I have been informed that chapter 2 was posted as chapter 1 for some reason by a kind person, This is the first chapter so please read and the third one will make more sense. Cheers
The junior agents handbook: The rules of Coulson.
Please read and memorise the following information with extreme care. Your lives may depend on it or your sanity. It depends whether youbreak the rules regarding Stark.
1) The first rule of Coulson is not to talk about the rules of Coulson. If one is caught discussing the rules of Coulson they will face the wrath of Coulson. If you do not know the rules of Coulson see Agent Coulson for the rules, but do not ask Agent Coulson about the rules. Good Luck!
2) Do not talk about Coulson's obsession with Captain America, pain will ensue that involves electricity. (Tony found out the hard way. He does however now enjoy supernanny.)
3) Junior agents are asked not to bother Coulson with questions about the avengers. However original your question seems it is probably not.
4) Coulson does not allow shipping of any sort.
5) Coulson does not support incest.
6) The above has never happened under any circumstances.
7) Never question Thor about the horse.
8) Just don't ask.
9) Or Drag
10) It's a touchy subject and not worth it.
11) No nicknames for the avengers.
12) Especially Legolas
13) Or Thoreal
14) Yoda is also a bad idea
15) Tin man will result in a life of hell, courtesy of Tony Stark. Coulson wishes to inform you that this is not a threat, but a severe warning.
16) And never, ever call anyone a Weasley.
17) Steve asked Natasha why she was being called that.
18) Bad things happened. We do not talk about it.
19) Whilst we're on the subject of not discussing thingsā¦..No one knows what happened in Budapest. Coulson does not know. Asking Barton or Romanoff will most likely result in an arrow to the knee.
20) Whatever Tony says we do not wear pink on Wednesday's.
21) Asking Steve if he understands a reference will result in a physical attack from Coulson. There is no way to prepare for it. And you will never see it coming.
22) Sloths are forbidden on the helicarrier. For more information on this rule ask Darcy Lewis. But do not mention that you read it in the rules of Coulson, she doesn't know they exist. It has been assumed that she will try to break, Every. Single. One.
23) Cats are not allowed on the helicarrier. This involved an incident with Loki. Steve took him in, he was in disguise as a cat. Fury could have lost another eye. No more needs to be said.
24) There has been an amendment to the above rules regarding pets. If any animals are found on the helicarrier take them straight to the lab. Unless they have green eyes. It may be better to shoot them in this case. Loki has been experimenting with magic. So far Thor has been a Labrador, Clint a monkey and Steve a poodle. Yeah we don't see the connection with that last one either.
25) Further updates, if a tiger is found it is Fury. Do not approach, he will be extremely pissed off and will most likely lash out. Five times in two days, for god sake.
26) Do not ask Fury why he wears the eye patch. Its really just to make him look intimidating.
27) Agent Coulson asks that the above rule is not to be repeated as he will probably die. You will go down with him.
28) We do not sing "We're off to see the wizard" when sent to Fury's office.
29) Yes Steve would have understood that reference.
30) Update on nicknames: 'mad eye' will result in extreme pain.
31) Singing 'the sun will come out tomorrow' to Fury whenever he looks grumpy will not end well.
32) If you hear 'star spangled man' play when Steve enters a room try not to react, he is already embarrassed as it is. The only explanation you need is Loki.
33) Do not engage with Barton if he is in an air vent! I repeat this is very important information! There is a spy game going on between him and Romanoff that you do not want to get involved in. He will not hesitate to take you hostage, we are still missing two age...
34) This is Agent Barton here and I would just like to inform you that the above information is false. I do not take people hostage they volunteer to my cause. If you wish to find me I will be in the vent above Fury's office. Don't tell him. Or I will find you...
35) Or you could volunteer to my cause and hunt down Hawkeye who has helpfully just revealed the location of his hideout. Those agents have been gone for three days now and I don't know what he plans to do with them. At least my hostages agents are fed and watered. ~Agent Romanoff
