Yo, Merry Christmas everyone! This my gift for the YS event, for Kuroneko!
It was Winter. Christmas was in the air. Snowflakes drifted softly down from the grey skies, on top of old buildings and through broken windows. Some store managed to thread tiny lights through every building in Edo, abandoned or not. Rumor said that some even managed to enlist the help of two very elusive members of the Yorozuya. Nobody said how it was accomplished - only that it was, with minimum bloodshed - or where both teenagers went afterwards.
Snow lined the streets, packed into ice on the road and just waiting for people to trip on it. It was devoid of any people though. Whoever hadn't found a shelter yet had already froze to death, and those with the money to own a house already fled the planet. Even Madaos were an endangered species nowadays.
However, there were still some stubborn people who refused to abandon the dying country. Those idiots who seemed like they had no care in the world, and live to enjoy their lives to the fullest. The people who accepted the deaths of their loved ones, and now stayed behind to protect their legacy.
The Graveyard of Kabuki-cho was littered with footprints in the snow. The stone floor below was glazed with packed ice, illuminating the dim skies with an ethreal glow. There were some footprints that diverted to several graves, but the majority seemed to be heading towards...
...The grave of Sakata Gintoki.
The grave itself was well kept, with Gin's name inscribed in simple, elegant letters. There were untouched cartons of strawberry milk piled at the foot of the tombstone, some cards wishing him a Merry Christmas, newspaper clippings about the latest galaxy news - it seems that the Kaientai were working hard transporting people off Earth for free. Piles of Jump stacked on each side of the tombstone, like the offerings to a shrine. In the very front of the grave was a small plate of dango.
Crunch. Crunch.
One more line of footprint was added to the rest, and a certain purple-haired, glasses wearing ninja assassin strode forward with a bowl full of natto.
She smiled as she saw the sight, as everyone else seemed to have the same idea as her. Gin-san wasn't dead - not really. Nobody really believed that. It wasn't blind faith, or any kind of weird premonition like if he died they would have felt it (She remember reading something like that in a romance novel somewhere). The simple fact was, Gin-san was famous. If he was killed by Amantos, they would brag about slaying the famous Shiroyasha. If someone found his body, they would recognize his unique silver hair right away.
The fact that he was missing, not dead was what gave them hope.
And if he really was on a toilet break for five years, they'd send him back to hell themselves. Was a toilet break that long even natural? Could a person even be called alive if he took a dump that long?! Why hadn't the store manager report him yet?!
Sarutobi Ayame gingerly picked up a Christmas card by one of Gin's well-wishers. She was curious to what they would write about.
Dear Gintoki,
Come back soon, we miss you.
-T-k-y-
The name was scribbled out frantically by someone, and a childish scrawl beside it (obviously Seita's handwriting) wrote 'from Tsukky!' without the owner of the note noticing. Sacchan sweatdropped and moved on.
Dear Gintoki,
I've been on standby for five years in prison. I've been waiting for the Movie to finally start, so I can get the main character role since you're gone. But it seems that I will be executed soon so I can't even show anyone my brilliant Takasugi cosplay.
-Katsura
"What the hell is wrong with this guyyyy?! You've been on standby the entire time? And what kind of heartless comment is that to take advantage of the main character's absence? Why is a known terrorist dressing up as a worse terrorist? Are you trying to extend your prison sentence, huh? But wait, you're already going to get yourself executed anyways!"
Sadly with Shinpachi's absence from the story, Sacchan must take the heavy mantles of the tsukkomi.
She saw a folded corner on the end of the letter.
P.S. Zura ja nai, Katsura da.
"I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!"
P.P.S. Have you ever had a time where you have an itch but you can't scratch it, so you rub yourself on the prison bars, but then other people think you have repressed sexual desire and bought you some "entertainment"?
P.P.P.S. I have thoroughly decimated the vibrator my inmates bought me.
P.P.P.P.S. I ate all the pudding in the prison cafeteria today as revenge.
P.P.P.P.P.S. My stomach hurts.
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I wonder how Elizabeth is doing without me.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Don't you love Post Script?
"NOBODY CAAAAAARES!" Sacchan hurled the card to the ground, infuriated by how pointless it was. Wasn't Katsura Kotaro a long time comerade of Gin-san? Shouldn't they be closer?
"Ah, letters from Shinpachi and Kagura. Gin-san must've been like a father figure to them. Maybe their cards will be more interesting..."
Dear Gin-chan,
That stupid megane had been interfering with all my jobs! And ever since the sadist grew his hair out, he became a sadistic Battousai rip-off!
-Kagura
Dear Gin-san,
Otsuu-chan debuted in her first galaxy-wide concert! I had my tickets but Kagura destroyed it when we fought about our last job that clashed.
-Shinpachi
Dear Gin-chan
Stupid Shinpachi! Your glasses were glinting at me mockingly! If someone is mean to me, I pay them back ten-fold!
-Kagura
Dear Gin-san
Kagura! Otsuu's concert is TONIGHT! Don't you realize how important that is? Ever since her wrestling career crashed, she finally comes back! I bet YOU'D only agree to come if there's food!
-Shinpachi
Dear Gin-chan
...There's food?
