Hello lovely readers!

So, this is my very first One Tree Hill fanfiction. It's been one of my favorite shows for the longest time, and just recently I finally decided to rewatch the series. Brooke and Lucas is literally everything to me. I know they aren't endgame in the show, but that doesn't mean I'll ever be over them as a couple. They were meant to be. Plain and simple. (Heads up, I definitely plan on writing more for Brucas. Some will be sad, but most definitely not all!)

In addition, if you have any suggestions/prompts, please feel free to PM me or leave a comment and I'll do my best to get that done for you.

I don't really know what made me think of this idea, but once I started to write I literally couldn't stop. I haven't really written much in a while now because of personal reasons as well as college, but I'm pretty happy with how this story came out. Anyway, I do hope you all enjoy my story! Please leave a comment below once you've finished reading! I would greatly appreciate it. All feedback/opinion/thoughts help me as a writer tremendously; plus, I'd love to know what you all think of it!

With that all said, thank you very much for reading! :)


WARNING: Tragedy. If you are sensitive to stories that revolve around suicide and suicide thoughts, then please do NOT read. Also, if you do not like it, then please do not be hateful in the comments. Constructive criticism is allowed, but I will NOT tolerate any hate. If you don't like the story, then do not read.


What the hell have I done?

It was the only thought that endlessly raced through Brooke's mind as she sank to the tile floor, her knees soaking in the pool of red. She felt her throat close as all of the air squelched out of her aching lungs. Her heart beat rapidly against her chest as if a storm was raging inside of her body. Her green irises turned even greener as her eyes became bloodshot from crying, and they turned wide and glassy as she fearfully stared at the shattered glass that decorated the bathroom floor.

Oh my God…

Her decision at the time seemed like a good one; it had seemed like it was the only option she had left. Now? She had no idea what she was thinking when she decided to smash her small fist into the mirror she had been blankly looking into, nor did she have any idea what she was doing when she angrily grabbed a shard of glass and pressed the sharp edge to her left wrist, then her right.

She didn't want to feel anything anymore. She was tired of hurting all the damn time. It was as if all the people in her life had shoved her face down into a river and the weight of all her pain was holding her down, drowning her.

Why did pain and dread have to follow her everywhere as if they were her shadow?

But she wouldn't have to worry about that anymore. The second she drew the piece of the broken glass along her thin skin where her veins were located, she no longer had to worry about that shadow.

All the hurt and anger and sadness she felt in that single moment clouded all sense of reasoning. She just wanted it all to stop. She wanted to feel absolutely nothing for the first time in her entire life, and it actually worked–for that very small amount of time.

Everything that ever mattered to her was now gone. Why should she try at life anymore? She tried to live her life to the very fullest, but everything always seemed to backfire against her. Peyton, Nathan, Haley, Lucas – they all left her. Of course, why wouldn't they? Even her own parents wanted nothing to do with her; they didn't want her in their perfect lives. Men constantly lied to her and used her for sex, and it seemed one by one she was losing the girls from her cheerleading squad.

It had been almost perfectly clear that no one wanted her for her. They all spewed out lies to her, used her until they got what they wanted before they left her with nothing but heartache.

What did I do?

Her head bowed as her mouth fell open and she started to hyperventilate. Her throat felt tight and constricted, and she was flushed. Her lips quivered while she helplessly watched the blood gush out of the vertical slices on each of her wrists. All she could hear is the sound of her own ragged breathing and the drops of red that splashed against the floor.

She blinked once, and then the stream of tears trickled down her cheeks, mixing with the layer of sweat that coated her pale skin. Splotches of crimson stained her peach colored tank top and she no longer recognized the white skirt she was wearing. Was it even white? She couldn't remember.

For one twisted second, her lips curved upward into a small smile. Who knew someone could bleed so much? For years people have made comments about her being completely empty inside; they accused her of being selfish and heartless. It appeared they were wrong, not that it mattered anymore anyway.

"Who would have thought?" Brooke whispered between gasps for air. She gazed down to watch as tears dropped onto her right wrist.

