Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and Viz comics, not me. I am just borrowing him for my own, perverse, and totally non-profit amusement. ^_^x

This fic contains MAJOR SPOILERS for the Jinchuu arc of the Rurouni Kenshin manga! If you want to get caught up before reading, you can find translations of the manga at Maigo-chan's site: maigo-chan . org / ruroken . htm [you have to take out the spaces...grr, ff . net]



Requiem for a Dream
Chapter One: Sakabatou



***

"It was an accident. An
accident. He didn't mean..."

"Yeah, well, that just makes it worse, doesn't it?"


***

"MEN!"

Kaoru caught his shinai easily between her wrists, and with a sigh she jerked them to the side and sent her student flying across the room.

"You know," she said, caught somewhere between frustration and amusement. "It's been half a year since I taught this to you, Yahiko."

"I KNOW THAT," he growled, scrambling to his feet. "And I got it down after a week!"

"True," she said. "But you still can't get through my own Hawatari, can you?"

"It's a succession technique! It's supposed to be unbeatable!"

Kaoru smirked. "Shows how much you know."

"Ah, excuse me..."

The two of them looked up, lowering their shinai and relaxing their stance. The door had been slid aside, and Kenshin stood with his shoulder against the frame. The time since Enishi's departure had been kind to him, easing the tension from his shoulders and lines from his face. He was smiling, his eyes bright with humor, and his loosely tied hair gleamed red-gold in the afternoon sunlight. He was, Kaoru felt, extraordinarily handsome.

Immediately after thinking this, she felt her face go hot and pretended to be interested in the tatami.

"Kenshin!" Yahiko ran up him, thrusting his shinai forward. "Show me how to get through Kaoru's Hawatari, eh?"

Kenshin laughed, waving him off. "I don't know if Kaoru-dono would appreciate that."

"N-no," she managed, still hiding her face as best she could. "No, I don't mind. It's about time he learned..." She swallowed and looked up again, praying that the redness had left her cheeks. "Do you want to attack or defend?"

"I'm only a casual observer of Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu," said Kenshin, taking Yahiko's shinai. He hefted it carefully with his right hand, holding it flat on his palm, testing the balance. "And its succession techniques are your particular specialty." He smiled again, soft and warm, and gripped the hilt of the shinai. "I will attack."

Kaoru nodded once, all business again, and assumed her former stance. "Ready," she said.

Though she knew it was coming, Kenshin's sudden rush of movement still caught her by surprise. He had checked his speed for the sake of Yahiko's observation, but he knew better than to go easy on Kaoru, and the borrowed shinai came toward her with enough force to dislocate her shoulder if she mistimed her response.

Her arms flew from her sides, her wrists meeting above her head just in time to block his attack and then twisting sharply to her right. The idea was to use her attacker's own strength and momentum to pull him into a fall, as had been the case with Yahiko all that morning. But the shinai moved too easily between her wrists and she was thrown off balance. Before she could recover, her left leg shot out from under her, and with most of her weight already on her right side, she lost control entirely and toppled over onto the mats.

Lying on her back, she took a moment to stare at the ceiling, catch her breath, and evaluate what had just happened. Kenshin had let go of his of his shinai, and then hooked his foot behind her left leg. A simpler approach than she would have thought, but demonstrably effective. And totally in keeping with the more passive sword style of Kamiya Kasshin.

Kenshin's smiling face leaned in over her. "Are you all right, Kaoru-dono?"

She took the hand he offered and let him pull her to her feet. He brushed a loose strand of hair out of her face, his fingertips lingering on her cheek a few heartbeats longer than was necessary. She could feel another blush coming on.

"Looks easy enough," said Yahiko, scooping his shinai up off the floor, and for once Kaoru was grateful for the interruption. "Here, I wanna try!"

There was barely time for Kenshin to move out of the way before Yahiko came charging forward again, his cry of "MEN!" announcing another attack to the head.

Kaoru grinned, caught the bamboo blade between her wrists, felt him release it, and brought it around to whack him on the side of the head before he had time to do any footwork.

"Too slow," she admonished, shaking her head.

"Ugly," he growled from the tatami.

