A/N: Hey!:) Well, this is my first time writing for The Mortal Instruments fandom. I love all the ships but the one I love and don't see a lot of are jimon aka jace and Simon. Anyways doing this for my friend who also loves jimon. Might do a sequel not sure yet but this has a sad ending and a bit of Malec. Hope you like it enjoy! Author's note: I don't own any of the characters. _ As I stand in front of Jace's door, getting ready to apologize for are fight earlier, I realize a squeaking noise comes from within his room. I furrow my eyebrows, figuring I must have been so caught up in my anxiousness that I didn't even notice the sounds coming from inside his room. I shrug the noises off and take in a deep breath and shakily reach out to grab Jace's doorknob. I feel my face getting hot as my hand approaches the door knob. I brace myself for what's in there and tightly grab the knob. I gather up the courage I need to open the door and twist the knob, quietly opening the door, peeking inside the room.
I feel my breath hitch in my throat, I feel everything tilt to the side, I feel my heart drop and shatter to pieces, I feel pain and sadness spread through my body slowly and then all at once. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for the sight in front of me. Nothing.
In front of me is my Golden Angel pile-driving into...Alec?! Their clothes thrown around on the floor in every little nook and cranny. Jace is on top of him. His tan, strong arms beside either side of his head, his muscles bulging from them, his golden hair array as he thrusts into him, his eyes closed in pleasure and his mouth open and letting out moans, his golden skin slick with sweat slowly emitting from his body. Alec's hair is fanned out on Jace's bed, his arms are thrown around his neck tightly, digging his nails into it as he holds onto Jace in pleasure, his legs intertwining around his waist, bringing jace down on him as he moans with him. My heart starts beating quickly, it pounds against my chest so hard I can hear it in my ears. It's almost like it can just burst from my chest at any second.
Tears well up in my eyes and my face contorts in pain as I try my best not to cry.
I don't want to cry, I won't cry.
I refuse to, at least not now. He's cheating on me? No, he is cheating on me and with Alec. The guy he once loved. Or he still does. There's no question in there, it's a statement. The proof is in front of me. The proof my boyfriend is having sex with someone that isn't me.
As I see the sexual desire grow between Jace and Alec so does the pain in my chest.
The pain feels heavy on my heart and inflates each second as I continue to watch the display before me. No words can describe how I feel right now. None can describe how the pain feels as it rips my heart carelessly, shredding it into pieces and throwing it away as if my heart isn't good enough. How it feels to have my stomach jump into my throat, threatening to fall out of my mouth. How it feels to shake so violently because the horrid pain is unbearable...how it feels to watch everything fall apart as you see the love of your life on top of someone else. And Magnus...I can just imagine him when he finds out. What happened between him and Alec to cause what I'm seeing right in front of me? I could just fall on the floor and sob endlessly, I barely have strength to keep me up and I want to breakdown and cry. It's the only thing I feel like doing and the only thing I can think of doing. But I don't, I hold myself and my heart together. Now is not the time to cry.
Jace opens his eyes, their yellow syrup color illuminating the dark shadows cast on his face as he continues thrusting into Alec. His face is twisted in pleasure that I didn't give him, a pleasure unknown to me. He let's out groans and moans that makes Alec beneath him moan even more, arching his back so that their chests touch. Alec let's his head fall back in pleasure, his nails digging into Jace's back, raking down, making him smile triumphantly at the feeling. He wriggles beneath him, adding friction to his movements. Their moans fill the room, echoing back to me as if it were taunting me.
I watch, my heart breaking more and more as each moment passes. The pain is too much.
I rapidly regain consciousness as I start to leave.
But it's too late.
They heard me. I grit my teeth and clench my jaw, angry at myself. I mentally slap myself for my stupid mistake, slowly realizing there's no more sound in the room.
There's no bed squeaking, no moans or groans, no satisfied cursing, no skin slapping against skin.
Nothing.
I freeze in place, my breath catching in my throat and my lips part for I know what comes next. But then... I hear Magnus. "Jace! Have you seen... I can sense Magnus enter the room and I immediately want to stop him but I'm too late. "... Alec?!
I feel the stillness and tension in the room as I look at the ground, avoiding what's in front of me. I feel the stillness and tension in the room as I look at the ground, avoiding what's in front of me.
I let out a shaky breath, that being the only sound in this dead quiet room. I silently and slowly shift my gaze from the floor to where Jace and Alec are.
My eyes land on Jace, finding him and Alec both already looking at me and Magnus.
Alec's eyes are as big as saucers, as he holds Jace's sheets against his naked body while his back is against the headboard, staring behind me carefully. "...Magnus?!"
