I. Fucking. Hate. Kids.

"NYEH HEE HEE HEE HEE!"

Sans watched in irritation as his baby brother smeared spaghetti sauce all over the new table they had bought. Papyrus had had the common sense not to buy a white tablecloth, but it was still grating to know that the baby bones was being an asshole on purpose.

"you know when pap gets home, you're in trouble right?"

"Why? What I do?"

"don't play seƱor stupid with me, i know you have gaster's memories, you KNOW how to eat properly."

"No I doesn't, I's just a baby!"

"oh yeah? so if i call pappy up right now, he'll say the same thing?"

"I aspect so..."

Sans dialed Papyrus's number.

One ring...two rings...

"Hello? UGH! DAMN IT!"

"uh, you busy bro?"

Papyrus somersaulted to the left as a chimera swiped its large claws at him. "Nah, *huff* I always got time for you Brother!"

WHAP!

WHAP!

"BACK OFF LION, GOAT, SNAKE-THING! BACK OFF OR FACE THE PELLETS!"

Sans frowned on the other line. "you sure? i don't wanna bother ya'..."

"It's fine Sans, what is it that you need?"

*ROAAAARRR!*

A deafening roar caused Sans to pull the phone away from his skull a bit. "the baby's making a mess on purpose. he says he doesn't know any better because he's a baby-"

DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT!

"YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT? ARE THEY TASTY MR. LION? WELL FLOWEY'S GOT LOTS MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM! LOTS!"

"lion? what's a lion? what's going on over there pap?!"

Another roar was heard from Papyrus's end.

"The baby may have the same memories as Gaster, but that doesn't mean he can hold focus on all that information at once, his memories also don't have any impact on his maturity level due to his age. Basically what I'm trying to say is it's not on purpose sometimes, but unfortunately he lies too often for anyone but me to discern whether or not he knows what he's doing."

GROOSH!

"HOLY CRAP! THIS THING BREATHES FIRE! WHY DOES IT BREATHE FIRE?!"

"should i hang up? i'm gonna hang up, you're definitely fighting something...again."

"Sorry Sans..."

"it's fine, thanks for keeping us safe."

CLICK!

Sans put his FontSearch away and lay his head in his arms. Ever since Baby Papyrus blasted Symbol to hell, creatures began showing up from seemingly nowhere. He didn't know why and neither did anyone else, but one thing was for certain, if something wasn't done they would NEVER be able to leave the Underground...not with a clear conscious anyway. Undyne wouldn't be able to handle all the creatures herself and the kid...something was wrong with the kid.

Their eyes keep darting around and they're always running through the Underground with no destination whatsoever. They have their Determination back, but they seem to have forgotten their goal to erase everything and they switch with Frisk at random times too...

I..I just don't get it.

What happened to them playing the "game?"

The comedian mentally shook his head, he didn't want to fall back into another pit of madness. This time there WAS no goddess to help him and he no longer had his Comic Sans abilities either. If anyone got sick again, they'd be on their own. For some reason the Greek gods and goddesses didn't appear like the other creatures did, that or they just couldn't be seen...

Symbol was a Legendary. They're supposed to be killed in certain ways or they either won't die or they'll come back.

She's alive that's for sure, there wouldn't be any summoned creatures without her, but we checked the entire Underground...and if the creatures are IN the Underground, that means she hasn't left...

"Baby would likes to fight a lion..." said Baby Papyrus interrupting Sans' train of thought.

"babies don't fight lions, they make messes for other people to clean up and they break things they don't have to pay for."

I really hope Symbol isn't in the void somewhere, we have no idea where it leads...

"huh? where ya' going kiddo?" asked Sans watching Papyrus climb down from the table with the help of his wingdings.

He better not be heading off to fight that "lion" or whatever...

"Nowheres."

"nowhere huh? can i come?"

Baby Papyrus stuck his finger in his mouth, staring at the wall. "No."