***

Kenshin slipped out of the dojo, his exit unnoticed in the midst of Kaoru and Yahiko's latest brawl. He had gone there to tell them that lunch was ready, but it seemed they needed more time to properly tire themselves out. Eventually they would get hungry, and then they'd seek him out on their own. In the meantime, there were chores to do.

He eyed the pile of laundry warily. It had been one of his constant duties since he'd first arrived at the Kamiya dojo last year, and he didn't mind it especially. It wasn't any more or less tedious than scrubbing floors or pulling weeds or tending the fire that heated water for their baths. But it was daily, and it was tiresome, and it offered an intimate knowledge of everyone's underthings that Kenshin could have cheerfully done without. Yahiko, in particular, would have benefitted from a few basic lessons in hygiene.

Regardless, as Kenshin contributed nothing to the dojo's finances, aside from the new students attracted by his reputation, he felt it best to do what he was asked without complaint. Cheerfully, even, if he could manage it.

He had no trouble keeping his spirits up that afternoon. It was a beautiful day, cool and crisp. The sky was the pale, cloudless blue of early winter, and the air smelled of woodsmoke and pine. Humming softly to himself, he tied back the sleeves of his gi and set to work.

Soon the yard was hung with dripping linens that swayed in breeze. Every so often the sounds of training from the dojo were joined by voices from the street, the crunch of cartwheels on gravel beyond the gate, or scattered notes of birdsong from the trees. Kenshin sank pleasantly into the rhythm of his work, his movements methodical and precise. Scrub the worn cotton cloth in well water and soap. Wring it dry. Pull it taut with a snap. Hang it carefully on the bamboo frame and fasten it in place. The task was so familiar that his hands moved almost of their own accord, leaving his mind free to drift back to the dojo, and to the people inside. One person especially.

He was halfway through Kaoru's tabi when a shadow fell over the basin.

"Ken-san?"

He looked up, squinting a bit in the light. "Tsubame-dono," he said warmly. "How are you?"

Tsubame smiled shyly, averting her eyes. "Tae wanted to speak with Kaoru-san," she said softly. "We have to be back at the Akabeko in a little while, but I thought I might say hello to Yahiko Chan." She pulled at the hem of her uniform. "Is he here?"

"Kaoru and Yahiko are both practicing," said Kenshin, laying the last of the tabi out to dry. "If they're finished, perhaps you and Tae would join us for lunch?"

"Lunch?" Yahiko poked his head out into the yard. His hair was sticking up even more than usual, and there were little bits of straw from the tatami caught in it. "Hey, Tsubame!" he called with a wave. "You staying?"

"Ah...I don't..."

"We'd love to," said Tae, pushing the door to the dojo aside the rest of the way. Kaoru jogged up behind her, but before she could join Kenshin in the yard Tae caught her by end of her ponytail.

"Ow! What?" said Kaoru, rubbing the back of her head with a scowl.

"You're all sweaty!" hissed Tae.

"I was practicing!" Kaoru whispered fiercely.

"Do you want to be his landlord until you're sixty?" Tae snatched the shinai out of her hands. "Go take a bath and get dressed!"

"I am dressed..."

"You know what I mean!"

"Ah..." The girls looked up. Kenshin was watching them with a vaguely worried expression. "Is everything all right?"

"Fine," said Kaoru shortly. "Go on and get started without me...I'll be right back..." With a final glare at Tae she stalked off toward the house, grumbling under her breath.

She knew Tae meant well. Half of Asakusa neighborhood meant well, telling her she should stop running around playing swordsman and covered in sweat, that she should let someone else run the dojo, that she should act like a woman her age was expected to. She should save up for a nicer kimono, wear a little makeup, do something with her hair...

"Try a little harder," she murmured, frowning at herself in her mother's old mirror. A lukewarm bath and a flurry of silk later, she was as close to Tae's version of presentable as she was ever going to be. "If I tried a little harder, he'd love me, right?" She sighed, tugging at the indigo ribbon in her hair. "It's been almost a year...if he doesn't by now, he never will."

"Kaoru?" Tae leaned into her room, a smile that was no doubt meant to be encouraging spread across her face. "Are you almost ready? Ken-san wanted to wait for you, but the kids are getting hungry."

