I saw God the other day. Like light through the window, it appeared in a most radiant form. The beams ran their paths like knives softly caressing tender skin; through my body, relaxing all muscles, through my mind, achieving true meditation, and through my soul, giving birth to newfound faith. And all at once, I was at peace in this new world; my world.

Everything around me had lost meaning and was no longer audible, as if the material world around me was slowly deteriorating; the way I had always dreamed it would. I was a stranger to this world, now not only in spirit, but in regards to my mental stability as well. And there I stood, once again, before the gates of my own limbo. Just as everything faded to visions of this new world my mind had created, he presented the final question that would test my true intentions. He invested ultimate power in me and asked, in the inaudible voice of God, to cut the remaining links keeping me connected to this world. He had given me the nails and provided me with a cross of my own and asked me to save myself. With the ultimate power of free will in my hands, I failed the final test, as I had done so many times before.

He stood over me, as high as he had always been proclaimed. He said nothing to me, remaining a mystery to me for all time. I could do nothing but rest in despair, knowing that as I was no closer to achieving my goal, I continued to lose parts of this world. I looked up to him, half in inquiry while half in impatient belligerence, and I asked him the same questions I have been asking for years. In return, I received the same answers. I have always, and will forever, take his silence as a sign of disregard for my wondering mind and, consequently, as proof of his nonexistence.

I wanted it all to be true; I wanted to find comfort in true wisdom. Rather I found myself stuck in rational thought and returned to the same ignorance I once held faith in. The sun was close to fully setting on the horizon, the beams of light that once filled me with tranquility and peace of mind now escaped me and took with it hope and stability, and with a quick introspection, I came to a sudden realization. If this is man's idea of achieving Nirvana, then I believe it will never be worth the scars borne afterwards. Those who wait to be touched by God wait in vain, for when the day comes, they will find themselves haunted by the looming presence of emptiness fronted by a false image of a provider who refuses to provide.

Oh, the irony in which I have fallen. To wish for the solace of eternity, and yet finding myself afraid to release my desperate grip from the ledge of reality. As the light from the great eye returned me to the shadows of my solitude, confined within this secular space, meditation drifted to the weary comfort of slumber, spiritually drained from the circles of unanswered questions.

'Sleep it off'