"heh heh heh, why not?"

"You's naggy," replied the baby bones crawling away.

I'm naggy...wow.

Shaking his head Sans left the table and went into Papyrus's room to study up on his Greek Mythology. If he wasn't allowed to fight, he'd support his brother in other ways...also he didn't want to clean up Papyrus's mess.

Sitting down at his brother's computer he turned it on and connected to the "internet" or whatever the humans called it. He was grateful that Alphys had upgraded everyone's connection after the barrier, which had cut everyone off from human websites, had vanished.

Alphys...

Without her, he and everyone would be long dead by now. The Undernet had little on Greek Mythology and what was on there wasn't always true, the books Undyne had read when she was younger had long since been lost as well.

I swore I'd bring her back, I promised...

Undyne knew Sans' mind wasn't stable, so she didn't blame him for forgetting about Alphys...but that didn't mean he didn't blame himself.

I always forget my promises...I'm no different than Papyrus. I can't be trusted.

"ugh, snap out of it buddy, focus...focus.."

Let's see...fire breathing lion.

How do you spell lion? It sounds so familiar...

L-i-e-n?

After getting the spelling right, he found the page he wanted and began to read. Apparently the creature Papyrus and Flowey were fighting was called a Chimera. The creature was as big as their house and was part lion, part goat, and part poisonous serpent.

"What da' goat be for?"

Sans jumped and looked under the desk to see Baby Papyrus sitting down with the new yellow block Sans had gotten him.

"i don't know...how did you know i was looking up the chimera? you can't see the computer from down here..."

"We gots the same eyes!"

"what...?"

Baby Papyrus put the block in his mouth.

Oookay...

The comedian went back to reading. He had learned in less than a week that trying to understand Baby Papyrus was harder than trying to understand the adult version. His questions were usually answered with lies, silence, or confusing answers that kept him awake at night.

I wish I could understand him, my baby bro holds so much wisdom that big Pap can't remember, but I can barely decipher what he says...

Taking out his notebook, Sans excitedly jolted down what Baby Papyrus had said. If there was any pro to having his baby bro around it was that there was never a shortage of mysteries to be found. Sans had made it a secret hobby to write down all the mysterious things his brother said and later try and figure them out. He found that he really enjoyed mysteries and he often visited Sinner Script whenever he could with his notebook in hand and a smile on his face.

He and the detective had become great friends in no time and friends were in low supply these days.

We have the same eyes...

CA-THUNK!

"hm?" The small skeleton turned his head upon hearing the front door close.

Is that the kid? Papyrus is all the way in Waterfall...

Getting up, he left the room to see Chara face down on the couch, seemingly neck-deep in depression.

"*Sigh*"

This freaking sucks.

Don't worry, we'll find Symbol eventually, stay Determined Chara!

...

She's gotta be around here somewhere, we just need to be optimistic!

...

I'm sure any day now we'll find her and be on our-

"SHUT UP! YOU'VE BEEN SAYING THAT EVERYDAY FOR THREE YEARS SO JUST SHUT UP!"yelled Chara clutching their head.

"hey uh, kid? you having issues over there?"

"NO!"

"alrighty..."

...Do you want to go look at the video feed again at the Lab?

Why? What the hell for?! We aren't gonna find her, we NEVER find her...

"...hey kid."

"What is it Comedian and I swear to GOD if this is another pun..."

"nope, i was just thinking about symbol and where she could be. you can save and stuff right?"

"I can't get into the Old City if that's what this is about, I don't think I'm even MEANT to reach it...not that I haven't tried a thousand times..."

"i haven't."

Chara looked up. "Wh-what?"

"you're the player so you have to 'stay in bounds' but i don't have to do shit, heh..i'll check it out if you promise to save beforehand and load if i die."

Sans didn't believe the world was a game as much as he had before. Despite him having a few small doubts, his mind was back in one piece and he now knew better. Lots of monsters had special abilities, Resetting and Saving etc, was just the kid's.