"Just a minute." She scrabbled around on her dresser, pushing aside odd coins, ribbons, combs and notes from her students. "I know I have some lipstick..."

"It's nice to see you're giving in a little," said Tae pleasantly, reaching over and picking a pot of makeup out of the mess. "You would have fought me like a tiger if I'd tried to put this on you a few months ago."

"I wasn't desperate a few months ago," Kaoru mumbled, willing herself not to fidget while Tae smeared color on her face.

Tae bit her lip. "Is it that bad?"

"I don't know," said Kaoru truthfully. "I know he cares about me, I know he loves me I just...don't know if he loves me..."

"He's rescued you from several homicidal maniacs," said Tae matter-of-factly. "Maybe your standards are too high."

"He'd do that for anyone! That's..." She moaned and closed her eyes. "Dammit, that's why he's so fantastic..."

"Hold still." Tae rubbed a little powder into her cheeks, thinking. "Has he ever kissed you?"

"Once," said Kaoru miserably.

"Really?" Tae looked surprised. "When?"

"On the beach," said Kaoru. "After the fight with Enishi. While the others were busy with the police...he took me aside, and pulled me into his arms, and said..." Another tormented moan. "He said I was more important to him than anything, that he was never going to leave me again, and then he kissed me...and we stood there holding each other until Saito came over to ask about something."

"And then..?"

"And that's it!" Kaoru cried. "THAT'S IT! Oh, I mean he's held my hand a few times, and he touches me without really having a reason to, and he's always so wonderful and kind and polite and..." She dug her nails into the tatami, grinding her teeth. "Ugh, I can't STAND it!"

"Well," said Tae carefully, putting the makeup aside and standing up. "I think he might be getting ready to make his move."

Kaoru blinked up at her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that very soon, he'll put his nervousness aside and start treating you in a more appropriate manner."

Very slowly, Kaoru pushed herself to her feet. When she and Tae were on level again, she said, "You talked to him, didn't you."

Tae was immediately betrayed by her eyebrows, which shot up into her hairline. "Kaoru-san, I was just - "

"What did you say?"

"Nothing much, really - "

"I am the adjutant master of Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu," she said, her eyes dangerously narrow, "and I can beat you black and blue without breaking a sweat..."

"Kaoru!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM?!"

Tae swallowed hard and stared resolutely at her feet. "Do you promise not to be angry?"

"No," said Kaoru flatly. "Tell me anyway."

Tae attempted a casual sort of shrug. "I just told him that a beautiful, intelligent, talented girl of eighteen years isn't going to wait around forever."

Kaoru leaned heavily against the wall, her face in her hands. "Oh, Tae, you didn't..."

"Well, it's true, isn't it?"

"Of course it isn't true! We both know I'm not going anywhere, Kenshin's the only man who'll even look at me..."

"Hey, Ugly!"

Kaoru screamed and spun around. Yahiko was in the window, looking bored and annoyed. "How long have you been there?" she gasped, breathing hard.

"Long enough to know you're both nuts," said Yahiko. He frowned. "What's that all over your face?"

"Nothing you need to worry yourself about," said Tae haughtily.

"Whatever. You two coming out here or not? I'm starving."

"We'll...be right out," said Kaoru, too out of sorts to even be angry at him. As soon as his head had disappeared again, she turned to Tae in desperation. "What should I say? What should I do?"

"You don't have to do anything," said Tae, patting her gently on the arm. "Just sit and eat the lunch your man has made for you, and think about when you want the wedding to be."

Kaoru groaned.

***

"Those girls are crazy," said Yahiko, plunking himself down on the porch again. "All they ever talk about is kissing."

"Is that so?" said Kenshin, his voice shaking slightly with forced calm.

"Yeah," said Yahiko. He gazed longingly at the plate of rice cakes on the table. "Hey, what did Tae say to you before she went back inside? You looked ready to throw up."

"Did I?" Kenshin hitched a smile onto his face, hoping it didn't look as transparent as it felt. "Tae is concerned about Kaoru-dono, that's all."

"Whatever," Yahiko grumbled, folding his arms on the table and resting his chin on top. "So long as they get out here so we can eat."

