Bitter. Everything tastes bitter. And it doesn't help that I don't believe in dreams, or hopes. Even the saying, "If your next hits you in the face, turn the other cheek", doesn't mean a shit to me. No one is kind to me. No one. So why should I be nice? But maybe, MAYBE, I'll find someone… Someone who can help me…
This is how Brian spends his days. Walking, alone. He doesn't even know where to go, but still, he just walks.
He walks away.
The icy road stings his feet, the red and white sneakers of his are all but new and warm. Cars honk at him, and people look out of the windows to wave at him. They try to make him theirs, but he knows that the only one he can trust completely is himself and no one else. It's sad, but he feels no remorse for his way of thinking or living.
Three girls come around the corner and spot Brian.
"Oh gosh, is it him?" they whisper together.
"Yeah, it is!" They blush and wave at him.
"Brian, HI!"
The meaning of these words had lost all effect on him. Not that that puts him in a better mood.
Brian gives them a dark look and rushes by, breathing in the last of his cigarette and then throws it at the ground by their feet. They blush and follow his footsteps with their gaze until he disappears in the alley.
"He's hot", they say, short of breath.
As he rounds the corner, Brian stops, annoyed, and lets out a sigh.
Will they never stop acting like that?
Then he coughs, and tucks his black jacket tighter around himself, trying to get some warmth from it to not get sick. Brian was never sick, but it's not easy to stay warm when it's autumn and you're barely wearing anything!
So there he was, leaning against the cold, grey brick wall. Completely alone. As always. And he stays alone because he wants to, not because no one wants to be there with him. There are plenty of people that want to share their thoughts, their body warmth with him, and he knows that very well.
Brian takes pride in his dark brown hair, which softly covers one of his warm and sensual brown eyes. He's a beautiful boy, his face the one of a sculpture, and those rosy lips... Everyone wanted those lips. And a lot people have tasted them. Not that it matters to him.
He is always acting cold as stone, being emotionless, and he speaks too little to the people around him. Was he always like that?
And this brings mystery over him, making everyone only want him more. Many have tried to get close to him, but the nearest they came was to a good night with no sleep. And not only girls want him, so do most boys. It isn't rare that these guys phone him, to ask for his special "favors", or come over to his place claiming them. It's easy, because he never says no, never rejects a good fuck. He is a man whore. And he doesn't mind that.
The cold freezes his fingers as Brian fumbles in his jacket for another cigarette. It was difficult to light it, but he managed. He had been standing on the same place twenty minutes now, thinking of nothing, and he could see from the alley that the sun was already going down. The shadows were becoming longer. It seemed like they were creeping up on him, trying to grab his thin clothes and tear him apart out of pure boredom. The world came alive, everything breathing and pulsating.
He would have stood there a couple of minutes more, watching the sun color the sky with it's beams as it hid behind the mountaintops. But, the cold was too annoying, ruining this beautiful sight.
Damn this cold…
"STOP IT! Fuck, what's WITH you guys?"
Brian lifts his chin as he hears this voice break the silence of the evening.
What a cute voice…
He smiles his special little smile and straightens himself up.
Could it be a helpless little creature in trouble that's interrupting my evening?
Heh, this is going to be fun...
He smirks and throws the new cigarette on the ground and steps on it theatrically.
Showtime.
As Brian hears the same voice shout out some swearwords, he listens carefully to where it comes from and walks in that direction, out into another alley. Even though his walk was confident and strong, one couldn't hear his steps as he approached the scene. As he turns the corner, Brian sees two tall girls in school outfits standing over a smaller guy. They have angry looks on their faces and the blond guy flinches every time they scream at him. Their shadows are terrifying.
"You fucking jackass. My boyfriend TOLD me what you did!"
"Yeah, you're a freakin' FAG!"
He hides his face in his hands as the tallest girl steps on his foot, putting down her whole bodyweight in the step. And that isn't so little, this girl was huge. Not that that was enough, because as she did this, her nails were burrowing deep into the skin of his right arm.