-Kagura
Dear Gin-san
I'M THE LEADER OF THE GALAXY-WIDE OTSUU FANCLUB! Sukonbou, rice, egg tarts, WHATEVER YOU WANT! I have the power to arrange them all! DO YOU REALIZE THE GREATNESS OF OTSUU NOW, KAGURA?!
-Shinpachi
Dear Gin-chan
...
Meet me at the terminal at 7:00. I'm going to drain your wallet dry.
-Kagura
The letters were slammed into the ground.
"THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM AT ALLLLLL!"
Sacchan, continuing to kneel in the snow, felt her eyes twitching.
"I thought those two would be the ones who would miss Gin-san the most. But they're just using him as an excuse to pass message to each other! It's like two siblings getting into a fight, and then had their parents relay their conversation back and forth! Would you guys be more considerate of your parent's feelings?!"
But she understood, that although everyone's letters were light and comedic, it was like that because nobody had given up searching. The notes lacked the sombre tone of a grieving person - because the idiotic samurai was alive, and would come back one day.
After stalking Gin-san for over ten years, she knew him more intimately than any other person. She knew that he often wake up in the middle of the night, with nightmares of his friends dying. She knew how preciously close he kept the people around him, as if fearing he would lose them. Even if they fight, even if insults were exchanges and fists were raised. Even though he never gave the impression that he would waste any effort on meaningless things. She knew that if it was him, he would never give up searching - he would not abandon anyone, no matter who it was.
That's who Sakata Gintoki is.
And that's why Sacchan loves him.
The ninja set her bowl down, feeling the warmth wafting off in white wisps and blending into the winter sky. She felt that she was obliged to also write a letter to him - to let him know how much she wanted him back.
But what could be said had already been said. What was there left to write?
Sarutobi smiled.
A cloaked figure crouch beside a grave covered by snow. A traditional straw hat shielded his head from the cold season. His face was covered in bandages with no sign of his infamous white hair poking out. He moved forward mechanically, less like a like being and more like a corpse.
He certainly felt shitty enough to be a corpse.
Sometimes he wondered why he had to buy the stupid, heavy outfit. But he knew that if his friends faced him knowing it was him, they would never kill him - much less agree to the plan to kill his much more innocent past self who hadn't done anything wrong.
Except getting cut when he shouldn't have - that little detail now led to the end of the world. Like hell he protected his friends - how would he face Sensei?
Gintoki stomped through the silent graveyard, looking for a place to rest. People don't come out during winter anymore - not after the heating system in houses stopped working. A wave of influenza nearly wiped out the rest of the meager population. Besides, food was scarce and there was barely any merchants willing to transport goods from off planet because of the Plague.
As he looked down to the piles of gifts sitting next to his 'grave', he felt oddly touched. And then it was blanketed by guilt, because he was the one who brought misery to the world, and here they were, unaware and still greeted him with cheer.
Gintoki sat down on the muddied snow as something caught his eyes - or his visible eye anyways.
The source of his interest was a cluster of documents gathered at the foot of his grave.
"... What the hell?"
Those were marriage papers. With Sarutobi's signature and a falsified one of his own! Don't the church ever do background checks? Did they realize they were marrying off an assassin with someone presumably dead? They probably did, but Sarutobi was an assassin, so they probably had no choice.
And Gin can't even come forward to declare the documents were falsified, because then he would be not presumably dead and he would catch the attention of every living soul who knew him. Which in turn would be plain awkward. He could imagine it now: them preventing him from running, and when he stayed too long all of them would eventually contact the White Plague.
It wasn't fair, that he couldn't even see anyone he knew, that he had to live somewhere secluded just to avoid infecting any living being he came in contact with.
Gintoki read the Christmas card attached to the back of the marriage paper with a sad smile. After he finished, he gently set it down away from the damp ice. For the next hour he would stay here, eat some dango, drink freezing strawberry milk, and catch up on Jump.
Merry Christmas Gin-san!
May death do we part~
That means you should come back already! We're long overdue for a honeymoon at ******* of *****!
-Love Sacchan
He enjoyed a moment where things almost seemed to return to normal - because he knew that after this, after he sent out the Time Thief, he wouldn't exist anymore. He wouldn't be able to tell Kagura and Shinpachi how much he missed them, that he was alright. He was lonely, but it was bearable. And no - he wasn't eating well, but with his cooking skills he could make something edible...
He wanted to see them again.
He knew that if he vanish, they wouldn't be happy.
But.
He'd rather they live in a safe and happy world than this desolate ruin.
They deserved better. All of them.
Gintoki read Sarutobi's card again, this time with more amusement than incredulity. Hell, if he's going to die, then at least he's not going to die single. Even if he was married to his stalker. He might as well humor her.
The snow swirled around the now empty graveyard, falling on a document with an extra signature on top of an identical one.
It was not found until much, much later.
Okay, first of all I am a humor writer. I never wrote a single romantic story in my life, so this is a new experience. I wrote like three versions... Haha, I had to fight off my writers block ^_^;;
In case you're confused, what happened at the end was that Gin decided since he's going to die anyways, to screw it and he signs the marriage document himself. And eventually it's going to be swept away by an irate graveyard janitor or someone who hates all this clutter around that Sakata guy's grave.
But eventually the movie happens and Shinpachi and Kagura dug it up from a trash bin somewhere, so they could restore everyone's memories. Because the film strips are known only to the Yorozuya, so it wouldn't make much sense for the others to regain their memories the same way.