Tsubame, who had watched their exchange in mute horror, leapt up from the table so quickly that she upset her teacup. "I'll go see if they're done," she squeaked, and set off for the house as fast as her kimono would allow.

"Girls," Yahiko said again, shaking his head. "Totally insane."

Again, Kenshin tried his best to smile. But as his insides were twisting themselves into knots, he suspected it came out as more of a grimace. Tae's words rang in his ears, more piercing with every repetition. She's eighteen years old, Ken-san. She's not going to wait for you forever.

Eighteen... His stomach clenched at the thought. She's eleven years younger than you. You married a girl that age when you were fifteen. She was a toddler when you were fighting wars. She wants you to marry her and you're almost old enough to be her father...

"Hey, Kenshin, you all right?" said Yahiko with halfhearted concern. "You look kind of green."

"I'm fine," said Kenshin tightly. His mind was spinning. What were you planning to do? Wait for her to get older? Hope that she would be content with hand holding and longing glances until you worked up the nerve to do something about it? You can't pretend you're still a Rurouni. You fell apart when you thought she was dead, you're completely useless without her...it would kill you if you lost her again, and you're going to if you don't -

"Finally!" Kenshin jumped a bit and looked up at Yahiko's voice. He was standing again, bouncing on his toes. "Jeez, I thought you three would never be done!"

Steeling himself for the worst, Kenshin worked up the most convincing grin he could manage and turned to look over his shoulder.

The sight of Kaoru hit him like a physical blow. In his eyes, she was the most beautiful woman in the world, no matter what the circumstances. Whether she was dressed in a gi and hakama for kendo lessons, or the kimono and obi she wore when they went into town, she glowed with an energy and intelligence that he'd long ago fallen in love with.

But she had never looked like this before. Kenshin swallowed hard, his heart pounding in his ears. He strongly suspected that Tae was responsible, and he was caught someplace between horror and gratitude. Either way, he felt that opening his mouth would be unwise -- he had no idea what would come out.

Despite all this, Kenshin still had the presence of mind to notice that Kaoru's smile was wavering as much as his. It was also apparent that she wouldn't be moving at all if not for the fact that Tae was pushing her forward.

"This looks delicious!" said Tae, a little too loudly.

Kenshin managed to croak out something along the lines of "Thank you."

Tae grabbed her ward by the arm and dragged her around to Yahiko's side of the table, arranging it so that the only empty space was directly next to Kenshin. After a moment's hesitation Kaoru knelt daintily at his side, stealing a glance out of the corner of her eye.

"You look...very nice, Kaoru-dono," he rasped, dizzy with the scent of her.

"So do you," she breathed.

"Weird," Yahiko muttered, eyeing them both. "Pass the edamame, would you?"

Kenshin pushed the bowl across the table, his eyes never leaving Kaoru's face. The others chatted idly as they ate, about work, lessons and the usual neighborhood gossip. But Kaoru stared silently at her untouched bowl, and Kenshin stared at her, cycling desperately through the same two fragments of thought: I love her. She's not going to wait forever. I love her. She's not going to wait forever...

"Well! That was lovely, Ken-san, but we really must be getting back to the Akabeko," said Tae suddenly, snapping him back into the present. She was on her way to the gate already, Tsubame and Yahiko trailing along behind her. "Yahiko's going to work a shift this evening, so he won't be back until after dinner. Long after dinner. In fact, he might just stay with us tonight."

"Hey, you didn't say -!"

"Goodnight!" Tae called, and the gate clicked shut behind her.

Kaoru and Kenshin sat in unmoving silence for what felt like an eternity.

"You...you shouldn't let Tae bother you," said Kaoru, not looking up. "She's just...she means well..."

"Kaoru-dono..."

"You don't need to use the 'Dono' all the time," said Kaoru, barely above a whisper. "Just...just 'Kaoru' is fine..."

"Kaoru..." He raised a tentative hand, brushing her cheek with his fingertips. "Tae is right."

"I know, I know, she just gets so excited about things and I tell her its not for her to worry about and..." Kaoru stopped, turning to him with wide eyes. "Wait...what?"

