard's team. But late at night when the city slept, Ronon continued the fight alone in his dreams waking up to the familiar guilt and shame of comrades lost.
Jennifer pulled herself out of bed heading toward the shower. This was her day off but with nothing special planned she knew she'd be in and out of the infirmary until Ronon got home. Looking around she realized it wouldn't hurt to spend a few minutes cleaning her room sometime during the day. Their schedules had been pretty crazy lately with the condition of their living quarters suffering the most.
It took a while to find a dry towel emphasizing the need to do laundry. Jennifer put on a clean uniform settling at the dressing table to fix her hair. Looking in the mirror she caught sight of Ronon's ring hanging around her neck. She reached up and held the ring as she remembered the day he gave it to her. Ronon had fashioned the necklace from a thinly braided leather cord holding the promise ring. He'd given her the ring just a few months ago symbolizing his promise to always love her. By wearing the necklace it signified her acceptance of his offer and the bonding process began.
This was the Satedan custom. Jennifer wore the necklace knowing she'd always belong to this man who stole her heart at first sight. The bonding would end with Ronon placing the ring on her finger. Jennifer closed her eyes thinking about how wonderful it'll be when she wears the ring on her finger. Regardless of the customs, she'd already given Ronon her heart knowing it was for life. In Jennifer's mind they were already bonded.
Time to stop daydreaming and get some breakfast, she told herself. Jennifer put on her shoes heading toward the mess hall. Filling her tray she wandered over to sit with Major Lorne.
"Good morning, Evan," Jennifer greeted as she set her tray down.
"Good morning to you, sweetheart," Evan smiled, reaching over and pulling a chair out for her.
There were few people who could get away with calling Jennifer sweetheart and Evan was one of them. Come to think of it, it was a term of endearment only Evan and her dad used, much to Ronon's chagrin.
It took a while for Ronon to accept the close relationship Jennifer shared with the Major. He had mixed feelings on the subject. The familiarity between the two was a bit unsettling but at the same time he knew Lorne would do anything to keep Jennifer safe. Ronon trusted him.
"You all alone this morning?" Evan asked as she seated herself.
"Ronon is off world with Teyla today," Jen explained.
"Checking on the Satedan lead?" Evan knew there was a chance some fellow Satedans were spotted on a neighboring planet. Ronon always had an ear to the ground hoping to find some of his people. Sateda had been ravished by the Wraith who left nothing but death and destruction some 10 years ago, but he never gave up searching.
"I hope this rumor pans out. My heart breaks every time he comes back from one of these hunts. Just once I'd like to see him find someone he knows. I'm tired of always feeling so guilty," Jennifer said frowning.
"Why the guilt?" Evan asked wondering what would cause her heartache.
"I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life because of this man yet it all came about because he lost everything. Sometimes it's hard to reconcile," Jen explained sadly.
"Don't go there sweetheart," Evan admonished her. " It came about because Sheppard and Teyla rescued him. You had nothing to do with the Wraith attack or all the tragedies Ronon brought with him. If anything, you gave him back a reason to live."
Jennifer just smiled and nodded trying not to shed the tears threatening to fall. Evan changed the subject and they finished their lunch talking about lighter matters. They planned a movie night for the end of the week when the Daedalus was due to arrive bringing Lt. Cadman to town. They both loved it when Laura was on base … for completely different reasons.
Ronon and Teyla were successful in finding three of Ronon's friends, spending the afternoon talking about old times. Ronon was beside himself with pleasure as he visited with Tyre, Ara and Rakai, three friends who were under his command at the time of the Wraith attack on Sateda. Tyre explained how they'd escaped the Wraith attack and had been fighting the enemy ever since. They all exchanged stories of downed darts and Wraith body counts enjoying each other's company while making plans for future skirmishes together.
Ronon returned to Atlantis hoping to obtain permission to bring his friends to the city. Colonel Carter presented the new IOA regulations explaining she wasn't able to grant his request at the present time. Even though she said the new regulations applied to everyone on the base, Ronon was upset and felt Colonel Carter didn't trust him. He returned to his friends angry his new home hadn't been more supportive.
Ronon apologized to Tyre for not being able to take his fellow Satedans to Atlantis. He was frustrated and angry they wouldn't allow his friends to sit and discuss tactics in Atlantis instead of some other world.
"I'm sorry it didn't work out," Ronon said as he explained the situation to Tyre.
"What? You thought they'd make an exception because it was you asking?" Tyre answered with a small smile.
"I'm suppose to be their friend," Ronon said frustrated.
"No. You're their ally, their guest. Me, Rakai, Ara -- we're your friends. I won't doubt they're good people; they helped you out when you needed it, and from what I hear, they've done more to hurt the Wraith than anyone. You've gotta respect that. But it doesn't mean you've got to commit to them. The way I see it, now that we're back together, you belong with us." Tyre said passionately hoping his speech would stir something in Ronon and win his allegiance.
