Title: Lost friendship.

Summary: Oddly enough despite outward appearances the two of them had just clicked from the beginning in Antarctica.

Spoilers: Sunday

Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis is not mine. Only the story line and any made up characters that may appear in the story belong to me. No profit made from this.

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Hesitating briefly Rodney forced himself to open the doors to Carson's quarters. Stepping inside he found him self unable to move, standing just inside the doors for the longest time. With his eyes closed he listened almost convinced that he could still that familiar Scottish brogue as Carson talked about his family or some discovery he'd made or hundreds of other things Rodney couldn't have cared less about at the time, but now wished he'd listened closer to.

Rodney couldn't believe that Carson was really gone. He'd never really thought about it before but thinking about it now he realized that Carson had been the closest thing to a best friend he'd ever had. Oddly enough despite outward appearances the two of them had just clicked from the beginning in Antarctica.

Emotions surging through him Rodney clenched his hands into fists as he thought about the unfairness of it all. Why Carson? Why the one man who actually did some good in the world? Why hadn't he checked that machine more thoroughly? Why hadn't he just gone on that stupid fishing trip?

He was beginning to feel an overwhelming urge to break something, but couldn't find the courage to destroy the only things he had left of his friend. Rodney sighed and tried to fight down the lump that was rapidly moving up in his throat, the lump that had yet to go away since he'd first heard confirmation that Carson was really dead.

Unclenching his hands Rodney forced himself to walk further into the room. He found himself handling the most benign articles first – Carson's PDA, medical journals, little knick knacks that either Carson himself had picked up off world or been given as presents. But it was a small room and too soon Rodney found himself moving on to packing Carson's more personal items.

Moving deeper into the room his gaze inadvertently landed on all of the pictures that adorned most of the space on Carson's nightstand, dresser, desk, and walls; birthday parties, camping trips, school functions, family weddings, various pictures of people from Atlantis, the Athosians, his siblings, his mother….

God how was he going to face Carson's mother? He wasn't sure he would be able to do it, to actually get words out of his closed throat. What was he supposed to tell her? How much her son had changed? She probably knew that already. He was sure she knew just how much Carson loved her. Would she also know how much he hadn't changed? He did know one thing he would tell her; how deeply her son would be missed.

Squaring his shoulders Rodney began to carefully pack everything away. He paused long enough to sadly pick up a framed photograph of himself and Carson in their off world gear walking along together and smiling. The cold hollow pit of grief and guilt that he had become accustomed to over the past days tightened its hold on him as he gazed at the picture showing him the friendship he'd lost. It barely registered to him when Ronon entered the room.