Disclaimer: I don't own South Park. Just playing in the sandbox

Why did I think I could do this?

Why oh why did I think I could do this?

My name is Leopold "Butters" Stotch and step by step I was walking towards rejection.

Rewind a few minutes and you'll find me watching, from a safe distance of course, Wendy Testaburger as she put her books away and chatted up her friends. My bookbag was securely on my back and my weight was shifted just enough so that if needbe I could pivot around and make a hasty getaway if spotted. There would be no tripping or stumbling this time. There was no need for me to make up some sort of excuse as to why in the world I was so far away from my locker or any of my own classes this time. Even though it was, at this point, common knowledge that I didn't have any classes at this particular time that were anywhere near Wendy's locker.

Unfortunately this was the only time, just after fourth period, that Wendy would stop here and stay there for any length of time. So here I was. Watching her talk and laugh and wishing that I could be there talking and laughing with her. Wendy looked awfully pretty when she laughed.

Normally one wouldn't need an excuse to be somewhere on their breaks. Breaks were a time where you could go and do whatever you wanted. It was a time to have a quick chat with your friends in between classes or maybe get a little homework done. But I wasn't really allowed to be near Wendy Testaburger. Certain parties had made it quite clear (and boy was that particular conversation unpleasant) that she didn't want me around her and that was before I had started watching her from a safe distance just after fourth period sometimes. None of the girls (bar Heidi Turner anyway and she doesn't count because she's in the same cold shoulder boat I am) wanted me anywhere around them or her. For good reason.

See a year and a half ago I started a gender war after my girlfriend at the time broke up with me. I rallied all of the boys together and waged a campaign against every single member of the opposite sex in our middle school.

Okay, so that was an exaggeration. Maybe I didn't exactly start the war myself, but it wouldn't have gotten anywhere near as bad as it did if it wasn't for me whipping out my penis and marching the male student body down the hallways with a megaphone and a passionate speech. I was the figurehead, the one everyone rallied around. A real leader. But, time went on and things returned as they always did back to status quo, the war pretty much done. Slowly the boys and girls were slowly re-learning to properly coexist. Some couples even reunited (although thankfully, and boy wasn't that a selfish thought, Wendy remained single). Questions were being asked about just how in the world were things allowed to get as bad as they did? It was because of questions like these heads turned in my direction and blame was placed. As far as the girls were concerned Butters Stotch was very firmly on a permanent shit list somewhere, right under Eric Cartman. There would be no girlfriends in my school related future.

Which was a problem.

Because I had a crush on Wendy Testaburger.

Wendy Testaburger with her strong personality and shiny hair and quick wit and pretty lip gloss and kind demeanor and-

"Dude again?"

I jumped, spooked and turned around ready to run and run far. I wasn't in the mood for that bitch Nelly whatever-her-last-name-is to punch me in the face again for 'breathing in the same general area as my betters'. But instead of an angry Nelly I was face to face with Clyde Donovan, who I guess you could probably call my best friend. Or at least the closest thing I had to one.

We had just sorta clicked when we were assigned to be partners on an English project after we had all gotten back from Christmas break. Originally he was Eric's partner but Eric had gotten into the habit of skipping that class (and any other class he happened to share with his ex when he even came to school at all) and so Clyde had gotten assigned to me instead since I didn't actually have my own partner. Eric would just have to do the project alone.

Which was about the time Kyle Broflovski loudly and wistfully started to bring up the happy possibility of Eric failing the eighth grade and not following us into High School. Kenny McCormick had informed Heidi once that if this actually happened she would deserve a special award for genuine heroism and (according to the rumors) she had glared at him so hard that he literally died on the spot.

Which was a stupid rumor considering he still showed up to class every day. He probably just fainted or something.

"You've gotta just go talk to her man." Clyde said, pulling his red hood down rubbing his hands together. His face was a little pink and he had obviously just come in from outside. Clyde had his lunch period earlier than I had mine and he preferred to eat in the courtyard no matter what time of year it was.

"Wh..what?!" I looked at him incredulously "No way!"

"Yes way." Clyde replied "You can't go on gazing at her longingly from a distance forever."

"It wouldn't be forever!" I protested "It would be until this stupid crush goes away and that should be any time now!"

"You were doodling a picture of her in your notebook during Spanish yesterday."

"She's very doodleable!"

"With hearts."

"They bring out her everything!"

"Look dude." Clyde said with a sort of forced sounding patience "I know you think they all hate you but even girls can't hold onto grudges forever. The whole wieners out thing was forever ago i'm sure they've forgotten by now."

The thing about Clyde was that he was very optimistic at very inconvenient times.

"Nelly tried to beat me up just last week because of it." I reminded him. It wasn't something he should have forgotten either because he was the one to pull me out of the dumpster she had thrown me in when the teachers had gotten too close. I'm still baffled about how she got away with it.

"Yeah but Nelly's a bitch." Clyde shrugged "Wendy isn't. I'm not telling you to go confess your undying devotion to her just go up and say hi and shoot the breeze. Easy."

It wasn't easy and the fact that I was so convinced that it wouldn't be that easy showed on my face because Clyde clapped a hand on my shoulder and said: "I'll be right here if anything goes wrong."