Suddenly, a small laugh came tumbling out of her mouth. It was a kind of laugh that was full of bitterness and sadness, and it almost surprised her. "What the hell did I do?" Why couldn't she have picked up a bottle of some 80 proof alcohol and forget about all the bad shit in her life that way like she usually did.

Because I didn't want to temporarily forget.

She closed her eyes for a brief moment. There was no amount of alcohol that could wash over her with a false sense of happiness she usually used to cope. Too much has happened and only continued to happen. She would never be able to truly be at peace as long as she was alive in this cruel and twisted world.

It was probably a good and beautiful world a long time ago. It couldn't have always been like this. No… No it couldn't have been. She was sure of that.

Maybe in the next life it would be different. Maybe in the next life Brooke Davis would find a reason to keep fighting on, but not in this one. The life she lives in now is only suffocating her. The constant and seemingly endless pain has drained the little amount of spirit and hope she had left to live another day.

She was done. She made a choice and, like every other decision that's made, there were consequences – and this one she could never take back.


As the minutes passed, she felt her eyelids grow heavier and heavier. She honestly did not know how much longer she would be able to last until she would finally give in to the darkness. The world around her had already begun to blur, and she knew she was slipping away. She was starting to feel numb.

That was what I wanted, right?

As her head rolled to one side, her cheek just barely resting against her shoulder, she spotted her cell phone lying on the toilet seat. When she first raced home and into the bathroom, she had tried to call her mother. Of all people, she just wanted her mom to tell her everything was going to be all right.

But, like every other time, she was greeted with voicemail.

Brooke's cell phone was right next to her, yet she couldn't muster enough energy to reach and grab it. When she lifted her arm, she screamed. She struggled to breathe as the pain started at her wrist and then burned through her entire arm.

Despite how much she wished she could take back what she had done to herself, she knew there would be no time. It was too late for her, but it wasn't too late to say goodbye. At least it wouldn't be too late to say it to him.

"Count of three, I suppose," she mumbled, bracing herself for the world of agony she was sure to feel once she tried to move again. Brooke took a long, deep breath, and did her very best to ignore the overwhelming pain as she snatched her cell phone.

Her bloody fingers clutched her cell phone. There was no way in hell she would allow the small device to slip from her grasp. She was about to lose every single thing, including her own life, but she could not lose him until she said her final words to him.

She must have attempted to punch in his number several times already before she finally got it right. Her brain was racing, too much to focus on any particular thought. When she pressed the phone to her ear, she could not help but think of how warm and sticky her blood felt as the red liquid trickled down her arm.

The phone rang and rang in her ear, and she was almost sure there would be no answer. Her eyelids slowly fluttered shut, and tears escaped from her closed eyes. Please answer. Please, please… just answer.

The feeling in her limbs was gradually weakening. Within a few minutes, she was sure she would no longer be able to sit up like she has been, let alone keep hold of her cell phone.

I guess it's for the better.

She should just leave him alone to live his life. What right did she have to bother him at such a late hour? She made a decision and he shouldn't have his night ruined because of her. Besides, there was nothing he could do at this point.

It was only when Brooke began to take the phone away from her ear that she heard his soft, beautiful voice on the other end of the line.

"Hello?" There was a small pause. She would have been convinced he had hung up on her if she didn't hear the sound of his breathing. "Brooke?"

A faint smile graced her lips when he said her name. If she had to pick one thing in the entire world that she was going to miss most, it would definitely be the way he said her name.

She had become so exhausted. Her lips were blue and her eyes were rolling to the back of her head. It took her a tremendous effort to try to find her voice, but the words she desperately strove to utter simply died away.

She couldn't do this for very much longer.

"Brooke? I can't hear you. Are you okay?"

"I made a mistake."


Lucas Scott was sitting at one of the small tables in his mother's café. He was reading one of his many books in an attempt to keep his mind off his everyday life. Something always seemed to happen in Tree Hill, that was for sure. He couldn't deny how nice it felt to zone out and escape from everything and everyone, even if it was just for a few minutes.

