The Very Secret Diary of Bill the Pony
Inspired by Cassandra Claire's Very Secret Diaries:
http://diaries.diagon.org
http://www.livejournal.com/users/cassieclaire

Day One
Going on v. important journey with two midgets and wizard with v. interesting pointy hat. Want a carrot. And maybe a sugar cube. V. hungry, as poncy lout Bilbo filched oats for his own hobbit-sized bowl of oatmeal.

Day Two
Ran into two more hobbits in Farmer Maggot's garden. Filched cabbages, corn, carrots, and assortment of other rudely-shaped vegetables. Merry broke carrot. Stupid Merry. Heard him whining about it to Pippin. Thought carrot was for me. Was obviously wrong.

V. bad, because hobbits mistook oats for trail mix.

Day Three
Wander away to munch grass.

Day Four
New journey (or possibly the same?), this time with same four hobbits plus whiskered human. Have noticed human is blatant pervy hobbit fancier. Has taken immediate liking to Frodo. Why is it always blue-eyed, vulnerable one?

Note to self: pony never gets noticed.

Day Five
Hid out in bushes during big fight with v. scary Ringwraiths. Hero Aragorn saved the day by lighting them on fire and conveniently tackling Frodo "to get him out of harm's way." Sure. And I'm a Clydesdale.

Frodo stabbed anyway.

Day Six
In Rivendell with Elves. Tethered to a tree. Elrond becoming grabby with unconcious Frodo. Fairy. Sam will kill him if he tries anything. Take that, immortality.

Day Seven
Still tethered to tree. Have lost track of days. Not sure whether this is really Day 7. Oh, bother.

Sam getting ridiculous with the strawberry bubble baths. Frodo beginning to pickle.

Wish hobbits would give ME bath.

Day Eight
Frodo awake. Sam disappointed.

Note to self: suspect am becoming pervy hobbit fancier.

Day Nine
Instructed by Elrond to take Ring to Mordor. Frodo scared. Want to comfort him, but hooves v. inconvenient. Git should have known better than to volunteer to walk right into fires of doom. Oh well. Maybe take pony as company?

Day Ten
Leave Rivendell with Fellowship for Mordor. Am giddy. Maybe Frodo will ask for ride.

Day Ten, Later
Alas, no dice. Nancing git Legolas loaded his Caboodles onto my back. "Can't go anywhere without THESE, can I now?" Expect v. long journey ahead.

Day Eleven
Boromir and Aragorn fighting over who gets to carry Frodo up mountain. Frodo COULD just ride pony. But can anyone take hint? Nooo.

Note to self: pony quite neglected.

Day Eleven, Later
Come right back down mountain after white wizard tries to bury us in snow. Suspect Saruman had past bad date with Gandalf.

Feeling left out. Wish there were pervy pony fanciers in Fellowship.

Day Eleven, Later Later
Got wish. Sam a pervy pony fancier. Found out when still-not-king Aragorn told him to get rid of me at Moria. Aragorn obviously jealous of pony. Prat.

Note to self: pony always abandoned. Obviously can't handle long dark of Moria. Will find out.