"P-please stop! I, I just WATCHED!"
His blue eyes are filling up with salty tears as she kicks him hard, this time hurting his leg. The other girl crosses her arms and smiles this ugly, evil grin as she stares at this.
"Watching boys shower isn't good for you, you little fuck... Kick him again Sandra," she growls in a low voice and Brian can see how much pleasure it brings her each time the boy gets kicked. And he gets kicked alright, over and over again. This only makes Brian madder, but he stands his ground, watching it all calmly, unnoticeable, like the growing shadows.
The boy whimpers as the other girl, Sandra, kicks him high, at his face this time. The other girl's smile widens as blood starts to run from the corner of the boy's mouth and he sobs louder. His eyes are shut tight, and his cheeks are pink because of the icy cold, and still his blond hair sticks to his face, clamped with warm sweat. His long fingers are gripping his hair, like holding back an enormous headache. His dark blood drips on the grey asphalt as his body begins to shake with exhaustion.
"Jerking off as you looked at him… And drawing his naked body... You're disgusting."
Sandra planted a powerful kick at his abdomen.
The boy screams in pain as he sinks to the ground, and Sandra just laughs a shrill but menacing laughter
"Want a go at him, Liz?" she smiles. The other girl, Liz, walks up close to the crouched figure on the ground and drags him up again. She searches his face with her stare and then punches him, over and over again. His face is no longer showing sadness, only pain as his lips begin to bleed as he forms the word 'fuck'.
Now Brian can't take it anymore.
He walks over to Liz and grabs her hand just as she was about to hit the blonde again.
"Enough."
She turns to him fast, with a furious look on her face, eyes flaring. When she sees who's holding her hand, her face changes expression fast and she looks down as she blushes brightly.
"Oh hi, I just- we just…"
Brian's mouth is tightly shut and he looks at her with death in his eyes for what seems like an eternity. It was like he was telling her that there was no excuse for doing this to the boy, and that she was stupid for even trying to explain.
"Go
home, bitch."
Her
eyes open wide as she hears the last word come out of his poisonous
mouth. Brian holds her gaze with his deadly one, his eyes no longer
warm, but glowing with cold anger. Then, she has enough with this
'battle of wills', her face turns red and she runs away, with
Sandra following her close by.
Brian smiles his typical cold smile and breathes in the evening air calmly.
Another good willed job done for society.
He soon snaps out his trail of thoughts as the blond guy coughs softly, spitting blood on the asphalt.
"What's your name?" Brian asks as he stares at him coolly.
The blonde coughs again and glances at him, with fear in his eyes. He looked so scared; standing on all fours on the cold ground, shoulders shaking as he slowly begins to sob again.
"T-Thank you…" he says as he wipes his tears away, staining the white jacket with his own blood.
"I asked; what's your name?"
The words are followed by chilled silence until the blonde insecurely breaks it.
"Justin."
His sobbing stopped and he tried to stand up. It didn't quite work. He fell on the ground after the third try and whimpered loudly. You could see the upcoming bruises on his body clearly now.
Brian smiled, kneeled by Justin and put his arm around him, pitying this fragile creature. Justin trembled under his soft touch.
Brian just kneeled there for a while, looking at the blond boy's bloody face.
Did he see blushing under the layer of blood and tears
"Let's get you home Gus."
"It's Justin…"
Brian finally decided to help him up, and the two boys staggered out of the alley, Justin carefully protected under Brian's arm.
It was getting dark, and Brian sighed loudly.
I feel like a hen taking care of her helpless little chick…
Suddenly he could feel Justin's gaze on him, and so he smiled quietly to himself, thinking all sorts of dirty thoughts. It seems to be the same as what Justin was thinking, because as he turned to look back at Justin, Justin looked away, all flustered and now clearly blushing.
The color of his cheeks was a bright red, but the evening's lack of light made it look even darker. Justin's breath started going faster as he stepped with the wounded leg, and he sagged back on the ground, clutching Brian's sleeve in pain.
