Oh Em Eff Gee, I wrote NaruSasu? Indeed!
Words and Phrases
Rated: M For: Cussing and Sexual Themes
--
His mouth says no, but his eyes scream 'yes', so I kiss him again. We've been playing this game for so long, I know the real meaning of every one of his words.
My hands are up his shirt, and he's pinned between me and the wall, and I know that he feels trapped, suffocated, afraid, and I know that he wants more, more, more. He says it, sort of, whispering in my ear.
"Yes. Yes. Oh, fuck, yes." As I rake my nails down his back and leave big purple-red hickeys on his neck.
And he's gasping and I wait for that word, that magic word, that ultimate submission. Ah, here is comes now.
"Please…"
--
We're in my apartment, on my bed. I'm sitting back, against the wall, he's laying down. His head is in my lap, and I'm pretending like I can still feel my toes. All his brains make his head heavy, after all.
He reaches up and tugs me back into reality, and we lock eyes for a moment. Oh, he has his 'I want to talk about our relationship, and it's serious' eyes. I may as well have the Byakugan, I can read him so well.
"I want a new word, Naruto." He whispers, and I consider it. If it's like all of our other words, it could add some fun.
We set it up when I first admitted to him--cornered him and raped his mouth with my tongue--that I was interested. Words he can use to feel safe. Of course, I had to twist them to get things my way.
'No' means 'yes'. It doesn't mean 'I don't want you to do that.' It never means that.
'Yes' means 'more'. Because somehow, no matter how much I try, I can't get him to beg me.
And 'please' is the ultimate form of submission. Saying 'please' is just giving himself over to me completely. I can tear apart his very soul, if he just says 'please.'
Any other words he says when he's trapped between me and the nearest solid surface are meaningless.
What word, Sasuke? I ask, fingertips toying with his hair. Sasuke has girly-soft hair, and if I didn't like it so much, I'd tease him for it.
"Stop. And it means 'get your fucking hands off of me and get out of my personal space.' And it's not going to be changed." He answers, and his voice is firm. His eyes are firm, holding mine, pulling me in.
I try not to grin. 'Stop,' that's such a silly word. Why would he even want it?
His eyes move away before mine do, and he sits up. My toes tingle as blood rushed back to them. Experimentally, I wiggle my big toe, and it stings for a moment. Then I realize I should probably listen to his answer.
He's not looking at me, he's looking at the floor, and his fingers are digging into my mattress. His feet are solidly on the floor, like he's ready to run if he upsets me. "I want the word 'stop'." He repeats, and his voice is softer than I've ever heard it. Sasuke's voice is always harsh, because even I can't smooth all of his edges.
"I want the word 'stop', because sometimes…" And he pauses, and I see him swallow. "Sometimes, you go too far, Naruto. And I don't like it."
That's nonsense, if he didn't like it, he'd say 'no.' I remind him of this.
"I try, damn it. And you warp it until you think that 'no' is 'yes'." He's shaking, a faint tremble like he's afraid of his own words. It doesn't occur to me that he might be afraid of me.
"You make it so that anything I say, it helps you. And you don't care if I get hurt." His voice is shaky, and he's breathing in little gasps and pants. Gasp, pant, gasp, pant, until I want to hit him, just to make him stop that.
My hand closes into a fist, but I keep it at my side. So that's the reason he wants to add a stupid word like 'stop'?
He looks up then, and for all the trembling and gasping and panting he was just doing, his voice, his eyes, his whole self is amazingly steady when he delivers that one gut-punching sentence.
"More than half of the time, 'no' means 'don't touch me, get away, and fuck off,' and when you ignore that anything you do becomes rape."
He's lying, lying, lying, a lying son of a bitch because you don't enjoy it as much as he does when it's rape.
"I'm not lying to you." And he's not looking at me anymore, and he's shaking again. Shaking and gasping and panting and this time I don't stop my fist. I don't think he expects it, because I punch him in the side of the head, and he falls to the floor. Blood trickles down from his temple, and he crabs backwards, until he's at the door.
I want him out. Just get the hell out of my apartment. Take your shit and leave, and don't come back. His eyes are wide, comically so, and I can tell that he's terrified of what I might do. Anger flares about me like a red beast. That he'd accuse me of rape, saying that he didn't want it.
The bedroom door slams open, then slams closed. I hear his hurried footsteps go across the living room, the pause as he puts his shoes on. The front door slams into the wall, and doesn't close behind him.
Peripheral vision, I see him running down the street, almost tripping, stumbling into someone, still running. He doesn't look back at me.
I'm still angry, so I throw the picture of the two of us out the window. Shattering glass brings me back to reality for a moment, and I snort.
A stupid word like 'stop'. He had to mention something like that, and it's his fault that everything he had with me is dead now. Dead like his family. Dead like I am inside without him.
--
Well, a lot… darker than I intended. But hey, I liked it still.
Quite yummy, if I'm allowed to rate myself.
And no, Naruto isn't supposed to have quotations around his speaking. I just finished Fight Club for the nth time, and rather like how the Narrator doesn't have quotes around his words. because really, the whole story is his words.
