It had been one of the rainiest days of the year, the grey clouds had eaten up the sun since days. A strange, melancholic wave had made you fell into a loophole of overthinking even the smallest things even without an existing problem and you just couldn't burst the bubble around you. Even today, as you made your way to your favourite café in late afternoon, the distant, mute noises of cars passing and silent rain dripping off your transparent umbrella were quietly accompanying you. However, even the quietest thoughts you kept carrying with yourself, drowned them all in contrast. It had been as if someone had washed out all the vibrant colours this lively city once had, as if someone had given you glasses– draining the colours around you. You heard yourself let out a small sigh out of the feeling of tiredness which kept you down. The illuminated lights of your favourite place to go shone through the rainy fog, the warm light inside almost welcoming you back. You could already smell the freshly made coffee, feel the wooden tables and the soft music playing in the background.
You lowered your umbrella, shaking off the dripping rain, your sneakers had become soaking wet and started to get cold as you silently cursed to yourself. You opened the door, cleaning the dirt off your shoes at the doormat. Today seemed to be an especially quiet day, even though it was late in the afternoon, the café seemed emptier than usually, but you did not mind. Here, it felt as if you could, even if it was only for a few hours find rest, a sense of tranquillity and peace. A safe place, a safe house.
Even though you had been carrying an umbrella, your face had become wet from rain drops and you tried your best to tame your hair to at least cover your tired attempt on making yourself look good. It had felt hard for you to care about anything at all anymore, but the sheer try let yourself feel less worse some days. Your life had been so tiring, there was so much you should have been worrying about that you had shut down with not caring about anything at all anymore. Besides that you had still found no real friends since you had moved away from home to go to university and you were already not the best person to make friends that easy. It seemed like an endless circle to you.
You slowly made your way to the counter to order your favourite drink, which you had every time you came here. "One, um, caffé latte, please.", you had not raised your eyes to actually look the barista in the eyes while giving your order, as you were fumbling to find your wallet in your backpack. When you raised your head finally, waiting to pay, the barista had a questioning look on their face. As you seemed just as startled as the barista did you realized that you had not been paying attention to what had been said to you in response. "Do you want to drink it here?", you heard the low, soft voice ask you. You only began to notice, at all your visits to this coffee shop, you had never seen this barista here once. Most of them already knew you and already smiled at you when you entered, however this time, nobody had taken notice of you and it seemed like the barista was working the shift alone. Your eyes still rested on his face, your mouth slightly open with raised eyebrows you caught yourself staring way longer than you should have. "Oh– Yes.", you answered catching yourself feeling flustered for no reason at all. He seemed to be the same age as you, with hair as white as snow, wearing silver earrings. In response, he had only given you a small, barely noticeable nod, turning around to prepare your order while you waited.
You started to get all excited, without any reason at all, it felt so silly to you. Your eyes nervously wandered around, clearly being lost. What had just happened to you?
He placed the white cup carefully on the counter before returning back to his work, starting to clean up behind the counter. Somehow, you felt yourself being disappointed that he had not even looked at you, his face remained expressionless. You grabbed your coffee, sitting down at one of the tables, which were facing the big windows, so you could watch the rain, eyes lost themselves on a distant point while you sunk deeper into your thoughts.
After a few hours had pasted, your cup already empty, you were fed up with reading the book you had brought with you and also tired of checking your phone for the messages you were not getting. Just as you were thinking about packing your things up, the barista appeared next to you, a wet cloth to clean tables in one of his hands. It almost seemed, as if you were both sharing the same tired look on your faces as he took your empty cup while skipping to clean your desk. He was wearing a plain, white shirt with the typical black apron and the logo of the coffee house on it but somehow, he seemed fragile to you, his movements always careful, always thoughtful, almost soft…– Oh shit.
You had been staring at him again. You felt yourself tense up, between the small fraction of a second in which you had to decide to either look back and pretend you had done nothing and just leave right away or try to make it less awkward.
You hated yourself for it but you scattered your things together and stood up to leave, trying to make it look as inconspicuous as possible while in your head, your inner voice screamed in embarrassment. You silently stood up and made your way outside, keeping your head low and opening the door to step outside and finally quicken your walking pace without ever looking back. Your heart felt like it was about to jump out of your chest, like you had forgot to breathe even though you were outside, and it was still raining heavily, your felt your clothes slowly soak through the water. Now it doomed you. You heard the glass door of the coffee house open behind you, the sound of shoes walking on the wet pavement and finally– a familiar voice calling.
"Hey! You! You forgot something!"
Now. Did you dare to turn around? Or would you keep walking, perhaps never coming back to your favourite place again out of your own, damned embarrassment?
