Authors Note: This is an idea that has been floating around in my head for awhile. I always wandered the possibilities of why Snape was the way he was, and I thought of the possibility of a tragic past, more specifically a girl. This is what I have so far. The story line is still progressing but I would absolutely love feedback, even if it's critical.
*Newly updated chapters.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, however I do own the character, Ella Brady. I based the title of my fic off of the Coldplay song of the same name.
The Scientist
In the dungeons of Hogwarts, Severus Snape sat packing ingredients into boxes. He paced around the room at his usual quick pace slamming cupboards shut – then opening them again as he would suddenly remember an ingredient he needed. The potions master was a creature in the castle that could instill the feeling of defeat and fear all at once in a student simply by looking at them. But today, this usually intimidating man had a demeanor that would be more well suited to a griever at a funeral. For it was the potions master himself that had a posture of defeat as he stomped in the classroom and allowed his shoulders to sink down; as if he was carrying something much more heavy than the box in his hands. Snape's black eyes which demonstrated a smart wit and a razor sharp mind on any other day were clouded with a sadness because this day…was today.
The usually careful potions master carelessly dropped empty glass bottles into a box, not even shuddering at the sound of breaking glass. He walked towards his desk and indifferently began to throw parchment and quills into another box. Within an hour the whole lab was a wreck and the hated potions professor sat behind his desk with his head buried in his arms.
This was the scene Remus Lupin found when he walked through the door.
Without looking up, Snape said, "What do you want, Lupin?
Lupin didn't answer, he merely leaned against the stonewall. After a minute Severus finally raised his head and glared at him. Or at least tried to. The glint of constant agitation in Snape`s eyes was gone replaced with something that only rarely graced his features. Sadness.
"You can't keep doing this to yourself." Lupin said sincerely.
"Not that it's any concern of yours but I resolved myself over Dumbledore's death long before I pointed my wand at him." Snape said coldly.
"I wasn't talking about Dumbledore."
Silence.
Lupin had expected Snape to scream at him to get out, but instead was surprised to find Snape staring at him. Not really at him…almost through him, it seemed.
Lupin continued, "I noticed the date…twenty years today. Severus you cannot keep going on like this. Ella wouldn't…"
"Don't you dare say her name!" Snape screamed, "You have no right!"
Lupin took a deep breath and chose his next words carefully. "I know you won't talk about it and I'm not asking you to, but if you change your mind you know where to find me. "
Snape was even more agitated at the man he had known so long…simply because he refused to quarrel with the potions master. Snape was aching for an argument or a fight or anything right now to keep his mind from returning to those tormenting thoughts which consistently burned his soul…but today of all days the burn turned to a scorch. Yet as harsh as he had been and as much as he had tried to get a rise out of Lupin the shaggy, tired looking man simply turned his back and walked towards the door.
But before Lupin left he said ever so softly without turning around, "I miss her too."
Snape didn't respond, he stared at his desk as he heard Lupin leave. After what seemed like forever he slowly walked to his living quarters.
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"This is bloody unbelievable…you can't be serious!" shouted Harry.
"Mr. Potter, you will do well to lower your voice when speaking. I don't care what is going on. You are still a student here at this school and you will act in a manner befitting one." Professor McGonagall said warningly to Harry.
When there was no more argument, she stated once again, "I don't care if you believe me or not. But the fact is that Professor Snape was under the strictest orders from Dumbledore to…do what he did." McGonagall still couldn't really bring herself to say it… kill him. The headmaster had been dead for nearly a month and McGonagall could still only allude to what had happened.
The grief wore heavy on everyone, but especially on the elder transfiguration professor.
One month…only four weeks and the war had just begun and now the Order of Phoenix had lost it's leader and the death eaters were no doubt celebrating.
Harry only looked at McGonagall; he couldn't even bring himself to nod in acknowledgement of the words she had just said. After a minute he merely stood straight said, "Good day Professor" and left the office.
McGonagall slumped in her chair. She buried her face in her hands and tried to ignore the tightness in her chest and the tears welling up in her eyes.
"Minerva you're wearing yourself down, they need to know that they can trust Severus." Minerva looked at the portrait leaning against the wall next to her chair.
" I was wandering when you were going to wake up." McGonagall looked at the portrait through teary eyes.
Dumbledore's portrait watched Minerva as she stood and proceeded to hang his portrait on the wall behind her desk. McGonagall stepped back and stared at the face of her former colleague. The image was his but then it wasn't. There was no more twinkle in the eyes; no painter could truly capture it.
"I'm not you Albus, they may respect me but they worshipped you. You were their safe guard. As long as you were alive, someone was powerful enough to stand up to…him."
"Someone still is powerful enough to stand up to Voldemort, Minerva. Even if it is a bit more premature than anticipated."
"He is not ready Albus!"
"No…no he's not. Which is why he needs help. Help that only Severus will be able to provide." Dumbledore stated very matter of factly.
"He loathes the boy Albus, and the feeling is mutual with Potter. How do you expect them to work together without killing each other first?"
"Severus is a hard man but he is the only one who can help Harry. The only way Harry is going to be able to ensure the future is to first understand the past and to do this he must know Minerva. For too long we have not spoken of that night for not wanting to think about it, for Severus` sake, but enough is enough! No more secrets." And with that Dumbledore even from the grave appeared to have put his foot down.
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Severus made his way through the messy living room. His apartment was beginning to closely resemble the state of his lab. Books were thrown about, something that was odd for as avid a reader as Severus. Numerous scraps of parchment with quick notes as well as most of last weeks wardrobe all lay strewn on the floor. The house elves could have very well tidied up but most were so frightened of the potions master these days that they only tidied up after him when he requested them to do so.
Once inside the confinement of his bedroom, Severus muttered a simple spell and one of the floor boards popped up. He carefully lifted the board up to reveal a small wooden chest. Severus lifted it and sat at the windowsill. He threw open a window and let the night summer breeze in, it was a clear night with only a sliver of moon in the sky.
After a minute, he finally opened the chest and took out a long black ribbon. For a moment he merely held it in his hands, stroking it with his thumb and fore finger before he took out an old photo album. Severus opened the book, revealing a variety of photographs. Some were moving wizarding photos, while others stood in place. Some were colored photos and others were black and white. All were from the same place, twenty years ago. There were photos of the Slytherin quidditch team, proudly hoisting up the quidditch cup, few photos of school friends, a very stern family portrait, and then…her.
It was a colored muggle photograph. A pretty girl of 17 stared up at him. The girls light green eyes shone with mischief as she gave the camera a big smile. She had long brown hair and interestingly enough a black ribbon adorned her throat, tied tightly in a long bow on the side of her neck. Ella…
End Chapter 1