"I'm so sorry, but I don't think I can…"
Brian giggled, interrupting Justin's staggering sentence. Oh, it's been a long time since he giggled like that. That Justin's childlikeness put a smile on his face and warmed his heart, it's been a long time since he last smiled or laughed like this.
Or felt strangely warm like this.
Justin looked at Brian, cheeks red and eyes sad and embarrassed. A little fire was lit in Brian's as he said;
"Can you walk?
Justin shakes his head, clearly embarrassed.
"No?" smiles Brian.
They spend a moment all quiet, Justin feeling helpless and confused, Brian feeling smug and liking the 'torture' he makes Justin endure.
"I'll carry you then." he finally says.
Brian strongly enjoyed the terrified look on Justin's pale face.
"You'll what…?"gasped Justin.
"Carry you. Now, jump on."
Justin didn't have time to protest as Brian picked him up and placed him on his back. A lot of things ran through Justin's confused mind as he sat on Brian's back, and not all were that innocent. He cursed his dirty mind and tried to suppress the thoughts by change them into gratefulness. Even stupid thoughts about how Brian's black jacket that was such a contrast against his own white jacket, stained with blood now, and that they looked surprisingly well together, were good enough thoughts for him.
Brian's hands found Justin's and he put them firmly around his own waist.
"You don't want to fall off, do you now?"he said with a smile as he turned around and saw Justin's terrified facial expression.
Again, no words escaped Justin's lips. He was afraid that any word he could say would come out wrong, or be misunderstood, ruining their 'connection'.
And now that Justin already had his arms around Brian, he was sure his face looked like a swollen red tomato. Not only was he so thankful to this stranger, but he was also afraid of him.
And maybe… Desired him?
Why did he help me? Why did those girls show such respect towards him? And why does he have to smell so damn good…
It didn't help Justin's blushing when Brian jumped up a bit, to shift Justin's weight on his back and Brian's jacket fell of his shoulders, baring them for Justin. The shoulders were so pale against the dark surroundings of the city, and the skin looked so soft. It was ghostlike and so inviting, daring Justin to lay his head there. So he leaned against Brian's shoulders and breathed in the cool essence of him…
People who drove by looked at them strangely, but who wouldn't? A tall, dark and sexy boy, carrying a smaller blonde boy, who is beat up by the way, on his back, and at night?
The cool air was working as a soothing lotion on Justin's bloody face, softening the features of the evening and making him sleepy.
So sleepy…
So he drifted off to sleep, with a smile on his face.
"Justin… Justin..?"
The warm voice was right by his ear and he shuddered awake as someone pulled his chin upwards. It didn't take long before he was fully awake, staring into the depth of Brian's brown eyes.
"You fell asleep. Is my shoulder really so comforting?" said Brian smugly with a laugh as he winked at Justin. The blond boy blushed and stared embarrassed at the ground, noticing that he was sitting on a park bench, and Brian was leaning over him, still holding his chin. Why am I in a park?
What's happening, is he toying with me?
"Ah, you're wondering why you're here on a park bench?" said Brian with a thin smile on his lips, pulling Justin's face a little closer.
The blonde bounced up with surprise, scared to death of the thought of this guy being able to read his mind.
Justin's cheeks turned bright red and he nodded weakly.
Brian leaned in even closer now, clearly enjoying the boy's embarrassment.
"It's because…" he whispered in the blond boy's ear as he leaned closer. Justin trembled under Brian's cool breath as it was breathed down his neck, and he was awaiting the rest of his sentence. The hand that wasn't holding his chin was leaning comfortably on Justin's chest, and began to slide down from his chest slowly. It went down his shirt and then further down, reaching Justin's lap where it stopped teasingly, warming the area. Justin couldn't keep his eyes up, because this feeling was just too good to be wasted by any kind of effort. It was a too right a feeling.
He gasped in the icy air loudly as Brian's lips brushed his ear, and as the hand was becoming too comfortable pressing down on Justin's lap. He could feel the neck hairs stand up under this sensational feeling of Brian's luscious lips, softly brushing against his ear and neck, and his palm between the legs.
