Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon and make no money from this


Top 10 medical complaints in the Sailor Moon universe (and how to treat them)

10.) Continuous Eye Twitch. Brought on after watching Michiru playing violin for hours while simultaneously bouncing a lemon on it at one of her concerts. To treat annoying twitches: sue Michiru for visual distress.

9.) Deafness. Takes place when someone is within earshot of one of Usagi's crying jags. To shut her up or distract her, offering food or something called a 'Mamo-chan' (not to be confused with a mammogram) seems to work best.

8.) Nervous breakdown. This happens when a passerby sees Luna or Artemis speaking in public. Suggestion: Wear blinders when walking down the street. What you can't see won't hurt you.

7.) Nausea. Caused by watching Sailor Moon spin rapidly around, shouting "Moon Spiral Heart Attack!" Solution: eat a banana and throw the peel at her so she'll slip and fall, thus stopping the dizzying spin.

6.) Shoulder dislocation. This happens after catching a falling Sailor Chibi-Moon flung from high-rise buildings. Solution: treat shoulder dislocation and don't attempt to catch Chibi-Moon again. This is Sailor Moon's job anyway.

5.) Seizures. Brought on after hearing Chibi-Chibi chirping "chibi, chibi" all day. Solution: Take two pills and have Chibi Chibi taken away by the Children and Family Services Agency.

4.) Appendectomy. This happens when someone gets an eyeful of Beryl's over-use of makeup, causing hysterical laughing fit which ruptures appendix. Solution: Bring water spray with you and drench Beryl with it, causing makeup to run down her face.

3.) Severe constipation. Occurs after eating one of Minako's cooked dishes. Solution: drink lots of prune juice and report Minako to the Food Standards Agency.

2.) Narcolepsy. Brought on by accidentally overhearing Tuxedo Mask's boring speeches. Solution: Carry an Ipod that blares music to drown out Tuxedo Mask's voice.

1.) Possession. Caused whenever a youma, cardian, daimon, etc. invades a human host. Solution: quick, call an exorcist!!!