Jace is still naked, not bothering to cover up but it doesn't matter, my eyes won't wander. I'm too busy focusing on keeping my eyes from spewing tears. Jace's golden eyes are still on me, shock written all over his face. He's unmoving, paralyzed by surprise. The only thing that moves is his chest, slowly heaving up and down.
My eyes move from Jace and to Alec on his bed. His eyes dart from Jace, to me , and than Magnus repeatedly, looking to see if either of us will speak since we're all still and silent. I notice him staring at us with regretful eyes until I turn meeting my eyes, looking deep into them. He then speaks up, realizing Jace and I won't say anything, so he does. "Simon... Magnus...I'm...so sorry" his squeaky, yet strained voice drifts throughout the silent room as remorseful expression lines his face. Alec's eyes flicker across my face, looking at us as he waits for a response.
I stay silent though, I say nothing or move. I just look back at him as he waits for a response he won't be getting. But Magnus does. " i should've known... I'm such an idiot!" Magnus says. And I realize I'd should've known too. I can hear Magnus turn and run out of the room. But I continue to look at him, not being able to find my voice to speak to him but also to steer clear from looking at Jace, who's eyes bore into me, his stare making me shrivel a bit. "Umm," he starts, slitting his eyes once more, "I should go... I'm truly sorry Simon... Magnus wait!!" He says with a frown that makes me uncomfortable.
Alec looks at me expectantly. I say nothing to him or feel any resentment towards him for it like anyone normally would.
After a last look he's running pass me...yelling for Magnus to let him explain. And it's just me and Jace. I get closer to the door not really wanting to speak to him. I feel nothing but numbness as I walk. My emotions aren't all over the place or overwhelming like before. They're calm, they're neutral and all because I'm numb.
I don't mind feeling numb though, I like it. It makes it easier on me and my heart. As I'm about to step out the room I hear the bed squeak and the patter of footsteps running towards me. I continue walking out towards the door anyway, not caring and somehow still not making it out the room. It must be from everything that I just saw, the shock too great for me, causing me to be in the state of a zombie. A zombie that's still processing everything that just happened.
Suddenly, a hand yanks me back around and out of my thoughts, a low gasp of surprise escaping my lips. The hand turns me around to face the owner. I'm facing Jace now, but I don't look at him. I avoid his gaze, not wanting to look up into his dusky flaxen eyes, knowing they'll break me if I do. Instead, I look at his chest. His bronze, muscular, hard chest that has sweat still glistening on it. The chest that I laid myself on plenty of times, the chest I have kissed, the chest I would yearn to touch because it was so attractive. But I won't be doing that today. "Simon.." Jace whispers, his voice coming out soft like velvet. He places the hand he holds on his chest. His chest is warm to my touch, sweaty too. I look at my hand on his large chest as his big hand cups my face, sending tiny little dim sparks that burn out as soon as they reach my face.
I feel his eyes on me as I continue to look at my hand, I feel him staring over my body, I feel his regret simmer from his skin and through my hands. "Simon, baby, look at me.." his voice comes out gentle, bringing me out of my gaze towards my hand and up at him. And I do. I do look at him and when I look at him. His golden eyes, his features knotted up softly and warily, his swollen lips, the scratch marks on his neck.
Everything.
It all hits me, rushing to me like a wave rushing to the shore and then back away. All that happened right now hits me, awakening many emotions in me, no longer in the numb state they were in. I swiftly move my hand away from Jace's chest, taking it back and using it to slap away his hand that rests on my face. I slap his hand away roughly, not wanting to feel the touch of it on me anymore. I look up at him in disgust, knowing it's very evident on my face.
"Don't touch me." I snarl angrily, pushing him away with all the vampire strength I have so he knows I'm serious.
Jace stumbles back, completely caught off guard, obviously not in his right state of mind. Jace, now inches away from me, looks at me through his eyelashes, hurt flashing in them but quickly leaving out of sight.
He starts walking towards me but I back away, looking at him with a scowl. Jace stops walking and stays where he is, looking at me with impassive eyes. Not impassive enough though, I know that behind the barrier his eyes hold he's feeling as many emotions as I am.
"Simon, listen to m-" he starts, his eyebrows knitting together, hoping he can get a chance to explain himself. I roughly cut him off though, not giving him the chance that he doesn't deserve. "Listen to you?" I say eerily calm, striking him surprised but see it disappear when he knows this is just the calm before the storm. "Listen to you?" I repeat, my voice coming out gentle but cracking through the room like a whiplash. "I have been, I have been listening to you! I have been listening to you moan as you fuck Alec! Jace... Alec of all people! The guy you were with before me! I don't know about you but I think that says enough for you!" I shout this time, anger bubbling up inside me.
"You don't have to say anything else, your moaning already said it all!" I scream again, letting only a smidgen out of what I feel. My chest heaves up and down as I breathe heavily, watching Jace with so much scorn. He looks back at me too, but his expression completely different from mine. Shock is written all over his face.
