Dear Jace,
Hey, it has been a long time. If you are reading this letter it probably means that I'm dead. I'm sorry, it is the last thing on Earth that I want you to find out. I'm leaving this letter behind just in case.
Please Jace, don't blame yourself for any of this. Though we didn't have much time together, I know you well. You have always been our protector, but Jace, all of us have limit and you just can't save everyone every time.
You are probably in pain over the guilt of pulling me out from that innocent mundane world and drag me into this chaos. True, if we didn't meet in Pandemonium that night, I would still be alive. But you gotta trust me, I have never regretted running into you that night, meeting you is the greatest thing that have ever happened to me.
Before you, Jace, my life was like a moonless night - it was good, with tiny stars of light and reason. And at that night, the night we met, you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly, everything is on fire, there is beauty and brilliancy. I'm in love. My soul and breath were taken away the second I looked into your golden eyes. The hollow in my heart is filled and in that moment, I felt for the first time that I am born for something. Jace, you make my life complete. Although it is short, I would have gone down the same path even if I could have the option to start over again.
Jace, you have to move on. Don't let this guilt take over your life. Trust me, the pain will fade. You'll always have Alec, Izzy, Magus and Simon on your side and I'm sure that they'll need you as much as you need them. Don't you dare to ever throw yourself back to that little black hole of yours and shut everybody out again. Forget everything Valentine had said to blind you. To love is NOT to destroy. You are loved and you can love. It is okay you don't love me the way I do - it just means that I am not the one. Promise me, open your heart and start living your life fully - both for me and for yourself.
Jace, I am not scared. The moment I have decided to end Sebastian, I know there is no way back. I'm calm and even joyous, because I know my little sacrifice can bring peace to everyone I love. This is what every Shadowhunter does. I am certain my love to you and your golden gazes would accompany and empower me to embrace the final moments of my life.
It's the time. Promise me you will take care and explain my decision to everyone for me. Move on, but please, miss me a little. I know it is selfish, but let me hold a little place in your life. From time to time, go through my sketchbook and talk with somebody about me a little - don't forget me.
Jace Lightwood/ Morgenstern/ Wayland/ Herondale or whatever name you got, thank you. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for stalking me after Pandemonium. Thank you for saving my life for God knows how many times. Thank you for never giving up on me. I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there is life after that, I'll love you then.
Good bye.
Forever and always,
Clary