"Tae is right," he said again, cupping her face. She leaned into his hand, her lips brushing against his palm, making him shudder. "You shouldn't have to wait for me. You're so young, and...so beautiful..." He closed his eyes. "I don't deserve you, Kaoru."

"Kenshin..." she murmured, reaching up to cover his hand with hers.

"Kaoru, I..." His mouth was dry. His heart was in his throat. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He was drowning in her closeness and it was all he could do just to keep himself on that porch, to stop himself from running away from what he knew he was about to say.

He pulled her close, rested his forehead against hers, and said, "I love you."

And then they kissed, and it was wonderful, and his arms went around her and her body was pressed against him and he would have given anything for the moment to last forever.

Only it didn't. In fact, it didn't even last as long as it should have. Because only a few seconds after the blissful admission of their affection, there was a knock on the front gate.

"Ignore it," said Kaoru, pulling back just far enough to allow for conversation.

"Mmm..."

Another knock, louder and more insistent than the first.

"Probably just one of my students," Kaoru murmured, her hands twining in his hair.

"Probably..."

"Himura Kenshin! We demand that you show yourself!" The voice was muffled by distance and the gate itself, but it was enough to ruin the mood.

"Who could that be?" asked Kaoru, standing up reluctantly.

"I'm not sure," said Kenshin. "Wait here..."

When he opened the gate, he was met with four men in their early twenties. They were dressed as swordsmen, and they were armed. Kenshin could feel their eyes flickering over him, taking in his red hair and his cross-shaped scar.

"You are Himura Kenshin?"

"Yes," said Kenshin evenly. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"My name is Tanaka Yuki," he said, cold and formal. "My comrades and I were students of Saigo Takamori, and fought by his side in Satsuma."

"I see," said Kenshin.

"You remember us, then?"

"I believe that I do," said Kenshin. "Your master was a friend of mine while he was alive."

"Do you admit to swearing your allegiance to him during the final battle?"

"I helped him when he was in need, yes."

"Do you also admit to working for Okubu Toshimichi," Tanaka continued, shouting now, "thus betraying the trust Saigo placed in you?"

"I spoke with Minister Okubu about a conflict of some importance in Kyoto," said Kenshin, measuring his words. "After his assassination, I decided to pursue the matter of my own accord."

There were footsteps behind him, then, "Kenshin, what's going on..?"

"Nothing you need to worry about, Kaoru," he said lightly, his eyes fixed on Tanaka. "There's just been a small misunderstanding. Please wait for me inside, all right?" He heard the door to the dojo slide open and closed.

"We say that in allying yourself with Okubu, you did a great disservice to the memory of Master Saigo," said Tanaka, his voice low and dangerous. "And we demand your blood as retribution for this crime."

"I'm sorry," said Kenshin, his hand moving to the hilt of his sword. "I cannot allow that."

He was outnumbered, and as students of Saigo Takamori these men were no doubt skilled with the sword. But though Kenshin liked to think of himself as modest, he knew his own strength. It would be a swift conflict, and he would win.

"I don't enjoy fighting," he said. "I offer you the chance to leave without crossing blades."

"We refuse," Tanaka grated, drawing his sword.

Kenshin sighed. "Then you leave me no choice."

There was a flash of sunlight on metal, a rush of air, the scratch of dirt under sandals. Two of Kenshin's attackers fell beneath the blunt edge of his sword, unconscious before they hit the ground. The hilt met the temple of the third.

Tanaka was faster than the others. His foot shot out as Kenshin finished his swing, catching him in the wrist. Kenshin's sword slipped out of his fingers, spinning in the air for a fraction of a second before he caught hold of it again, then whirled around in a graceful arc to strike Tanaka on the back of his neck.

There was a dull thud as Tanaka's body collapsed onto the packed earth of the yard. No more than five seconds had passed since the beginning of the fight, and Kenshin allowed himself a moment to be pleased with how quickly and cleanly he had handled it.

He did not immediately notice that anything was wrong. He turned to the dojo, about to call out to Kaoru, to tell her it was over. His thoughts were already drifting back to the kiss they'd shared a few minutes before, to the laundry that still needed folding, and the dinner he was going to make.