"Give it some thought, Ronon. We need you beside us fighting the Wraith. No one else will remember Sateda but we can do this for all the ones we lost, for Melena." Tyre pleaded. Playing on his emotions, he hoped to sway Ronon to leave Atlantis and join them.
"I'll think about it." Ronon felt his loyalties being torn in several directions. This was his Satedan family that needed him, wanted him as their leader again. He knew he could keep them safe as they fought the Wraith and avenged their home world. Ronon had spent years looking for his people with little luck so finding his friends was an unexpected miracle, which he couldn't let go of.
Ronon also felt a duty to Atlantis and Sheppard. John and Teyla had saved him from certain death while Carson gave him back his life. How could he just walk away from this new world he was building? Truth be told, they had the ability to do far more damage to the Wraith than this little band of Satedan warriors.
Ronon's thoughts turned to Jennifer. He had started the bonding ceremony with her just a few months ago. She was the center of his world. How could he just walk away from her? He'd have to break his vows but he'd never be able to do that. His love for this young healer was stronger than anything he'd ever felt … he needed her. But asking her to be a part of this new life with Tyre was out of the question.
Jennifer couldn't stop thinking about her conversation with Ronon. She moved to her office, closing the door she sat thinking all her happiness was about to come to an abrupt end.
Ronon caught her in the infirmary just an hour ago with the good news that he'd found some of his old friends from Sateda. This should've been a joyous celebration but Ronon was so upset. He'd asked Colonel Carter if he could bring them to Atlantis but due to new policy changes it wasn't allowed. Ronon just couldn't accept Carter's decision leaving him hurt and angry.
Jennifer tried to talk, even reason with Ronon but he was in warrior mode, she wasn't able to penetrate the hard shell he'd placed around himself. He kept talking about owing his allegiance to his friends. "But aren't we his friends too?" she asked herself. Jennifer hoped to have more time to figure this all out after work. Ronon should be home by then and they wouldn't have any interruptions.
Ronon spent some time in the gym sparring with Teyla waiting for Jennifer to get off work. Teyla had been one of his best friends since he came to live in Atlantis and he had a hard time keeping things from her.
"You seem distracted today, what is wrong?" Teyla asked Ronon after getting in several good hits with her bantos rods.
"I'm thinking of leaving Atlantis," Ronon answered ready to defend his decision.
"Must it come down to a choice between Atlantis and your Satedan friends?" Teyla asked.
"They're more than my friends, Teyla. They're my family. We've always been there for each other."
"I understand, Ronon. I too felt like I betrayed my people when I chose to live here in Atlantis. But then I remember I can do more here to help my people and the rest of the humans in this galaxy than I ever could on my homeworld." Teyla hoped her words would somehow get through to him and he'd reconsider what she already knew he was going to do.
Ronon had a lot to think about but continued to feel determined to leave Atlantis after their mission with Tyre. Everyone kept trying to talk him out of his decision. Sheppard, Teyla and Carter each had good arguments but it all came back to guilt and loyalty. He was given another chance to make things right with his Satedan family and he didn't want to lose this opportunity.
Jennifer couldn't believe what was happening. "Ronon, what about us? How can you just walk away?" Jennifer asked shocked at his decision to leave.
"I'm sorry, Jennifer. You know I love you but this is something I have to do," Ronon answered desperate for her to understand.
"How long will you be gone? Do you even plan on coming home?" Jennifer hoped this was just a temporary situation.
"I don't know, I may never come back," Ronon explained trying not to show his frustration at the decisions he was making. Without Atlantis guarding his six his odds of returning decreased dramatically. Ronon wouldn't put Jen through the turmoil of waiting.
"No! You can't go. You can't just throw me away. We're bonded!" Jennifer was beginning to panic and couldn't control her emotions. "Please, Ronon, don't do this." Jennifer couldn't hold back the tears as she realized her whole world was falling apart.
Ronon grabbed Jennifer and pulled her into his arms. He held on as she sobbed into his chest. All of this was tearing him apart and he couldn't stand to see her so hurt. "I'm so sorry. I don't expect you to wait for something that might not ever happen. I'm breaking our bonding and setting you free." Ronon wasn't prepared for Jennifer's violent response.
Jennifer lifted her head and shoved Ronon hard causing him to stumble backwards.