Heh heh heh, it really WOULD suck if the world was a video game and I KNEW about it. I'd probably go crazy and start dusting everyone to gain exp and stop the kid for good or something...

"Are you serious? If this is a joke, it's about as funny as all your other ones."

"huh? wh-sorry kiddo, one more time?"

"...You gotta learn to listen while other people are talking Comedian."

The world may not be a video game, but the kid CAN reset the timeline at least...or restart it or whatever. If something happens to me I can be brought back with their help.

I won't have any memory of Papyrus being a serial killer, or any recollection of what I've learned about my species..and Gaster, but we gotta go check the Old City sometime and I'm the only one who can teleport in and out of the place.

"Hello?"

"maybe i won't die though if i turn myself into a Poison type..." murmured Sans.

Chara looked at him incredulously.

He's really serious about going down there isn't he?

This could be our ticket out of here Chara!

Clifford had long since broken free of his leash by chewing through it in hungry desperation and they had no idea where he was now. They could wind up eaten if they stepped outside Mt. Ebott and that wasn't a death they wanted to repeat over and over again, they needed Flowey to get by the mutt, but the tiny plant wouldn't go anywhere without Papyrus and Papyrus wouldn't leave the Dreemurr family unprotected. The only chance they had of a safe escape was to find Symbol...but that was a LOT of trust Sans was putting into them.

The Old City was a place even deeper than the Ruins that they could never seem to get to or find a way inside. They had seen it so many times while going to collect the Toy Knife, it had gone from something interesting, to something that drove them crazy, and finally to nothing more than a background. Upon doing research, they found out it was abandoned by most monsters due to poisonous gases that seeped from the earth, something quite common in mines. If Sans went down there...

He must want out of here as badly as we do if he's willing to risk something so dangerous.

He might be right about the Poison type thing though, he'd survive if he just changed his font...

Yeah, I'm sure THAT won't take forever and a day-

Let's try it Chara, we can't mess around with the backgrounds, but he's an npc so it might work! If the gases kill him THEN we can try changing his font. We don't really KNOW he needs air...

If he didn't he wouldn't be concerned about dying from poison-

Can poison kill Comic Sans though?

He doesn't have his full font...but then again, he can still teleport like a cartoon..hmm, maybe this COULD work...

"so kid, what's it gonna be? are we doing this thing or what?"

We have nothing to lose Chara, besides we both know that this game holds a lot of mysteries we can't solve by doing the same things over and over again.

You're right, the Old City might not even BE a background, maybe this is a secret we've unlocked by doing something different...did we do anything different in this timeline? What were we doing here to begin with, do you know?

...

Hello?

Uhh, wha-what? Sorry, what do you mean?

I mean I can't remember why we reset, or even how I came back to life! I can't remember anything! When did I even MEET you?!

Frisk shook their head. They remembered, but apparently Chara didn't. The "Angel of Death" was acting strangely, most likely because of the same thing Flowey said Sans had had, but they didn't want them to remember their goal of erasing the world. If that meant they had to sit and listen to them complain about how "all the other ten year-olds had already started their Font-catching adventure," so be it.

Chara looked disappointed that Frisk didn't know anything, but they turned to Sans and nodded. "Alright Comedian, I suppose that IS the only place we haven't checked. Prepare for the journey, you don't know how long you'll be down there."

"i can teleport kiddo."

Oh crap that's right. How did I forget that?

...

"i DO need a gas mask or something though. let's stop by arvos and see if she has one, if she doesn't she can go find one for us."

"You mean steal?"

"can't very well steal from the dead kid," said Sans.

"What's that look for?"

Sans ignored them and went outside to find Snowdin in the same state as Arachne had left it, covered in webs, though some were broken from the fights Papyrus had had with some of the mythological beasts.

If it weren't for those webs getting in all the creature's way, Papyrus may not even be here right now.