But then he smelled it. Tangy and sharp, like copper coins. And sickeningly familiar.

And he saw it. Spots of moisture on the ground. On his hands. Dripping thick and red from his blade.

His blade that was not held as it was supposed to be.

***

It could not have happened.

He could not be dead.

It simply wasn't possible.

Kaoru had watched them from inside the dojo, her eye pressed to the crack between the wall and the door. She remembered Okubu well enough, and Saigo's name was passing familiar, but none of what the strangers had said made any sense. And then they were fighting, but she wasn't worried, because they were young and reckless of course Kenshin would win. He always won.

And he did win. He was the only one left standing, caught midway through turning to greet her. His mouth was slightly open, his eyes startled and clear.

And he was covered in someone else's blood.

Kaoru's knees hit the tatami, her hand sliding down along the doorframe. She was going to be sick.

Those weren't the eyes of a killer. They weren't the eyes she had seen those few, terrifying times that the hitokiri within him had struggled his way to the surface. When he'd saved her from Jin-Ei, when he'd lost control during his fight with Saito, his eyes had been those of a stranger, cold and distant.

But now, now he was Kenshin, wholly and completely.

She turned her head and vomited on the floor.

"You have to pull yourself together," she muttered, wiping her mouth. "You've got to...you can deal with this, you've handled worse." This was a lie, and she knew it, but she dragged herself up the wall until she was standing again, took a shuddering breath, and opened the door.

The ground was covered in blood. The three bodies that still had their heads were leaned in a careful row against the front wall. The fourth had been covered with Kenshin's gi. She fought down another wave of nausea and stumbled toward the back of the yard, feeling her way along the dojo wall.

He was standing next to the well, soaking wet and holding a bucket in his hands. He was naked above the waist, red blood and red hair clinging to the bare skin of his back. She watched as he filled the bucket again and poured it over his head. His movements were careful and unhurried, and the normalcy of it made her want to scream.

"Kenshin..." she said, choking on his name.

His shoulders stiffened, but he did not turn around. "I am going to find Chief Uramura and tell him what happened. Please join the others at the Akabeko and wait for me there."

"No," she mumbled, shaking her head. "No, no I don't want to leave you..."

He looked at her, then, and she immediately wished that he hadn't. "You aren't safe with me," he said quietly. "It would be best if you stayed with Tae while the chief and I handle this."

"How can you be so calm," she whispered. "How can you when you just...just..."

"Killed a man."

By saying it he made it real. The words pressed down against Kaoru's heart, crushing her, squeezing the breath from her lungs. Her legs gave way and she tumbled forward.

He caught her, of course, and his body was warm and solid and familiar against her cheek. But his sodden clothes smelled so strongly of death that it made her retch.

"Kaoru, please, please go the Akabeko," he said, pleading. "I don't want you to...you should not have to see this..."

She pushed him away and forced herself to breath. "No," she said, the steel returning to her voice. "No, I'm not going anywhere without you."

"But -"

"Stop it," she said, with so much force that further arguments died on his lips. He watched as she slowly walked to where he had hung the laundry to dry, her hands trembling as she slid clean clothes from the polls. Her shoulders thrown back and her chin high and defiant, she thrust them into his arms and said, "Put these on."

He dressed mutely as she watched. Though she had never seen him nude before, it didn't occur to her to look away. She wasn't going to lose sight of him again.

When he finished, he slid his sword into his belt and finally met her eyes.

"Let's go talk to the chief," she said, willing her voice not to shake. She slipped her arm around his, and he flinched but did not protest.

They walked to the police station in silence.

***

Kaoru had to struggle to focus as Kenshin explained what had happened. She could see his mouth moving, but his voice seemed oddly distant; muffled and distorted, as if by water. She watched his face, hoping for some hint of emotion, but to no end. He had closed himself off. His words and his features were carefully neutral as he told Uramura the nature of the fight, the number of attackers, and the name of the dead man.

Yes, he was sure they were from Satsuma. Yes, it had been a personal grudge. No, he had not bound the survivors. Yes, they would be gone by now. No, he did not think they were a danger to anyone else. Yes, they were likely to come looking for him again.

