Premise: When show VicTORIous is canceled, Jade and Tori find out they are only characters on a TV sit-com. What will they do?
Author's note: If you've read some my other stories here on FanFiction, this may seem a little familiar because I did the same thing with Kim Possible and the gang. But this will take a few different twists and turns from that one.
And of course, here's the ever (not so) needed Disclaimer: I don't own any canceled shows, or any current ones for that matter, so I don't receive one single Eurodollar for posting this interesting little fanfic.
Xxxxxx
After the Show
Chapter 1
Xxxxxx
"Rapido, rapido," the floor director called out as Trina Vega, Jade West and Tori Vega, clad in yellow dresses with what appeared to be a large wedge of yellow Swiss cheese around their torsos, were being chased by two small boys dressed in mice costumes and wielding huge prop forks.
Jade, getting fed up with the whole scene being taped for a Spanish language cable station, turned on the boy behind her, snatched the fork from his hands and started chasing him around the entire set, even behind the floor cameras.
As the chaos continued to the sounds of a Mariachi Band, an obese man with messy brown hair walked onto the set and called out, "Cut-cut-cut! That's a wrap!"
Suddenly everyone stopped what they were doing. The Mariachi Band stopped playing, the three girls and two boys stopped running and everyone turned to the fat guy. He laced his fingers together in a praying gesture and sincerely said, "Aaaand, I'm afraid that was the final scene for the series. The show's been canceled." Some of the participants rapidly dispersed, including Trina who quickly scampered off the set, while a half dozen or so stood around and mingled.
Tori quizzically looked at the man and asked, "Show? What show? Are you saying Divertisimo has been canceled?"
Jade carelessly tossed the prop fork off to the side as she walked over and questioned, "Are you saying we don't have to dress in these puke yellow costumes with cheese boobs any more? 'Cause I can get down with that. I hate the color yellow."
"I don't know," Tori teased her frenemy with an evil smile. "I think yellow looks good on you."
Jade angrily snapped back, "Don't start."
"Anyway," the fat guy said, breaking up the pending argument, "The show Victorious has been canceled and we don't need you any more, so take off those costumes and get out of here."
"Ah, okay," Tori said as she slipped off the yellow gloves and turning to head toward the dressing room to change into the street clothes she'd worn to the set. Jade followed to do the same.
"Not so fast you two," the fat guy huffed, having a good idea of what the two girls were heading off to do. "You can't change into the stuff you were wearing before. Those are costumes too and I have other actresses who'll need 'em on another show."
Jade angrily stripped off the yellow gloves as she asked, "So you want us to get naked and just walk away? Won't we get arrested for, oh, I don't know... Public Indecency?" She quickly slid the cheese boob part of the costume off over her head because it was uncomfortable and awkward to wear. (And it was yellow!)
The fat guy suspiciously glanced around for a second making sure they were alone on the set. Since there were still a few people standing close by, he draped an arm over each of the girl's shoulders and walked them over a few steps for a private conversation. He whispered to them, "You're not suppose to know this but, you're only characters in a TV show. All the things you've done and experienced? Only scripted. Everywhere you've been during the last four years was a set on a stage. None of it was real."
Still puzzled, Tori begged, "What are you saying? That we don't... Exist?"
"Not in real life," the obese boy answered. "Look. Didn't it seem strange that you'd be at home one minute then magically appear in school the next; That you don't remember the trip to school? That you'd be sitting at the table in the Asphalt Cafe one second and in Sikowitz's class the next? That you rarely were in any other classroom? You're suppose to be high school students. Why weren't you in any English or Science or, I don't know, Math classes?"
"I... I never really thought about it," Tori said in deep thought, wondering why she couldn't remember ever taking any of the regular classes at Hollywood Arts that are normally required to graduate. She could remember doing a science experiment with moldy food a few years ago with some guy whose name she couldn't even remember, but couldn't even picture Sherwood High School which she was supposedly attending at the time. Tori also remember the science experiment with Cat, using a hamster they'd named Fat Santa, to create electricity. But she didn't remember ever attending any of the classes or even getting the assignment from a teacher. She didn't even remember turning it in.