"You're here because I don't know where you live…"said Brian loudly with a laugh as he let go of Justin's chin and removed the other hand from Justin's lap.
His laugh was like small pebbles, clattering down like rain on a grey day. But it fit him so well, and Justin was even more embarrassed now that Brian laughed at both his embarrassment and stupidity.
He had forgotten to tell him where to carry him.
But he couldn't help but smile a little as he saw Brian like this, head bent backwards, eyes tightly shut and mouth open wide.
His body shaking with delightful laughter…
He looked so normal.
Suddenly, Brian stopped laughing and straightened himself up again.
"Well, good luck going home."
Justin looked at Brian with surprise in his eyes.
"Aren't..?" he stuttered.
"I bet your mom wouldn't like seeing you with someone like me, kid." he said coldly. With his back facing Justin, he walked away. Like he always did. Justin felt like crying, and he didn't even know why he felt like this. Being incredibly sad for such a puny reason.
And I'm not a stupid child…
"Wait!" he yelled, surprised at his own behavior. But happiness filled every inch of him as he saw that Brian stopped a couple of meters away.
"What?" said Brian coldly, his dark voice felt like a sharp slap over Justin's face. He suddenly felt incredibly awkward as he stammered the words;
"I j-just want to k-know y-your name!"
Justin put his own fist in his mouth, regretting the words.
Maybe Brian was just like those girls, wanting to kick him till he loses his consciousness or begs for mercy?
Brian just stood there, quietly, for a moment, and then he turned to Justin and walked towards him with stern steps. As he came up to him, casting a shadow over Justin, Justin put his arms in a protective position over his stomach and bent over. Brian softly untangled Justin's reluctant arms and leaned close to his face, nose to nose, forehead to forehead.
He could feel Justin's surprise, and the way he trembled under the touch, expecting pain.
And the pain never came.
Instead, Brian pushed his lips to Justin's, kissing him sweetly. And Justin didn't move. He didn't tremble or shake, he just sat there like a rock. His eyes were closed, his cheeks red and hands held firmly on his own knees, trying to hide his feelings as good as he could. But even though the kiss only lasted like four seconds, it felt like an eternity to him.
A sweet eternity.
As Brian released his lips from Justin's, he whispered softly into his mouth;
"My name is Brian. Remember that."
And he rose and left quickly, hiding his smile from the stunned figure left behind on the park bench.
Justin sat behind the tree outside of his school, The Darwin University, carefully watching the seconds fly by on his ice blue watch, waiting for the damn school bell to ring him in.
The wind ruffled his yellowish blonde hair, and made him close his eyes, and to listen to his surroundings.
He could hear the cars that came and went from the parking lot, dropping off clueless students that were anticipating or not so much looking forward to the school day.
He could hear the other boys and girls chat together, talking all sweet and preppy, wondering what this school day will bring them of luck or homework.
They talked about how boring school was, nothing special happening, referring to The Darwin University as The Yawning University.
Justin sighed and burrowed his fingertips deep in the grass beside him as his usual headache increased.
Justin's thoughts were pounding a hole in his skull, making him want to escape from everything, especially his own life.
How he hated this university, its white corridors, its cold metallic doors and the emotionless teachers that couldn't care less about your well-being.
It's breaking me down, piece by piece…
Justin bit down on his lip as the headache increased significantly, his teeth causing his lip to crack, and a drop of blood traveled slowly down his chin, softly followed by a single salty tear.
Justin rested as he leaned the back of his head on the tree and wiped his face with his sleeve, embarrassed over how weak he was.
I shouldn't have been born.
The school bell rang loudly, this monotonous mechanical ring, stopping the trail of his suicidal thoughts, making him open his sad blue eyes to face the cold reality.
Justin picked up his schoolbooks, combed over his hair with his long fingers and prepared himself for this dreadful day at school.
All around in the hallway, people were staring at him.
