"Leopard can't change his spots", – He said and I hated him for those words. Because they were like an ordeal, they take away any hope of a happy ending for me. And how dare he do that to me? I want to live. I want to love. I want to be happy. I want to stop running and leaving people I love. God, I want to have a home so much.
"Leopard can't change his spots" It was so long time ago, but his words are still in my mind. I'd want to push them away, to tell myself that they aren't true, but I can't. He's right. As always. And I hate him even more.
My whole life I tried to run from problems.
I tried to ignore problems in my family. And then when it became impossible to do, I killed the reason of those problems. I did it not because of hate or fear. No, I wanted to erase any memories about that period. It was my way to run. I didn't want to think about, I just kept running. Sometimes I cried because I had to leave my home, but deep inside I already knew, that I wanted to leave. I wanted to run from the place that reminded me about all my faults. I wanted to start over, from a clean state. But it appears that I couldn't do that.
I leave you, if you manage to stop and live as a normal person.
It was my chance and I didn't use it. I'm a fugitive. Leopard can't change his spots.
You said that we all had a chance, that our own choice was the only thing that matters. You gave me hope and I came back. I wanted to believe you. I wanted to become that person you saw in me, I wanted to be Katie, the girl that still had a future; that still was able to dream.
I came back to make things right this time. I wanted to fix everything, but I failed. You were wrong. Some things are never supposed to change.
And now I'm sitting in the plane that will bring us home. I thought that leaving is painful, but now I know that returning can be even more painful. I lost everything I had and I have no strength for hoping anymore.
I turn my head to look at him. Now I understand him so well. Now I know how it feels when you give up and accept your fate. I did my best to change things. I wanted to be another person, but it's impossible.
"Some people are supposed to be alone" One more ordeal from him.
But I don't hate him anymore.
And I don't hate you for giving me that false hope.
A/N: This story was written as a Christmas gift for woodshavings.