"It's because you're only characters in a sit-com," the fat guy bluntly retorted. He let out an irritated, tired breath and continued, "Look. The only things that are real to you are what's been written for you and what you remember: The school's main hallway, Sikowitz's classroom, the Vega's living room, Beck's trailer, Nozu, things like that. You'll be living in those places for the time being in case the show is suddenly renewed or you're needed for a reunion show or something. You'll always stay the same as you are now; You won't age or get hurt at all, and your appearance will never change in case we need you again. Now totally strip out of the costumes and get out of here." He angrily crossed his arms over his too broad chest and impatiently tapped a foot.
"Okay, okay," Jade huffed in annoyance as she knelt down and swiftly undid to straps for her black high heel shoes then slipped them off. She pushed the black nylon stockings down and off, then shimmied out of the yellow, 'cheese hole' dress after unzipping the back. Finally she shed the bra and panties so she was standing there completely nude.
Tori tentatively, cautiously followed suit, still not understanding what exactly was going on but following orders like she felt she should. For some strange reason she couldn't fathom, she knew the fat guy was someone important, like an executive producer or something, and he always told her what to do. But for the life of her, she couldn't remember sever seeing him before.
When she was done taking off all of her clothes, she covered herself as best she could using her arms and hands in strategic places over her body. (The classic ENF pose.)
When both teens were naked, Jade barked in irritation, "Now what are we supposed to do?"
"I really don't care," the obese man huffed as he swiftly gathered up the costumes and walked away. He yelled over his shoulder, "Why don't you just go home or something. I'll get in touch with you if I ever need you again." And with that, he walked off the set.
"How are we supposed to get home?" Tori asked as she glanced around the set and noticed everyone else had suddenly disappeared, which she found to be strange. One minute there were six or seven people on the stage behind them and the next, they were gone; They'd simply vanished.
Feeling a little more at ease because they were alone, Tori slowly dropped her arms to her sides. After all, Jade was a girl, like her, and appeared to be unafraid to stand there in the nude, so why shouldn't she.
Tori was broken out of her thought when Jade answered, "I really don't know. I don't remember driving us here so I don't know if my car is parked outside... Especially if it was only a prop for the show. I don't even remember ever getting in to it, only driving it." She glanced around the set once more before pointing to the stage right curtain where they had entered the set. "Let's just head back stage and see where it leads." She anguished, "Gawd. I don't even remember walking around back stage before we came out onto the set."
The two teens rounded the curtain and suddenly found themselves standing at the Vega's front door. Jade mused, "Well, that's convenient."
"I don't care," Tori whined as she pushed open the door, not even bothering with a key to unlock it. "I just want to lie down for a while. This is all too much to think about." She walked into the living room and flopped onto the couch, burying her head in the throw pillows.
Thinking back, Tori could only remember one time she used her keys on the front door, when she brought her sister Trina home from the dentist.
Jade moved to the kitchen and immediately started a pot of coffee. When it finished brewing, she poured herself a cup, added two spoons-full of sugar and moved back over to where Tori was still prone on the couch. She sat next to Tori's head and said, "You know, we really do need to talk about this."
The svelte teen unburied her head enough to look up at the Goth girl and indignantly begged, "What's there to talk about? We're both naked, sitting in my living room and we've just been told that we don't exist in the real world. What's left to discuss?"
"Oh-hoooo," Jade wickedly laughed. "There's plenty to talk about."
Not thinking of anything else to do, Tori sat up and anxiously asked, "Like what?"
"Well for one thing," Jade started as she set her mug down on the short coffee table in front of the couch and turned to Tori, "did you notice that the set got awfully quiet the minute that guy took us off to the side to talk?"
"Yeah, I noticed that," Tori said sitting up a bit more, becoming interested in where Jade was going with the line of thought. "One minute there were people on the set and the next they were gone. I wonder what happened to them."
"They simply evaporated into thin air," Jade said as a matter of fact.
"What?"
"You've written a few scripts at Hollywood Arts over the years... Well, the TV seasons anyway. Think of the situation we're in as a screenplay or something. Most of the people around us were extras. You know, bit players."
