He's holding her tightly, maybe too tightly but she allows it because it's the only time he seems to claim her, when it's too dark to see each other and no one's around. They're dancing in his room, shuffling their feet and moving back and forth and if she didn't know better she would believe she was the only one. Except, she saw him earlier flirting with a pretty young lady in the flower shop by her apartment, and his smile was so sweet. He never looked at her like that. But he was with her now.
He's looking at her and she stops the small smile threatening to break through when he stops dancing. And she's waiting with bated breath and before he can break her heart again she speaks up.
"Colonel, it's late. I'll be going now."
It's crisply said and professional and she knows she's won when he grabs her again and won't let her go.
"Who said you could go?"
He hisses in her ear and it would be scary to anyone else, but while he's holding her even tighter all she can think is that it feels like home.
Everything's different in public. Everyone knows they're close but they don't know how everything has changed since Maes died. Some people catch the anguish that occasionally flashes through his face but he's so good at misleading people that they often doubt themselves. Mustang would smile and talk and only God knew how he could fool people so easily.
In public everything was the same between them. He would try to avoid working and she had to be the disciplinarian, the protector, the guardian that no one could pass. And, because everything seemed to be the same, he went out with girls. It hadn't hurt her before and she refused to let anyone know that it hurt her now. But then he'll do something silly and call her to help and she knows the truth. She's number one no matter what situation. So, she stifles these burning feels and stays quiet, because nothing has been the same since Maes died. He was gone and Riza didn't know how long Mustang was truly going to be here with everyone else.
Sometimes, he wakes up in the night sweating and shocked and scared by the same dream. It's at times like these that he's glad that he dismisses her before he sleeps. It's selfish of him to make her walk back so late, but even though he wants to keep her chained to his side he doesn't know what she'll say. And when she states that it's time to go the feeling that she'll leave him grows and grows and sometimes he holds her so tightly that he KNOW she's uncomfortable, but he doesn't stop. Riza shouldn't want to leave him he reasons. He can't have more people close to him leaving.
He tries not to think about his dream, but sometimes it offers the most perfect solution to his dilemma. Riza can never leave him if she's broken. She'll stay by him forever and she'll never be able to see anything or anyone else and she'll never leave because she'll be so broken that she can't see a life without him. What scares him the most about his dream is that he'll find himself wondering how to go about and accomplish the task of breaking Riza Hawkeye, the strongest person he knows.
Something's wrong. It's like a siren in his head, repeating itself again and again and it's driving him crazy. It's Riza. She looks pale and sick and he's scared. Death was often unexpected and it often felt like anything could take Riza from him. So, he was given the dilemma of telling her to go home to get better or to make her stay so he could watch over her. But he can only be unfair for so long so he speaks up.
"Hawkeye, are you okay? Do you need to go home?"
He doesn't fake the concern in his voice, but he doesn't want her to leave and God, he's so selfish. But he looks carefully at Riza. She takes a small breath and her skin's complexion is actually waxy now and he's fairly alarmed, but she speaks up.
"No sir. I'm fine"
And its complete and utter BS, but she's staying and it satisfies him that she's not leaving him so he stays quiet.
She's still sick and sore, and logically she knows she should be home. She should have gone earlier but she had a feeling that she shouldn't, couldn't leave him. However, she was nothing if not stubborn and admitting she was sick and weak would have stung her deeply.
But now she's angry. It had begun silently simmering while she worked and he looked so smug and was doing absolutely no work. So, now it was late and she was waiting for him to finish up because she was dizzy and so stupid and stubborn to stay with him. However, she must have shown how she was feeling because someone asked her if she needed a ride home, and it only spoke to how sick she was that she couldn't tell who because the room was going in circles, spinning wildly now.
But then she hears Mustang and she knows it's him because of how deeply his voice was ingrained into her mind. She's being lifted and the next thing she knows she's at his house, burning all over.
Her eyes open slightly and he has his hands on her head, cool and absolutely wonderful on her. She tries to speak, but her voice his dry and he seems to know what she needs because he rushes to get her water and everything she needs.
He loves having her here. While it's sad that she's this sick, it's the perfect excuse. After he dropped her off at his apartment he rushed to hers and grabbed anything he knew she'd need and want. He takes clothing and packs as much as he could and brought it home. And even though she's sick it's the best feeling to have someone home when he arrived. But she would never be the person to stay around and wait at home and he's fine with that.
She's sick and dependent on him and it's like his dream where she's broken and needs him. He knows it's sick how pleased he is, so he dives into making her her favorite tea, soup, and anything she would need to get better. While he likes having her here, having her this sick does worry him and when he's tending to her he's content. He anticipates her needs and she needs him. It makes him smile and later that night his dreams are filled with a beautiful, strong silver chain holding her close to him so she can never go.
She gets better soon, but she's torn between wanting to stay and wanting to work, protect him and go back home. Most of her stuff is still at his house. The amount he packed surprises her and the fact that he cared for her so dutifully also surprised her. She doesn't remember everything too clearly, something that irritates the cautious, vigilant sniper in her. However, she remembers seeming him with a smug smile that not only confused her but annoyed her. Weakness, she reminded herself, was not amusing nor should it have been tolerated.
She reminds him as much when she is feeling much better and he laughs her off and tells her that it's fine. He's smiling and she's missed that. She's missed him joking with her in private. It's like things are better now. However, she can only stay here for so long and while being with him is really like being at home there's only so long she can stay without something coming out.