Her vision blurred and she looked away, cheeks burning with the shame of her weakness. What right did she even have to be upset? He had enough of a burden to shoulder without her pointless dramatics. She was going to have to be there for him, to take care of him, to make sure...

"Kamiya-san," said the chief. Kaoru jumped at her name, hastily dragging a sleeve across her eyes. "I would prefer it if you stayed with friends tonight instead of returning to your school. Just to be safe."

"I will if Kenshin does," she said automatically.

"There are matters I need to attend to, Kaoru-dono," said Kenshin, not looking at her. "I promise I will see you again before morning, but I would prefer to be alone until then."

"I'll escort you to the restaurant, Kamiya-san," said Uramura kindly, offering an arm. She took it helplessly, and turned to try once more at convincing Kenshin not to go. But the room behind her was already empty.

A short while later she sat in composed silence on the floor of the Gyu-Nabe Akabeko, staring down into the tea she held, dimly aware of the low buzz of conversation as Uramura retold Kenshin's story. It was Yahiko's voice that pulled her thoughts back to the present.

"Why're you telling us this?" he demanded. "Where's Kenshin?"

"Himura-san had business to attend to elsewhere. He will return in the morning." Uramura lowered his cup to the table and stood, pulling down on the front of his uniform to straighten out the creases. "Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have to get back to the station. My shift doesn't end until dawn, and I shouldn't stay away for too long." There were polite goodbyes and well wishings on both sides, and then he left.

"I don't believe it," said Tae as soon as he had gone. "He must have misremembered Ken-san's story."

"Yeah," said Yahiko. "Kenshin would never -"

"He was telling the truth," Kaoru whispered. The others turned to look at her. "I saw it, I saw what happened. He..." Her voice broke. "He..."

"Shhh, you don't have to say it," Tae soothed, rubbing her shoulders.

Kaoru shrugged her off. "It was an accident. An accident. He didn't mean..."

"Yeah, well, that just makes it worse, doesn't it?" said Yahiko quietly.

"Maybe," said Kaoru, "I don't know."

"Is he going to leave again?" Tsubame whispered tremulously.

"No," said Kaoru, surprised by her own conviction. "I don't care what he's done, he's still Kenshin. This is his home. I'm not going to let him go anywhere."

They spoke very little after that, huddled over cold cups of tea in the empty restaurant. A plate of cakes that Tae had prepared sat untouched and forgotten on the table. Yahiko and Tsubame nodded slowly forward, their chins sinking down against their chests, until sleep finally took them. A few hours before daybreak, Tae mumbled something about having to do the dishes from last night, and shuffled off to the kitchen.

Through all of this, Kaoru's eyes were fixed on the sky outside, watching dawn creep its way over the horizon.

He'll come, she thought desperately. The first sounds of morning were drifting in from the street, and her heart pounded to the rhythm of cartwheels and the chatter of shopkeepers. He loves me. He promised. He's never broken a promise, he's always come when he said he would. He loves me, he said he did, he's not going to...

But she couldn't bring herself to contemplate what he was or wasn't going to do. She couldn't think of him at all without remembering what he'd done, without remembering the stench of blood and the sound of a body falling to the dirt in two parts.

It was eight o' clock when the door to the Akabeko swung open. Kaoru was on her feet and across the room in an instant.

He was dressed for traveling, a small pack and twin bundles of provisions slung over his shoulders. His hair was pulled back into a high sagegami, and there were black tekko on his forearms. An unfamiliar wakizashi had joined the sakabatou at his waist.

"I have to go," he said.

"Then I'm going with you."

"Alone," he said.

"No," said Kaoru. "No, you can't leave, not again, not after everything we've been through." She could feel the panic clawing its way up her throat. "Nothing has to change. You're still Kenshin, you didn't turn into Battousai, you're still Kenshin..."

"I am Battousai!" he shouted, startling her into silence. "Don't you understand?"

"No," she whispered, shaking her head. "No, you're not, you're Kenshin, you-"

"The Hitokiri Battousai," he said, "is a Himura Kenshin with hatred in his heart and blood on his sword, nothing more. I was a boy when they gave me that name, barely older than Yahiko and slaughtering the Shogunate in the name of a new era. And when all's said and done, that's what he is: a name, and a memory of times past."