"You mean like the shruggers in class who never say anything," Tori offered, thinking back on the students who merely mumbled and reacted to whatever was going on in Sikowitz's class or the school hallway or the Asphalt Cafe.
"Exactly. They are there when they're needed and disappear when they're not. You were standing with your back to the Mariachi Band when we stripped but I was facing them. They didn't even look up as we took off our clothes, then they suddenly blinked out of existence. Don't you find that interesting?"
"Yeah, yeah," Tori said, sitting up even more. "So what you're saying is that we won't meet any people unless they're involved with what we're doing, and they won't say anything about us being naked unless it's part of a plot line?"
"Exactly."
"That's good to know 'cause I've been thinking about it too," Tori said, getting a bit anxious again as she stood up, walked over to the staircase and started up to the second floor. "I've been going over all the places I can think of and I can't remember ever being in my bedroom. That means it shouldn't exist. Which also means I don't have any clothes in the house." Tori reached the second floor and stopped just beyond the top of the stairs. She immediately turned around and came back down, saying, "Just as I thought. There's nothing up there except a wall blocking the way."
"Oh Gawd," Jade moaned after thinking for a moment about what Tori had just discovered. "All I can remember of my house is the one corner in my bedroom with the burgundy chair where I did all my Slap videos. I don't have a bed." Her demeanor brightened a bit as she added, "But I guess that's okay since I don't remember ever going to sleep or waking up."
"Okay," Tori said as she sat down on the couch next to Jade. "Let recap what we know so far. We don't exist in the real world except on television, and probably DVDs by now. We live in our own little... realm which only consists of this room, parts of the school and a few other places."
Jade took up the list, "We don't sleep at all and rarely eat." At Tori's quizzical stare, she explained, "I only remember eating during lunch at the Asphalt Cafe or one of the restaurants we visited, and then only a bite or two which really wasn't enough to fill me up and didn't have any taste to it at all." She picked up her coffee mug from the table, took a sip and let out with a content sigh before saying, "Though I can taste this coffee for some reason."
"Coffee aside, you're right," Tori nodded in agreement. "I remember only having the occasional bite of a sushi roll or slice of pizza or salad or something, so we really don't need to eat or sleep." Another thought suddenly crossed her mind. "Oh. I also don't remember ever taking a shower or using the toilet. I remember drying my hair when Trina was reminded about getting her wisdom teeth out, but I don't remember washing it, so bodily functions aren't really an issue... Though we both really sweated a lot that one time when we went to the beach and got trapped in Beck's RV. That's the only bodily function I can think of that's happened."
"Don't mention that," Jade growled at her friend. Well, she had said earlier at the studio that Tori wasn't her friend when Trina introduced them to the Floor Director, but since they seemed to be the only two around right now and there wouldn't be any rivalry between them for parts in plays and such...
"Yeah, sorry," Tori nervously giggled her apology. She playfully teased, "I know you don't sweat, ever."
"Anyway," Jade said as she got up and went over to the laptop on the dividing wall between the kitchen and the piano and started rapidly typing. "Since we're only characters in a TV show and our bodies won't change or get damaged at all, I think we can have a little fun." She finished typing and turned to Tori with a smug smile.
"What are you suggest..." Tori began before she was interrupted by a knock at the door. Frustrated by the interruption, she groaned, "Oh. Who could that be?"
Not thinking about her nudity anymore because it really didn't matter much, Tori angrily stomped over to the front door and flung it open finding four very naked, buff, well-hung young men standing there with liquor bottles in their hands. She quizzically turned to Jade and asked, "What's going on?"
Jade arrogantly sauntered over while calling out, "Come on in boys and let's get the party started." She wrapped one arm around one of the hunks as the four walked in while taking the whiskey bottle out of his hand and took a swig. After letting out a satisfied 'Aaaah," she turned to Tori and explained, "Since we're only TV characters and our bodies won't change unless the storyline sez so, it means we'll never get drunk or pregnant unless it's scripted. So I wrote a little script of us having a orgy."