"I don't care what your traditions say, you gave me this ring as a pledge you'd always love me!" Jennifer raised her voice as she raised her necklace so Ronon could get a better view of the ring he'd given her. "You can't just take it back and say we never existed!" Jennifer shouted knowing she was losing control. "I don't want to be set free. I want you to take this ring and put it on my finger and tell me you'll never leave me!" Jennifer was overwhelmed as she continued to cry and plead with Ronon. She could feel herself losing this battle and didn't know how to fight back. "I just want you to love me, I want you to keep your promise," Jennifer whispered wrapping her arms around herself as protection from the sorrow that was threatening to engulf her.
She could feel her legs weaken as she slowly lowered herself to the floor. Ronon crossed the space between them before she hit the tile wrapping his arms around her. He pulled her up holding her while she quietly cried the few remaining tears she had left.
Picking her up, Ronon carried her further into the room. He placed her on the bed, lying down beside her Ronon pulled her in close holding her tightly as the grief over his decision consumed them completely. He didn't know if he could live without her.
Ronon held her through the night but when morning came he slipped out of bed and went to find Sheppard. Today they were meeting with Trye and the others to plan out their mission. He was hoping this would be the first of many missions together, he and Sheppard, leaders fighting together side by side.
The plan was to meet back on M3R-427 and discuss taking out a Wraith lab that was working on reversing the Replicator attack code. This would be disastrous for the Pegasus galaxy. The Replicators were hunting the Wraith but if the code were reversed they'd be back to hunting human populations and they needed to stop this at all costs.
Sheppard's team left early, meeting up with the Satedans they planned out their mission. It was decided that Ronon would lead the Satedans and both teams would spread out once they got on board. Ronon had made the decision to leave Atlantis as soon as the mission was over. Tomorrow he'd begin a new life but he wasn't sure if he could actually live with his decision.
Jennifer called Marie telling her she'd be in late. She looked horrible, deciding to work in her office all day. Jen couldn't believe Ronon was leaving. She still had a few precious hours to try and convince him to stay. She planned to find Ronon as soon as her shift was over and beg if she had to.
Once they had a working plan mapped out, Sheppard's team returned to Atlantis and Ronon immediately started to pack his things. While Jennifer was working he started in her quarters gathering all his belongings. The couple had pretty much moved into Jennifer's room over the past few months once the bonding began and used Ronon's quarters for storage. Ronon knew removing all his belongings would break Jennifer's heart but felt it'd be easier if he did it while she was working. He was having a difficult time of it as it was. He knew his allegiance was to his own people but hearing Jennifer plead with him again might cause him to stumble, maybe even change his mind. He couldn't afford that right now.
Jennifer walked into her room knowing immediately something was wrong. As she looked around she realized all of Ronon's things were missing. Turning around, she ran out the door to Ronon's room as the tears were streaming down her cheeks. Opening his door she burst in to find him sorting and packing his belongings into boxes. She just stood in his room not knowing what to say. This was a nightmare and she needed to wake up.
"When are you leaving?" Jennifer asked barely above a whisper.
"Tomorrow after our mission." Ronon was having a hard time talking. It was his decision but he didn't know how he'd live without holding her in his arms everyday. "Will you be okay?"
"No, Ronon, I won't be okay! I still don't understand why you have to leave or how you can just stop loving me." Jennifer needed a better explanation from him. She wanted to understand.
"Jennifer, I will always love you. This has nothing to do with how I feel about you." Ronon was awful with words but he needed her to know his feelings for her hadn't changed. "They need me. I let them down before and so many died. They're still my responsibility, my family."
"I need you," Jennifer cried. "Let's go talk to Colonel Carter again and see if they can't come here."
"No, I need to do this. I'll be leaving tomorrow," Ronon answered firmly hoping to put the conversation to rest.
Jennifer turned and walked out of his quarters, out of his life. She took a long walk out to the end of the east pier as she tried to pull herself together. She knew Ronon well enough to know he wasn't going to change his mind. Jen felt totally lost and completely confused. "What am I going to do?" she kept asking herself. At the end of the pier she sat down and waited for the darkness of night to engulf her.
By the time Ronon finished packing it was late. He decided to find Jennifer and say goodbye. He knew it was a bad idea but couldn't stop the need to see her one last time. After checking all the normal places she could be -- infirmary, mess hall and her quarters, Ronon realized she probably wanted to be alone so he returned to his room. Taking the boxes off his bed and stacking them in the corner, he laid down trying to get a few hours sleep.
Jennifer sat in the quiet of the night on the east pier hoping the darkness would swallow her up so she wouldn't have to face this awful loneliness. She spent hours thinking of the man she loved and grieved for the loss. The chill of the night finally forced her to walk back to the warmth of her room and she prayed sleep would give her some kind of relief.
Ronon tossed and turned trying to fall asleep but nothing was working. Finally, in the wee hours of the morning he went to Jennifer, crawling into bed beside her. He put his arm around her pulling her close, wishing this moment could last forever.