I rarely scream like this, that's why.
When I do it surprises everyone around me..
But how else do you react when the love of your life is cheating on you in the room right next to you?
"Whatever happened to, and I quote, "I love you more than I should?" Was that bullshit?" I add more fuel to my fire.
I cross my arms and stare at Jace with such hatred.
My look sends Jace stepping back a bit.
He opens his mouth but I open mine first. "Actually, don't answer that. It's quite obvious isn't it." a sweet smile spreads on my face, a fake one, of course.
Nothing about this situation is making me happy. Jace looks astonished at my words, completely taken back by my new found attitude.
I am too, if I'm being honest, but with everything going on I like it.
It's keeping me strong at a time like this. At a time where I really need it.
Jace says nothing and simply stares at me, running his hands through the ends of his hair while licking his lips, looking very on the edge. "Your silence proves my point further." I look at him with hooded lids as I laugh bitterly. I shrug. "Can't really say I'm surprised that you don't love me. You're you and I'm me. A guy like you wouldn't change how he feels for ... someone like me."
Jace's eyes slightly widen and he shakes his head, denying my words.
"Simon, no, it's not like that at all." he breathes, starting to look a bit drained by the situation. "No?" I raise an eyebrow at him, looking at him and waiting for him to add onto his words but he doesn't, so I talk instead. "You know what sucks? Falling for a guy that you know had... has feelings for someone else but you fall anyway, thinking that maybe, just maybe he would fall for you." I look at Jace sadly, my face becoming soft. "But I was wrong."
As I think about my words I sigh, shaking my head, feeling so stupid to think Jace would actually love me this whole time, to trust him so blindly. I'm so stupid.
So stupid.
Jace stumbles back at my words, looking nonplussed as if I slapped him.
I cock my head as I watch him, finding him off from his usual persona.
His eyebrows are knitted together while his face is twisting in inner pain as his eyes show a glimpse of the pain he feels but the barrier between him and his emotions rise and I can't see anything in his eyes anymore except the burning fire of determination to make things right.
Silence descends upon us, hanging over and around us like a blanket, holding us tight in it. Everything in the room is calm..except Jace.
I say nothing as I glare at him from where he stands.
As my gaze intensifies on him he starts to fidget, taken over by fretfulness due to the situation we both face.
He looks around the room, his eyes flashing across it, thinking of something to say but finding nothing. I look at him with dejection and bitterness mixed together, the two feelings overpowering the rest of what I feel.
Jace's eyes skim over me, meeting my stare and seeing what it holds.
He finally speaks when he continues to look into my eyes, all the emotions I feel for him very clear in them. "It's not that Simon , you know I love you. I just...we were fighting and I was angry at what you said... it was a mistake." he shrugs, looking like a little kid that thinks what he said justifies his actions.
I feel my eyes widen and my mouth drop open in shock as I stare at Jace.
My arms unfold and drop down beside me, not being able to believe him. Not being able to believe his audacity.
"Let me get this straight," my voice comes out in a squeak as I stare at him.
"You're telling me you cheated on me because of the fight we had, like it was my fault and you think that I would just believe it's a mistake?!"I scoff unbelievably, running my hands through my hair, still not being able to wrap my head around his excuse. I look at Jace and see confusion cross his face and he opens his mouth. "Simon that's not what I mean-" but I cut him off smoothly, looking him dead in the eye as I speak lowly. "It's fine Jace, really, you helped me dodge a bullet. Not completely, unfortunately, since I fell for you but almost entirely because I didn't give you something you don't deserve. My time. Spending my life with you, so thank you." Jace's face shifts into a pained one and he lets out a shaky breath, his eyebrows furrowed. "Simon-" but I hold my hand up and stop him from talking.
"I thought you were the one," I start, talking softly as I look at the floor with a sad smile, tears slightly lining my eyes as memories of him and I together flash through my head. The very last memory that shows up is the one that I just lived minutes ago.
With that memory looping around in my head like CCTV, I look up from the floor, blinking away the tears that threaten to fall out. "I was wrong..again." I hiss through gritted teeth, honing in on Jace. Jace starts walking towards me with eyes full of sorrow because now he knows what's coming next.
"Simon, please listen. It was a mistake, it didn't mean anything Simon. But you mean something, you mean everything to me." he breathes out heavily.
When I say nothing he walks up to me, consuming my hands in his as his golden eyes stare into mine. "Forgive me Simon." he begs in a whisper, tightening his grip on my hands. I find myself wanting to forgive him but I quickly remind myself what he did to me, my gaze turning cold.
I shake my head with an expressionless face and snatch my hands from him abruptly, recoiling from him and his touch.