Understanding what Jade was saying, Tori beamed a dazzling smile as she swiftly dashed over to the men, grabbed a bottle of her own and snuggled into one of the guy's embraces while taking a deep swallow.
Xxxxxx
Three Hours Later
"Gawd, that was fun," Tori enthused as she slumped in her seat on the couch after the four guys had simply disappeared as they were walking out the door. Jade was lying prone on the other section of sofa, idly swim-kicking her legs while lazily drawing circles with her finger on the carpet. The svelte brunette giggled before adding, "And I don't feel drunk at all, even after downing a whole bottle of..." she leaned forward, snatched the empty quart bottle off the floor and brought it to her face to read it, "...Highland Single Malt Scotch. I mean I feel a little buzz, but I'm not drunk. I should be, but I'm not."
"Shut up, Tori," Jade angrily growled at her friend's running off at the mouth. "Just lay back and enjoy."
"Right. Sorry. I'm just a little giddy from all the booze and sex."
After a few minutes of blissful silence, Jade idly queried, "I wonder what all of our friends are doing right now?"
Tori looked up and suddenly noticed something on the coffee table in front of her that shouldn't be there: her PearPhone. Considering it was supposedly a prop for the show, it should've vanished along with her clothes and other things.
But it was conveniently sitting there.
As she leaned forward to reach for it, she accidentally knocked the empty Scotch bottle off the couch. But before it hit the floor, she watched it vanish into thin air. Shrugging the no-longer-needed bottle off, Tori grabbed her phone and said, "Let's find out," and speed-dialed a number.
"Hey Tori," the always bubbly pert voice answered after only one ring.
"Hey Cat."
"What'cha doing?"
Tori put the cell on speaker-phone and said, "Oh, I'm just hanging out at my house with Jade."
The raven-haired Goth teen sat up as she called out, "Hey Cat. What are you up to?"
"Oh. Hey Jade. I'm at my Nona's apartment hanging out with my new roommate. I met her in a garbage truck."
"A... garbage truck?" Tori laughed, remembering all the times something whacky had happened to her petite friend and wondering what Cat had gotten herself into this time.
"Oh yeah," the high-pitched voice returned. "But it was no big deal. Anyway, Sam's my new roommate. You probably remember her from the party at Kenan's house."
Jade moved over to sit next to Tori and, remembering the party, asked, "Do you mean Sam, that blonde chick from iCarly?"
"That's her," Cat answered. "She's in the bathroom right now trying to get all the garbage off of her, but we're talking about starting a babysitting service."
Tori looked over to Jade and whispered, "Those two taking care of little kids? That aughta be something to watch."
Cat cut in before either of the two teens could say anything more. "Anyway, I'll be extremely busy from now on so I won't be able to hang out with you after school any more. I hope you understand."
Tori laughed again at the thought of it as she said, "No, that's okay Cat. Just have fun."
"Kay-Kay."
As soon as Tori pushed the end-call button, the PearPhone vanished from her hand, startling the two teens. Tori looked in astonishment at her empty hand and yelled, "What the... I was gonna try to call Beck next."
Taken aback by the disappearing phone for only a second or two, Jade quickly regained her whits and said, "That's okay. We'll just head over to his trailer and see him in person."
The two girls got up and, as they exited the front door, found themselves standing in the Oliver's driveway, right in front of Beck's RV trailer.
Xxxxxx
Stay tuned for part two, coming soon to a computer near you. (And if you hadn't guessed, the fat guy at the beginning who talked to Jade and Tori was actually Dan... um... Dan Schnei... something-or-other.)
But before you get up to get something to drink, how about an interesting little bit of trivia from a different show that I just ran across?
As you may know, Lawrence Fletcher, the father of Phineas and Ferb ( and Candice) is voiced by the British actor Richard O'Brien. But what you may not know is that Mr. O'Brien was the man who wrote the original stage production Rocky Horror, and played Riff Raff in the movie version, Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Can you imagine the stodgy, straight-laced Lawrence Fletcher doing The Time Warp? It's just a jump to the left, then take a step to the riiiiiiight!
I find that fascinating.
