Word count: 455
Genre: general
Rating: worksafe
Note: Just a character study.
Haruhi once said that his actions are one lever meaner then Kaoru's. At first, after hearing those words, he was shocked, because… Well, because if she said so, then it had to be so. Haruhi is Haruhi, after all; she doesn't lie or say unnecessary things. She just is.
Does that mean that he is meaner than Kaoru? That he is a less lovable person than his brother? He watches him warily, follows his movements, his gaze plastered on his twin's lips as he speaks; he still can't see the difference.
How is he a meaner person than Kaoru?
Kaoru has always been the one to tell where their jokes have gone too far. He was the one who would pull out, taking Hikaru with him, say a few a little softer words, as if to sooth, to bandage the wounds they had just caused within the one they had been teasing.
Is that it? Is it because he has never watched any one else but Kaoru, because he has never cared about the others, is it because he only loves what he always has loved that he is a meaner person?
And why should he care anyway?! Because Haruhi, Haruhi with those strange, counting eyes, with that strange, tilted smile, because she said so? Why should he care just because she said so?!
…because Kaoru cares. Because Kaoru watches him, pain in his eyes, eyes that asks; doesn't it hurt? To be told such things?
It only hurts if it hurts you.
He can't tell him that. Because it will make his twin even sadder. He wants Hikaru to see others, to have his own life, yes, even he can tell as much. Is it because he wants that too? Because Hikaru isn't enough for him anymore?
Haruhi really doesn't seem to understand – care about? – what she has done to them. Her counting eyes stays the same, her tilted smile stays the same, and he just can't find it in himself to hate her for it. Because Kaoru looks happy. Every time he looks at him, every time he's a little further away from him, and he looks happy.
How can he hate that he's a meaner person than his brother, when his brother doesn't care? When nothing he does to be better, to be a little kinder, seems to bring his twin closer again.
Which one of us it is that is really walking away?
Kaoru's the one leaving Hikaru behind - pushing him in front of him? - indifferent to his feelings, then, shouldn't he be the one they call the "meaner twin"?
But if Hikaru ever heard them do so, he would have to break their noses.