He tries to act surprised when she says she needs to get her stuff and bring it back home. While he's not surprised it hurts. It was like having a beautiful gift only to have it taken away. So, he jokes and says that it's okay to stay a little bit more. She was sick and he was the thing she needed to get better and she smiles so softly, contently that his heart speeds up and he knows he needs her and only her.
However, there is a big difference between need and want and while he needed and wanted Riza he also wanted many other things. So, he continues to do some harmless flirting, dating and he doesn't realize that it is this very act that will snap the beautiful chain he adored.
There was no reason for things to be different she reasoned with herself. So, it really shouldn't have hurt that he had gone out with a girl that very night. Since he was gone she decided to pack her things up. She tried to reason with herself that it wasn't fair that he had slept on the sofa for these few days and she thinks that so much of her stuff was here that he must have gone to her house more than once.
When he comes home and sees her packing the air becomes stiffly cold and his eyes are beginning to worry her again.
"Are you leaving?"
"Yes sir. I stayed far too long and it will get people to speak. I'm fine now sir"
She says the last part softly and there is a pause. He gets this desperate look in his eye walks toward her.
"I don't care what people say Riza" and it's really been far too long since he's referred to her as that out loud.
She's nervous now and she remembers the one thing she forgot. Whenever she leaves it has to be on his terms or he'll hold her tighter. But, she doesn't want that because dancing is different from packing and this Roy is different from the one she used to know.
He can't tell what Riza's thinking. Her face had always held her emotions wonderfully hidden and while it was useful in their field it wasn't so good for him now.
He had come back from a date that had laughed a little too much, talked a little too much but he was still riding on the wonderful high he felt having his Riza here. Someone to come back home to.
But she's packing and he's panicking. So he walks to her and she stays still. He wants to punch something, he wants to hurt something, he wants to have her. So he pushes her into the wall and punches the wall right near her ear out of sheer frustration. It's wrong. He shouldn't have done it and he's somehow screwed up again.
She's stiff and he tries to hug her and hold her closer and closer so that he's almost a part of her. But she's still stiff and she won't look at him. His anger's rising and rising and he won't let her leave him. So, he has to fix this before she leaves.
He gets back and sighs, running his hand through his hair trying to make light of the situation.
"Sorry. That was just a horrible date, and imagine finding my most trusted subordinate, my queen leave me. I must have been a horrible host!"
But she's still stiff. His Riza's scared of him and he screwed up. He's screwed up.
"Riza, Riza….I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I…just didn't want you to leave me."
The truth has broken free from him. His little secret. His biggest fear. And, it feels great to let it go because he finally sees some emotion from her and he breathes a sigh of relief. She looks at him now and comes to his side and looks at his knuckle and he sees that it's bruised and bleeding. He didn't realize he had hit the wall that hard. She tends to his wound and he knows she's thinking hard.
She has never feared Roy Mustang. He has never given her reason to. But something was off with him. It was her fault for underestimating the situation. And her promise to him rings through her head. She had right to shoot his back if he ever went off his path. But, was he off of it?
However, a part of her is happy. He wants her. He wants her to stay and be with him. And all other thoughts of the girls he flirts with are banished from her mind. He would never say those words to anyone else. And she'll always be dedicated to him. So, how was she going to deal with this situation?
Because while she's sure that he could attack her — which he never would she tells herself — and win she most definitely holds something valuable. Roy would never show a weakness to anyone that didn't matter to him and she has always been there. And in all her time he had been able to manipulate his emotions so well so it was a shock that just by leaving it spindled out of control. She was important she reminded herself. And it was silly to think otherwise.
He may be able to control her body but she has realized that she controls his emotions.
He is convinced that she will leave and that he'll break and go crazy when she speaks up confidently. He hopes it's a good sign.
"You once told me that if you ever went off your path that I had the permission to shoot your back"
And he's surprised that she's saying this.
"Am I really off my path? I'm different lately, yes. But you and everyone else still matter to me. I still want the best for this nation. I just want you here with me is all"
He feels so much better each time he says it. She should know. She just wouldn't know how deeply he needs her to stay with him. She wouldn't know of that appealing image of her being attached to him by a silver, strong chain that won't be broken as long as he can breathe.
"What a way to show it" she says acidly but she's backing down.
"Don't ever hit me Mustang. You are important to me but I do not want to fathom a world where I will need to protect myself from you. I am supposed to keep you in line and if you begin careening off course…"
She doesn't finish the sentence and he nods. He understands. However, he also understands that she won't need to worry about the situation as long as she never leaves him. Then she sighs and speaks once more.
"I'll be staying. But, this isn't professional sir. I want you to realize that. We must keep this a secret. I will be here sometimes and I will be home sometimes"
He's hopping like a bunny, too excited and he speaks up.
"But you'll come back every day?" It's silent but then she gives a nod.
"Yes sir, I'll come back."
Then she begins to unpack her things and put things away. Now he knows that he's won. He has the girl and he knows without a doubt that if this situation were to occur again he would never let her leave. She's his and, if it felt like something was wrong, his mental silver chain would grow shorter and stronger and he knows he could never let her leave alive. She's his.
Within a few years he will consider buying her a silver ring. Not an actual chain, which is much more appealing, but a ring that will forever mark her as his. He knows without a doubt she loves him and he believes he loves her. And after she says "I do" he will know he has her forever. He will be at the very top and as absolute ruler she will never be able to leave. So, as he plans out what ring he's going to get he see the perfect ring and it's like it's meant to be.
It's a silver ring, with the shape of chains intertwined with little diamonds in them. He decides to engrave words on the inside of the ring that say, "Forever Mine".