Jace, pained by my actions, starts to let his emotions show through slightly and I see his eyes glisten with a clear sheen of tears as he stares at me. "No Jace, I won't forgive you. What you did is unforgivable. Even if I did forgive you I wouldn't be able to trust you again and I wouldn't want to live with the unsure feeling of trusting you, knowing what you did and scared that it could happen again at any time without me knowing it." I tell him honestly, shrugging carefree at my words.
Jace gets on his knees when he hears my words, his eyes becoming more and more wet with tears by the second, yet no tears flow from them. He's trying to hold them in, I can tell. "No, Simon, no. I swear on Raziel-" Jace stops his words quickly, interrupting my focus on his eyes, and speaks again. "I swear on us that I will never do it again...I love you!" he pleads.
He looks up at me with pained eyes, waiting for a response.
I shake my head, looking down at him, never thinking I'd see the day where Jace Herondale would be on his knees and begging someone to stay. "There is no "us" to swear on, Jace. Not anymore. You don't cheat on the person you love." I give him a bitter-sweet smile. "I can barely be around you right now, what makes you think I'll forgive you so easily?" I laugh rancorously.
Jace looks alarmed by my words and rapidly stands up, wasting no time. "You can barely be around me?" he asks himself, a quizzical yet somewhat knowing expression on his face. "What do you mean?" he looks down at the floor, trying to decipher what my words mean. Just as realization hits Jace, making him look up at me with revelation written all over his features, I open my mouth to speak. "It means what you think it means." I turn to leave the room, walking out but then stopping halfway out the door.
"I'm leaving and I don't want you or the others to come and find me." I inform him, my back facing him.
With that I dash out his room and to mine, running as fast as I can, knowing Jace will try to stop me. "Simon, no!" he shouts behind me as if on cue.
I get to my temporary room... not that I needed it since I've mostly been with Jace. Slamming the door shut and locking it, trying to buy myself as much time as possible so I can pack, knowing Jace will waste no time in coming for me.
I look around my room, my eyes darting around it, trying to find a bag or something to fit everything I need to take with me. My eyes land on my open closet, a huge duffle-bag spilling out from it as if it were calling me.
I immediately run to the duffle-bag, grabbing it and throwing it on my bed.
I open it and run to my drawers, grabbing handfuls of clothes and shoving them in the bag, not bothering to put them in neatly.
I run to my closet and grab as many shoes and coats as I can carry and throw them in my duffle-bag. I look around my room aflutter, briskly trying to find anything else I might need to take with me.
My eyes land on my nightstand, where I put the promise ring jace gave me.
I run to my nightstand, grabbing the ring, but as I do, I quickly remember what the ring means and drop it from my hands as if it transformed into a snake in my arms.
The promise ring representing Jace's love towards me, but that love wasn't real. Suddenly, I hear a loud thump against my door, bringing me out of my thoughts. My head shoots up, looking up at the door, knowing Jace is trying to bust it open to try and stop me.
I silently curse under my breath, knowing that my time to escape is running out.
I swiftly run to my duffle-bag and zip it closed, throwing it over my shoulder and I open the door.
I push past him running down the institute towards the doors. Passing Alec on my way I can see his regret knowing what I'm doing. And his sadness as Magnus just walked through a portal. I try to get to Magnus but the portal closes. I run to the front on the institute. As I'm about to leave out the door, Jace calling my name stops me, pausing me in place.
I turn around and find Jace out of breath and holding the promise ring he gave me trying to say something.
Jace looks at me pleadingly...knowing his realization was right.
I am leaving.
Jace licks his lips now, looking up at me with wary eyes as he slowly moves towards me with his arms outstretched, thinking if he makes any sudden movements I'll run. That's where he has it wrong, I'll go no matter what he does.
Jace cautiously nears me now, making me ready myself to go in case he tries to suddenly grab me but when he sees my actions he holds his hands up in surrender.
"Alright Simon, you have proven your point. Please, just stay so we can talk about this." he calmly says, but for the first time ever tonight, his eyes betray him. The guard that he usually holds up is no longer there, it's down for anyone to see what lies inside, revealing his true emotions. His eyes are filled with hurt and sorrow, everything I'm feeling, but not as horrible as I am.
I stare at Jace, my eyes moving around his face, finding this new broken side of him intriguing to look at. But I have to know so I ask him, " Do you still love Alec?" Trying so hard to not break down.
Jace says nothing.
After a while more of Jace and I looking at each other I finally shake my head, giving him the answer he was waiting for. "No."
"I'm not staying."
I turn my back on him.
"Simon, Don't go! I love you! Jace's loud voice roars behind me, ringing through the room, his voice drifting back to me. I turn around, looking at him on his knees as he looks at me, broken and despaired.
But he never answered me, so I give him a weak smile and in a blink.
"I'm gone and I'm never coming back."