He did things like that. Ever since we had started hanging out Clyde could always be counted on to have my back when things went wrong. It gave me some confidence, just enough to nod and agree to his crazy 'talk to Wendy' plan.

"Better book it," he shoved me a little in their direction "break is winding down."

Which brings us to the current time, with me walking across the hallway towards Wendy with no idea what in the world to say.

Why did I think I could do this? Why didn't I just ignore Clyde?

Wendy Testaburger didn't like small talk. She preferred long, in depth, conversations. Bring up the weather or something of that frivolous nature to her and she'll roll her eyes and shut down. I know because not only had I watched that happen to the few guys who had tried to pick her up but because it was one of the things I liked about her. There was no nonsense with Wendy, she never beat around the bush. You would think I would hate that since I was a serial beat around the busher but it was refreshing to me.

I wished that I had time to think up something, anything, to grab her attention but my mind runs away with me sometimes. Because all of a sudden there I was. Standing in front of her and looking awkward.

Her two friends didn't look as uninviting as I had feared they would. Isla looked curious and Theresa looked chilly but not like she wanted to throw any punches. That was good. Maybe this wouldn't be as hard as I thought it would be!

"What is it Butters?" Wendy's voice was clipped and her tone apathetic and instead of deciding what I was going to say I was distracted by how much I liked the way my name sounded when she was the one saying it.

It didn't help that my throat felt like it had closed up.

The seconds dragged on as my brain floundered about and I watched as her friends took on that uninviting look I had originally feared they would. That didn't take long.

"He..Hey there Wendy." I eventually came out with.

"Hey." Now her voice was cold too oh great.

"I was just wondering how you were doing." How was she doing?!

"How am I doing?"

"Y..yeah." I nodded "you know..with life."

Wendy slammed her locked shut "I'm fine."

"Well that's good." Think of something else, think of something else right this minute come on!

But my brain would not think of something that quickly, it was still running slow and refusing to whip up any conversation starters that I could use to not look like a complete buffoon in front of the girl I liked. So instead I just stared at her and fought the urge to nervously rub my knuckles together while wasting what would be my only chance to ever get in Wendy's good books.

"Well.. if that's all.." Wendy shouldered her bag, obviously done with me and this pitiful conversation.

"Wait!" oh no. No way could I let things end like that oh no!

"Hey there dude did you ask her?" Clyde walked up to us, causal and with this air of easygoing that made everything seem lighter.

"Hi Clyde!" Isla's greeting was enthusiastic and when he smiled at her I could almost see her melt a little.

"He didn't ask me anything." Wendy said suspiciously. Things were better between the girls and boys, i'll give you that, but that didn't mean the rift was fully healed yet and Wendy had been one of the ringleaders of the whole female group. It was basically her job not to trust us in groups or pairs. Isla could let her guard down all she wanted but Wendy wouldn't. She was too smart for that.

"Well he was supposed to ask if we could all look over our English projects together before Monday." Clyde was also rather good at coming up with excuses on the spot "I'm pretty confident with our powerpoint but Butters here wanted a second opinion."

"Wendy doesn't have a partner." Theresa said, voice hard. She wouldn't be taken in by Clyde as easily as her friend.

"Why would Butters ask me, a girl, to look over your project?" Wendy obviously wouldn't be either.

"Because, and i'm quoting him here, your smarter than any of the boys we could go to." Clyde said breezily "since when did you stop having a partner?"

"Since I dropped Heidi." Wendy replied "It takes more than a few words and teary eyes to make up for being an unreasonable monster."

Now, I know she was talking about Heidi and how she had turned all Cartman for a while near the end of their relationship but I'm pretty sure she was also talking about me and my anti girl crusade. Wendy isn't one to forget things like that.

"Well then Isla and Theresa can come along." Clyde said cheerfully "We can all make sure our English projects are up to snuff."

Isla looked ready to agree right on the spot and even Theresa looked tempted. Wendy however looked right at me, black eyes into my blue. There was something I couldn't read in those eyes, something softer? Uncertain? Warm maybe? We held gazes for only a few seconds but it was long enough for the look to replace itself with that harder aloof one as she shrugged a shoulder.

"Sure then I guess." She said "This afternoon then? The library?"

"Sounds good to me." Clyde said with a wink at Isla. She giggled and Theresa rolled her eyes but she looked relieved at the idea of extra eyes going over her work before the teacher could.

"Alright." I said, trying to sound as chill as Clyde and not succeeding. Wendy still had her eyes on me and I focused on the blue strap of her bag instead and let Clyde lead me away.

"See?" said Clyde "Easy."

"..Thanks Clyde." I appreciated him and his last minute help, I really did.

"You deserve it dude." Clyde replied "Plus it means we are guaranteed to pass come Monday. Win win."

Win win huh? I looked back, locking eyes with Wendy before my courage could fail me. That look was back in her eyes again. I waved and with a hesitance that wasn't quite like her she returned it.

I'd like to know what's going on in her head when she looks at me like that. I really would.

Hopefully one day I would find out. Because now at least I knew she didn't hate me.

Which I considered a victory.