He was a pretty boy, tall, with blond and soft spiky hair, deep blue eyes and rosy cheeks. He had long legs, and was always dressing to impress. Justin looked at the reflection he saw in the shiny classroom door, captivated by the shine of his silver earring in his left ear. He sat down by his desk at history class, in the east wing, and lifted the lid on his white desk to gather his colorful pencils.
Justin's brows expressed his confusion clearly as he found a piece of paper there, with his name on it, written in large red letters.
He looked around in the classroom, meeting sweet glances from his fellow classmates, as the gym teacher came in with her usual indifferent look on her face.
Justin had a bad feeling about this note, like a heavy rock in his stomach, but he just had too read it.
It's most likely just a stupid prank…
His clever long fingers opened the note slowly and the bad feeling grew stronger as he could see the content.
The word 'FAG' was written with large red letters over the whole piece of paper.
His mouth opened in awe as his eyes were searching the paper for further menacing words. Justin tried to think, to feel sad or angry, but it was like all of his thoughts and feelings had decided to leave his mind.
How could they know?
This thought was the trigger to set off all of his feelings, and they came rushing back into him, all on the same time, like an enormous storm, causing his anger to fall over him like a ton of heavy bricks. Justin lashed out with his right arm; hitting the stack of books he had placed on the corner his desk, so they tumbled heavily on the classroom floor.
He was standing, his hands clutching his hair, eyes wide open in anger, his chest rising and falling as he was breathing rapidly.
Had Sandra and Liz told everyone?
"Justin? What's the problem?!"
Justin hadn't noticed that the gym teacher was shaking him violently, her hands digging deep into his bruises, shouting to his face. The bruises hurt so much, he was losing his mind.
WHY CAN'T EVERYONE LEAVE ME ALONE?
He pushed her away, his strength on its peak, the anger giving him the powers he usually doesn't possess.
The push had caused the teacher to fall on her back, gasping as her head hit the hard floor.
It wasn't like Justin was himself at this moment; it was more like he was watching this from a distance, only observing, not capable of interfering.
He was panicking.
What the hell am I doing?!
It was like a slow motion movie;
His classmates looking at him like he was something repulsive, others with fear in their eyes.
Some of them were helping the teacher, shouting loudly to each other for help.
Justin just stood there, alone, while everyone was running to help the unconscious teacher on the floor, wanting her to wake up. Then they saw a little puddle of blood forming under her head, the puddle growing bigger and wider. He wasn't angry anymore.
He was scared to death.
Oh my God, what have I done?
Justin fainted.
He woke up later in principal Hamden's office, head pounding with pain and confusion. It took several minutes for Justin to change his lying position, and the blue light that came from the lamps above the color lacking couch scorched Justin's eyes as he looked around in the room.
He never did anything wrong, he was respected my most people, so he never visited the principal's office. The office bewildered him, making him oh so confused.
Why am I here?
Justin struggled to sit up in rough fabric couch, being held back by the pain of his bruised arms as he leaned on them. As he finally found a comfortable position to sit in, the sound of paper being folded drew Justin's attention to one of the office corners, and a dark voice hummed slightly at the sight of the rosy cheeked blonde with a bewildered look on his face.
The principal walked slowly towards him, his presence strangely light and kind, even as his shadow loomed over Justin's significantly smaller body.
His moustache had a funny way of moving, almost vibrating, looking like the one of a lobster as he hummed louder.
"Finally awake, I see?"
Justin nodded quickly, but stopped right away as the nodding enhanced the throbbing headache.
I should take some aspirin against that…
"Well, do you know why you're here, son?"
AT first, Justin just stared at the principal's moustache, but then the memories came flowing back, making him relive the situation in his mind.
"Oh God, Miss Diana…"
He bent his head in shame as tears threatened to run down his cheeks.
How could I have done such a thing?
"You should be glad that I'm in a good mood, because I've decided not to expel you," chuckled Principal Hamden, his eyes hidden by his wrinkles as he smiled sweetly to Justin.
Justin was very young, he was in fact 17 years old, but he strongly believed that no good-natured act came freely.