He was grateful that the café wasn't too busy. Despite it being late, the café was usually packed in the evening since customers would be grabbing food for dinner, eating out, or just looking for a place to sit down in order to relax and clear out their head. Although he was used to completing homework and reading his favorite novels with the noise of several people coming and going in the café, and he was also happy his mom was getting a lot of business, he still preferred the quiet days.

It was when he was in the midst of turning the page of his book and bringing his soda to his lips that he heard his cell phone ring. He closed his book before he slid his hand in his pants pocket and pulled out his phone.

The tips of his eyebrows curled down toward the bridge of his nose as he checked the caller ID. Brooke? He couldn't help but feel surprised that she was calling him. It was late and, even though they were at the start of getting things back to normal between them, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

He leaned back in his chair and answered the phone. "Hello?" He could hear Brooke's ragged breathing, but she hadn't said a word. "Brooke?"

Karen shouted something at him from the back of the counter, but he quickly placed his hand over his other ear, hoping to pick up his ex-girlfriend's words. "Brooke? I can't hear you. Are you okay?"

He still did not receive a single answer, which led him to believe that maybe she pocket dialed him on accident. Truthfully, he could never guess what Brooke was really up to, so she was probably fine and didn't mean to call him at all. In his mind, that logically made sense. However, he wished the feeling in his gut would agree.

Despite every ounce of his being that told him to stay on the phone, he was just about to hang up and forget the call until he heard her shaky and frantic voice.

"I made a mistake."

His first guess would have been that she was drunk, but it became obvious to him that was not the case; she wasn't drinking. Brooke was going through something serious–desperately serious–and for whatever reason she felt safe calling him.

Lucas immediately stood from his seat and started to search for the keys to his car. Regardless of their rough past, he would always be there for her. He made a huge mistake when he all but chose Peyton over Brooke. He had no idea what he was thinking at the time. His heart was torn and he was confused, but that didn't change the fact that he should have never cheated on Brooke. She was the last person on Earth that deserved to be hurt like the way he had hurt her. Nevertheless, he was now trying everything in his power to make it up to her. He wanted nothing more than to be close to her again. He would do anything for her, even if it meant trade his own life for hers.

"Brooke, take a deep breath." Once he found them, he snatched his jacket off the back of the chair and headed out the café door. "Did something happen? Brooke?"

"Lucas," she rasped between gasps, her voice barely audible. "I-I made a horrible mistake. I don't know what I was thinking but… but God... What have I done?"

The same words repeatedly spilled from her mouth until her voice suddenly cracked and she was unable to continue. Her voice wavered in hysteria, and the sound of her sobs echoed through Lucas' phone.

"Brooke, you've got to listen to me." He quickly got into his car, started the engine, and then waited for Brooke to tell him where she was so he would be able to go to her. "Just tell me where you are, okay? I'll come get you. Whatever it is that happened… I'll save you."

Every instinct in his body told him that she was in trouble. She was in danger, and judging by the sounds of her wheezing and cries, he was on the verge of losing her for good. He never heard her like this before. He closed his eyes and whispered into the phone, "Just tell me where you are."

There was a moment of silence before he heard her speak again. "I wanted to feel numb. I… I have been feeling so, so much pain, Lucas. For the longest time this aching in my heart just won't go away no matter what I do. For one night–just one night–I wanted that terrible feeling to go away. I wanted to feel happy… and free."

"Everyone keeps lying to me," she continued on. "The people who are closest to me and who are supposed t-to care about me are the ones that hurt me the most." She was crying her eyes out on the other end of the phone, and he knew her heart was bleeding.

He also knew he was to blame for her feeling this way. As much as he tried not to think about it, it was embedded into his brain and her heart that his betrayal hurt her most.

"I thought this would help, you know? I thought… I just don't know what I was thinking, Luke. Now I'm looking at what I did and I can't take it back. I-I'm so tired and… a-and…"

"Brooke," he whispered her name desperately, "it'll be alright. Do you hear me? We'll fix whatever happened together. I promise. Tell me where you are. Brooke, please."

He thought – no, he was sure he was hallucinating when he heard her laugh. Yet, it wasn't her usual happy and carefree laugh. It was sad, and it hurt his heart to hear such a sound come from her. He opened his mouth to say something, but she beat him to it. "You don't get it. There is nothing left to fix. It's too late."