The skeleton watched the kid "save" and traveled with them to Waterfall. He hoped he still knew HOW to teleport as he hadn't done so in so long. In order to find Symbol as quickly as possible, everyone walked everywhere, not wanting or daring to leave any stone unturned or path unwatched. It was hard on the comedian and he had had to switch to his old pair of blue sneakers to avoid wearing out his slippers, but at least he was getting in shape..somehow.

"let's take the boat for once, i'm probably gonna be doing a lot of walking if the old lady's in a city."

"Sure, it's not like we're on a time crunch or anything."

Sans took a deep breath and approached the area where the Riverman ferried people across...or at least he USED to. Almost everyone was gone at this point and the only person who talked to him now was Sans, as far as the Font knew anyway. The Riverman used to talk to his passengers and sing, but now whenever Sans said 'hello' he was met with silence.

The Riverman hadn't spoken to him or even uttered a sound in three years. He kept his head straight and remained silent, not even bothering to look at Sans. The comedian hoped that one day he would feel better if he just kept talking to him, but so far he'd had no luck whatsoever.

He's just completely shut down...

"h-hey..."

"..."

An awkward silence fell between them. There were times when Sans thought the reason for the Riverman's silence was because he was angry at the him for taking in the kid, but surely he knew the king and queen had far too many children right? There was nowhere else the little maniac could go and Papyrus was the best one to look after them due to his font.

"i just wanted to stop by and say hi, me and the kid think we might of found a way to find symbol. you know that font i've been telling you about? could ya' let me on?"

CREAK!

The Riverman turned his head and looked at Sans briefly before stepping to the side and making room for him on the ferry.

What the hell...?

Sans headed towards the boat, cautiously. He hadn't expected the Riverman to just let him on with the kid who murdered everyone now living with him, he thought he would've had to at LEAST explain himself, but apparently not.

"Wait!" said Chara grabbing Sans' arm. "Something doesn't feel right..."

"*sigh* i know kid, i feel it too, but anything new related to symbol needs to be investigated," whispered Sans before stepping closer to the boat.

"Then perhaps you should 'investigate' with someone who can protect you if things go wrong."

The skeleton quickly turned to see Papyrus glaring at him with his arms crossed. He had been eyeing the Riverman for quite some time as well, but for different reasons entirely.

How is this monster getting paid without any customers? He doesn't charge children, but there's barely anyone left to profit from!

The human is right, something's off.

"Oh hey the Rivercrier moved back a bit! Way to go Smiley! How'd you do it? Did ya' threaten to hug em'?"

"*siiiigh* hiii floweyyy," said Sans unenthusiastically.

I swear if Pap WERE to get married, he'd still wear Flowey more than his wedding ring.

"Going on a little trip? Without Pappy and me? How are you supposed to fight off the water beasties with one AT?"

Oh right, the water things, I didn't read the whole page on those yet.

"There aren't any water creatures, don't listen to him Brother..."

"There totally are. Haven't you been studying on the web? You can't expect us to do everything you know!"

"no reason to be worweed, i've been boneing up on my greek mythology."

"...The only reason I'm going with you is because I'm curious Trashbag," said Flowey annoyed. He missed Toon Smiley. Toon Smiley was fun and actually funny and regular Smiley was a ocean-maker.

I swear he's a bigger crybaby than I EVER was...

"Actually Sans, I would appreciate it if you'd watch over the child-"

"I's not a child, I's a baby!"

Everyone turned to see Baby Papyrus just entering the area.

"oh hey! what're you doing here lil' bro?"

"YOU LEFTS ME AT HOME!" yelled the baby bones angrily. "I'S JUST A BABY! YOU CAN'T LEAVES ME BY MYSELVES!"

Papyrus gave Sans a look.

"he has gaster's memories bro! he's an adult in a baby's body!"

