"I, Lord Voldemort, Thomas Marvolo Riddle Jr., hereby declare that my last Will and Testament shall be proofread and edited by one Severus Tobias Prince-Snape." Voldemort said, smiling at the group of Death Eaters surrounding him.
Severus sighed, but obediently said, "Of course, my Lord."
He reached across the table to accept the thick stack of parchment. "Thank you, Severus." Voldemort said happily.
Then, he dismissed the Death Eaters and ended the meeting.
-ooOoo-
Three and a half weeks later, Snape was reading the Dark Lord's Will to the Order of the Phoenix. It went like this:
"To Lucius Malfoy, my trusted right hand advisor, I leave seven eights of the Riddle family fortune and the specified Dark Arts collection I have previously discussed with you." Along with this, had been an envelope enclosing the complete list of artifacts Lucius was to inherit.
"To Narcissa Malfoy, I leave the Riddle family heirlooms, that jewelry you seem to be so fond of." A list of jewelry was in Lucius' envelope.
"To Draconis Malfoy, I leave my prized Firebolt."
"To Severus Snape, I leave the entire Riddle Family library, Potions stores and three bottles of shampoo. Use it wisely." Severus, ears tinging red, was unsure whether the Dark Lord was referring to the books, Potions or the shampoo.
"To Bellatrix Lestrange, my esteemed colleague, I leave half of the torture devices kept in the dungeons of the Manor, along with promise of use of said dungeons."
"To Rodolphus Lestrange, I leave the last eight of the Riddle Family fortune, and the collar that slowly tightens around its wearer's neck until they are strangled to death. I hope you've learned from your last experience not to put things like that around your own neck, you imbecile."
"To Rabastan Lestrange, I leave the Manor's entertainment system, X-Box, flat screen TV, DVR, and video game collection."
"To Peter Pettigrew, I leave a tissue I used and a phial full of my saliva."
"To Walden MacNair, I leave the other half of the aforementioned torturing devices and the use of the Manor's dungeon as promised to Bellatrix."
"To Evan Rosier, I give the dagger used in my resurrection that you keep giving a look whenever you see it."
"To Augustus Rookwood, I leave that one tapestry you stare at stupidly whenever you pass it."
"To Nagini, I leave a year's worth of dead flesh and other carnage for your meals, a velvet cushion, and that Potion that makes your scales all beautiful."
"As a side note, I leave Nagini in Lucius' care, to be babysat by Severus when necessary. Riddle Manor is to be continued as use of Death Eater headquarters, and nothing else."
"And one last thing, Harry Potter. I despise you. But I think you strangely cute with your green eyes and glasses. The scar was a nice touch if I do say so, myself."
"Well. Chaio. Ta-Ta for now. Goodbye, and good riddance."
"Signed, my worst wishes to Albus Dumbledore and the rest of you light sided fools, LORD VOLDEMORT, aka TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE JR."