"That's not true!" Kaoru hissed. "I've seen you slip back into being a hitokiri, I've seen you make the decision to kill, and tonight wasn't one of those times! You didn't mean to do any of this, Kenshin! It was just a mistake, just a horrible mistake..."

"Whatever my intentions, I killed tonight for the first time in ten years. That I did so against my will only means that I'm no longer fit to wield a sword."

"Then stop!" she cried. "Stop being a swordsman! You've fought so hard for peace, Kenshin, it's enough!"

"It will never be enough," he said. "I've killed hundreds of men. I killed my own wife. The only way that I can atone for crimes as horrible as these is to use my sword and my will to protect the innocents around me. No matter how weary I become, no matter how hard I have to struggle, I can't ever stop. To do so would be to rob the lives I've taken of meaning." He sighed and bowed his head. He had never looked as old as he did then. "I can't stop," he said again. "But I cannot continue, either. Not as I have been. Not anymore.

"Do you remember what Megumi told us before returning to Aizu? My body is deteriorating. In a handful of years, Hiten Mitsurugi will leave me entirely. I had thought that I had a few seasons left in me, at least, but what happened yesterday proves that I've already lost control." He shook his head, unnervingly helpless. "It's easy to kill a man, Kaoru. It's much harder to save him. And it seems I no longer possess the necessary skill for that latter burden."

Kaoru stared at him.

"Do you understand what I'm saying," he asked softly. "Why I have to do this?"

"I understand," she said, and a glimmer of relief passed over his features. "But I don't care."

The relief vanished. "What..?"

"I don't care about ideals or politics or atonement anymore," said Kaoru, drilling into his eyes with her own. "I'm finished with caring, finished with waiting for you, finished with worrying." She could feel him trying to look away, and held him in place with the ferocity of her glare. "All I care about is that you belong here, in Tokyo. With me."

"It's not that simple," he said.

"Yes it is," she said, her voice hoarse with the effort of standing her ground. "It's the simplest thing in the world. Don't go."

"I have to."

"No you don't." She longed to reach out to him, to feel his arms surround her, to forget what they had done. Her hands shook, balled into fists at her sides, and she closed her eyes so that his face could not weaken her resolve. "If you walk out of that door, Kenshin....if you leave me now, leave me like this...I never want to see you again."

"Then this is goodbye," he said sadly.

And he turned away from her, slow and deliberate, and disappeared into the morning bustle of the street.

***

Glossary:

Chan - Affectionate, roughly meaning "dear."
Dono - An archaic honorific, implying great respect.
Edamame - Steamed and salted soybeans.
Gi - Man's kimono.
Hakama - Wide, loose pants worn over a gi.
Hitokiri - Assassin, literally "Manslayer."
Men - A strike to the head.
Obi - Elaborate decorative belt worn with kimono.
Rurouni - "Wandering swordsman," a term coined by Nobuhiro Watsuki. Based on the word "Ronin," which means masterless samurai.
Sagegami - Ponytail
Sakabatou - A sword with its cutting edge on the wrong side; "reverse-blade sword."
San - General honorific, sometimes translated as "Mr." "Mrs." or "Ms." (ie Ms. Tae)
Shinai - A sword made of four staves of bamboo, used for practicing Kendo.
Tabi - Split-toed socks, worn with sandals.
Tatami - Straw mats used to cover floors indoors.
Tekko - Hand guards
Wakizashi - Short sword

***

Author notes:

Many many MANY thanks to Drea, Rene and Indi for beta reading this for me! It's my first real stab at Kenfic, and I never would have caught all my silly gaijin errors if it wasn't for them. ^_^

There are two illustrations for this chapter: [you have to take out the spaces...grr, ff . net]

diagon . org / temp / kenfic / kenleaving . jpg - "He was dressed for traveling..."

diagon . org / temp / kenfic / kaorucry . jpg - "Her vision blurred and she looked away..."

FINALLY, if you want to be notified of new chapters being uploaded, email me at redbeangurl at yahoo.com and I'll add you to the list! ^_^