Ok, so I had some Coke & then some Cherryade, which sent me rather hyper. The result this fic. It's very crazy & some of the characters are a little OOC, but hey that's the fun in it anyway. Hope you like the first chapter. Parts of it, are based on real life conversations. Leave a review if you can pretty please, with Jasper & Edward on top. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing at all. NOTHING! It all belongs to Stephanie Meyer. Hhhmmppphhh.

(The Cullen's are all enjoying a relaxing day in. When Carlisle arrives with some news.)

(Rosalie & Emmett are in the living room, watching Goldfinger for the 975th time. Emmett is moaning, once again.)

Emmett: I'm bored.

(Winks at Rosalie in innuendo)

Rosalie: Your always bored & No, Emmett I'm doing my nails.

Emmett: Spoil spoilt. I never get some.

(In the background Sean Connery is renouncing the line "The names Bond. James Bond")

Emmett: Wish I was James Bond, he always get some. And I mean ALWAYS! Like every film. How does the dude do it?

Rosalie: One, he's a fictional character. Two, like twenty actors have played him. And three, he has that immensely sexy accent, that you Emmett would never be able to pull off.

Emmett: So your saying all I need is a sexy British accent then. (Puts on strange accent somewhere in between liverpuddlian & cockney) Steady On Old Chap. This is absolutely smashing. That was bloody brilliant. Fish & Chips for all, me Bean, Old Fruit, Old Sausage, Old Crumpet. Pip Pip Cheerio & all that. Cor blimey & Bobs your uncle.

Rosalie: Emmett that's not sexy - that's just WRONG!

(Bella & Edward enter the room. Edwards shirts askew & Bella's hair resembles a haystack. Wonder what they've been up to.)

Edward: Emmett why can I see in your thoughts, your fantasy of wearing black suits drinking martinis shaken not stirred & saving the bikini clad girl, I thought that went out after your beanie babies collection, when you wanted to rule beanie baby world or land or whatever.

Emmett: Oh Beanie Babies are SO last decade. I want to be a middle aged yet sexy British spy, who always & I mean always gets some.

Rosalie: Emmett baby, you know I only like you as Austin Powers on Thursday evenings, one Sunday a month & during Hanukkah.

Edward: Rose, can you please not imagine that, I've just hunted.

Bella: Eeew I do not wanna know.

Emmett: Yes but my Austin outfit, only comes out on special occasions. (Winks at Rosalie yet again. Bella & Edward almost throw up - if that were possible) For some reason people just don't respect me - uhum Edward, Jasper, that guy Bob in Wal Mart. They all laugh. Just cause they aren't groovy, enough. And they aint got my mojo. (Pouts at a dumbfounded Edward & Bella)

Edward: So what makes you think that pretending to be James Bond, will be any different.

Emmett: Because I have a plan. Mwahahaha!

Edward: Emmett, please don't for everyone's sanity. We'd had enough when you decided you wanted to be Hannah Montana. Oh & then was the time, when you decided to be Shakira & tried to pierce your belly button, even though you're a vampire with unbreakable skin. And the time when you wanted to be Dracula, & you made yourself some fangs out of Paper Mache. Oh & not to mention the time you tried to be Mickey Mouse & swallowed half a metric tonne of helium.

(Emmett, crushes the sofa to dust in rage.)

Emmett: I WILL NOT FAIL!!!! This time, I will not. This time…This time…This time I have a unbearably sexy British accent.

Bella: What's so sexy about the British accent any way. I've always preferred the Australian one myself, I mean…

Emmett: (Who has now trashed the rest of the living room, including Esme's $250,000 vase) What's so sexy? What's so sexy? WHATS SO SEXY? Where have you been for the last year? Have you not heard of Robert Pattinson?

Bella: Who?

Edward: Who?

Rosalie: That guy who plays Cedric Diggory?

Emmett: Of course. Shame he couldn't have a bigger part. I cry every time he dies in Ha…

Edward: (Interrupting him) Emmett you can't cry, you're a VAMPIRE! Remember!