"It's n-"

"It is. I just… I just wanted to say goodbye to you."

"No," Lucas muttered. He felt panic surge through his veins as his brain started to piece everything together. She was saying goodbye. This was her note. "No, don't you dare, Brooke. Whatever it is, please think about what you're doing. It'll be okay. I could make it okay! All you got to do is tell me where you are and I swear I will be there for you."

Brooke's whole body trembled as she listened to the only man she had truly ever fallen in love with in her entire life. Instead of answering him, she said, "Did you know that I was the happiest when I was with you? I never knew what love was until you. I had flings, but that is all they ever were. None of it... none of it could ever compare to what I had with you."

"I-I needed to thank you because even though the way our relationship ended broke my heart, I wouldn't take back one single second of being your girlfriend, Lucas Scott."

"I feel the same way, Pretty Girl." A warm tear slid down his cheek and rolled off his chin. This was her suicide note. "That's why I regret everything that happened with me and Peyton. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made. You have to believe me when I say that. It was stupid. I had no right to hurt you the way I did. You didn't deserve that. You deserved the best; you still do."

He would never forgive himself for what he did to Brooke. Although Peyton would always have a place in his heart, she wasn't the one for him. She wasn't the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It was Brooke. It has always been her; he was just too stupid to see it back then. "I could never even begin to express to you how sorry I am, Brooke. If I could take it all back, I would. I'm so sorry."

"I know," she softly said. She was far from perfect, and deep down she was aware she also made mistakes. It was a bad and heartbreaking situation for the each of them. Although she was hurt, she still wondered if maybe she was too hard on Lucas. Maybe she shouldn't have completely pushed him away and cut him out of her life like she did. "I'm sorry too, Broody."

He smiled at the nickname she had once given him. He combed his fingers through his hair and let out a deep breath. "You need to know that you do have people who care about you. I still…" Lucas' gaze dropped to his lap and his hand clutched his phone so tight his knuckles turned white. "I still care about you, Brooke. I never stopped loving you. I don't think I ever will."

"No… No, you can't." He heard her sigh. "It's too late for us."

Lucas shook his head vigorously. "No, I don't believe that for one second. It's not too late for us. We were meant to be together, Brooke. I know it and I know that you know it. You just have to give me one more chance. I swear to you it'll be different. Just open your heart to me."

"I wish I could, Luke, but I can't." Her cries became louder. "I was so stupid. There's so much blood, Lucas. My vision's getting really blurry and I-I don't know how much longer I could stay awake. The pain is finally going away, but I feel so numb. I can't feel anything and... and I'm scared. God, I'm so scared and I don't w-want to die alone."

"I don't want to die alone," she rasped between strained breaths. Her heart-wrenching sobs sent shivers down his spine.

"Brooke," he said her name softly. "Brooke, where are you?"

At first, he was almost positive she was not going to answer him. He felt like throwing his phone, he needed to slam his fist through something, but then she said one simple word that filled his aching heart with hope.

"Home." He could almost see the small smile that threatened to grace her lips. She knew he was coming for her, and that everything would be okay. He was the sign of hope she desperately needed. "I'm home."

There was not a single car or traffic light that would get in his way. He sped down the streets and raced against time to reach the love of his life. He would get to her. He would save her because if she was gone then…

Lucas pushed all negative thoughts out of his mind. He didn't have time for that right now. Instead, he said into the phone, "Brooke, hang in there. Two minutes, okay?"

No answer.

"Brooke? Come on, Pretty Girl. You got to stay with me for just a little bit longer."

"Mhm…" As the seconds went by, he could tell she was slowly slipping into unconsciousness. "I'm tired. I just want to go t-to sleep. Just for… a bit."

"No! No, no, no!" Lucas screamed into the phone. Tiny drops of water fell from his eyes and tickled his cheeks. "Brooke, you need to keep those beautiful eyes open for me. You got that? I'm almost there."

"It's okay," she tiredly whispered. "It's all… it's all going to be o-okay. It'll be awhile, but I'll see you on the… the other side."

