I grew up with my grandmother in what was once a real family home in the city; my dad had lived here, as well as my grandfather and my aunt. My mother killed herself as soon as I was born; leaving me here on my grandmother's door step after my father had died eight months before. Apparently before she even told him she was preggers. Lovely.

I never know whether I should feel bitter about this or not. She let me live but killed herself. I've had a lot of time to think about it over the past seventeen years and I can never decide. It's not like I knew her, so I can't say how much having a mum would have impacted my childhood. It's not like you can miss something you never had. Still, it's not like I had a bad childhood.

Whenever I asked Grandma about my mother in the past, she'd smile a tight smile and tell me how she'd been a super model, a singer and an icon throughout Japan, how aunt Sayu used to love her when she was a teenager and how all of her friends had been jealous of her for knowing a celebrity. Occasionally she'd bring out some old magazines and show me and tell me how much I looked like her. I have her eyes, I'll give it that much, but I'm not quite as beautiful.

When I ask about my father however, she rarely tells me anything. She'll go quiet and try to look like she's fine, but I can tell she's holding back tears. I know he was one of the top students in the country and was very dedicated to working within the police, but that's about it from her way. Looking at photos though, I know I have his hair.

Sometimes when Grandma goes shopping, I'll look around the stuff that's packed in boxes in the attic. His things, his memories, his life. It's not all here though. Lots of stuff is missing, like the last few years of his life. The clothes he owned, the books he brought, the films he watched, notepads, diaries, watches, not even the damn spare set of keys to his apartment. Not that I could use the keys, the locks would be changed by now if the place still even existed, but the point remains, I don't know a lot about him.

Today's the day it all starts though. No longer will I question my past because I'll learn all the answers. The world's changing, and I'm going to be the one to change it for the better, just you watch me.