Emmett: Shut up Edward. I cry internally ok. And If I could I would. You know if you turned him into a sexy vampire, the dude would have one hell of a fan base. I mean you could have a religion based on his hair.

Rosalie: Uuggh. Emmett, you know what Carlisle said, about changing movie stars. Not until they star on reality shows. Besides Emmett, that guy freakily reminds me of Edward. And I have a feeling you'd go gay for him.

Emmett: Mmmm yeah that's probably true. Maybe he should be on Buffy.

Rosalie: Emmett, Buffy hasn't existed in like 10 years. Besides, why the hell do you like that show. She slays vampires for one. And she like pushes her extremely hot boyfriend into a vortex. I mean what's up with that!

Emmett: Yeah, but he did get his own spin off show. Wow, can you imagine a show where Rob Pattinsons, a moody sexy pale vampire.

Rosalie: No, could make a good film though.

Edward: Jeesh, we have got to see this guy. I knew we should have rented Goblet Of Fire, instead of Prisoner of Azkaban, but no Bella you wanted to see the one with the werewolf. (Notices Emmett's thoughts.) Seriously Emmett, that is really freaking me out. I'm starting to agree with Rose that you may just go gay for this bloke.

(Alice & Jasper enter the room)

Jasper: He'd go gay for who? (Although being a vampire he'd already heard.) I got some seriously strange emotions just then Emmett, that I do not wanna feel ever again. Ever.

Rosalie: Tell me about. He's never gone this bad before. It's all that fan fiction he's been reading.

Edward: He can READ! This is news to me.

Emmett: (Who has now flattened the plasma screen) Hhmmppphhh.

Rosalie: Oh don't upset him, let him live his little fantasy. You remember what happened last time?

Jasper: Yeah, hopefully we'll be allowed back in Germany again, in the next century or so.

Alice: No they said at least a thousand years. And Emmett, don't even think about, they are not gonna let you in if you dress as James Bond. It makes no difference. Besides that suit is AWFUL!

Emmett: What suit?

Alice: The suit, you were gonna wear, to try & get in to Germany, pretending to be James Bond, so you could see Robert Pattinson at some premiere for something called Twilight or something & then catch Miley Cyrus live in Berlin, while your there too.

Emmett: Oh I'd thought, it would go nicely with my eyes, oh well I guess I'll go with onyx instead then….Hold on. Oh my Jasper. (Everyone glares at Emmett, who clearly has been reading too much fan fiction) Miley Cyrus is actually going solo, away from Hannah Montana. Oh I so can't wait. Wonder what her first song will be like? Maybe she'll release 'Nobody's Perfect'. (Starts singing) Everybody makes mistakes Everybody has those days 1, 2, 3, 4!Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days, Everybody knows what, what' I'm talkin' 'bout, Everybody gets that way…

Rosalie: Emmett purlease stop singing. I thought we put a curfew on singing Hannah Montana, only on weekends, after 6pm & public holidays. Otherwise no grizzlies, for a year.

Emmett: NOOO Rose, anything, anything, anything but that.

Rosalie: Then stop singing Hannah Montana. Honestly Emmett, you're an eighty odd year old vampire, for christs sakes.

Emmett: Ok Rosie Posie, off to bed we go then, since I've been very bad. Shall I get out the bugs bunny costume?

Edward: Please. PLEASE! Stop imagining this stuff Emmett. It's scarred me enough for life, having to hear it, let alone, getting the on screen blockbuster as well.

Emmett: Sorry Eddie. We forget your new to this. I'll give you some pointers once I return….

Alice: Your not going anywhere. Carlisle's going to come in, in precisely 52 seconds & call a family meeting. (Emmett continues out of the door anyway) EMMETT! TAKE ONE STEP FURTHER & I'll RIP UP YOUR SIGNED ZAC EFRON POSTER!

Emmett: You wouldn't.

Alice: Oh I so would. In fact I even see myself doing it.