"I believe we've already discussed this-"

"Golly Smiley, you're the worst parent ever!" cried Flowey, putting his leaves up to his cheeks in mock horror. "If you don't shape up, Pappy will NEVER carry your brat!"

"shut up flowey."

"He's right Brother, I won't have your child if you don't look after this one..."

"SHUT UP PAPYRUS."

"Nyeh heh heh heh heh!"

Baby Papyrus looked at the Riverman curiously. He'd never talked to the robed monster before. Quietly so as to not be heard, the baby bones snuck into the boat using his Wingdings.

Hey Partner, did you see that?

Yeah, we should tell Sans.

"you're not wrong though buttercup, i am pretty bad at looking after children, ain't that right kid?"

Never mind, fuck Sans.

Yeah, fuck em'.

He's such a piece of crap.

He's never done ANYTHING for us.

Chara glared at Sans hatefully.

Didn't he once prank you with ketchup?

"hey kid? you alright?"

He did. As far as he knew, I hadn't eaten in days, but he still took me out to brunch and ruined my fries.

What a tool.

Yeah, remember when he took us out for dinner and didn't order us anything? He threatened us instead and made that SAME joke only different!

I remember, idiot skeleton. What, does he thinks he's a Horror or something? Why would we be afraid of a walking egg?

Exactly, who threatens the kid their supposed to protect anyway?! We get killed a dozen times because he's too much of a prick to keep his promise and then he decides to make a JOKE and THREATEN us?!

"why are you glaring at me? it was just a joke..."

"It's probably because you're not funny...yeah that's probably it."

"Come now Flowey! My brother's plenty funny, he just has a different sense of humor than the rest of us..."

"wow seriously? that joke wasn't mean enough for you? i thought you liked messed up crap?"

Why is it so hard to make Pap laugh? Flowey does it so easily...

"It has to be untrue to be funny, otherwise you're Flowey...and NOBODY likes Flowey, Sans."

"Yeah Smiley! Quit stealing my shtick!"

But I want to make bro laugh like you do...

Sans hung his head sadly. Sometimes he wondered if the only reason Papyrus liked him was because he was his last blood relative, or because Papyrus had a problem.

If he weren't sick, would he still care about me...?

If Gaster had been nice to him, would he even care?

Sans shook his head, squeezing his eyes closed tightly.

No, no more bad thoughts, I need to stop that. I hate being the rain cloud in the group.

Besides, Pap said he loved me as soon as he saw me...and was informed that I only had one HP...which was his doing.

Is it guilt that drives him to protect me?

"Sans? Are you alright?"

"huh? ye-yeah, i'm fine."

"*Sigh*"

"i'm just having trouble keeping my bad thoughts at bay, that's all. i'm trying really hard to change...i hate being the patent crybaby..."

"Careful," said Papyrus adjusting his gloves. "You're font is based on your mentality Brother, it will change as you do."

"if not being a walking raincloud changes me, then so be it. i wouldn't be pretending to be someone else like i was with pulse sans anyway, it would be self-improvement. that's okay right?"

"Of course! It's always nice to try and improve your character!" said Papyrus smiling. "I'm proud of you for taking the initiative Sans!"

The smaller skeleton smiled back warmly.

Maybe if I try hard enough, I'll become someone everyone likes AND be helpful to them. I may even get my HP and AT up!

I don't hate who I am like I used to, but that doesn't mean I should avoid change.

He fingered the FontSearch in his pocket curiously. Since it had been updated, the Requirements tab had info on how to change into a certain Font. All he had to do was pick one and follow the instructions like someone copying an aerobics instructor on tv. He was torn however between looking for a font that best suited him, or trying to change naturally...but that meant no looking at the other fonts.

"hey bro? would it be better to change naturally or try and pick a font from the fontsearch?"

"Hmm..." Papyrus tapped his fingers on his arm thoughtfully. "If you keep it a surprise you may accidently gain a font you don't want, I think you should choose one that suits your lifestyle minus the cons you loath. If you fail, then the worst that'll happen is you remain Comic Sans."