He nearly lost control of his car when he slammed his fist hard against the steering wheel. "Don't do that! You don't get to check out on me, you got that? I meant what I said. We're meant to be. Please… please don't leave me, Brooke. This is our second chance and I'm not going to easily give that up. You're worth fighting for. We're worth fighting for."

"You know," she began quietly, almost brokenly, "I once told myself I'd only get back together with you if it was over my d-dead body. I guess I should have chosen my words more c-carefully, don't you think?"

She was trying to at least bring a smile to his face, but it sure as Hell wasn't working. She never wanted this phone call to hurt him. Instead, she hoped it would have given him, and even her, some sort of closure. She loved him, and with the only one phone call she had the opportunity to make, she wanted him to be the last voice other than hers she heard.

"Do you..." she paused before she was able to finish her sentence. A part of her was scared to even ask the question. When he told her to keep talking to him, she heard herself ask him, "Do you believe there's a Heaven?"

He shook his head. He didn't want her thinking about things like that because that meant she was dying and she couldn't be dying. He opened his mouth to tell her exactly that–she shouldn't worry about the answer to that question, but instead he said, "Of course there is."

Lucas closed his eyes, fighting to keep himself calm for her. Yet, the tears still continued to spill just like her blood. "I should have fought for us harder. I promise you that this time will be different. I'll make you happy because you deserve to be full of joy rather than all of this pain. You deserve the world, Brooke Davis. I'm the guy for you, and I'm going to give you the world. You need to fight. I know you're a fighter. You're a survivor. You'll be okay; I will make this okay. Hold on. Please… hold on. Just hold on."

He cried silently into the phone as he listened to her struggle to breathe. She was dying. She was leaving him and there wasn't a single thing he could do about it. He had no idea how much longer it would take him to get to her. And what hurt him most was that she was utterly alone because he knew there was nothing she hated and feared more than being alone. She was by herself and she was scared, and his heart ached at the thought of it. What the hell did you do, Brooke?

"I was wrong," she finally said after a moment of silence settled between them. "I thought everything that was once good in the world was gone. I was wrong – so, so wrong. I know all the pain I've been feeling made me think the world is cruel and twisted, but it can also be beautiful. I mean, how can't it be when Lucas Scott is on this Earth?"

"You've got it wrong, Pretty Girl." As he licked his lips, he tasted his salty tears that streamed down his cheeks. He sniffed and tried to calm down; he needed to be strong for her, but it was to no avail. "You're the one bright thing in this world. You've always been the sun."

He heard a laugh threaten to tumble from her mouth. "The sun and moon we are. Isn't that right, Broody?" And their love was endless like the stars that sparkled as if they were diamonds in the night sky.

"Please don't go," he brokenly whispered. "I need you, Brooke Davis. Don't… don't do this. Don't leave me."

"I love you, Lucas Scott," Brooke quietly said, her voice cracking as she uttered his name for the last time. "I… I love you so damn much."

He turned his car onto the street where her house resided. He was less than a minute away, and she was all but gone. "I love you too, Brooke. I love you so much, which is why you need to just hang on. Hang on for me. You're incredibly strong and I know you're in pain, but you need to be strong for just a little while longer. Did you hear what I said before? We're meant to be. Brooke?"

She was no longer answering him.

"Brooke? No, come on, Brooke! Don't do this. Don't! Brooke? Brooke, baby, answer me! Please… Please just answer me. Let me hear your beautiful voice. Brooke? Brooke!" Anxiety burned in his stomach and panic ripped through his entire body when he couldn't even hear the sound of her ragged breathing anymore.

Lucas slammed on the brakes and immediately jumped out of his car. Nearly tripping over his own feet, he ran up the walkway and then the steps that led to the red front door of her house. He shoved the door open, allowing it to bang against the wall as he barged inside Brooke's home.

For a brief moment, he froze. He was too scared to move and find out what awaited him up the stairs. "Brooke?" He was still silently praying for him to suddenly wake up and discover this all had been a horrible dream and, in reality, Brooke was perfectly happy and still breathing.

Silence.

