A green Jeep exited Oplaxly, Nevada carrying three people. One was an annoyingly chipper man, one who went by Mr. Mystery Jr. AKA Soos Ramirez. More like Loose Screw Ramirez, how can he be even a little happy when his cousin disappeared? The second passenger is Melody Ramirez-Varley, his wife who he married after only a few months, a fourth of which was behind a screen. The third, is mwah, who is crying in the back seat of the car, snot covering my bright yellow hoodie. Though my legs are freezing from the blasting air conditioner, I don't care. Not even about what Soos is saying right now My mom was the only person I had for as long as I remember, I never knew my father. Just a couple days ago, she disappeared, without a trace, all her belongings where they were the day before. I cry myself to a dreamless sleep.


Bill

"A-X-O-L –O- T- L! My time has come to burn! I invoke the ancient power that I may return." I shouted when that meddling Fez outsmarted me. Meh, it's probably Sixer's idea, but that's not the point. If I wasn't so eager to liberate the world and my wonderfully insane freaks, I probably would've noticed the old switcheroo.

Then he punched me, right in the eye, why does everyone go for the eye? Soon after, my form snuffed out, I thought it was the end, that Big Frilly ignored my plead for help. I expected nonexistence to close in any moment. But then, I appeared in Frilly's mancave. He may tell you it's the time and space between time and space, but when he thinks no one's watching, he materializes a TV to watch Netflick or Call of Crude.


Alexa

We stop at a shack, with a sign saying Mystery hack. The sign doesn't lie, this place is a crap-shack, ha, that rhymes! Mom probably won't like me saying that.

"Welcome home girl-dude!" Soos shouts.

"I'm pretty sure it's dudette, but whatever," I roll my eyes. "Where's my bedroom?"

He and Melody show me to a door, it's covered with wallpaper. "Feast your eyes, on this!"

Inside is much worse. The roof has a hole, probably from termites, and the only window is a creepy stained glass window.

"Yay," I say sarcastically. "A crap-hole in a crap-shack!"

Soos looks genuinely hurt. "I'm trying my best, dude!"

As they walk to the living room, Melody looks back, disapproval written on her face.

I feel a twinge of guilt, I open my mouth to say something, but they are already gone.

I flop onto the bed. Can't anything go right? I slipped into unconsciousness, the only thing that is doing me any good right now.


A triangle dude held my mom in his hand. He wore a top hat and a bow tie. He only had one eye.

"Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well!" Triangle guy shouts. "Look what we have here!"

My mom whimpered.

"A practice target!" He cried, his form turning red, his eye inverting color, and his limbs and hat red.

"Please Bill," She cried. "Have mercy!"


"Bill" started maniacally laughing. He bound my mom in blue, glowing chains. He reared back and his eye crackled with electricity. He zapped her, real good. I don't know who was screaming, me, her, or the both of us.

I jerked up, awake, sweat soaked my yellow hoodie. "Bill" shackled my feet! Oh, wait, it's just my yellow shoes. I almost shouted for my mom, yeah that's right, I almost cried for my mommy. I wanted her to tell me about how it was a dream probably inspired by my a mix of random things. I start sobbing when I realize I can't.

Sometime in my self-pity, light began to filter through the colorful window. I noticed the hole in the roof is no longer there.

I sigh

Soos really is trying.

I slog through my door, following the scent that betrays pancakes.

"Good morning Alexis!" Melody says in a singsong voice. "Soos is making pancakes!"

"No, Stancakes!" Soos shouts. "It has some of Grunkle Stan's hair in it, just like how he made it when he was here!"

"You don't have to do everything Stan does!" Melody scoffs. "Besides, where did you get his hair anyways?"

"We all have our secrets," Soos says, his eyes darting around the room.

Both me and Melody look at him, disgusted.

"Memory wipes!" Soos cries, throwing wet wipes at us. "Haha, Yes! Obscure reference!"

Melody starts laughing uncontrollably. I can't help but crack a smile.

"Anyways, is there something you want to tell Alexis?" Melody said, withholding her laughter for just a moment.

"Oh, yeah girl-dude-" Soos starts.

"Dudette," I correct him.

"Your cousins are visiting today," Soos says.

"For how long, a weekend?" I say, feigning interest. I could care less about the kids who are coming here. They could be the children of the President and I could care less. Unless it is a detective, I don't need anyone else but my mom. But there was something about him that made me unable to upset him.

"For the whole summer!" Soos grins.

"Yay!" I say, even throwing in a smile, it came out as a grimace.

Melody, who isn't as thick as Soos noticed my insincerity. "Maybe them being here will help you through your mom's disappearance!"

"I don't have to," I say, walking to my bedroom. "She'll be back. You don't know anything about her!"

I close the door and lock it. Tears flow again because I know that might not be true.I fell asleep again!


I woke up to two voices, one male and one female.

"Hey knock it off Mabel!"

"I'm not going to let you waste our first day back buried in your stupid journal!"

I then heard a thump.

"Give me my journal!"

I heard another thump.

"Ah, don't lick me!"

"Ha-ha-ha, yes!"

I pull my pillow and covers over my head. I fall asleep once more.

I hear banging on the door, it jerks me from blissful unconsciousness.

"Are you in there?" A girl voice says.

I decide to keep quiet, maybe she will leave me alone if she thinks I'm not here.

"Hi, I'm Mabel! Can you open the door now?"

I hear a boy sigh. "Mabel, she'll come out when she comes out!"

"But I want her to come out now!"

Since I know I won't be getting any sleep, I pull out a Harry Potter novel. That is until the booms get louder.

"Mabel, you'll knock down the door!"

"That's a great idea bro-bro!"