Emmett: Fine, then I'll…I'll…I'll get Jacob to eat your wardrobe.

Bella: Emmett, you do realise, Jacob isn't the family pet, right?

Emmett: What's the point in having the dog around then? Anyways Bella, this is between me & Alice. If you dare Alice, I'll burn Bella's wardrobe as well.

Alice: Oh its on. (Jumps on Emmett & they start scrapping on the floor)

(Carlisle & Esme enter the room)

Esme: Alice, Emmett, off each over NOW! Or you both have to go on a date with Mike Newton.

(Both get off each over, at supersonic vampire speed)

Emmett: She started it.

Alice: Nu Uh.

Emmett: Uh Huh.

Alice: Nu uh.

Emmett: Did.

Alice: Didn't.

Emmett: Did.

Esme: That's enough you two. Remember - Mike Newton.

(Alice & Emmett shut up immediately & hug each over as if nothings happened)

Carlisle: Good News.

(Everyone looks surprised apart from Edward & Alice, as being supernaturally gifted an all they already know)

Emmett: N Sync are making a comeback.

Carlisle: Uh no.

Edward: Emmett was dropped on his head, during change.

Carlisle: Yes, but uh no, that's not what I mean.

Bella: Jacob, didn't actually imprint on my 6 month old daughter.

Carlisle: Sorry Bella, but uh no.

Rosalie: I'm gonna be an extra on Gossip Girl.

Carlisle: Rose…I…uh…what?

Alice: It's half price at Prada.

Renesmee: (Who incidentally just appeared out of nowhere) Dora the explorers making a movie.

Esme: Elvis isn't dead.

Emmett: Britney's not a natural blond… There's gonna be a remake of Knight Rider…I've won an Oscar…Bigamy is legal & I can marry Miss Piggy as well as Rose…Jaspers not an emo…Jasper is my slave…Edward is my slave…Everyone are my slaves…I am king of the world…Squirrels & Muffins contrary to popular belief can my changed & will help me take over the world…I'm…

(Edward & Jasper slam Emmett to the ground, as they can no longer take it)

Carlisle: Actually no. Well I thought, we've all had a bit of a rough time lately. And I'd thought I'd book us all a vacation.

Esme: Oh that's so thoughtful of you, darling where to?

Jasper: You know I've always wanted to try surfing. Hawaii would be good…(Goes off into daydream)

Esme: Paris would be so romantic. Providing Emmett doesn't climb the Eiffel tower again.

Renesmee: (Fingers, toes, arms, any other various body parts crossed.) Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land.

Bella: Anywhere, so long as its not Isle Esme, I think we'll have to avoid there for a while. They may find it a little strange how I'm still alive.

Renesmee: Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land…

Emmett: (Who is now able to speak, as Jasper & Edward have let him go.) Ooh ooh. We could go to Switzerland, I've always wanted to try yodelling…Or or Jamaica. Yeah man…No no, we could go to Mount Everest & ski down it…No no wait, we could go to Japan again & I could beat all the sumos, yet again…Ahhh who am I kidding… Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land. Disney Land…

Carlisle: (Shouts over everyone who's speaking) In fact we're off to good old Blighty.

(All the rest of the Cullen's are perplexed. No one speaks.)

Carlisle: You know, my home country. Great old Britannia. (Everyone's still confused) Ok, here's the deal, we're off to Britain ok.

(A large groan comes from the rest of the Cullen's, which can incidentally be heard by the people of Port Angeles. Yet another one, of Carlisle's not so brilliant ideas)

So there you go, there's your first chapter. Have no idea how many there's gonna be, just yet. By the way, I'm not having a poke at the British, with this fic, because well I am British, so then I'd just be poking myself. Also if anyone wants to know, I'm still writing my Insomnia fic as well, I just decided to do a more fun, let your hair down sort of fic with it. Anyways thanks for reading. Leave a review if you can. Good, bad, whatever, just want to know your criticism. Thank you! TTFN Lion. Lovin. lamb