He felt his heart hammer against his ribcage as he hurriedly climbed the steps two at a time. In his head, he had calculated that it took him preciously ten seconds to make it to her bathroom from his car and find the girl he had deeply fallen in love with.

It had only taken ten seconds for his entire world to fall apart.

When he was making his way up the stairs, he imagined all sorts of scenarios. He didn't know what to expect and, despite everything, he still had hoped for the best. He absolutely refused to believe in the reality of the situation because if he did… he wasn't sure he would be able to make it out of the house alive either.

Out of every single scenario he pictured to happen once he found her, he never would have ever believed this was what actually happened to the beautiful, carefree, and happy Brooke Davis he had known.

This has to be some twisted, sick nightmare.

Even when he saw her large emerald eyes still wide open as he stepped into the bathroom, he had been almost positive that everything would be okay.

But it wasn't. Nothing was okay, and nothing would ever be okay again.

Please let this be some terrible nightmare.

Lying on her side, lifeless in a pool of her own blood, was Brooke Penelope Davis. Her arm was arched over her neck, and blood gradually dripped down her fingers and splashed to the floor. Her other arm was sprawled out to her side with her cell phone just inches away from her hand. Her lips were slightly parted, and her eyes were still open, but there was no light shining within them.

Placing a hand over his mouth, he fell to his knees. He weakly fell forward as he burst into harsh sobs that racked and convulsed his body. He curled his other hand into a tight fist and slammed his knuckles down repeatedly against the floor until his skin tore open and his own blood coated his hand. He screamed and screamed until his lungs burned and white stars danced in his vision.

There was so much blood. He had never seen anything so red.

Lucas felt bile rise in his throat as the gruesome image of Brooke became stuck in his mind. She was gone. He promised her that he would save her, yet she was gone.

"This is all my fault," he cried. He shouldn't have betrayed her. He shouldn't have lied to her and hurt her. He might not be the sole cause of what she did to herself, but he sure as hell played a huge part in it. He knew she had been acting strangely and she had been uncharacteristically distant from the others. She wasn't acting like herself, yet he did nothing to help her. Even if she yelled at him and pushed him away, he should have been there for her. The more she tried to keep her feelings locked away, the more he should have tried to break down her walls.

He slowly crawled over to where she was lying perfectly still in her blood. He gently pulled her body close to his and placed her head delicately on his lap. He held her as tightly as he possibly could while he sobbed her name over and over again.

"Brooke…" Lucas pressed his forehead against hers. "Oh God, Brooke! I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Brooke."

They were meant to last. It was supposed to be him and her against the whole world. They were supposed to have a life together. So what the hell happened? How did everything change so drastically?

"Come back," he said in a voice that was hardly audible. He said it again and again and again, but she never once responded to his pleads.

He held her lifeless body in his arms for the remaining of the night, rocking her and shaking her in hopes he would see some spark of life that was still in her. Maybe somehow her eyes would become full of life and she would smile up at him with her famous dimples showing. Maybe everything would still somehow be alright.

Lucas cradled her head against his chest, bent his head, and pressed his lips to her cold ones. When he slowly broke the kiss, his tears splashed against her pale face as he carefully shut her eyes. I will never see her looking back at me with those beautiful eyes again.

Even when the sky gradually turned into blends of yellows and oranges as the sun began to rise from the horizon the following morning, he still had not moved. Brooke was still in his arms, her blood soaking the both of them. He wouldn't let her go.

He would never let her go again.

Lucas was hunched over her, his trembling lips grazing her forehead as he cried. His body quivered as all of his emotions wept from his shattered, bleeding heart. He couldn't understand how any of this happened. How could Brooke be gone? We were meant to be. Either this was a enormous mistake, or this was some sort of cruel joke. Either way, he would do anything to have her draw another breath of air. The Brook he and everyone else knew wouldn't have done this–couldn't have done this. So, why was she now laying limply in his arms? Why was everything that he ever cared about taken away from him?

And why was everything so red?

As he sat there in her blood, all he could think about was all the times they had shared together. He replayed every single second he had spent with her, and thought about all the seconds he now had lost with her. And then he cried. He cried and cried, and never once stopped. He cried for all that ever was, and for all that would never be.