"No! Mabel!"

I had to think fast, I thought of places to hide.

"I got your room totally tricked out, I added a bed, and the windows slide open now," she remembered Soos saying. "It used to be the room of a paranoid dude, cool, but paranoid,"

Without hesitating, I threw the window open and slid out. I quickly slid it closed again. The banging continued until the weak door gave in.

"Huh?" Mabel said. I saw the two people for the first time. They looked about the same age. The girl looked about just a millimeter taller.

I started to walk through the forest surrounding the Mystery Shack. If I find a secret place, I might be able to stay there instead of the crap-shack.

I walked until I found a statue. It was from the nightmare.

"Heh," I gulped. "Are you like a genie in a lamp? Am I supposed to rub you and you give me three wishes?"

I reached out my hand to complete my half-joke. I rubbed the hand even though every fiber in my body told me not to.

A blue fire engulfed my hand, I tried to move it but I couldn't. It didn't burn, in fact it almost tickled, but there was something unsettling about it. It ran up my entire arm. I tried to scream but no sound came out. I tried to cry but no tears came out. Frozen by a fire. I tried to chuckle but I couldn't. I blinked. Once. Twice. Third time is the charm, when I opened my eyes I had a vision.


Bill

"Hey Big Frilly," Bill said. "I know you couldn't live without your favorite demon! So what do I need to do to redeem myself?"

"The one in 180 degrees

Must give what is due

And pay his special fees

Until his breakthrough"

"WHAT?" Bill shouted flames engulfed Bill. "You can't do this to me, what about that other planet in its solar system? It has intelligent life too! You know what Poindexter would do if he found me in his world, let alone realm?"

"I guess you'll have to be careful-" Then he said my real name, if you heard it, you'd be traumatized, get existence-phobia. "And you will find that you have a minor punishment,"

Oh dear. "Oh come on, Frilly, buddy. Why can't we just forget my previous existence?"

"I'll think about it," He said. "As I watch you endure it for until I feel like ending it, goodbye."

I then appeared inside my physical form, the one that was stone. I figured this was the punishment. Ha! I'm pretty sure I can entertain myself until-

Uh-oh, what is this feeling? It is extremely uncomfortable and makes me want to claw it. Eh, it's not that bad-wait, yes it is!

Aieeeeeeee

I don't know how much longer I can take this before I go insane! Oh, I already am. Damn your irony Frilly!


Alexa

After the vison completed, everything went dark. I woke up in a weird computer lab, around me were some weird capsule thingies. As cool as these things were, I have to get to the Shack. I am famished. Hopefully that annoying girl and her brother were gone, I don't want to have to deal with them.

I walk around the complex until I find a spiral staircase. I will have to remember where this is. As unsettling as this place is, it sure is a great alone spot.

As I leave the bunker, I still can't help but feel something is wrong. I shrug it off, relying on the moon to keep me from running into a tree.

I enter through the window again and I try to get some grub. Hopefully not everything is as nasty as "stancakes". I see a pink juice with some objects floating around. It looks good, so I carefully remove the inedible objects. I found a beverage, now to find food. I settle for the dinosaur cookies on the table. I take a bite out of the dinosaur cookie. It's pretty good. I take a sip of the unspecified juice and almost gag. It tastes like coffee and nightmares had a baby! But I'll give it this, it has a nice after taste. After the second sip, I'm hooked!

I decide to turn on the TV. The sound of crying babies escapes the speakers, penetrating probably the whole state! I quickly lower it and hold my breath as I hear footsteps. I turn off the TV and try to hide behind the rocking couch.

"I know you're here," A boy says. "And I'm not the one kicked your door down."

I stay put.

"God, I never thought I would have to say that!"

Dipper looks behind the chair. "Hey, I'm Dipper Pines, who the hell are you?"

I raise my eyebrows.

"I just got into the Simpsons this year," Dipper says, scratching his neck.

"Ay caramba!" I say.

We both chuckle.

"How did you find me anyways?" I ask.

Secretly, I'm planning to stop whatever it is so I can be in peace. Or, at least that's what I think. Dipper isn't as bad as I expected, well, everyone to be.

"Late night summer reading," He replied.

I couldn't help but snicker.

"So," Dipper started, after a sheepish grin. "What's your deal?"

"What?" I ask, mildly confused.

"You know, why did you jump out of your window when we tried to talk to you?"

"Because I don't take kindly to people kicking my door down!" I growl.

Dipper steps back. "Mabel was just trying to help."

"Fine," I say. "But she can't help herself into my room. Not without my permission!"

"Ok," He says. "But are sure there isn't anything else?"

I study his face, he seems genuinely curious, so he most likely didn't know. "No,"

Though unconvinced, he says, "All right, if you need me, I'll be upstairs,"

I nod off on the couch watching some marathon of a Ducktective, or whatever. I had a dream of a bratty white haired boy who wanted this crap-shack. So he summoned me from my wonderful nightmare realm where I was anticipating his call. It seemed like the Weirdmageddon would come soon very soon.

The Pine Trees entered Fez's mind, a minor setback but nonetheless manageable. As long as they don't figure out how to- DRAT! The deal is off, but they're still going to pay…

I jerked awake, electricity in my eyes, levitating above Soos and Melody's bed, looking straight at Soos.

What the heck?


A/N: Before anyone says anything, this is not a rip-off of Fantasy Fan 223's Learning to Love (which is a great story by the way). It's just an idea that I got when I was reading it. This story isn't during the series, I don't really have plans for shipping my OC, and Bill isn't in total control, he has the power of suggestion, but nothing else yet.

Hey did you hear about Anna's Gram who got Lost in Oplaxy's forests?