Scream

From the Song: Scream by Avenged Sevenfold

Pairing: Damon/Elena (Der. Who else would I write about? Stefan?)

Rating: M –for Dark themes, language and lemons later on

Disclaimer: I hope L.J. Smith or the CW doesn't pull an "Anne Rice" because I LOVE writing FanFiction about it! I don't own it, if I did, Ian Somerhalder would probably NEVER have clothes on! :D

you laugh like I'm kidding…

Summary: He's had enough. For the first time in 145 years, Damon decides he's going to shut off his humanity…completely.

A/N: I was originally going to make this set after "The Return," but the "Rose" ending BLEW MY EFFING MIND! DUDE WTF? Lol so this is based after Damon compels Elena to forget that he said that he loved her. *tear*

Chapter 1: Reminiscing

Damon sat in front of the fireplace in the library, watching the flames apathetically. He thought back to the last time he had done this – the last time he had stopped feeling. When Stefan had first convinced him to turn, he felt everything; every emotion that he had felt as a human was magnified. So of course he felt at least something.

He and Stefan were always together – through the more fun times of their new vampire lives, through the sadness of "losing" Katherine, and through the bloodlust and thrill of hunting, they were always together. Then the bastard had to get all self-righteous, leaving Damon utterly and completely alone. He spent the rest of his new life hunting, killing, fucking, feeding, and trying to figure out how to get Katherine out of the tomb.

He came to Mystic Falls to torment his brother (Who he had kept an eye on over the years) and finally get her out. He met Elena. He'd be the first to admit that he only perused Elena for her resemblance of Katherine and Stefan's newfound infatuation with her. Then something changed. That night him and his…chew toy of the moment, Caroline, went to Elena's house with Stefan and the Witch, Bonnie, when Elena said that she was sorry about Katherine.

"You lost her, too." She had said. He started to feel something different, but it wasn't to the extent where he'd think twice about ripping someone's head off just for the enjoyment of it. As he got closer to Elena (Mostly just to piss Stefan off), he realized that she was so much different than Katherine. And eventually, for the first time since Stefan had abandoned him, he found himself having an actual friend.

Without noticing it, he eventually started to feel again – that switch in his head faltering. Then, he decided to trust that Elena would help him get Katherine out of the tomb. He knew from the start that Stefan wouldn't, but he honestly figured that his brother was so whipped by then that Elena would convince him. That was when they both reminded him why he didn't trust; they had betrayed him. Again. Somehow he had found it in the remainder of his heart to forgive Elena. Why? He had no clue.

When he found that Katherine was never in the tomb, he realized – with the help of obscene amounts of alcohol and a variety of sorority girls – that he was able to stop feeling again. Though with Elena's help, of course, that had failed too. He kept drinking and feeding, though somewhere inside he felt empty. No way in Hell he would ever admit that to anyone, though.

He gradually started feeling again as he, stupidly, got closer to Elena, and it wasn't because she looked like Katherine. And on Founder's Day, everything went to Hell. Elena, Bonnie and Stefan had saved his life. He opened his heart to Elena. Every emotion and heartache he felt for her was laid out for her to crush from benath him. But here's the thing – she didn't.

Katherine did.

When Katherine came to him that night, he was dead set on shoving a stake through where her black heart should have been. But he ended up almost having sex with he instead. Being the idiot that Elena had recently made him, he opened up to this woman, hoping she would love him and they could live happily for eternity – like he had originally planned. But that fell through, too.

"I never loved you. It was always Stefan."

After she left, he knew he had to see Elena. In some deranged part of his newly broken mind, he knew he needed Elena. She was the only thing that could make thhis better – that could make him better.

When the words, "I love Stefan," came out of her mouth, he tried to shut everything off. When it didn't work, when he knew that he would never be able to shut off his humanity while Elena still loved him, he snapped her brother's neck. He killed Jeremy because it would be so much easier to shut off his emotions if he had nothing to feel for. If Elena hated him, he had nothing to feel for. It's better to be hated than to be everyone's second best.

That lasted for a few days…until he decided to save her life. Again.

He took an arrow in the back for her, completely contradicting his whole plan. Here's the thing – he had no consious thought of saving her life – it just happened. It was almost automatic. Over and over after that, he tried to convince himself – but mostly Elena, that he didn't care.

And when he couldn't deny it anymore, he came up to Elena's room, spilled his guts out to her, and compelled her to forget every word. He cried.

And now that that was over, he was done with it all.

Damon stood up, threw his glass into the fire and walked out the front door.

He had some humans to kill.

A/N: So this was almost a prologue of this story. I just wanted to cover everything about Damon's feelings (or lack thereof) so I could begin the telling of his mind spiraling out of complete control! Muahaha! ….Ahem…. Hope you like the story! :)