"What's the catch then?" he said as he met the principal's eyes coolly, making Hamden to think twice about his decision. Hamden soon chuckled again, this time showing some teeth in his laugh.
"You're one of these feisty teenagers, huh?"
Justin didn't answer to this remark, and continued to stare at the principal.
"Well, I'll cut to the case then... You have to live here, in one of these dorms. They were originally designed for everyone, but now they're used by children with special needs or a criminal background. Now, don't give me that look. It was actually your father's idea," explained Hamden as he saw the frightened look on Justin's face.
My father… I should have known.
Justin rose quickly, ignoring the pain, and then he shook the principal's hand, still giving him an icy stare.
"Fine. I'll get my things right away; just show me to my dorm first."
The principal chuckled yet again at Justin's little-grown up facade as he opened the door for him, guiding the blonde boy out of his office, reassuring him about Diana's health.
"One last thing Justin; the people who live in these dorms are rather… eccentric? I can see that you're an intelligent boy, so if you have any problems, be sure to contact me or one of the staff members here at Darwin's University."
One of the teachers came up to Justin and pointed out his dorm and gave him all the information he needed.
The information was about everything from when the breakfast began, which bed was his, to the optional self-defense classes after school.
Brian coughed as Molly's smoke filled the dorm room. She was a typical teenager, pink stripes in her brown hair, a lot of mascara and eyeliner, and her clothes were all black. She pouted with her lipstick stained lips as she breathed out some more of her grey-white joint smoke.
"Brian… Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked with lust in the undertone of her voice and giggled.
Joints always made her act this way, all horny and stupid. Most guys liked that, and would take advantage of her in this situation, as she was lying quite daringly on her bed. Her legs were spread apart so you could see the red and black tights meet in the middle, under her black skirt.
"Would you please not drug yourself in my room…? Use the bathroom. The smoke stinks." Brian said in a nonchalant tone, avoiding the sight of her inviting lap. He didn't want to fuck her; God knows who already had done that, even though she often wanted him to. He never told anyone this, but he really preferred to fuck boys.
Guys.
Men.
Brian leaned back on the beige wall by his bed, wishing for something new and exciting to happen, something that brought him out of this annoying routine. Wake up, take a walk, school, cigarettes; maybe a joint or two, and sex. One could easily grow tired of it all.
Molly rose from his couch and left the room staggering, walking like a drunken duck. She was his best friend, but she was also the most annoying person he knew. She was rude, she was high most of the time, she was violent and worst of all, she was loud.
It didn't take long before she was back in his room, giggling louder and louder as she was trying to tell him something.
"Brian, heh, listen up! Goran is totally 'raping' this new guy. It's HILARIOUS to watch him struggle!"
Brian hurried down the hall and outside to the so called 'playground', an enclosure where they all go to breathe in some fresh air when doing their homework or other interesting activities…
Goran is so funny, making our situation here so livable.
In the enclosure, he finds Goran pushing some guy into the grid of the fence, holding him there with all his might. The other students were watching, standing in a semicircle around the 'couple', boys laughing and the girls going 'aaaaaw'.
Justin's face was being pressed tightly onto the grid, his eyes not completely shut, and his hands were being held behind his back by some stranger who had annoyed him in the hallway. This stranger, the other students called him Goran, was pressing him so firmly into the fence, it was making it impossible for Justin to get out of his grip.
Goran's cold hands went all over Justin, feeling him from top to toe, more exactly from his neck to his ass. As the cold hand continued it's traveling over the body, it found its way into Justin's pants, making him squirm under the touch. With his teeth gritted, he growled silently, turning around and kicking Goran in between his legs.
"What's your problem?!" Justin screamed at him as Goran let out a painful howl. This didn't stop the stranger at all, only enraging him more, he was now punching Justin repeatedly in the abs until Justin sagged to the ground, laying down on his back.
Goran straddled him, sitting down on Justin's lap, smiling smugly at the terrified look on Justin's face.
"You're easy prey, pretty boy…" was Goran's answer as he bent down to lick Justin's thin neck.