"Uhh..I think you're forgetting something Trashbag."

"Undyne and I won't disappear. I did some research and it seems items and people only vanish once their magic runs out. Undyne and I supply our OWN magic, so there shouldn't be any problems. The concoction Sans made in the past disappeared along with its effects because Brother absorbed all the magic that made it up. Think of magic as if it were atoms, once the atoms that make something vanish, so too will-"

"UGH stop, I get it already!"

Papyrus looked at his tiny friend seemingly unconvinced. "You understand huh?"

"Even if I DIDN'T Trashbag, I don't CARE anymore!"

"I'm so sorry for making you learn something today-"

"You should be."

"Next time I'll keep you in the dark so you can grow up stupid."

"Thank you. In return I won't warn anyone about how BORING you are so you can catch them off guard! How's that sound?"

"Like you want to go for a swim."

Sans chuckled and brought up the Requirements page. "okay, let's take a look-see..."

"Be aware that there are certain fonts I will not tolerate, Brother. If you become Broadway or ANYTHING with the word "gothic" in the title, I will move out-"

"heh heh ha ha! i'm not much of a singer pap, and i'm trying to get out of the depressing font area."

Let's see, there's Jokerman but it says I have to be highly energetic and that's not happening...

What the hell is Juice?

Juice: The Healthy Beverage Font

Attribute: Normal

Type: Virus

Praised for their delicious and often nutritious drinks, this Font can easily turn any liquid into juice.

Yeah, that'll help take down a Hydra.

Flowey reached over and looked at the screen from behind Sans' shoulder. "Are-are you serious? This is for real a Font?"

Because of their amazing ability, they often choose self-employment, starting their own businesses all over the world. The demand for their beverages are higher than most companies that make juice from actual fruits and vegetables, causing complaints from several store owners.

In order to protect themselves from threats, Juice turns the blood of their enemies into juice with their virus through their parasitic touch.

Oh my god!

"Holy crap, that's hilarious! Did you hear that Pappy? If Smiley chooses Juice he can turn people's blood into juice! Just by touching them! He can kill AND provide everyone with healthy drinks!"

"that actually does sound pretty cool."

"Pick it! Pick this one Smiley!"

"i would but the requirements page says i have to drink a truckload of juice every five to six hours. if i wanna keep the font, i have to keep it up for the rest of my life."

Chara cringed in disgust. "Ugh, who the hell spends so much time drinking juice that they gain THAT font? Or did someone's parents ONLY give their baby bones juice?"

"i dunno kid, there are some strange people in the world."

Frisk imagined fighting Sans in the Judgment Hall and having their blood turn to juice. How fast would that kill them? Would it burn or be freezing? They had to admit they were curious.

"Just a note, you're of the Sans-Serif family Brother, the font you choose must also be a Sans-Serif-"

"oh hey, this one's interesting. gill sans-"

He's not listening to me.

"Can they breathe underwater? We can use that Smiley! If you sink the boat you can-"

"shut up flowey, i'm actually LOSING weight-"

"He was only looking after you Brother."

"Yeah! That's what friends d-uh oh," Flowey stopped mid-sentence as he noticed the ferry was gone from the shore.

"what is it buttercup?"

"Looks like the ferry took off. Guess he heard me."

Everyone turned to see that Flowey was right. The Riverman was nowhere to be seen, Papyrus and Sans felt a bit guilty for their rudeness. They hadn't been able to get him to talk for three years and now they had unintentionally ignored his offer to ride with him.

"He's been gone for awhile actually, Baby Papyrus climbed on board earlier-"

"WHAT?!" Papyrus glared at the child angrily. If anything happened to Baby Papyrus, he would disappear forever. The entire future would change!

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US KID?!"

"Fuck you, that's why." Chara high-fived the air next to them.

"..."